3 Arranged Marriage Usually between the fathers of both parties Sons and daughters of a father will be matched at a young age until marriageA “good match” is one that will increase the wealth of both familiesThis continues to courting, which quickly leads to marriage
4 MarriageBecause of the short life expectancy in the old days, couples were usually arranged at a young age“Bundling” was a practice that was used typically to encourage a couple to get to know each other more, NO SEXUAL RELATION!
5 Today’s “dating”In most Western cultures, marriages are motivated by love and intimacy between two peopleThere are also other ways of dating that many people consider besides the usual long commitment relationshipsCan you name some?
7 Two Theories of LoveRobert J. Sternberg’s theory: “triangular theory of love”John Allen Lee’s theory: “styles of love”
8 Triangular Theory of Love Three fundamental components of love: intimacy, passion, and commitmentIntimacy: Refers to the emotional closeness that people feel. Wanting the best for your partner, and being able to share personal thoughts and feelings are examples of the intimacy component.Passion: The component that deals with physical arousal and attraction. Increased heart rate and the sexual desire to kiss, touch, and make love are examples of the passion component.Commitment: Refers to the strength of your decision to stay committed, loyal, and faithful to your partner to have a mutually satisfying relationship.
10 Combinations of the Triangle Components of “The love triangle,” can be combined to form many types of relationshipsRanges from nonlove (none of the components) to consummate love (all three components)
11 One Sided Triangle Relationships Intimacy Only- (Liking)People feel intimacy but without passion or commitment so most likely friends.Passion Only- (Infatuation)“Spring Break” type of relationship with sexual heat but not intimacy or commitmentCommitment Only (Empty Love)Parents who stay together for the children are an example. Relationships with an unlikely future because there is no intimacy or passion
12 Combinations of Triangle Relationships Intimacy+Passion=Romantic LoveFeels romantic regardless of whether you have established a commitment. Example would be two people who have a short term but intense relationship on vacation or an affair.Passion+Commitment=Fatuous LoveTwo people with a strong sexual bond who have agreed to commit to a long lasting relationship. They lack the intimate emotional bond so the relationship seems foolish.Commitment+Intimacy=Companionate LoveTwo people who are truly in love with commitment, but lack the heat and sexual passion. They are more like companions than lovers.Intimacy+Passion+Commitment=Consummate LoveThe most complete and fulfilling type of love that can be achieved.
13 Applying the Triangular Theory of Love Couples can use the Triangular Theory of Love to assess their relationships.Makes it easy to identify what parts of the relationships are weak, lacking, or need fixed.Also shows what areas of the relationship are your strongpoints.
14 Styles of LoveThis theory determines the “kind” of lover you are depending on how you relate to another partner.Six major categories make up the styles of love
15 Love Style Self QuizMy partner and I were attracted to eachother when we first metMy partner and I have great physical chemistryI feel my partner and I were meant to beI have sometimes had to prevent two of my partners from finding out about eachotherSometimes I enjoy playing “love games” with several partners at onceI believe it is a good idea to keep my partner a little uncertain about my commitmentI find it difficult to pinpoint when my partner and I fell in loveThe most fulfilling relationship grows from a friendshipIt is necessary to care deeply for someone for a while before you can truly fall in loveWhen I am in love, I am sometimes so excited that I can’t sleepI am constantly worried my partner is with someone elseWhen my partner is busy or seems distant, I feel anxious and sickIt is best to find a partner that has similar interest to your ownI try to make sure my life is in order before I choose a partnerA person’s goals, plans, and status in life are very important to me in choosing a partnerI would rather suffer myself than allow my partner to sufferI cannot be happy unless my partner’s happiness is met firstI am usually willing to sacrifice my own needs and desires to allow my partner to achieve his or hers
16 Results Statements 1,2,3 reflect Eros love Statements 4,5,6 reflect Ludus loveStatements 7,8,9 reflect Storge loveStatements 10,11,12 reflect Mania loveStatements 13,14,15 reflect Pragma loveStatements 16,17,18 reflect Agape loveYour style is the one where you answered true to all three questions. If there is not one then choose the answer with the highest amount of trues.
17 Eros Love Characterized as erotic, passionate love These type of lovers emphasize romance and beauty, and feel urgent sexual desires towards their partner.Commonly believe in love in first sight or might have even experienced it.Desire touch above all sensationsEros based relationships tend to die out quickly because the high passion cannot be maintained for too long
18 Ludus Love Characterized by playing games These type of lovers enjoy the “game” of relationships more than the actual relationship.Often like to seduce and tease their loversVery unlikely to form lasting commitment or a relationship altogether.Sometimes like to begin relationships before ending their prior relationship
19 Storage Love Relationship with a central theme of friendship Usually begin a relationship with a long friendship that develops into loveSexual part of the relationship develops late and is not as important as the friendship.When storge relationships end the friendship can usually continue over time
20 Mania LoveA possessive and controlling relationship that can also be stalker-likeConstantly fearful that their partner will leave them and must be reassuredCharacterized by obsession and jealousyPartners of these lovers will often feel too smotheredMania Lovers can become dangerous when they feel their partner is pulling away
21 Pragma Love Very practical Partners selected in a rational almost business like manner depending on their requirementsThey choose a good “resume” over true loveOften unsatisfying and unsuccessful relationships
22 Agape Love A selfless love characterized by a lot of self- sacrifice Strive to give their partners what they want without expecting anything in return.Patient and non-demanding type of loveCan be seen as weak because romantic love should involve giving AND receiving.
23 Applying Love StylesRecognizing you and your partner’s love styles can help you learn about eachotherResearch indicates that some fits work better togetherUnderstanding the different styles can help you notice different signs in your partner’s love style that you may like or dislike
25 Field of Eligibles (FOE) People that you meet that you perceive as having potential as a romantic partner. Sometimes people are Not aware of their romantic attraction criteria, but we all have them. Sometimes we filter out people that our outside our criteria before we even meet them.
27 Physical attractiveness “Beautiful is better” biasA research study on effects of physical attractiveness proved this:Attractive children are more popular with both classmates & teachers. Teachers give higher evaluations to work of attractive children and have higher expectation of them.Attractive applicants have a better chance of getting jobs and receiving higher salariesTaller men earned around $600 more a year per inch of height than shorter executivesIn court, attractive people are found guilty less often. When found guilty they receive a more lenient sentence.
28 MediaMedia plays a big role to define what make people more attractive than others. Via, magazines, tv, posters, ads ect. Only 5% of the people in these advertisements look like the pictures 8 out of 10 women express dissatifcation with their bodies.
29 How many people actually look like the advertisements? Row # 1Seat # 5
30 History & MediaThe medias definition of “beauty” has changed a lot over the years. In the early 1900 “attractive” women were 5’6” and weight 140 pounds. In 1970’s top fashion models weighed about 8% less than the average American woman. Today 2013 the difference is 23%!!
31 Matching HypothesisPeople tend to be attracted to people who are the same level of attractiveness as them. researchers have indicated that the level of matching of the pair depends to some degree of nature of the couple.
32 ProximityIn terms of relationships refer to how close in physical distance you are to another person.Proximity Effect:1. the more time you spend physically together the better romantic relationship you can form.2. More likely to find more things in common. Such as activities,3. the Mere Exposure effect: people become more fond of someone the more time they spend with them.
33 T/F being more attractive can help you make more money? Row # 3Seat # 2
35 Why? Express the positives in the relationship Encourage a “feel good” environmentExpress the negative aspectsDeal with the issues as they arise, not when they explode
36 Self-DisclosureThe process of revealing private, personal, and intimate thoughts, feelings, and information to another personTMI too early can be off puttingGradual increase of SD can deepen intimacyMutual SD can be very gratifyingDifferent for online dating
38 Effective Communication John GottmanMisconceptions in relationship patternsIntense fights “can signify highly successful adjustments that will keep the couple together”“we never fight” isn’t a good sign of relationship healthRelationships grow by reconcilingdifferences
39 Healthy Communication Patterns Validating CommunicationConflicts resolved in calm discussion/compromise
40 Healthy Communication Patterns Volatile CommunicationFight, bicker, explode more than average
41 Healthy Communication Patterns Conflict Avoiding CommunicationAvoid conflict altogether
42 Communication Warning Signs CriticismContemptDefensivenessStonewalling
43 Improving Communication Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP)5 keysDecide, don’t slideDo your partMake it safe to connectOpen the doors to positive connectionsNurture your commitment
45 Sexual Self Disclosure Turn ons/offsSex needs and desiresSex fears and concernsSex ________________
46 Why Not? Lack of Information Embarrassment Sexual Taboos Fear of JudgmentFear of Rejection
47 Improving Sexual Communication Know what you wantInsist on your right to postpone a sexual relationshipBe responsible if you engage in “casual sex”
48 and Violent Relationships Abusiveand Violent Relationships
49 The Power and Control Wheel of Domestic Violence
50 Name one of the types of power/abuse on the Power and Control Wheel Row # 1Seat # 2
51 The Cycle of Violence and Abuse Describes how a violent relationship typically developsHoneymoon PhaseEverything seems wonderfulHappyExcitingPartners are loyal, devoted, and caringIt feels like a dream come trueHow many of you have felt like this at the beginning of a relationship?The Cycle of Violence and Abuse
52 The Cycle of Violence and Abuse Honeymoon Phase cont.Okay so you’ve been in the relationship for a while…Something happens that creates tension between you (ex. A difference of opinion, an activity…)It completely disrupts the harmony of the new relationshipHas this happened to anyone?THIS IS COMPLETELY NORMAL!!!!!In a healthy relationship, the problem is resolved by talking about it and working through itThe Cycle of Violence and Abuse
53 The Cycle of Violence and Abuse Tension Building PhaseIn an abusive relationshipThe problem-solving approach failsTension keeps buildingSoon, one person believes the only way to regain the happiness is to give in to the other persons point of viewThe harmony is regainedHowever, another event that causes tension is bound to occur soon enoughThe Cycle of Violence and Abuse
54 The Cycle of Violence and Abuse Explosion PhaseInstead of one person giving in to the other, a violent explosion occursYellsThreatensRidiculesInsultsOther acts of bullying occurNow the victim is afraid and does whatever is necessary to calm things downThen for the next few days, weeks, or months, the honeymoon phase returnsThe Cycle of Violence and Abuse
55 The Cycle of Violence and Abuse Cont.As time passes this cycle continuesThe explosive events typically become more violentCan and usually develops into physical violenceHoneymoon phase starts againThe abuser is sorry and promises it will never happen againPerhaps buys gifts for the victimThe Cycle of Violence and Abuse
56 In the first explosion phase, is the violence usually verbal or physical? Row # 5Seat # 3
57 The Cycle of Violence and Abuse Cont.During this honeymoon phase-Victim is constantly trying to make the relationship workTrying to keep the peace“walking on eggshells”Any little thing can trigger another explosionInevitably, another explosion occurs and the cycle keeps restartingThe Cycle of Violence and Abuse
59 Leaving a violent Relationship Remember: IT IS POSSIBLE!!!Things to do when planning to leaveAssess the abusers danger levelGuns, typical violent behavior, knowledgeHave an escape planKnow how to get away and where to goHave a bag packed for you and give it to a friend to holdCreate a safety net of trusted peopleKeep phone numbers handyKnow locations to hideObtain a court-ordered restraining orderThis is not guaranteed safety but in most cases it does helpLeaving a violent Relationship
60 Warning Signs of a Potential Abuser Has a history of batteringUses threats of violenceBreaks and hits objects when angryUses force during an argumentDisplays excessive jealousyEngages in controlling behaviorIsolates partner from social contactsDisplays cruelty to animals or childrenDisplays “Jekyll and Hyde” mood swingsWarning Signs of a Potential Abuser
61 Name a warning sign of a potential abuser Row # 3Seat # 6