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We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves. - Dalai Lama NextNext MainMain Developing Skills for Psychosocial Health.

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Presentation on theme: "We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves. - Dalai Lama NextNext MainMain Developing Skills for Psychosocial Health."— Presentation transcript:

1 We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves. - Dalai Lama NextNext MainMain Developing Skills for Psychosocial Health and Well-being This self-directed tool contains a series of 5 learning modules. By completing these exercises you will increase your ability to problem solve, manage anxiety, develop healthy social connections, and become a positive thinker.

2 How to Use This Tool 1. Complete the General Assessment to determine your area(s) of focus. o Be sure to record your results on the general assessment form. 2. Discuss your action plan with your coach. 3. Each learning module contains 5 activities.Each learning module contains 5 activities. o Read and learn about the key concepts. o Complete the activities o Respond to the reflection questions at the end of each activity. o Record your responses on the reflection form for each activity. 4. Contact your coach on the agreed upon date to discuss your responses and your progress.

3 General Assessment (click here first) (click here first) Building Problem Solving Skills 1 Promoting Positive Activities 2 Managing Anxiety, Grief, and Loss 3 Promote Helpful Thinking 4 Rebuilding Healthy Social Connections 5 NextNext MainMain

4 GENERAL ASSESSMENT The goal of this assessment is to determine your overall needs and concerns. By answering these questions you and your coach will identify and prioritize your needs and develop a plan for learning new skills. Click here to begin

5 Physical Health Do you have any concerns about your own or a family member’s physical health? None/low Moderate High Record your results

6 Emotional Difficulties Do you have any concerns about how you or a family member is coping emotionally? For example: depressed, anxious, scared, grieving or worried. None/low Moderate High Record your results

7 Safety Do you have any concerns right now or in the future about your own or your family’s safety? o None/low o Moderate o High Record your results

8 Basic Necessities Do you have concerns about meeting the basic necessities of daily life? o None/low o Moderate o High Record your results

9 Substance Use/Abuse Do you have any concerns about your own or a family members use of alcohol or drugs, or the overuse of prescription medications? o None/low o Moderate o High Record your results

10 Role Functioning How well are you functioning in your daily life? For example: at home, work, school? o None/low o Moderate o High Record your results

11 Interpersonal Life How are you getting along with people, like your spouse/partner, family members, neighbors, friends, or people at work or school? For example: Anger; withdrawal? Record your results

12 Other Concerns Is there anything else that you are concerned about or want to share with me? (Describe) o None/low o Moderate o High You have reached the end of the general assessment. If you haven’t done so, complete the assessment form by clicking the link below. Save your results and submit to your coach. Record your results

13 1. Problem Solving Skills: Why are they important? Life isn’t always easy. By having a strong set of problem solving skills, you will be able to better deal with problems as they arise. Instead of having everything build up, you can handle your problems head on. The following slides are designed to enhance your problem solving ability and give you a skill set that will help solve any conflicts you may encounter in the future. NextNext MainMain

14 Building Problem Solving Skills NextNext MainMain Solve the puzzle Power Breaking Down Conflict

15 1.1 The Difficult Conversations Guide The Difficult Conversations Guide provides you with a tool to map out a problem. By completing this guide you will reflect on your view of the problem and what you think the other person sees as the problem. There are always two sides to every story. Click here to learn more.here Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

16 Activity 1.1 – How to use the guide Think of a conflict you have recently had with another person. This could be with a family member, friend or coworker. Use the difficult conversation guide to map out the central elements of the conflict. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection NextMain Click here to complete guidehere

17 Reflection 1.1 What skill have you learned from this activity? How can you apply this skill the next time you have a difficult conversation? To write your response click hereclick here Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

18 1.2 Mapping Conflicts Mapping out a conflict helps break it down so that the individual can visually examine all of the factors that contribute to the current problem. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

19 System-wide Mapping System-Wide Patterns We are all embedded within much wider systems Everyone affects everyone else Each system has an identity that is the sum of the individuals What types of systems can you identify? What human systems are you a part of? Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection NextMain Watch the "Power of Ten" video to learn more about systems.

20 Activity 1.2 – How to Map the Conflict Using concentric circles, map out the different levels of your organization.concentric circles, Your map should look like a target. Try to create as many layers as you can. Imagine you are creating a system like the one you viewed in the “Powers of Ten” video. Now try to identify the challenges at each level of the system. Draw circles around the people who are allies (they support you). Draw a triangle around the people who you tend to find yourself in conflict with. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

21 Reflection 1.2 Looking at the circled people – notice where they are placed in the system. Do the same for the conflict triangles. What does this information tell you about where conflict exists for you in your system? How does conflict affect the whole system (your agency)? How can you use this tool to identify conflict on different levels within the organization? To write your response click here.click here. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 ReflectionActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection Next Next MainMain

22 1.3 Breaking Down the Conflict Conflicts can be broken down from one large, into several smaller, more manageable conflicts. This helps you understand the size of the dispute and pick it apart. Viewing the conflict as a group of smaller components makes it easier to solve. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

23 Activity 1.3 Problems and Emotions In the center of the paper write one of the major problems that you have been dealing with and circle that problem. Now, coming from that circle, write down smaller components of the problem and the emotions that go with those components. Keep doing this until you think you have found some of the simplest, core problems that you have been dealing with. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection NextMain Central problem Sub problem

24 Reflection 1.3 Was it easy or difficult for you to see past the big problem you were facing so that you could see the smaller issues that were causing it? Now that you have smaller problems to face, does this make a possible solution come easier to you? Do you feel like you are now more in control of your circumstances? To write your response click here.click here. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

25 1.4 Power and Problem Solving There are 4 types of power a person has in any given situation. Understanding your power as well as the power of others will give you an advantage when dealing with conflict. An easy way to remember these types is by using the acronym –RICE.4 types power RICE stands for: * Resource control * Interpersonal linkages * Communication skills * Expertise These represent different sources of power. If used correctly they can be an asset, if abused, power can cause problems. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

26 Activity 1.4 Identifying Power Click here for an example of examining power and to complete the following exercise.here Understanding your power is important because it shows you where your strengths and potential weaknesses are. Think of a situation where you had a conflict with another person. List power for you and the other person. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

27 Reflection 1.4 How does this tool assist you in uncovering the role of power in your conflict? What might you do to balance power in this situation so you can solve the problem together. To write your response click here.click here. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

28 1.5 Clarifying Goals 1.5 Clarifying Goals Knowing what your goals are, stating them clearly to yourself, and communicating them in a flexible manner to others helps to diminish conflict escalation (Wilmot & Hocker, 1985, p. 96). Learn more about clarifying and assessing goals here.here Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 ReflectionActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection NextNext MainMain

29 Activity 1.5 Setting Goals Provide two or three examples of difficulties or problems that you have faced. For each difficulty or problem think of one to three goals for each. Be sure to separate your goals into topic goals and relationship goals. Click here to complete this exercise.here Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

30 Reflection 1.5 How does clarifying your goals assist you in communicating your problem? How will you use this tool to assist you in managing conflict? To write your response click here.click here. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5Reflection NextMain

31 Promoting positive activities ultimately promotes self care. The goal of promoting positive activities is to help you plan and engage in pleasurable activities that will help improve your mood and regain a sense of control in your life. Identifying, scheduling, and engaging in positive activities can improve your mood and re- establish a routine. 2. Promoting Positive Activities: Why are they important? Topic Info Activity 1Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

32 Promoting Positive Activities 2.1 Identity2.2 Staying Actively Engaged 2.3 XYZ2.4 Positive and Negative Emotions 2.5 Time Management Main

33 2.1 Identity 2.1 Identity The key question in assessing identity is “Who am I in this particular interaction?” or “How may my self-identity be affected in this situation?.” Identity - The following statements often arise when people speak about themselves: likeable, expert, leader, trustworthy, best friend, enthusiastic. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

34 Identity Model Activity 2.1 Think of a healthy activity to try out with a friend (e.g., going for a walk, listening to music, or going for coffee/tea). Take note of your thoughts and feelings during this time. After the activity, write a brief reflection on the emotions you experienced and your overall mood after the activity. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection Next Main

35 Reflection 2.1 Was your reflection helpful? Describe your emotions before the activity and after the activity. Was this activity helpful or not? Explain your response. Is there something you would do differently next time? To write your response click here.here. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

36 2.2 Staying Actively Engaged When feeling overwhelmed or stressed it is easy to feel disconnected. However an individual can overcome this by remaining engaged in everyday activities. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 ReflectionNextMain

37 Activity 2.2 Staying Actively Engaged Make a list of experiences that you either have already found enjoyable in the past or that you feel might be enjoyable to try. Make a plan to fit some of these activities into your schedule. Making it a goal to try a new experience or get back into an activity that has been enjoyable in the past can really help you to see the positive in your life. These activities can be individual or with someone. Keep a daily journal that tracks your feelings after doing these activities, reflecting on who you did the activity with and what the activity specifically was. This will help you understand what activities are beneficial for you and what activities are not helpful and positive. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

38 Reflection 2.2 How did the process of making a plan to try new things make you feel? Did the daily journal help you understand what activities are enjoyable for you? What kind of activities had a positive impact on your mood when doing them? Did any of your activities help rebuild connections with the people that you spent time with? To write your response click here.here. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

39 2.3 XYZ Formula 2.3 XYZ Formula The use of the XYZ formula clarifies and helps you deal with conflict. This simple formula allows the parties to break down a complex situation into three components. When you do X In situation Y I feel Z more about the XYZ Formula Often times people may feel overwhelmed going into a group because they have conflict with one or more people in the group. This can often times stop a person from participating in enjoyable activities. The XYZ formula is a way to express yourself when there is a conflict. By addressing the conflict in a positive way it can often be resolved. This allows you to participate in social activities without uneasy feelings. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

40 Activity 2.3 XYZ Formula Below is an example of the XYZ formula: When you don’t do your assignment(X) and we have a deadline at work (Y) I feel frustrated (Z) This response, taking responsibility for feeling upset yet letting the other person know what produced your feelings, is more likely to result in a constructive solution. Now think of a simple conflict you are currently in or have experienced in the past. Think about the response you had in the particular situation. Reword your response using the XYZ formula. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

41 Reflection 2.3 Did breaking the conflict down into steps make it easier to resolve? Do you think it would always lead to a better reaction? Do you feel more confident to participate in group activity with this person? Why would being able to express your feelings help you get involved in positive activities? To write your response click here.here Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

42 2.4 Positive and Negative Emotions When people feel good they are more likely to integrate new ideas, be flexible, and remain open to information. People who can distinguish between positive and negative emotions are better able to regulate negative emotions. The person who is flexible and open is more likely to live in a positive frame of mind. Emotions are very important and can affect the way you deal with difficult situations. If you have a good understanding of your emotions you are able to be a more effective communicator. If a person understands their emotions this can allow them to engage in positive activities. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

43 Activity 2.4 Positive and Negative Emotions Activity 2.4 Positive and Negative Emotions Think of a group and/or individual activity you recently experienced. What positive and/or negative emotions were linked with that activity? Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

44 Reflection 2.4 Did you see any pattern with your emotions throughout the activity? Do you feel like you have a better understanding of the emotions you have and why you have them? What are a few ways you can deal with negative emotions better? What was it about the activity that led to these emotions? To write your response click here.here. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

45 2.5 Time Management 2.5 Time Management Making time for positive activities is a challenge. When colleagues are able to play together, they are more likely to clarify their life priorities, strengthen social ties, and build skills to express friendship. Team building can ultimately lead to people participating in positive activities. Building skills in time management will allow more time for positive activities. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

46 Activity 2.5 Time Management Track time spent in hourly increments for 2-3 days. Group time spent into categories such as Self –care Work Social Family Individual Circle the positive activities in each category. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

47 Reflection 2.5 Which of the activities you listed could be used for positive thinking? What made these positive activities? How can you free up more time to increase positive activities? Which activities did you like best? Why? Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main To write your response click here.click here

48 3. Managing Anxiety, Grief, and Loss: why is this important? 3.1 Identifying EmotionIdentifying Emotion 3.2 Triggers of EmotionsTriggers of Emotions 3.3 Feelings into wordsFeelings into words 3.4 Calming SkillsCalming Skills 3.5 Self-ForgivenessSelf-Forgiveness The purpose of managing reactions is to enhance skills to calm upsetting physical and emotional reactions to loss and stress. This is important because these kinds of reactions can impact physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Main

49 3.1 Identifying Emotions Link: Aristotle’s Golden Mean http://www.anus.com/zine/articles/draugdur/golden_mean/ http://www.anus.com/zine/articles/draugdur/golden_mean/ Often we realize we are upset (sad, angry, depressed), but we don’t know why. It is important to pay attention to our emotions. It is unhealthy to leave these emotions unexpressed and dangerous to leave them unrestrained. It is important to find balance as moderating these emotions can bring many advantages. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

50 Activity 3.1 Emotion Record. List the emotions you experience for 5-7 days. Use the list of feeling words and be as specific as possible.. feeling words After recording all of your emotions, you will be able to identify which emotions are helping you and which emotions are impeding you regarding your ability to manage anxiety, grief, and loss. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

51 Reflection 3.1 Can you identify any recurring emotions? If you can, then what are they? What emotions have you identified that are helping you and what emotions are impeding your wellbeing? What are usually the triggers of negative and positive emotions? How do you think you can anticipate and manage them more effectively? To write your response click here.click Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1 Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection NextMain

52 3.2 Triggers of Emotions It is important to learn what triggers our emotions. Once we have identified how we are feeling, we can think about what caused the feeling. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1 Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection NextMain

53 Activity 3.2 the Case of Pamela and Baird What triggered Pamela and Baird’s feelings? Is there more than one trigger? Pamela’s mother had died a few months before. Her husband Baird went to the farthest end of the house and turned on the TV when Pamela cried. Several times Pamela told Baird that she needed comfort when she was so sad. Baird, however, felt extremely uncomfortable with Pamela’s tears. He said once, when she asked for comfort, “But there’s nothing I can do. I am sorry your mother is gone but I can’t change anything”. Pamela felt more sorrow and loneliness at this point. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection NextMain

54 Sharing your thoughts and feelings Pamela: “Baird, I know you care that my mother died and that I am so sad. But when you go to the den and turn on the TV when I’m crying, I feel more lonely than ever. I start to tell myself that you don’t care. Baird: I care a lot but there’s nothing I can do. Pamela: There is a lot you can do. You can listen to me, hold my hand, tell me you are here for me, and that you are sorry I’m feeling so awful. Baird: But that’s not doing anything. I can’t change anything and I feel helpless. Pamela: You can change a lot for me. I wouldn’t feel so alone. I didn’t know you felt helpless. Baird: Yes- I see you so miserable and feel awful that I can’t do anything. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

55 Reflection 3.2 How does sharing your feelings change someone else’s response? Why is it important to let others know what you need? How do you feel about applying these skills for the future? To write your response click here.click here. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

56 3.3 Feelings into words Writing/Drawing: Allows you to organize and better understand what has happened, and communicate it. Teaches you to cope with memories and concerns more effectively. Helps to identify key concerns. Helps you control negative emotions and allows these feelings to be reduced. Helps with detachment of negative feelings. Source: www.telegraph.co.uk Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection NextMain

57 Activity 3.3. Writing Exercise Start writing about whatever is troubling you in as much detail as you can. Try to include detail about your feelings and things you may be thinking and saying to yourself. Try to keep writing for 30 minutes. Build in new helpful thoughts each time you do the exercise. Alternative: If you don’t feel comfortable writing, you can also speak into a voice recorder, draw a picture, make a piece of art, or write a song/poem. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection NextMain

58 Reflection 3.3 What did you learn about the problem? Did this exercise provide a new perspective? To write your response click here.click here. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection Next Main

59 3.4 Calming skills When we are hit by a wave of negative emotions sometimes we need to wait for the wave to recede. However, there are things we can do while we experience the negative emotion. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

60 Activity 3.4 Calming Exercise Think of the negative emotion. Recognize that it exists. Don’t judge it. Breathe in slowly Imagine a wave coming onto the beach. Exhale slowly as you imagine that wave washing over your negative emotions and carrying them back into the sea. Do this for about 5 minutes. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection NextMain

61 Reflection 3.4 How did it feel as you became aware of the negative emotion? Did you feel calmer as you slowed your breathing? How did you feel after you imagined your negative emotions being washed away? To write your response click here.click here. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

62 3.5 Self-forgiveness Sometimes our anxiety, grief, or loss is related to something we have done. It is important in these situations to forgive ourselves. It is sometimes more difficult to forgive ourselves than to forgive others. Self-forgiveness is difficult because it comes into conflict with our image of ourselves - the person we think we are and the person who caused someone harm. Self-forgiveness is necessary for healing. Topic Info Topic Info Activity1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

63 Activity 3.5 Looking for an Oasis There are times when the best thing to do is start the process of forgiving yourself. Please read the following case study: Looking for an Oasis (Hawk, Gary http://highered.mcgraw- hill.com/sites/0073135542/student_view0/chapter10/chapter_outline.html) Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection NextMain

64 Reflection 3.5 Self-forgiveness is essential when you feel to blame, or part of harm. Reflect on the best ways to heal, and forgive yourself. What would make it easier to begin the process of self-forgiveness? What does it mean to receive forgiveness from the family and forgive yourself? How does lack of self-forgiveness increase anxiety? To write your response click here.click here Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 ReflectionActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection Next MainNextMain

65 4. Promoting Helpful Thinking Main Responsible Expression Awareness Helpful ThinkingSMART Goals Positive Affirmations At times people produce negative thoughts that encourage negative emotions. It is important to identify these negative thoughts and practice more helpful ways of thinking that change mood. The goal for the following activities are to identify and practice more helpful ways of thinking.

66 4.1 Responsible Expression Negative thinking leads to negative emotions. It is important to express your negative feelings in a constructive way. When we don’t express our negative emotions constructively it can damage our relationships. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

67 Activity 4.1 XYZ Formula Think of a situation in which you have been unable to express your negative emotion. Apply the following formula: When you do X (ridicule me) In situation Y (in front of others) I feel Z (humiliated) Topic Info Topic Info Activity1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

68 Reflection 4.1 Do you feel that the X-Y-Z formula is a helpful way to express your emotions? Why or why not? How does this help your own well-being? To write your response click here.click here. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

69 4.2 Awareness In order for you to move toward positive thinking, you must be aware of your feelings and have a better understanding of how to handle your emotions. You can take the negative thoughts and feelings and turn them into positive thoughts and feelings. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

70 Activity 4.2 On the Flip Side Identify a situation in your life that is causing stress. Fold a piece of paper in half. On one half of the paper write down all of the negative feelings and emotions that come to surface when you think about the situation at hand. On the other half of the paper, write the feeling that is the opposite of each negative feeling (sad versus happy). Identify an activity you can do that would promote the positive feeling. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

71 Reflection 4.2 After completing the activity, you should now have a better understanding of your negative emotions. How are you going to go about changing those negative thoughts to positives ones? How can you take the negative emotions and feelings you were not sure how to change, into positive emotions and feelings? To write your response click here.click here. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection NextMain

72 4.3 Positive Affirmations Positive affirmations are helpful tools that promote positive thinking. This thinking prevents being overly self-critical or negative. It is important to know the difference between helpful and unhelpful thoughts. It is different than positive thinking. positive thinking. Try rehearsing some of these positive affirmations (click here) (click here) Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5Reflection NextMain

73 Activity 4.3 Moving from Negative to Positive Self-talk Think of a current situation in your life. Draw three columns on a piece of paper. Label them Pro’s (positive), Con’s (negative), and Steps to be taken(ways to move from negative to positive self-talk). Once you have identified your positive and negative self-talk, develop steps you can take to change your negative to positive. Refer to the previous article for suggestions. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

74 Reflection 4.3 Are any of my “cons” a fear or anxiety? Do any of my “cons” relate to my emotions? Which one of my “pros” are helpful? What are my thoughts as I approach new situations? To write your response click here.click here. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

75 4.4 Helpful Thinking The logic behind positive thinking.The logic behind positive thinking Click on the link above to learn more about the importance of positive thinking. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

76 Activity 4.4 Write down the negative thoughts you tell yourself. Brainstorm and write down helpful thoughts and rehearse them. Think how you’re going to use the helpful thoughts in a situation where negative thoughts happen. Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Activity 5 ReflectionNextMain

77 Reflection 4.4 In what situations do these negative thoughts most arise? How will you make your positive thoughts make an impact? After this you should be able to construct your negative thoughts into positive thoughts that work for you. To write your response click here.click here. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

78 4.5 SMART Goals Setting SMART goals is a way to promote helpful thinking. Specific – use concrete language to define your goal. Measurable – How will you measure whether or not you are successful? Attainable – Is this a goal you can reach? Realistic – Are your expectations reasonable? Timely – Is your goal focused on a present situation? Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

79 Activity 4.5 Be SMART Describe a problem in your life that could be solved through creating a SMART goal. Be sure to apply each letter to your goal. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection NextMain

80 Reflection 4.5 Do you understand your goals better after using the SMART acronym? How will these goal-making skills help promote helpful thinking? Which of the SMART letters will be most difficult to follow through with? Do you think the SMART goal process is realistic for future use? To write your response click here.here. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection NextMain

81 5. Rebuilding Healthy Social Connections: Why is this important? This principle is essential to increase connections and gain positive support within the community. Healthy relationships are key to emotional and physical health after a stressful experience. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main Trip Goals Gridlocked Relationship Fostering New RelationshipsGridlocked RelationshipFostering New Relationships Relationship Development Looking Through a Lens

82 5.1 TRIP Goals Topic Relationship Identity Process This model identifies the types of goals individuals pursue for healthy relationships. For most people, there is a greater emphasis on relationship and identity goals. Our interests and goals can sometimes be difficult to identify, especially in emotionally charged situations. Using the TRIP model to identify the type of goal can lead to better problem solving and social interpersonal skills.TRIP model Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

83 Activity 5.1 TRIP Goals Create a map of your social connections. By mapping out the relationships you already possess, you can better identify your support network and understand who you can go to when you are experiencing distress. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

84 Reflection 5.1 Were you surprised by the number or type of social connections that you already possess? How does this help your understanding of your support system? What can you address with your coach? How does the coach fit into your social connection map, and how are you used as a resource? To write your response click here.click here. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

85 5.2 Gridlocked Relationship A gridlocked relationship lacks movement towards a solution. As you are beginning to understand, your relationships are key to your well-being. Finding relationships that are in gridlock and finding ways to solve these problems will be an important step to take. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection Next Main

86 “You Know You’re in Gridlock When…” Activity 5.2 Match the conflict scenario with the appropriate solution The conflict makes you feel rejected by your partner Your talk is devoid of humor, amusement, or affection Eventually you disengage emotionally or physically or both CONFLICT SCENARIOS Use productive conflict management styles, such as collaboration, to rebuild connections Re-evaluate your communication style Engage in descriptive language that focuses on building, trust, empathy, and honesty SOLUTIONS Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

87 Reflection 5.2 After this activity, do you think you are able to recognize gridlocked relationships? Do you feel as though you have the skills to change those relationships? What will be the most difficult in working towards rebuilding healthy social connections? To write your response click here.click here Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

88 5.3 Fostering New Relationships 5.3 Fostering New Relationships Our lives change day by day and relationships come and go. It is important to continue fostering new relationships to build social connections as your life changes. Making yourself accessible to others is a key component in building relationships. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

89 Activity 5.3 Making Yourself Accessible Think of several strategies for meeting new people. Select one of those strategies and discuss how you would implement it. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection NextMain

90 Reflection 5.3 What are the pros and cons of your strategy? What are some of the challenges of implementing this strategy? To write your response click here.click here. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection NextMain

91 5.4 Relational Development 5.4 Relational Development Rebuilding relationships can be rewarding to all humans. There is great importance in creating connections through a desire for mutual growth and empowerment. Power is shared equally within the relationship which eliminates competition between the parties involved. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

92 Activity 5.4 Relational Development Make an action plan by setting short term and long-term goals in achieving healthy social connections. Talk with your coach and construct an action plan that focuses on healthy social connections and maintains a balance of power within the relationship. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

93 Reflection 5.4 What relationships need extra help? Who are the important people in your life you can fall back on should you get frustrated? To write your response click here.click here. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

94 5.5 Looking Through a Lens As when looking through the lens of a camera, people in relationship see things differently. Each person has a different view of themselves, the other person and the relationship. By seeing why other people act the way they do, it will help you view all of the perceptions of the situation Learn more about the lens modellens model Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection NextMain

95 Activity 5.5 Lens Model Using the Lens model describe a situation that you are involved in with another person. Explain your feelings about the situation and how important the relationship is to you. Now, write about how you think the other person feels and how they view your relationship in this particular situation. Topic Info Topic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5Reflection NextMain

96 Reflection 5.5 Did this activity help open your eyes to the three different elements of the lens model? Does the Lens Model help you look at your situation from the other person’s point of view? How do you think the Lens Model will help you in the future? To write your response click here.click here Topic InfoTopic Info Activity 1 Activity 2 Activity 3 Activity 4 Activity 5 Reflection Next MainActivity 1Activity 2 Activity 3Activity 4 Activity 5ReflectionNext Main

97 SourcesSources This tool is the work of students participating in Comm 327 – Interpersonal Conflict Management at Xavier University in Cincinnati, Ohio. It was designed to be used by coaches providing psychosocial support to international relief workers. Students relied heavily on material from their text “Interpersonal Conflict” by William Wilmot and Joyce Hocker; Boston: McGraw-Hill 2007. Information regarding Skills for Psychological Recovery were gathered from the National Center for PTSD and the Australian Centre for Posttraumatic Mental Health brochure.National Center for PTSD Australian Centre for Posttraumatic Mental Health brochure. Special credit to the authors of SPRauthors of SPR


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