Presentation on theme: "The Passion Paradox: Helping Couples Celebrate Difference Pat Love, Ed.D. www.patlove.com Based on the book HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE WITHOUT TALKING."— Presentation transcript:
The Passion Paradox: Helping Couples Celebrate Difference Pat Love, Ed.D. Based on the book HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT IT WHY WOMEN TALK AND MEN WALK By Patricia Love, Ed.D. and Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
#1 Question: Can you really love an other?
#2 Feelings of worth can only flourish… in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family. Virginia Satir Virginia Satir
#3 Quick passion killer Abandon yourself Become predictable Give up learning Discard discovery
New love is inherently passionate #4 Dedicated to discovery Alive and open to new experiences
#5 But from the beginning we begin to mold each other… “You won’t believe how alike we are!”
#6 When you “already know me…” It’s easier to ignore me.
#7 It is not our differences that divide us… It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences. Audre Lorde
#8 Research fact: Men are taller than women.
In the 20 th century#9 “Don’t go there” Genetic determinist Sexist Equated difference with deficient
Diversity strengthens#10 Our species Our culture
#11 Honoring difference… Reduces the dichotomy Maligning or denying difference Strengthens it
#12 When you are aware of varied innate impulses You can choose how to act—and improve your connection and communication.
The key is connection#13 When people are connected— They communicate effectively Are more productive Are healthier Happier
Testosterone #14 Has been shown to decrease talking Decrease interest in socializing Except for sports Sexual pursuit
#15 Do you know the difference between the MNS TPJ?
#16 Sex can do for the testosterone dominant What intimate talking does for the estrogen dominate
#17 Men are programmed to Provide Protect Please
The typical male apology#18 Works not words.
The Great Male Dread#19 Failure as a: Protector Provider Lover Family man Most of his emotional energy goes to avoiding this kind of shame
Anger, which numbs#20 Is effective in alleviating shame
#21 Emotional and psychological withdrawal Avoid shame pain
Women are programmed#22 To tend befriend mend