Presentation on theme: "Loneliness and WRAP Presented By Sherri Rushman"— Presentation transcript:
1 Loneliness and WRAP Presented By Sherri Rushman orSource: Mary Ellen Copeland”The Loneliness Workbook”April 27, 2011
2 What is this Webinar based on? It is based on Mary Ellen Copeland’s book “The Loneliness Workbook”.This book is a Guide to Developing and Maintaining Lasting ConnectionsHer book was drawn from her own life experiences and from a research project the Loneliness Study she did.
3 Gathering Information Mary Ellen reached out to people from her work shops, to her colleagues and website on the internet.She held focus groups where people helped define the questions to ask in a written survey that she gave to volunteers.She held interviews and more focus groups to get extra specific information on topics for the Loneliness Workbook.
4 What is Loneliness?According to Mary Ellen loneliness is always a unique experience.The word means different things to different people.A description of Loneliness would include words that describe feelings.There is no one way to define feelings.
5 Others Personal Definitions of Loneliness According to a forty-two year old women living with her husband and five small children.Loneliness is an old ongoing human condition.It is a feeling of having no common bond with people around you.
6 Others Personal Definitions of Loneliness The feeling is akin to being an alien and all those around you are speaking of a language and life that you only can see in magazines.Loneliness is feeling disconnected and lost, even in the midst of family.
7 Other Personal Definitions of Loneliness Without friends or a companion.Feeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with you.Feeling abandoned and unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional levelBeing alone and not comfortable with yourself.When you have a chance describe on paper your own definitions of loneliness
8 Personal Images of Loneliness The person dreamed of a great chasm-a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to it’s bottom with steep rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking at the other side. On the other side people were talking to each other, laughing, and having a good time. There was no way for her to get to the other side where the people were. The person felt excluded and utterly alone.
9 Personal Images of Loneliness One women said that when she was lonely, she imagines herself enveloped in a plastic bubble, just floating in space where no one can hear her and no one cares about her thoughts and feelings.When you have a chance, describe on paper your personal images of Loneliness.
10 What Loneliness Means to you Let’s explore what loneliness means to you in a exploratory exercise?Sit back in your chair. Make sure you feel comfortable. Take a few deep breaths.Now focus your attention on feelings of loneliness.
11 What Loneliness Means to You To do this you may need to think of a time in your life when you were lonely.Focus your attention on physical sensations if they occur.Pay attention to all your feelingsHold your feelings in your mind for a few minutes. Take your time.Now Note how you felt during the exercise. Describe anything that comes into your mind.
12 Sometimes There is a Reason You Can’t Keep Supports or Friends Connections Gone WrongOverly dependentOne sided relationshipsWhen one of the people is negativeWhen one person assumes things about the other personBeing too needy
13 People Avoid me-Why? Complaining constantly Being self-centered Being fearful of rejectionHaving low self-esteemBeing excessively angryWorrying and fretting needlessly
14 Things That Don’t Enhance Relationships Being embarrassingInterrupting, You messagesSarcasm, Break confidentialityLabels, One person doing all the talkingThreats, Wanting you to be their only friendRidicule, Rudeness
15 Remember, There is Hope!People have changed their lives and shape their life the way they want to.Takes time and work to improve circumstances
16 Connections Can Go Right Mary Ellen Copeland knows after conducting a loneliness study “that being lovingly supported and supporting others are powerful contributors to our social, psychological, spiritual, and even physical well being.”Mary Ellen discovered: “Strong connection with and support from others is essential to healing, recovery, and ongoing health.”From her research she found it is important to have at least 5 supporters.
19 Think About the Opposite of Loneliness Just as you have times when you feel lonely, you also have times when you don’t feel lonely.One man said in the Loneliness Study, “ When I’m not lonely, I feel connected to the people I’m with. I feel they understand and respect me and that we are all enjoying this time that we are sharing”
20 Not Feeling LonelyOne key word related to not feeling lonely is balance- a balance between being with others and being alone.Some other words and phrases that people in the Loneliness Study used to describe not being lonely were: feeling loved, togetherness, feeling whole and complete and a sense of belonging.
21 Not Feeling LonelyOnce again, let’s do an exploratory exercise. Sit back in your chair. Make sure you feel comfortable. Take a few deep breaths. Focus on feeling not lonely. To do this, you may need to think of a time in your life when you were not lonely. If you can’t think of a time, imagine such a time.Focus and enjoy these feelings. Luxuriate in them!
22 Finding Wellness Tools Following this slide will be lists of things you can do to feel less lonely and we can also call them wellness tools that can help you build a strong support system and a strong WRAP. If you find yourself without friends and supports, be encouraged it will not last forever if you explore the loneliness topic in Mary Ellen’s book and here today in this webinar.
23 How To Create Change Join a support group Find a peer to do peer counseling with a few times each week-which is getting together and divide the time equally, listening and sharing without interruptions.Go to interesting things in the communityCommit yourself to learning and to improving your lifeLearning to enjoy time alone
24 Raising Your Self-Esteem Mary Ellen Copeland’s book “ The Loneliness Workbook” has many good self-esteem exercises in it. These activities are designed to help you improve your self-esteem. Working on improving your self-esteem is a life long process. The more you do this kind of work, the better your life.
25 Techniques To Relieve Loneliness Recognize the feeling of loneliness and make a clear decision to “be with” those feelingsAct cheerful until you really feel it.You might sing, dance to the radio or favorite CD, watch a funny video, recall jokes, practice laughing out loud.
26 Techniques To Relieve Loneliness Read a book of cartoonsMeditate or prayKeep busy doing something you consider useful, productive and has a sense of accomplishmentHave a good cryCall a friend who is upbeat and cheerfulGo out to dinner with someone who is positiveGo to a movie
27 Techniques To Relieve Loneliness Help OthersWrite a letterSend a cardSend anWrite in your journalDo a task and be happy you did itExercise
28 Techniques To Relieve Loneliness Give yourself a massagePlay a musical instrumentReadDo something creativePlay with your petFocus your attention on self esteem and enjoy your time alone
29 Enjoying Time AloneLooking back at childhood for some activities you liked as a child you might like nowBuild on your interests and special abilitiesMaking a list of things you could do during your times alone that would keep you from feeling lonely
30 Finding the Courage to Reach Out To reach out to others, you have to know that there are good things about you that would make other people want to be with you.Use the following list for ideas and add any others you can think of, and then write down the assets and strengths that you would bring to a friendship.
31 List of Strengths to Bring to a Friendship I am a good listener.I am warm and friendly.I like being part of a good conversation.I’m supportive to others.I have a lot of interests I like to share.I am very compassionate.I am playful and enjoy humor.
32 List of Strengths to Bring to a Friendship I am passionateI am entertaining and wittyI am generous and kindheartedI am interested in a variety of ideas, issues, and activities.I make it a point to affirm and validate the experiences of others.
33 List of Strengths to Bring to a Friendship I accept others as they are. I don’t try to change them.I enjoy sharing fun and interesting activities with othersI will go “out on a limb” for others if they need and want me to do that.List your strengths that make you a good friend
34 Feeling Good About Being With Another Person One person in the Loneliness Study said that when she feels good about being with another person she feels whole.Others said they felt good about being with another person when they felt they had unconditional love and support of that person.
35 The Qualities of Good Supporters Someone you can trust and respect you.Be ConfidentialHave time for you.Who will allow you the space to change, grow, make decisions and make mistakes, who accept you-both as you are and as you want to be.
36 The Qualities of Good Supporters Who care about you.Would advocate for you.Make decisions when you can’t and willing to follow your pre-determined plan.Someone who will treat you well.Not force advice on you.
37 The Qualities of Good Friends You feel good being with them.Who allow you to talk freely and express your feelings and emotions without judging, criticizing, teasing, or putting you down.Describe your relationships with people with whom you feel you have deep, rich friendship. If you feel you don’t have any, write what you would like in a friendship.
38 Mutuality Friendship needs to go both ways. In any friendship it is important for each person to be there for the other.Both people in the friendship need time to talk and time to be heard.Friends take turns in suggesting activities.
39 MutualityFrom time to time, each calls the other. For example, if a childless person watches her friend’s children occasionally, then the parent needs to return the favor by doing something special for the childless person.Do you have mutuality in your friendships? It works!Describe how it works for you.
40 Reconnecting with Family Have you worn out your family relationships?Try to reconnect and be with FamilyStop thinking they don’t understand and try to meet them where they are at.If they won’t reconnect no matter what you do, find a new family made up of supporters who are interested in you.
41 The Loneliness Workbook by Mary Ellen Copeland, PhD is on SALE at wrapandrecoverybooks.com recovery.com or by phone:
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