Presentation on theme: "1 Yipsir. 2 The Experience of Loneliness 1. Social Loneliness –not feeling part of a group of friends –not having people with whom to share activities."— Presentation transcript:
2 The Experience of Loneliness 1. Social Loneliness –not feeling part of a group of friends –not having people with whom to share activities 2. Emotional Loneliness –having no one to turn to –not being understood as a person
3 Loneliness 1. a negative experience 2. a discrepancy between desired and achieved social relations 3. 單獨 ≠ 孤單 Reflection: Did you feel loneliness, when, where and How’s your thinking and feeling?
4 Nine Coping Skills Skill 1: Interpreting Loneliness as Changeable Skill 2: Learning to like yourself by using solitude to pursue self-fulfilling activities Skill 3: Being an initiator Skills 4: Perfecting your social skills Skill 5: Practicing the Social Skill of Being Responsive Skill 6: Taking control of your thinking style Skill 7: Recognizing the value of opening lines Skill 8: Developing the ability to make conversation Skill 9: Learning to Tolerate Rejection
5 Skill 1: Interpreting Loneliness as Changeable UnchangeableChangeable Personal - I ’ m short, stupid, unattractive, people just don ’ t seem to like me - I ’ m shy, haven ’ t put enough time, energy and effort to get along with people, but I can work on External - no people around in my workplace - people around me are too tied up - people don ’ t ever try to know me - I haven ’ t taken time to enlarge my circle - I haven ’ t asked enough people to do things with me Skill 2: Learning to like yourself by using solitude to pursue self-fulfilling activities
7 1. Effect a secondary appraisal 2. Take a serious look at your social skills 3. Strive to overcome shyness and initiate personal contacts 4. Increase your tolerance for rejection Examples: improper seating in an upper deck bus proper management of eye contacts for shy people Skill 3: Being an initiator
8 SOCIAL SKILLS TRAINING 1. Giving personal attention to what the other person is saying 2. Encouraging the other person to express his / her opinions 3. Holding up your end of the conversation, but balancing interest in the other person's statements against talking about yourself 4. Looking your best –Activity: Shaking Hands Casual talk in pairs First impression Equity and emotion theory Skills 4: Perfecting your social skills
9 LEARNING TO BE RESPONSIVE 1. Motivation; Attentiveness: Empathy; Skill; Activity: Empathetic listening ( 話中有話 / 弦外之音 ) Skill 5: Practicing the Social Skill of Being Responsive
10 Study on the value of rational explanations for shyness OVERCOMING SHYNESS - Adaptive explanations for shyness: "It is natural to feel shy at times, but I can learn how to be outgoing in spite of these feelings." 1st group2nd group3rd group Helped to understand shyness as an outcome of childhood experiences a product of their thinking styles and self- perceptions received counseling without finding explanations for shyness Outcome (overcoming shyness) Skill 6: Taking control of your thinking style
11 Skill 7: Recognizing the value of opening lines (1) Principles for Opening lines 1. Short and frequent 2. No premature exposure 3. Familiarity breeds liking 4. be prepared to tolerate rejection
12 Skill 7: Recognizing the value of opening lines (2) Preferred and non-preferred opening lines Innocuous “ Do you have a pen? ” “ Did you join such kind of course before? ” “ Do you understand how to do it? ” Direct “ Is it OK if I sit with you? ” “ That ’ s a very pretty (sweater, shirt) you have on. ” “ You have really nice hair, eyes. ” Cute/flippant “ I ’ ve got an offer you can ’ t refuse ” “ Isn ’ t it cold? Let ’ s make some body heat. ”
13 Skill 7: Recognizing the value of opening lines (3) Advice for men - women prefer a soft, non-threatening approach - Innocuous lines minimize vulnerability and give the woman an opportunity to respond without being turned off or driven away - For men who are willing to admit vulnerability, direct opening lines should be considered
14 Skill 7: Recognizing the value of opening lines (4) Advice for women 1. Should women take control of their social contracts? 2. Many men are not used to respond in a gracious manner when being approached by women 3. Some men tend to interpret any interest shown by a woman as sexual
15 Skill 8: Developing the ability to make conversation Making conversation (Be a good talker and a good listener) 20% Talkers 80% Talkers 50% Talkers Being evaluated as submissive, introverted rated equally poor for both men and women rated positively by evaluators Activity: Share a hobby in pairs (contents, feeling, non-verbal behavoral)
16 Skill 9: Learning to Tolerate Rejection Mastery-oriented approach View social interactions as an opportunity to develop closeness Primary appraisals: The more I can tolerate rejection, the more people I can meet Performance-oriented approach View social interactions as threatening experience where they are being judged and evaluated. Primary appraisals: If I am rejected, it means I'm unlikable.