3“What are we so mad about anyway?(examples) Which movie to go seeCut off in trafficSomeone spreading rumors‘Stay at home mom’ or a careerHow late you can stay at a partySpending moneyHow and where to spend your timeParents disagree with clothes/ hairstyleCan’t go to a school event because it falls on a religious holidayYou were excluded from a group
4Some conflicts are with YOURSELF! What is ConflictConflict: a disagreement between people with opposing view points, ideas, or goals.Conflicts can be an exchange of wordsGroup confrontations can be ongoingConflicts that involve weapons can be seriousSome conflicts are with YOURSELF!
5What Causes Conflict? 3 major reasons 1. Resources: something usable, such as goods , property, money or time.Examples??? Couples who fight over finances, which restaurant, flu shot dispensed, study or go mall with mom, fighting over the computer…2. Values: your beliefs and ideas you consider importantExamples??? Browns fan, daily PE class, politics,Emotional Needs: the need to belong and feel respected and worthwhileexamples??? Left out, dis-respected, put down, feel it’s unfair didn't make the science Olympiad, sports team etc…
6Activity 1.What was it about? Think of a conflict you’ve had recently and briefly describe.Answer the following questions in your notes.1.What was it about?2. What caused it? (Resources, Values, Emotional)3. Was it resolved? Explain.
7Managing my Anger/Conflict If I learn to manage my anger then…If I don’t and conflicts get out of hand then…Release frustrations of life.Calls Attention to ProblemsHelps us understand self and other’s valuesIncreases motivation to take actionBrings about changeHealthier relationshipsAnger can build and boil overCan lead to violenceIrrational thinkingNot pleasant to be aroundLead to depression (esp.boys)
8Activity #1Write the following names on your paper. Leave some space under each.ABIGAIL GREG SLUGSINBAD THE SAILOR ABIGAIL’S MOM
9What Are Values?Qualities, characteristics or ideas about which we feel strongly.Our values affect our decisions, goals, and behavior.Values make us feel and believe someone or something is worthwhile.Values define what is of worth, what is beneficial or harmful.Values are standards that guide your action, judgments and attitudes.
10Values are like a map Give direction and consistency to behavior Values help you know what to and to make time forValues establish a relationship between you and the worldValues set the directionfor one’ life
11Where do we get Values? Home Employers School Time period you were raised inSocietyFriendsTVChurchMusicBooksFamiliesCulture
12Common Universal Values honesty ----truthful and sincereintegrity ----being consistent with beliefstrustworthiness ---keep promises/ fulfill commitmentloyalty ---provide support and commitment based on ethical needsfairness ----committed to justice, equal treatment, and respect for diversitycaring ---concern for well being of an individual, self, and environmentrespect ----confidence in beliefs and values and knowledge you understand and support the rights in others to express their beliefsresponsibility ----contribution to society in a positive way and encourages participation of otherspursuit of excellence ----pride in work, best effort, and reflection of workaccountability ----consider and accept the impact and consequences of personal actions and decisions
13…Types of Values Personal ( never curse, exercise everyday) Family ( kids have chores, eat at table every night)Work ( punctuality, hard worker, loyal)Moral ( do the right thing, i.e. find money)Spiritual ( church every week, marry someone same faith)Monetary ( spendthrift, saver)
14Ages 8-13-----teachers, heroes(sports TV) Your age greatly influences your values. Different people and things influence you at different ages.Ages parentsAges teachers, heroes(sports TV)Ages peers( values because of peers or peers because of values?Ages your values are established, but you may test your values from time to time.
15$1,000.00 Activity #2 You were just presented with a check for: List all the things you would do with the money.
16**How you spend your time reflects your values too! Activity #3List several things you did during the past week.**How you spend your time reflects your values too!
17Hypocrite-One who subscribes to one set of values, and does another.Immaturity- one who has not defined their values, flighty, drifters, uncertainMaturity-clear values, life of purpose, meaning and direction
18Assignment 10 unfinished sentences assignment. Answer individually then out loud to a group.Write down all the answers and the values they represent.
20Attack the Problem not the person No name calling or put downs
21Let each person ask questions to understand their point of view “hmmm how would I feel” Ask Questions
22Keep brainstorming reasonable ways to handle the situation Make a listFind a middle groundFind a creative solution
23“I Feel…”Explain how his or actions make you feel
24Ask for HelpIf you cannot resolve problem yourself.
25Effective Conflict Management or Resolution Strategies T.A.L.K. Take a time out to calm down and think through my anger. Allow each person to tell his or her side then paraphrase the other persons position.Let each person ask questions in order to view the issue from the others point of view. Keep brainstorming solutions either to find the middle ground or creative solution
26Decision-making skills 1. Identify the Problem(Identify, ask yourself questions, what choices do you need to make and who else if anyone is involved)What are the choices(List everything, ask for suggestions and make sure they are safe.)Gather Information- what’s helpful to know before making a decisionConsider outcomes and values(honesty, respect and trust) Consequences of each optionsH.E.L.P. (Healthful Ethical Legal and Parent approval)Make a decision and act.(Ready to take action, choose a course that supports your values, the impact of all choices on self and others and ask a trusted adult if unsure.)Evaluate your decision(Reach expectations, how did it affect others, how you feel about yourself and what could you do differently)
27Pre Game-Warm UpMake a list of different ways people communicate.
28The Importance of Communicating Skills don’t just happen…Need to practice!Start and Keep Relationships strongHelp people grow closer( shared interests..)Vital to many areas of your life (Teacher – student / work place, marriages)
29Practicing Communication Skills What is communication?What is body language and why should I care?How can I communicate better?Identify ways of being a good listenerCommunicate using “I messages”
30Communication Skills Communication: The exchange of thoughts, feelings, beliefs and wants between two or more people.Just talking to someone does not guarantee good communication the listener may be daydreaming, speaker too fast, It’s a skill to be learned and practiced
31It’s not what you say… It’s HOW you say it Communication SkillsNon Verbal(without words)“Thank Yoooooo???”“THANK you!”‘thank you.’It’s not what you say… It’s HOW you say itTone of VoiceFacial expressionsBody LanguagepostureGesturesTV Muteed figure it out; people talking with hands moving may reveal clues; Tone: you may sound angry w/o realizing it. Then you may risk sending a MIXED MESSAGE
32Communication SkillsSometimes verbal and non verbal messages can send two different messages. For that reason, be aware of the non verbal messages you send=MIXED MESSAGE:occurs when your words say one thing but your body language says another.(i.e. “sorry” while grinning)What does that tell the other person? Other examples??????
33“You can’t do anything right!” Communication SkillsYou Messages: (blame /aggressive)“You can’t do anything right!”I Messages- A statement that presents a situation from the speaker’s personal feelings/viewpoint:“I’m mad because I wanted to work on the project together”
34Effective Verbal Communication: Communication SkillsEffective Verbal Communication:Speaking Skills Listening SkillsBe clear Eye ContactUse “I messages” Pay attentionStay Calm Lean forward-’really?’Stick to the point THINK first-then…Choose the right time/place Ask open QuestionsBe aware of tone and B LanguageCalm- louder not better, unheard not settled. Stick to the point-think through1st. Time place= no hurries or busy find quiet little interuption. BL=eye contact show sincere
35Active Listening is hearing, thinking about and responding to the other person’s message. More Listening Tips!Concentrate on what the other person is saying. Don’t be thinking about what you are going to say next or interrupt.Nod your head to show you are listening- give feed back”(then what happened?”Let the person finish speaking!Stay calm- even if you’re hearing something you don’t likeKeep an open mind; Listen even if you disagree accept that others won’t always think the same way you do.TV distraction, frustrating only means something if the person actually receives it.
37Peer Pressure & Refusal Skills pushed toward making a certain choice. A Peeris someone in your own age group. Peer Pressuresomeone your own age, is pushing you toward making a certain choice
38Something said to you directly Peer PressureSpoken:Something said to you directlyUnspoken:When you feel you are supposed to do somethingSpoken vs. Unspoken
39“…what should I be doing/ wearing…????? Sometime the internal pressure we put on ourselves can be the hardest!!Saying NO to ourselves can be difficult.Tears down self confidence over time.Creates more drama and stress!
40Peer Pressure Examples of Positive Honor Roll Make a team/club Make a team/club Follow the rules Respect othersGroup FitnessRunning group
41Peer Pressure Examples of Negative Underage drinking/smoking Gossiping Stealing Fighting BullyingDitching a friend
42List reasons it is difficult to say no… … want to be accepted and liked by people my own age.… are afraid of being rejected…don’t want to lose a friend… want to appear grown up… don’t want to be made fun of…don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings… aren’t sure of what they really want… don’t know how to get out of the situationI ….
43Peer Pressure Bag of tricks (Spoken Pressure)PUT DOWNInsulting or name calling to make someone feel bad
44Giving reasons to do something or why it would be OK REASONINGGiving reasons to do something or why it would be OK(Spoken pressure)
45REJECTION Threatening to leave someone out or end a friendship (spoken pressure)
46THE HUDDLEA GROUP STANDS TOGETHER LAUGHING OR TALKING, WITH THEIR BACKS TO OTHERS(UNSPOKEN)
47The EXAMPLEPopular kids simply buy or wear something, because they set an example, others want to follow(unspoken)
48THE LOOKKids who think they’re cool give a look that means: we’re cool, and you’re not”(Unspoken pressure)
49Refusal and Negotiation Skills S.T.O.P.Say no in a firm voiceTell why notOffer other ideasPromptly leave
50Refusal Responses “Everyone’s Doing it” You’re wrong… I’m not doing it”“ A real friend would do it”“A real friend wouldn't ask”“Are you afraid?”“No, just smart”
51A clear message depends on the way you communicate Aggressive:Overly forceful, pushy, hostilePassiveGiving up, giving in, backing down, easy to persuade.AssertiveConfidence and clearly stating your intentions
52Conflict vs. BullyingConflict is a normal part of most relationships because people have different perspectives and prioritiesPeople can also be hurtful to each other because of thoughtlessness, annoyance, poor boundaries, and experimenting with negative uses of their power without realizing the impact
53BullyingBullying – a more powerful person who picks on a less powerful person or group of persons.Forms of bullyingIncluding physical threats or violence; name-calling and teasing; ostracism; and social attacks on someone’s reputationPeople can bully others directly, in person; indirectly, such as by gossiping or ‘badmouthing’ by voice to others; or through any form of communication technology including talking on the phone, writing, texting, ing, tweeting, facebook (and other social media), and recording
54Cyber Bullying Steps to reduce cyber bullying Do not respond or reply electronicallySave the evidenceTell a trusted adultReport the issue to the cite
553 things you can do to stop bullying: 1. Tell an Adult.2. Reach Out to the Victim3. Stand up to the Bully.