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Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved. Lesson Five Principles of Smart Relationships.

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Presentation on theme: "Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved. Lesson Five Principles of Smart Relationships."— Presentation transcript:

1 Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved. Lesson Five Principles of Smart Relationships

2 Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved. #1- Seek a good match – Someone with common interests! “Opposites Attract” this tends to be true in terms of personality style. But if you dig deeper, most couples do have a lot in common. Common levels of intelligence, energy, and shared interests. Do you find that person interesting and fun? Are there things that you enjoy doing together?

3 Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved. #2- Pay attention to values! Relationships are likely to be very troubled if the partners basic values are out of sync. You first must know what your values are: –What are your deepest beliefs and values about life? –How do you treat your friends and family? Once you have a clear picture of your own values, pay attention to the actions of your partner- do they match up to your beliefs?

4 Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved. #3- Don’t try to change someone into someone he or she is not! It is easy in a relationship to be blind to who the other person really is- many times we see what we want to see rather than the truth. Sometimes a person believes that they can “fix” their dating partner or friend. A relationship where one person is trying to change or “make over” another is doomed. It is great to support and encourage someone who is working to make positive changes to their own life, but they must want to make the change.

5 Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved. #4- Don’t change yourself to get someone’s love or friendship! Be true to yourself- don’t try to become whatever you think others want you to be. Don’t pretend that your likes, dislikes, or values are something other than what they really are. You cannot maintain a satisfying relationship if you are not being the real you. Look for people who like you for who you really are. No one is perfect- it is good to make improvements, but if you find yourself having to alter yourself to fit into the relationship it is not for you.

6 Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved. #5- Expect good communication! Everyone has differences and conflicts- don’t avoid them- talk about them. How you communicate and deal with conflicts now says a lot about the future success of the relationship. You do not have to make everything into a big deal, but remember that when you do not see eye-to-eye about something you should be able to talk about your differences. Different points of view add spice to life and help us to expand our minds and the way we see things.

7 Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved. #6- Don’t play games, be phony, or pressure someone! If you are looking for a lasting relationship, it must be genuine and real, not phony. Pressuring and manipulating someone to get what you want is wrong. –Remember Agape: love that is other- oriented.

8 Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved. #7- Expect respect—Have standards for what you expect! Have a standard for how you want to be treated and talked to. If someone talks badly toward you, they are going to treat you badly. Everyone deserves to be treated well. Set your expectations for your relationships. What are your boundaries? Be prepared to walk away from a relationship that violates your dignity.

9 Working with your tablemates, match the cards you have been given with one of the 7 Principles of Smart Relationships. Once you have them organized by principle, discuss among your tablemates which you believe to be smart and which are not-so-smart.

10 Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.  Why did she NOT send her picture?  Was that a good or bad choice?  What does it say about her character?  Why did he NOT go with the younger woman right away?  What does his hesitation say about his character?  What words best describe his character?  What is at the core of their attraction to each other?

11 Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.  Do you think these characters would have a good chance of being together in a positive relationship 5-10 years down the road? Why?  They got to "know" each other by corresponding. A modern day equivalent might be an internet chat room.  Can you really get to know someone over an e-mail correspondence?  Can you "love" someone after getting to know him or her on the Internet?  Do you think they will live happily ever after?  What should take place or what should they discuss before running off and getting married?


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