Presentation on theme: "Author: “Stalling For Time: My Life As An FBI Hostage Negotiator”"— Presentation transcript:
1 Author: “Stalling For Time: My Life As An FBI Hostage Negotiator” Moving From Confrontation to Cooperation National Council of State Boards of Nursing Alexandria, Virginia October 5, 2011Gary NoesnerAuthor: “Stalling For Time: My Life As An FBI Hostage Negotiator”Copyright: Noesner Consulting, LLC
3 Underlying Premise Cooperation Confrontation All human interaction boils down to one of two categories:CooperationorConfrontationCopyright Noesner Consulting LLC
4 CooperationA situation in which people work together to achieve a result that will benefit all of themCopyright Noesner Consulting LLC
5 ConfrontationConflict between ideas, beliefs, or opinions, or between the people who hold themCopyright Noesner Consulting LLC
6 Communication Challenge There is no guarantee that we can satisfactorily resolve all conflict, since human behavior when driven by strong emotions is often unpredictable and can be counter- productive (Antioch)Our goal is to promote cooperation by avoiding arguments, defusing high emotion, and promoting a respectful exchange by using our verbal skills (Montana)Copyright Noesner Consulting LLC
7 The Essential TruthsThe prognosis for a positive outcome is highly unlikely while we are engaged in a confrontational interaction (San Antonio)Therefore, our first goal is to de-escalate any confrontation in order to create an atmosphere conducive to cooperation (Vieques)Securing cooperation (at some level) is the most likely path through which we will achieve a positive outcome (Lucasville)Copyright Noesner Consulting LLC
8 Personal causes of confrontation Anger and frustration over life challengesRage in response to a real or perceived injustice (Mobile)Blame projected on others for problemsLack of good coping skills (Sperryville)Absence of family and/or friend supportCopyright Noesner Consulting LLC
9 Continued… Loss of relationship, status, or self-esteem A sense of being victimized by others or “the system” (Talladega)Feeling unappreciated and/or disrespected (Yorktown)A sense that things are hopeless and there is no possible help for them (Edison)Manifesting anger/rage/frustration rather than having a specific goal is the most likely behavioral motivation (Waco)Copyright Noesner Consulting LLC
10 25 Keys To Successful Negotiations Attempt to de-escalate the sceneAvoid demonstrations of aggressive intent (Waco)Open up a direct line of communications as soon as possible (Peru)Project a calm and controlled demeanorAlways be respectfulAvoid threats and argumentsVoice peaceful intentState a desire to help not hurtCopyright Noesner Consulting LLC
11 Keys continued… Remain genuine and sincere Acknowledge their point of viewArticulate understanding of their concerns (Vieques)Restate the emotional feelings they expressPatiently create a trusting relationshipEarn the right to exert a positive influence (Sperryville)Point out the alternatives to violenceContinually project care and concernRemember: how you say something is as important as what you sayCopyright Noesner Consulting LLC
12 Keys continued… Remain patient throughout Be open to different approaches and remain flexibleBe creative in problem solvingIdentify their true needs versus their stated wantsContinually encourage good behaviorDon’t allow others actions to undercut yoursBe persuasive about the benefits of cooperationProject a positive vision of a desired outcomeIf at first you don’t succeed – keep trying – again and againCopyright Noesner Consulting LLC
13 SummaryNon-threatening dialogue has been proven to be the most effective means of defusing confrontations of all types and achieving positive outcomesBeing patient, empathic, respectful, and genuine creates trust and promotes cooperationAssessing motivation and behavior, and understanding underlying needs is the key issueWe cannot always stop angry, inappropriate, or potentially violent/self-destructive behavior but we should always tryOur constant goal is to forge a working relationship that moves us away from confrontation toward cooperationCopyright Noesner Consulting LLC
14 Active Listening: The Key to Effective Communications
15 A distressed state affects the way a person thinks, feels and behaves Emotions, not reason, are controlling the person's behaviorIf a person feels he has a problem, he does
16 The person may be under the influence of one or more of the following emotions: AngerFearFrustrationDepression
17 The challenge is to restore the person's equilibrium. EMOTIONALITYNORMALFUNCTIONINGLEVELRATIONALITYThe challenge is to restore the person's equilibrium.
18 Self ControlThe only aspect of an interaction that we have absolute control over is our own emotions.
19 Overall Approach Give the person "a hearing" - Let him ventilate! People want most to be listened to and understoodListening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession you can make
20 Overall Approach continued… Show respect (Pretend the person before you is a friend or co-worker)Give the person your undivided attention; eliminate interruptions and distractions
21 Seek first to understand, then to be understood This principle is the key to effectiveinterpersonal communication- Stephen Covey
22 Empathy To see through the eyes of the other Empathy absorbs tension "I can understand how you would be upset over ...“"You feel as though I don’t care about what’s happening to you”“I would like you to understand that I want to help you resolve this problem and come out of there safely”
23 Empathy continued…Being right is not the issue; making the attempt to get it right is!Your tone indicates your attitudeThis speaks louder than your wordsA calm / controlled demeanor may be more effective than a brilliant argument
24 Process Listen to the person (let them tell you their concerns) Acknowledge their point of viewDoes not equate to agreementAgree wherever you can, without concedingTry to find some common groundCreate a positive atmosphere for problem solving
25 Behavioral Change Stairway (leading to cooperation) INFLUENCERAPPORTEMPATHYACTIVE LISTENINGSKILLS
26 "The desire to be understood is as powerful as the need to have one's way."
27 People communicate on two levels: Content (the story)Emotion (the feelings)
29 Remember Although people may not always achieve their objective they need to be allowed to save faceand maintain some level of dignity.
30 Communication Success = Controlling our emotionsUsing Active Listening SkillsBe genuineBe non-threateningDemonstrate understanding
31 "Successful communicators are good listeners" Remember to be:CreativeFlexiblePatient"Successful communicators are good listeners"
32 "The sincere and genuine demonstration Reminder!"The sincere and genuine demonstrationof your interest and understanding of a person’s perspective is far more importantthan your ability to provide a quick solution to resolving the problem"