Why this is important http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NgOe1D Mtdw http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NgOe1D Mtdw Realities of response: – Stopwatch of Death: one person shot every 15-20 seconds – Average police response is 3-5 minutes
Rise in Active Incidents According to FBI, both frequency of AS events and their lethality are increasing.
Factors associated with AS incidents 88% experienced problems in their social lives 85% are socially isolated 54% experienced peer rejection 30% were bullied 30% experienced romantic disappointment and, 43% experienced problems with teachers or staff Source: “Bullying, Romantic Rejection, and Conflicts with Teachers: The Crucial Role of Social Dynamics in the Development of School Shootings - A Systematic Review”, Friederike Sommer, Vincenz Leuschner and Herbert Scheithauer, Department of Educational Science and Psychology, Freie Universitat Berlin Published in: International Journal of Developmental Science 8 (2014) pp. 3-24
DANGER CUES Red/flushed face Vocal extremes (very loud or soft) Heavy breathing Hands balled up as fists Standing in a bladed position Protruding veins Pointing at chest Clothes in disarray Thousand mile stare Unaware of surroundings Statements of sympathy or understanding for active shooter/violence Smell of alcohol or drugs Invades personal space
What do NOVA stats tell us? There is significant conflict between faculty/staff and students Precise assignment of blame is not important 2014: 819 CARE Team cases – Concerning behavior (343); conduct/criminal (462) – 94% of respondents were students (51% are less than 25 years old) 40% reported by faculty Xx% reported by staff
How well are schools prepared? According to a 2013 Campus Security poll: – Only 28 of schools provide crisis intervention and/or verbal de-escalation training – 55% of teachers surveyed are somewhat or very disappointed with school safety and security NOVA’s record (since 2013): – Active shooter response: 41 briefings to xx persons – Dealing with difficult people: 29 briefings to yy persons
Superior-Subordinate Relationships There is inherent conflict in every superior- subordinate relationship – People resent control – Nobody wants to be the child in a parent-child encounter
Different goals, priorities, and experiences Faculty/Staff Teaching as a calling Work as a primary goal Efficient management Discharge workload, often with inadequate resources Experience of age Understand the system Students Good grade Secondary goal to job, social life, etc. Need to juggle school work with job, family, etc. Young; often immature Confused
Generational Differences Baby Boomers (1946-64) Influential events – Brown v. B of Education – Mutual Assured Destruction – Women’s Lib; the pill Values – Value process – Loyalty to organization – Sacrifice Generation X (1965-79) Influential events – Latchkey kids – Man on Moon – Fall of Berlin Wall – Soaring divorce rates – Watergate – Internet Values – Reject supervision Self-reliant Technology skills Work independently – Experimentation (drugs/sex) – Results-oriented
Generational Differences Generation Y/Millennials (1980-99) Influential events – Daycare as a way of life – OK City & 9/11 terrorism – 2008 financial crisis – Personal computer as a home appliance – Email replaces snail mail – Columbine etc. Values – Equality of the sexes – Environmentalism and internationalism – Social networking – Accelerating technological change Generation Z ???????
Face-to-face interactions: Not so simple Words don’t tell the whole message React to the meaning, not the words – Example: arrive on scene of a burglary It’s about time (the words) I feel violated and helpless (the meaning) People do not say what they mean. – Words only constitute 7% of the message. – The other 93% come from voice and other non- verbal indicators
Sometimes, you don’t need words http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ol6poJ6M 7MA http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ol6poJ6M 7MA
Inter-cultural Communications: You can’t always believe what you see or hear Personal space is influenced by: – Gender: F/F stands closer than M/F – Status: higher status granted more space – Friendship: friends stand closer together – Available space: positions in elevator; at urinal – Experience: people from cities expect less space than people from country Eye contact – Latin America and Asia: respectful to avoid direct contact with authority figures – Muslims consider eye contact between members of the opposite sex to be bold and flirtatious – Arabs and Southern Europeans have more eye contact than Americans; Brits have less.
Inter-cultural comms (cont.) Volume – Baseline volume in Asia/Western Europe lower than in US – Africa: soft voice is a sign of witchcraft, plotting or malicious gossip Touch – Latin Americans and Middle Easterners touch more frequently than Americans – ME and Latin men walk arm-in-arm; Russian and French men kiss on cheek – Japanese men do not like to be touched in a casual relationship (vs. Reid technique) – Middle East: never touch opposite sex (e.g., shake hands); never touch with left hand. – Asia: touching someone on the head is offensive
Inter-cultural comms (cont.) Silence: Americans (uncomfortable) vs. sign of respect in other cultures Punctuality: Americans (sign of respect) vs. respect means continuing a discussion, even if it makes you late for next meeting Never show soles of foot to Middle Easterner Hand gestures: thumb/forefinger circle, fist pump, and thumbs up signs are vulgar in Iran, Latin America and Lebanon; hands on hips indicates hostility in Mexico Use open hand to indicate height of person in Colombia Nodding up and down means ‘no’ in Bulgaria Inscrutable people: Scandinavians consider smiles and facial emotions to be signs of weakness. Russians, Japanese and South Koreans (in order) exhibit more facial control than Americans. Northern Europeans smile less frequently than Americans and Asians smile to smooth over embarrassing situations
Face-to-face interactions Not so simple Everyone is under the influence! We cannot adjust people’s attitudes. – It’s arrogant, we don’t have the right, and we will fail Cool Hand Luke One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest We can only adjust how we interact.
2=6 A face-to-face encounter involves multiple interactions: You – Real self – Self as seen by self – Self as seen by others Client – Real self – Self as seen by self – Self as seen by others
Things You Should Never Say Calm down. Come here You wouldn’t understand. Because those are the rules. What do you want me to do about it? What’s your problem? I’m not going to say this again! Why don’t you be reasonable? Have a good day (after returning a failing test) You never…… or, You always…… You people……
5 Universal Truths All people want to be: Treated with dignity and respect. Asked rather than told to do something. Told why they’re being asked to do something. Given options rather than threats. Given a second chance.
Dealing with an angry individual https://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=Ah7Wxm bN6BJ0Onf.X_XxS6ebvZx4?fr=yfp-t-271- s&toggle=1&fp=1&cop=mss&ei=UTF- 8&p=maine%20state%20trooper%20video
What People Want Information – E.g., Why did you stop me? Empathy – Understand, even if we don’t agree – Establish a bond of commonality – But first, we have to listen “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” (Stephen R. Covey, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) Respect – How we want to be treated under similar circumstances
Lose the Ego! The first zinger that comes to mind, though satisfying, is the greatest speech you will live to regret. 90% of all complaints come from tone, not actual words. - It’s not what you said, it’s ________________. Avoid “rope-a-dope” - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sqh3LRbKYshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sqh3LRbKYs Appear interested.
Truth is, you’re annoying the crap out of me! (but I appear interested)
The Art of Representation We are only representatives; it is not about us. Our personal feelings and beliefs are irrelevant obstacles to effective communications. Amateurs are ruled by adrenaline. Let others have the last word; you have the last act.
Some additional tools Lose the ego. Understand your own triggers. – Examples: I pay your salary; I was just….; I know your chief; I’m only getting a ticket because you have a quota; campus cops aren’t real cops……. – Avoid the Niagara Falls moment – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYP1OBZfFK0 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYP1OBZfFK0 Deflective phrases – I understand you think this is unfair, but you still need to do x because.....(reason). Listen
Some additional tools (cont.) Paraphrasing is a key tool: – Sword of insertion: Hold on a minute. Let me make sure I understand what you are saying. – Actual paraphrase: You are saying you feel (emotion) because (reason). Appeal to one’s sense of selfishness – i.e., what’s in it for them.
Things you should say What can I do to help? Would you assist me by ….? Excuse me. May I have a moment? That didn’t come out right. Let me start again. I apologize (explain why you did what you did) Thank you for your cooperation Dean XXX would like to speak with you (ethical intervention)
5-Step Interaction (a good report format) Ask (ethical appeal) Set context/explain why (reasonable appeal) Provide options (personal appeal) – Positive then negative options Confirm non-compliance (practical appeal) Act (if necessary)
WHAT TO AVOID Arguing with student Ignoring inappropriate behavior/signs anger is escalating Bargaining Giving in to inappropriate requests Meeting alone or with aggrieved and his friends Prolonged eye contact Showing fear Making promises you can’t keep Confrontational body posture (crossed arms, hands on hips, standing square to person) Touching, crowding personal space, finger pointing Losing access to door Ignoring gut feeling of danger
OPTIONS Call for help (supervisor, 911, police) Move to area with other people Check out history before meeting Delaying tactics (offer drink of water to allow time to calm down) Ask for recommendations Break large problems into smaller problems and offer options Referral
Remember….. Need to interact with individuals, not students. A verbal interaction is like a dance. We need to earn the respect of our subordinates. Lose the ego. It’s not about you. Know your weaknesses. Watch your voice (tone, pitch, pace and modulation). It’s what generates complaints. Empathize. Explain. Don’t be complacent, protect yourself Have fun; enjoy the challenge of difficult people.