Presentation on theme: "Marriage and Family Interaction HPER F258. In your small group, discuss the experience of writing the letter. Include the following discussion points:"— Presentation transcript:
In your small group, discuss the experience of writing the letter. Include the following discussion points: ◦ Who mailed their letter or plans to mail it? ◦ Did anyone write to someone who had already died? ◦ Was this a positive experience or a negative one? ◦ Would you do it again?
Grief is not about abandoning the "lost love object”. Grief is not about giving up the past or your connection to the loved one Grief is not about working through stages
Grief is about not interacting with that person again. Grief is about transition and change. You do not let go of your past, you transform your understanding of your past and your relationship with that person.
There is a great deal of controversy about the entire concept of stages No support in research for stage models People are drawn to stages because they give us a sense of security but… They complicate grief for people who need to believe that grief follows a set pattern.
Grief is the response of the individual to an assault on the "assumptive world" (the beliefs that we hold about how life should be) Grief is a "redefinition of normal“ ◦ The reality that existed before no longer exists. You are forever changed by your loss experience.
Grief is a highly complicated, highly individual process which is dependent on: ◦ how you organize meaning; ◦ the specific assumptions that make up your assumptive world; ◦ the degree to which the death and surrounding events affect these assumptions; Includes social context ◦ the coping strategies used.
In your small group, discuss the web-based reading by Dr. Gilbert on “We’ve had the same loss, why don’t we have the same grief?
Relates back to report talk vs rapport talk Cognitive-solitary grief (“masculine”) ◦ “head-level” ◦ Need to be alone to deal with loss ◦ Can lead to isolation and emotional “freezing” Emotional-social grief (“feminine”) ◦ Emotionally expressive ◦ Need company of others ◦ Can lead to getting “stuck” and alienating others
Children may respond to grief physically, emotionally, and/or behaviorally Children’s grief looks very different from adults ◦ What looks to an adult like “resilience” may, in fact, be the child’s efforts to cope with an emotionally and intellectually overwhelming loss. ◦ In particular, the child may use play as a mechanism to help them understand and manage the situation.
Share acknowledgement of reality of death Share experience of the pain of grief Reorganize the family system Redirect the family’s relationships and goals The meaning of a death and the individual responses to it are shaped by the system of beliefs in the family.
Sharing feelings about the loss (i.e., shared meaning) ◦ facilitate communication, ◦ provide structure and meaning to their interactions, and ◦ serve as the basis for familial coping.
Differential grief – having family members at different points in their grief reconciliation and reality reconstruction process BUT family members may expect each other to be at a similar place The result is that family members may be the worst people to help each other.
LISTEN Don’t make assumptions Don’t take it personally Take the initiative (choices can be overwhelming) Be gentle and kind Be patient
Coping with grief in families is highly complicated. Discuss how you believe your family would respond in the face of a loss and how you would help a friend and her/his family in dealing with a loss.
Identify one thing you learned about grief that you didn’t know before this lecture. Turn this in to your discussion leader.