7 Physical reactions 1. Hollowness in the stomach 2. Tightness in the chest 3. Tightness in the throat 4. Oversensitivity to noise 5. Shortness of breath 6. Weakness of muscles 7. Dry mouth 8. Lack of energy
8 Thoughts 1. Disbelief (1 st stage) 2. Confusion –(take a break or keep busy, which is better?) 3. Preoccupation (2 nd stage) 4. Imagination –(wish to return to the past, same as 3)
9 Behaviours 1. Trouble in sleeping 2. Eating difficulty 3. Social withdrawal 4. Dreaming 5. Polar activity level 6. Crying ? –Catharsis → total emotion release, resume energy
10 Questions for rethinking 1. Who may suffer more from loss: kids, youngsters or adults? 2. Did you and should you prepare yourself for the inevitability of experiencing losses in life?
11 Stages of grief work 1. Shock, disbelief, numbness (deny) 2. Yearning and searching (anger) 3. Despair and disorganization (depress) 4. Acceptance and reorganization (rebuild) –give up false hopes –accept the reality –make plans to get on with your life 5. New identity –learnt through your grief work
12 Constructive and unconstructive grief work -ve+ve Focus on “ what ifs ” Acceptance for events you cannot change Looking for an explanation Finding a meaning for death
13 What are the meanings for death? 1. Death helps us savour life. 2. Death reveals the importance of intimacy in our lives. 3. Death help us us ascribe meaning to our lives retroactively, especially useful for older people. 4. Death allows us to see our achievements as having significance.
14 Other positive views on death 1. Positive view: –人雖而死，精神尚存 –繼承死者遺願 –莊子：生老病死乃自然之事，尤如花開花落、 日出日落。凡自然街美 2. Negative view: – life is full of misery, he died → 生無可戀 Question: What is the appropriate time to do this philosophical sharing?
15 A personal program for grief work 1. Confronting / exposing yourself to your loss (ritual, crying, sharing) 2. Finding meaningful activities (getting busy) 3. Using constructive thinking 4. Enlisting support people 5. Controlling drug and alcohol use
17 Psychological adjustments required 1. coping with loneliness 2. finding new meaning in life 3. coping with anger 4. coping with guilt 5. coping with low self-esteem (volunteer) 6. seeking new sources of love and nurturance
18 Tactical adjustments 1. finding a new living situation 2. gaining financial stability 3. managing the responsibilities of a single parent
19 Learning how to let go 1. Accepting the fact that you can ’ t own others (unrealistic demand / expectation) 2. Be philosophical: the gratification you received from a love relationship is a benefit / bonus of life, not a right. 3. Replace the missing nurturance 4. Thought stopping –globing labelling → facts & feeling 5. Positive self-statement 6. Stimulus control 7. Optimistic thinking 8. Saying your final good-bye ( “ implosion day ” )
20 How to offer support to the loser 1. Helpful responses –expressing genuine caring and concern –allowing the griever to express feelings –being available when needed –offering the opportunity for activities –spending time with people who have similar exp. 2. Unhelpful responses –offering advice –encouraging a positive outlook –interfering in the griever ’ s life –downplaying the griever ’ s loss
21 When to do What? Grieving stages Intervention Deny caring and concern allowing expression of feelings being available when needed offering the opportunity for activities spending time with people who have similar exp. Anger Depress Rebuild philosophical sharing, problem- solving