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Lesson Two: Divorce Recovery Why Does Divorce Hurt So Much?

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1 Lesson Two: Divorce Recovery Why Does Divorce Hurt So Much?
Mosaic: a Divorce Recovery Program of Harvest Bible Chapel

2 Will I Ever Stabilize Again?
My feelings Why does it hurt so much – Because it is the tearing of the one flesh relationship, (Gen. 2:24).

3 Alienation Friends and family don’t know how to help you, they tell you to “just get on with your life.” Alienation can have the effect of an uncharacteristic moral failure. You might be tempted to have an affair to prove to your ex-spouse that you are still desirable to someone else.

4 My Energy Normal energy distribution is the equal balance of the emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual. When a divorce occurs the emotional is out of balance and taking up an enormous amount of energy. Leaving you feeling tired, with clouded thinking, not able to make decisions, and leaving you spiritually depleted.

5 Where Does Stability Start?
Stability starts with daily comfort from God and His Word along with consolation and encouragement from your facilitators and friends in church and if necessary individual counseling.

6 Stability is a Process A person needs corporate worship to praise God.
What does a person need in this process? A person needs corporate worship to praise God. A person needs to hear the Word of life, to participate in the Lord’s Supper, and to join in interceding with God.

7 Nourishment A person needs to understand their grief and have those around them for consolation. A person needs to nourish their spirit of thankfulness that gives rise to forgiveness and love. A person needs to face their own sinful struggles with bitterness, fear, and unbelief.

8 Need A person most of all needs God.
A person needs to know God is present, (Phil. 4:5) A person needs to know God is powerful, (Eph. 3:20; 2 Cor. 9:8). A person needs to know God is listening, (Psalm 4:3). A person needs to know God is just, (Rom. 12:19). A person needs to know God is caring, (I Peter 5:6-7). A person needs to know God is understanding, (Hebrews 4:14-16). A person needs God to do something, (Psalm 10:15).

9 Stability Means Starting With Psalm 10
God’s Word is Very Personal

10 You Are Not Alone In This Pain.
You are not in a vacuum. Divorce brings about a special kind of pain and suffering apart from this unique experience. You are part of a larger whole, God’s new covenant; you are a part of the body of Christ.

11 Where Are The Hurting People?
Hurting people, especially men, tend to pull away from friends and family. The Lord Jesus is the hope of all the afflicted You don’t work up faith all on your own. You are part of a choir, and sometimes others can carry the tune while you catch your breath. You join all God’s people in the experience of suffering.

12 Your Redeemer Jesus Christ was among the afflicted, a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. Your individual experience is the subset of another’s experience, if you are in Christ. Hear and see the One who invites your trust, gratitude, love, and hope. He walked this road. You can love the Jesus who felt, thought, and said these things. Psalms are not meditative techniques for achieving mental equilibrium nor are they spiritual Prozac. This psalm expresses the inner life and words of the Jesus you can grow to love.

13 Where Is God? You ask, “God, why are You so far away?
“Bring to justice those who hurt me.” God do something, You see what’s going on. You who are suffering must trust God because He has helped the helpless in the past.

14 Take Their Power “Strip away the power from the hurtful now.”
In this Psalm, the sufferer, or the one who has been hurt, vividly describes people who harm others, it probes how evildoers think and act against their innocent victims. People who harm people are also rebelling against God, serving their pride and cravings. They terrorize those they victimize; they will be destroyed. This is what divorce feels like, as if we are being terrorized even if it is only emotionally.

15 Stability Is A Cry Of Faith
You might ask why do you stand afar off, O Lord? Why do you hide in times of trouble? The hearts first question: “You have said that You love me, that You are a refuge and shield for the afflicted. So why do you seem so absent, at the very point of my anguish, powerlessness, and violation?” Your sense of abandonment and isolation often dominates your response to suffering.

16 God Come Near This is a cry of faith, knowing that God does come near, that He is a refuge in trouble, and a helper to the helpless. Jesus said words almost identical to this, as His faith expressed its anguish; “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” (Psalm 22:1; Matthew 27:46). You are in the company of one who both knows God and has felt abandoned at the height of the greatest test of His faith.

17 Ask Questions People can ask questions from two different stances.
People who are suffering ask questions in a cry of faith and need, They look to God in their trial, They want God, but feel overwhelmed and isolated. Some people express a cry of unbelief, hatred, and accusation, in the depths of their isolation they blame God.

18 Harmful People No psalm gives a fuller description of the thought processes, actions, and emotions of those who hurt others. The afflicted man spent time thinking about and describing the kind of person who uses, abusers, and misuses of others. He spells out the reasons for his upset, and the inner workings of those who harm him. Why?

19 What Are You Facing? It helps to describe exactly what you are up against. Hurtful people are self-ruled and self-exalting: “proud.” They are consumed with and by the things they do to others: they “burn.” The burning describes the arousal of any evil desire. It captures vividly the flame of violence and anger that pursues its victims. Is this how you are feeling?

20 What’s the Plot They (the afflicted) are caught in the plots which they (the wicked) have devised. This vividly describes the fact that people think about using and abusing others. They follow the devices of their hearts, with a line of behavior they construct.

21 They Boast For the wicked boasts of his heart’s desire. The greedy man curses and spurns the Lord. To serve self-centered desires means to not serve the Lord, to spurn and despise God. Users, abusers, and misusers of other people are rebels against God. They turn from the Lord to their greed. Those who cause suffering have a problem with God.

22 There Is No God The wicked, in the haughtiness of his countenance, does not seek Him. All his thoughts are, “There is not God.” It helps you to know that those who oppress you have really got a problem with God. It helps in bringing the problem to God it is a matter of God’s concern.

23 How Come Everything is Ok For Them?
His ways prosper at all times. Your judgments are on high, out of his sight. As for his adversaries, he snorts at them. He says to himself, “I shall not be moved; throughout all generations I shall not be in adversity.” Users seem to “get away with it” in the short term. Their ways apparently prosper, leaving misery in their wake.

24 Presumption The presumption of the wicked is wired to the wicked act itself. If violators of others ever seriously thought about God, or justice, or the needs of others, they would not do what they do. Neither fear nor love hinders their self-centeredness.

25 Evil Ways Will Not Prosper
Despite what the perpetrators think: God’s judgments will come right down to where we live and into sight; evil-doers will be rocked with adversity

26 Listen To The Talk His mouth is full of curses and deceit and oppression; under his tongue is trouble and wickedness. Listen to how such people talk. Their words damn, deceive, and oppress. This sentence catalogues the ways that people lie intimidate, mislead, and overwhelm others. It’s what the wicked are about. What they are “full” of internally then overflows to others.

27 Rely On God Psalm 10 speaks exclusively from the standpoint of the innocent victim who relies on God. Sufferers must also honestly ask themselves these questions, “Am I more like my oppressor than I realize or want to admit? Does God find bitterness and falsehood in me also? Are there ways I think, plan, and act as if there is no God? Does my reaction to evil reveal my own evil or a living faith?”

28 What Are You Thinking?

29 They Are Out To Get Me Evildoers “lurk.” They are predators, stalkers, they do not live out in the open. They conceal what they do, they lurk to harm their prey. Helen was the offended party. Jesus was an offended person. None of these deserve what they got from the hands of evildoers. You are meant to cry out, “Unfair, Outrageous, Unjust.”

30 Do They Really Think? He says to himself, “God has forgotten. He has hidden His face. He will never see it.” People who cause harm really think they will never be called to account. They really think no one sees what they do behind closed doors.

31 Cry to God Arise, O Lord. O God, lift up your hand. Do not forget the afflicted. This God can “rise” and “lift His hand” He has the power to act. This God can remember – and do something. Jesus’ words in Luke 18:1-8 reflect on reality: if a cynical judge can be hassled into protecting an innocent, how much more will God act as the protector to His chosen ones who cry to Him day and night? Seekers find, askers receive, the Lord misses nothing. He does not and will not forget.

32 It Is In God’s Hands God will take matters into His own hands.
The wicked may think what they like, that God can be safely ignored, that they can live for whatever they want. God has seen the hurt and turmoil that they inflict on others. He takes note of it. He will do something.

33 Commitment The unfortunate commits himself to You. You have been the helper of the orphan. Sufferers look to the Lord as the only real source of help. The weak and helpless trust. God has been the helper of the helpless. This is real need seeking a real helper. You can abandon yourself to God.

34 What Do You Need? You need the God who runs His universe to ensure that in an evil world, no merely human advocacy can address the full need. Break the arm of the wicked and the evildoer. Seek out his wickedness until You find none. This is a cry for God to make evil ineffectual: a broken arm can’t do anything. This is a cry for God to utterly destroy evil. The very arm that once attacked the sufferers will be snapped in two. The very mind, tongue, and actions of “wickedness” will be annihilated.

35 Abusers Think? “God won’t require it,” God won’t seek out what they’ve done and bring it back on their heads. When God acts, evildoers reap what they sow. What goes around comes around. Faith trusts God’s wrath in a different way. This is the cry of the weak one who trusts the Strong God.

36 Confident Affirmation: “The Lord Will Right Wrongs”
Sufferers call on God who has previously annihilated evildoers and idolaters. The past points to the future. Where do sufferers bank their hope? Psalm 10 is not about some glib happiness and placid contentment. It is about hope in the midst of abandonment and fear, for those in desperate need for help. God’s people, and Helen bank their hopes in the right place and come out in the right place. Other sufferers break when their schemes for earthly joy are broken; they come out vindictive, addicted, embittered, immoral, unbelieving, and greedy.

37 Desire of the Afflicted
The offended party wants many things: protection, relief, vindication, justice, and hope. The Lord hears such desires, because they reflect God’s own intention. Hearing, He will act.

38 Bring It To The Lord The afflicted are trusters, refugees, asylum seekers, believers, who cry to the personal God on whom they rely. The desire of the afflicted is heard because it is aligned with the will and purposes of the loving God.

39 Strengthen Their Heart.
God acts to strengthen sufferers internally. If you suffer in a Godward direction, He gives you hope: you are not abandoned. He gives you hope: your sufferings and cries have been heard and will be taken very seriously. It is precisely in the context of suffering that God Himself strengthens hearts in many ways.

40 God At Work He does it by pouring love directly into your heart you then learn to rely on Him in hope, (Rom. 5:3-5). God becomes directly known and “seen” in ways previously unimaginable, (Job 42:5). Our foolishness is revealed, so that we might seek and receive growing wisdom directly from God (James 1:2-5).

41 Remanufactured We are remade into the image of Jesus, and established in the love of God, (Rom. 8:29). We learn to trust and obey Jesus, who walked the exacting path of unjust suffering ahead of us and who walks with us, (Heb. 4:14-5:9 and 12:1-11). Our self-centered cravings are revealed, like dross boiled to the surface of a refiner’s vat, and our faith is purified and simplified, (I Peter 1:3-15). Faith finds God in suffering, enables endurance under suffering, produces love amidst suffering, and anchors hope through suffering.

42 Strength God not only strengthens hearts in the midst of suffering,
He also acts to destroy the powers of harm and terror. The fundamentally weak and poor will be vindicated by God. The evildoer has a moment of power to hurt, but the God who is fundamentally strong will have the final say. Hope animates groans within ourselves that everything will someday be renewed, (Rom. 8:23). Alongside the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. We will be delivered form all sin and misery. Every tear will be wipe away when evil is no more, (Rev.20).

43 Conclusion Why divorce hurts so much

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