Presentation on theme: "Gary Noesner Author: Stalling For Time: My Life As An FBI Hostage Negotiator www.garynoesner.com."— Presentation transcript:
Gary Noesner Author: Stalling For Time: My Life As An FBI Hostage Negotiator
Noesner Consulting, LLC 2010
All human interaction boils down to one of two categories: Cooperation or Confrontation Copyright Noesner Consulting LLC
A situation in which people work together to achieve a result that will benefit all of them Copyright Noesner Consulting LLC
Conflict between ideas, beliefs, or opinions, or between the people who hold them Copyright Noesner Consulting LLC
There is no guarantee that we can satisfactorily resolve all conflict, since human behavior when driven by strong emotions is often unpredictable and can be counter- productive (Antioch) Our goal is to promote cooperation by avoiding arguments, defusing high emotion, and promoting a respectful exchange by using our verbal skills (Montana) Copyright Noesner Consulting LLC
The prognosis for a positive outcome is highly unlikely while we are engaged in a confrontational interaction (San Antonio) Therefore, our first goal is to de-escalate any confrontation in order to create an atmosphere conducive to cooperation (Vieques) Securing cooperation (at some level) is the most likely path through which we will achieve a positive outcome (Lucasville) Copyright Noesner Consulting LLC
Anger and frustration over life challenges Rage in response to a real or perceived injustice (Mobile) Blame projected on others for problems Lack of good coping skills (Sperryville) Absence of family and/or friend support Copyright Noesner Consulting LLC
Loss of relationship, status, or self-esteem A sense of being victimized by others or the system (Talladega) Feeling unappreciated and/or disrespected (Yorktown) A sense that things are hopeless and there is no possible help for them (Edison) Manifesting anger/rage/frustration rather than having a specific goal is the most likely behavioral motivation (Waco) Copyright Noesner Consulting LLC
Attempt to de-escalate the scene Avoid demonstrations of aggressive intent (Waco) Open up a direct line of communications as soon as possible (Peru) Project a calm and controlled demeanor Always be respectful Avoid threats and arguments Voice peaceful intent State a desire to help not hurt Copyright Noesner Consulting LLC
Remain genuine and sincere Acknowledge their point of view Articulate understanding of their concerns (Vieques) Restate the emotional feelings they express Patiently create a trusting relationship Earn the right to exert a positive influence (Sperryville) Point out the alternatives to violence Continually project care and concern Remember: how you say something is as important as what you say Copyright Noesner Consulting LLC
Remain patient throughout Be open to different approaches and remain flexible Be creative in problem solving Identify their true needs versus their stated wants Continually encourage good behavior Dont allow others actions to undercut yours Be persuasive about the benefits of cooperation Project a positive vision of a desired outcome If at first you dont succeed – keep trying – again and again Copyright Noesner Consulting LLC
Non-threatening dialogue has been proven to be the most effective means of defusing confrontations of all types and achieving positive outcomes Being patient, empathic, respectful, and genuine creates trust and promotes cooperation Assessing motivation and behavior, and understanding underlying needs is the key issue We cannot always stop angry, inappropriate, or potentially violent/self-destructive behavior but we should always try Our constant goal is to forge a working relationship that moves us away from confrontation toward cooperation Copyright Noesner Consulting LLC
A distressed state affects the way a person thinks, feels and behaves Emotions, not reason, are controlling the person's behavior If a person feels he has a problem, he does
The person may be under the influence of one or more of the following emotions: Anger Fear Frustration Depression
NORMAL FUNCTIONING LEVEL EMOTIONALITY RATIONALITY The challenge is to restore the person's equilibrium.
The only aspect of an interaction that we have absolute control over is our own emotions.
Give the person "a hearing" - Let him ventilate! People want most to be listened to and understood Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession you can make
Show respect (Pretend the person before you is a friend or co- worker) Give the person your undivided attention; eliminate interruptions and distractions
Seek first to understand, then to be understood This principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication - Stephen Covey
To see through the eyes of the other Empathy absorbs tension "I can understand how you would be upset over... "You feel as though I dont care about whats happening to you I would like you to understand that I want to help you resolve this problem and come out of there safely
Being right is not the issue; making the attempt to get it right is! Your tone indicates your attitude This speaks louder than your words A calm / controlled demeanor may be more effective than a brilliant argument
Listen to the person (let them tell you their concerns) Acknowledge their point of view Does not equate to agreement Agree wherever you can, without conceding Try to find some common ground Create a positive atmosphere for problem solving
ACTIVE LISTENING SKILLS EMPATHY RAPPORT INFLUENCE BEHAVIORAL CHANGE
"The desire to be understood is as powerful as the need to have one's way."
People communicate on two levels: Content (the story) Emotion (the feelings)
Although people may not always achieve their objective they need to be allowed to save face and maintain some level of dignity.
Controlling our emotions Using Active Listening Skills Be genuine Be non-threatening Demonstrate understanding
Creative Flexible Patient "Successful communicators are good listeners"
"The sincere and genuine demonstration of your interest and understanding of a persons perspective is far more important than your ability to provide a quick solution to resolving the problem"