1. Strategies for Dealing with Difficult Conversations and Negotiations “One of the greatest arts in life is learning how to disagree without being disagreeable”. Power of a Positive NO, William Ury 1

2. Key Message Having the ability to successfully engage in difficult conversations with clients, boards, bosses and staff is an important skill to successfully manage relationships and results. 2

3. Types of Difficult Conversations Disagreeing when the stakes are high Dealing with rude and disrespectful behaviour Saying “No” Delivering difficult news 3

4. When do we need to Engage? To determine if you need to have a difficult conversation ask yourself; what is at STAKE here? What happens if you don’t have the conversation? 4

5. Ineffective Ways to Manage Difficult Conversations A void B ack Down C ombat 5

6. Preparation is Key Before anything else, preparation is the key to success ~Alexander Graham Bell~ 6

7. Framework for Success Prepare to Talk Prepare and Deliver an ABC Message Stop Talking and Start Listening Stay Cool Respond not Defend 7

8. Prepare: Identify the Real Problem What are the facts? What is the other person doing or saying that is causing a problem? What is the effect/result of their action/inaction on you or others? Remember your beliefs, assumptions and judgments about the situation are not facts! 8

9. Prepare: Clarify your Goal What are you hoping to achieve in having this difficult conversation? Is it doable? Is it within your control? Is it productive? 9

10. Prepare: Plan Ahead Follow the Scout Motto: Be Prepared Anticipate their reaction so you don’t get hooked Know your back-up plan if you do not get cooperation or the conversation goes sour 10

11. Prepare Your ABC Message A ccurate B rief C lear 11

12. Accurate Stick to the facts Use “I” statements (I think, I feel, I believe) Share the impact of their actions without assuming their intentions Avoid “hot” and judgmental language 12

13. Brief Decide what is most important and leave it at that-no dredging up ancient history Avoid lengthy explanations Less is more 13

14. Clear Get straight to the heart of the matter No hints or innuendo-give diplomacy a rest Avoid blaming others Avoid the feedback “sandwich” 14

15. Deliver your ABC Message  Be Calm  Be Confident  Be Neutral This is about giving people the “straight goods” in a respectful and non-judgmental way 15

16. Stop Talking Start Listening Turn the conversation over to the other person and then Embrace Silence The moments following the delivery of your message are the most difficult. Be prepared for the discomfort. Give the other person the space to respond 16

17. Listen Up! Listening is more than not talking. It is about being present and curious Listen with thoughtful attention to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling. What are their concerns? Resist the temptation to…interrupt 17

18. Acknowledge the Other Even if you don’t agree with what the other person is saying, you can acknowledge: their perspective by conveying your understanding of what you hear their feelings by showing empathy or understanding Acknowledgement is about Respect 18

19. Why Bother? The key to having them “hear” your message is having he confidence to listen to them speak without interruption Everyone what to be heard and understood 19

20. Stay Cool! Be prepared for a strong emotional reaction or “push back” Give them the space to have their reaction Have your plan to stay calm, cool and confident Remember it is not personal 20

21. Respond Not Defend Pause before responding Resist the temptation to respond in kind, back down, or become defensive Be Calm. Be Concise. Be Confident. 21

22. Wrap it Up Re-state your message Clarify misinformation/misunderstandings Reiterate expectations and boundaries Clarify what you have agreed to Be Calm. Be Concise. Be Confident. 22

23. Going forward… Deal with issues as they arise Prepare for all of your difficult conversations If someone comes at you listen, question, acknowledge and then take some time… 23

24. For More Information, Please Visit: DianeARoss.com 24

25. Resources Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Shelia Heen, (Penguin Books, 2000) The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen R. Covey (Free Press, 1989, 2004) Beyond Reason, Using Emotions as You Negotiate by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro, (Viking Penguin 2005) Mistakes were Made (but not by me), by Carol Tarvis and Elliot Aronson, (Harcourt Inc., 2007) Dialogue and the art of thinking together by William Issacs (Doubleday 1999) 25

26. Resources Continued Fierce Conversations, Achieving Success, at Work & in Life, One Conversation at a Time, by Susan Scott, (Berkley Books, 2002) Taking the War out of Our Words: by Sharon Strand Ellison (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, 1998-2009) Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when the stakes are high, by Patterson et al, (McGraw- Hill 2002) First Break All the Rules: by Buckingham & Coffman (Simon & Schuster Inc.,1999) It’s all Your Fault: 12 Tips for Managing People who Blame Others for Everything, by Bill Eddy (HCI Press, 2009) 26