Presentation on theme: "Impossible? I’m Possible. CONTENT Resilience Wheel of Life- where am I now? What am I motivated by? 6 core needs Decisions and destiny Emotions – patterns."— Presentation transcript:
Impossible? I’m Possible
CONTENT Resilience Wheel of Life- where am I now? What am I motivated by? 6 core needs Decisions and destiny Emotions – patterns of feeling What do we fear? Tap into your awareness Mindfulness The benefits of relaxation techniques Still quiet place within A laugh is a smile that bursts
So much time and energy each and every day is taken up with being someone and something for everyone else except yourself. There are ties that bind physically and mentally. Commitments need to be met daily to family, friends or in the capacity of your paid or volunteering work. These few hours are just for you to explore "what else". This is an opportunity to open up your mind and start to tap into your potential. True Colours Thanks to Cyndi Lauper You with the sad eyes Don't be discouraged Oh I realize It’s hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all And the darkness inside you Can make you feel so small But I see your true colours Shining through I see your true colours And that's why I love you So don't be afraid to let them show Your true colours True colours are beautiful, Like a rainbow Show me a smile then, Don't be unhappy, can't remember When I last saw you laughing If this world makes you crazy And you've taken all you can bear You call me up Because you know I'll be there And I'll see your true colours Shining through I see your true colours And that's why I love you So don't be afraid to let them show Your true colours True colours are beautiful, Like a rainbow
R ESILIENCE MEANS ADAPTING Resilience is the ability to roll with the punches. When stress, adversity or trauma strikes, you still experience anger, grief and pain, but you're able to keep functioning — both physically and psychologically. Resilience isn't about toughing it out, being stoic or going it alone. In fact, being able to reach out to others for support is a key component of being resilient. Resilience offers protection from various mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety. Resilience can also help offset factors that increase the risk of mental health conditions, such as lack of social support, being bullied or previous trauma. If you have an existing mental health condition, being resilient can improve your ability to cope.
R ESILIENCE : B UILD SKILLS TO ENDURE HARDSHIP Resilience means being able to adapt to life's misfortunes and setbacks. Test your resilience level and get tips to build your own resilience. When something goes wrong, do you tend to bounce back or fall apart? When you have resilience, you harness inner strength that helps you rebound from a setback or challenge, such as a job loss, an illness, a disaster or the death of a loved one. If you lack resilience, you might dwell on problems, feel victimized, become overwhelmed or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse. Resilience won't make your problems go away — but resilience can give you the ability to see past them, find enjoyment in life and better handle stress. If you aren't as resilient as you'd like to be, you can develop skills to become more resilient.
T IPS TO IMPROVE YOUR RESILIENCE Get connected. Building strong, positive relationships with loved ones and friends can provide you with needed support and acceptance in both good times and bad. Establish other important connections by doing volunteer work, getting involved in your community, or joining a faith or spiritual community. Make every day meaningful. Do something that gives you a sense of accomplishment and purpose every day. Set goals to help you look toward the future with meaning. Learn from experience. Think back on how you've coped with hardships in the past. Consider the skills and strategies that helped you through rough times. You might even write about past experiences in a journal to help you identify both positive and negative behaviour patterns — and guide your behaviour in the future.
Remain hopeful. You can't change what's happened in the past, but you can always look toward the future. Accepting and even anticipating change makes it easier to adapt and view new challenges with less anxiety. Take care of yourself. Tend to your own needs and feelings, both physically and emotionally. Participate in activities and hobbies you enjoy. Include physical activity in your daily routine. Get plenty of sleep. Eat a healthy diet. To restore an inner sense of peace or calm, practice stress management and relaxation techniques, such as yoga, meditation, guided imagery, deep breathing or prayer. Be proactive. Don't ignore your problems or try to wish them away. Instead, figure out what needs to be done, make a plan and take action. Although it can take time to recover from a major setback, traumatic event or loss, know that your situation can improve if you actively work at it.
W HEEL OF L IFE Values: How clear are you on your values? Do you feel motivated to perform well? Worthwhile and important? Purpose: Do you feel you have Purpose in your life? That you fit in and “make a difference”? Goals: Do you have clear goals? Do you know how you’re doing, what you’re doing well and how you need to improve? Talents: Do you feel competent and confident? That your talents are being fully utilised? Control: Do you feel a sense of control over what you do? Do you have freedom to make choices and take responsibility in the way you need? Do you have the resources you need to do well? Belonging: Do you feel a sense of belonging? Do you like the people you work with and / or mix with? Recognition: Do you feel appreciated? Are your opinions sought and listened to as you would like? Growth: Do you have the opportunity to grow – to flourish? Are you being stretched and challenged enough?
H OW T O U SE T HE W HEEL Give each part a rating out of ten. A score of ten would mean you’re fulfilled and fully satisfied; 5 would mean there’s a significant amount missing, score one and that’s an area you are totally unhappy about. Put a mark on the relevant spoke of the wheel for your score in each part. Take at least half an hour over your Wheel, giving yourself time to evaluate each area thoroughly. Be scrupulously honest. When you are finished, join the lines together. Is your wheel smooth but small, or big in some places but small in others? Some areas score highly, others less well. Now decide what this means for you, and what you’d like to do about it. What areas are most important to you? Decide what actions you could take to achieve higher scores in these areas. Decide what areas you can and will tackle. What actions will you take, and what timescale will you complete those actions in? Are there any areas that you feel you can’t tackle? Is it time to do some reassessment? When will that time be?
W HAT ARE YOU MOTIVATED BY ? Certainty Variety Certainty Variety Significance Connection Significance Connection Growth Contribution Growth Contribution These 6 needs are not just desires or wants, but profound needs which serve as the basis of every choice we make
W E ARE ALL DRIVEN BY THE NEED TO FULFIL SIX HUMAN NEEDS 1. Certainty This is the need for security, comfort and consistency 2. Uncertainty This is the need for variety, challenges and change - ‘spice in life’ 3. Significance The need to feel important, needed, wanted and worthy of love 4. Love and Connection The need for feeling connected with and loved by other human beings 5. Growth The need for constant development emotionally, intellectually and spiritually 6. Contribution Giving beyond ourselves and giving to others.
C ORE N EEDS : K EY Q UESTIONS Ask yourself: On a scale of 0 to 10 how much of each of the 6 needs is fulfilled for you in a given context: business, family, relationship? Are all your needs met at a 7 or higher or do you have to go somewhere else to have your needs met? If your needs are fulfilled at a 7 or higher on a scale of 0 to 10 you are motivated and passionate about what you do. If you find you are at a 6 or lower in any of your needs, identify and take steps to allow you to feel more fulfilled. Ask yourself: In a given context, what do you need to do in order to feel more : certainty, variety, significance, love & connection, growth, contribution?
D ECISIONS AND DESTINY There are two forces that control our decisions, that influence every decision we make: Our Emotional State Ultimately, we want feelings of empowerment, like confidence, certainty or adeptness, that will positively impact the quality of our decisions most of the time. Few people are in empowered states all of the time. But even "negative" states of emotion—frustration, anger, envy—can sometimes be useful to propel us to make changes. Being conscious of our moment-to-moment emotional state gives us better control over how we feel, hence control over the quality of decisions we end up making. Our model of the World – our personal map A specific set of beliefs about how we're supposed to be, how life's supposed to be or how other people are supposed to treat us, which determines what we're even willing to consider doing or not doing. In short, our Map will have a massive impact on the decisions we make both in the short term and in the long term because it colors how we look at our lives We experience happiness whenever our Life Conditions (what is actually happening with our career, body, relationships or finances for example) align with our Map or Model of the World. Since there is no gap between our expectations and reality in this area, we are happy. But if there is an area of life that is causing you pain, it's because your Life Conditions do not match your Map.
DECISIONS & DESTINY: THREE CHOICES FIRST CHOICE: BLAME The first choice people have is to assign blame, and there are three things you can blame: Event. There's a story, something that happened, behind why things are the way they are. However accurate the story may be, blaming an event is convenient because it helps preserve an identity designed to shield us from our true fears: fear of failure and fear of not being loved or accepted. Others. "I'm in this situation because this person..." Similarly, the story may be true, but it's convenient and gives you comfort in the moment. "There's nothing wrong with me. It's this other person. There's nothing I need to change." Yourself. Most people think that this is being responsible, but blaming yourself will not make it better. There's a difference between responsibility and beating yourself up—between "Here's a pattern that I've got to change"and "I'm not good enough." Blame is a choice that doesn't give you anything.
SECOND CHOICE: CHANGE YOUR LIFE CONDITIONS Take a new action, something that will help you make significant progress. If you want to have happiness, you have to understand one thing: progress = happiness. If you feel like you're making progress in an area of your life, you will start to be pleased in that area. You start to get more focused and specific about what you want to change, and you build momentum toward the results you want. If, for example, you want to open your own business, find an achiever to mentor you. Get focused on why you want to make the change and commit to something new in your life.
THIRD CHOICE: CHANGE YOUR MAP Sometimes things are outside of your control, but you CAN control how you configure your rules about how things should be. Your happiness is going to be limited if you want success but aren't willing to ever be judged or want love but distrust the opposite sex. Sometimes adjusting your Map means compromising some of your rules that are difficult for you and others to live up to or are simply impossible to fulfill. When it comes to the three choices you face on how to handle a problem, the first choice isn't really a choice at all. Blame leaves you stuck, spinning your wheels with no options to change as you tell yourself, "There's nothing I can do about it because..." We all use blame at times, but the quicker you can get out of it, the faster you'll be empowered to either change your life conditioning or change your perspective, both of which are real, tangible options that can instantly transform a relationship, your career, your finances or your life.
E MOTIONS : P ATTERNS OF F EELING P ATTERNS OF C HOICE THE THREE PATTERNS THAT CREATE ANY EMOTION 1 Your Physiology Emotion is created by motion. Whatever you're feeling right now is related to how you're using your body. 2 Your Focus and Beliefs Whatever you focus on is what you're going to feel whether it is true or not. 3 Your Language Questions: Thinking is nothing more than mentally asking and answering a series of questions. Eliminate any habitual questions that do not serve you (e.g., "What's wrong with me?'). Words : If you want to change your life, pay attention to the words you repeat to yourself. Certain words can change the way you feel: I think you're mistaken vs. I think you're wrong vs. I think you're lying.
E MOTIONS There is a clear link between the emotional states we choose to experience on a consistent basis and the quality of our lives. The key distinction here is to appreciate that emotions are not random feelings that happen by chance... emotions are things we do. We do happiness We do sadness We do depression We do anger There are over 3,000 emotions and we choose which ones we will do depending on which needs we want to meet and our habitual choices.
THERE IS ENORMOUS POWER IN EMOTION The foundation of happiness, joy, love, passion and fulfillment comes from our willingness to choose our emotions with volition. Experiencing any emotion is our first choice. Our second choice is to decide to revisit that emotion... if it is resourceful and sustainable. It's about being willing to develop the emotional muscles that will assist us in creating our ideal life.
W HAT DO WE FEAR ? Our fears are always the same, they are universal: Fear of not being loved Fear of not being good enough and Fear of not belonging. These constant fears are what keep us playing it safe. They keep us from shining, stepping up, taking risks, experimenting, making mistakes…… living. On some level, your dance with your greatest fears has given you a "payoff" or a benefit. It might have kept you safe from hurt, or from rejection, from failure. Whatever its benefit, this is the reason you let the fear run your life, instead of you running it.
W HATEVER CATEGORY OF FEAR WE BELIEVE WE ARE EXPERIENCING, AT ITS CORE WILL BE AN EMOTIONAL STATE Ultimately, whatever state we fear feeling is going to fall into the categories of not belonging, not being loved or not being good enough. For example, if you fear public speaking it may be because you don't want to make a fool of yourself or appear silly, which is a state. You might not want to feel silly because then you would fear being rejected by the group... or not belonging. You may fear losing a relationship because you don't want to be alone, because if you were alone then you would fear you weren't lovable. You may fear change because you fear not being able to handle it when it comes. Your fear is that you won't be good enough. You may even fear change because you might fail at whatever it takes to manage the change, which would mean you would fear being judged... which would mean you would fear not belonging, not being loved and not being good enough. No wonder people find change hard to deal with.
T HE TYPES OF FEAR WE EXPERIENCE CAN BE FURTHER BROKEN DOWN INTO 3 LEVELS The first level is the fears of what is going to happen, for example, old age. Level 1 Fears o Death o Accidents o Being alone o Losing financial security Losing a loved one o Illness o Children leaving us The second types of fear are those that require action, such as making a decision. Level 2 Fears o Making friends o Asserting ourselves o Driving Ending a relationship Beginning a relationship Losing weight o Public speaking o Intimacy The third types of fear are those that involve inner states of mind. They are a reflecting of our perception of our ability to manage the world. Level 3 Fears o Rejection o Success o Failure o Being vulnerable o Being powerless o Disapproval o Being judged o Losing our image or being "exposed"
T AP I NTO Y OUR A WARENESS What are you doing with your body? What are you focusing on or believing? What are you saying to yourself? Get into the habit of conditioning yourself to experience the great emotions you want. SOME SIMPLE POSTIVE THOUGHTS Every day and in every way, I'm getting stronger and stronger. At last, at last, the past is past; I've broken free and won. And now it's time to love myself and really have some fun.
MINDFULNESS There’s so much to see if only we took the time to notice what actually is instead of how we think things are. Resolve to set aside some time everyday to just be: whether that’s sitting in silence in order to become aware of your thoughts and breathing, or taking a slow walk in nature and really tuning into the sights and sounds around you: the leaves on the trees, the clouds in the sky, the birds and the insects. Do less - Some people wear their busyness like a badge of honour. The solution is to shrink your to-do list. And yes, you can say no to things. It’s simply a matter of prioritising what’s important and letting go of what’s not.
D O ONE THING AT A TIME If you’re one of those people who tries to accomplish a lot of things at once, join the club. Life is busy and as a result many of us are rushed off our feet to get everything done that we need to. Mindfulness though is the opposite of multitasking because it means being focused on just one thing in the moment. So the next time you’re tempted to check s while talking on the phone while drinking your coffee, stop, breathe and resolve to single task instead. Zen proverb that encapsulates this way of being: “When walking, walk. When eating, eat.”
D ON ’ T STRESS When we’re present in the moment we can’t help but let go of our worries about the future and our regrets about the past. You can even practice mindfulness while you wait, a time when it’s especially tempting to occupy yourself doing something else. In our fast- paced lives, waiting is a big source of frustration. But while it might seem like a nuisance, waiting actually represents a great opportunity. So the next time you find yourself in a long line or at the bus stop, bring your attention to the breath. Focus on the flow of the breath in and out of the body, from moment to moment and allow everything else to just be including your feelings of impatience and irritation.
J UST BREATHE ! Bringing your attention to your breath – Is a simple and effective way to address tension and re- centre yourself in a hectic day. Just taking a few slow breaths and noticing the flow of the breath in and out can bring a sense of calm and focus. It can also help you notice your feelings and avoid responding in a reactive way The breath is always present – it’s in the here and now – whereas often our mind is elsewhere. There’s also a connection between our breathing – its rate and depth – and how quickly we think. For example, you breathe faster in a panic state than when you’re feeling calm. So the settling of the breath can help settle the mind.
B REATHING CAN TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE If you feel stressed out and overwhelmed, breathe. It will calm you and release the tensions. If you are worried about something coming up, or caught up in something that already happened, breathe. It will bring you back to the present. If you are discouraged and have forgotten your purpose in life, breathe. It will remind you about how precious life is, and that each breath in this life is a gift you need to appreciate. Make the most of this gift. If you have too many tasks to do, or are scattered during your workday, breathe. It will help bring you into focus, to concentrate on the most important task you need to be focusing on right now. If you are spending time with someone you love, breathe. It will allow you to be present with that person, rather than thinking about work or other things you need to do. If you are exercising, breathe. It will help you enjoy the exercise, and therefore stick with it for longer. If you are moving too fast, breathe. It will remind you to slow down, and enjoy life more. So breathe. And enjoy each moment of this life. They’re too fleeting and few to waste.
T HE B ENEFITS OF R ELAXATION T ECHNIQUES Relaxation isn't just about peace of mind or enjoying a hobby. Relaxation is a process that decreases the effects of stress on your mind and body. Relaxation techniques can help you cope with everyday stress and with stress related to various health issues. Whether your stress is spiraling out of control or you've already got it tamed, you can benefit from learning relaxation techniques. Learning basic relaxation techniques is easy. Relaxation techniques can be done just about anywhere. Explore these simple relaxation techniques and get started on developing your life and improving your health. Practicing relaxation techniques reduces stress symptoms by: Slowing your heart rate Lowering blood pressure Slowing your breathing rate Increasing blood flow to major muscles Reducing muscle tension and chronic pain Improving concentration Reducing anger and frustration Boosting confidence to handle problems
A RELAXATION EXERCISE
S TILL QUIET PLACE WITHIN “ Pay attention in the here in now … to our experience… with kindness and curiosity … so that we can choose our behaviour.
PEACE PPause Simply being aware that something is difficult and pausing. EExhale. After you exhale, inhale, exhale and inhale … for as long as you need to. AAcknowledge/Accept/Allow Things are difficult. You feel what you feel. Life is what it is but this doesn’t mean you have to like it. CChoose What do you want to do next? At its best, choosing involves clarity, courage, creativity and maybe even comedy. EEngage again in the situation but take your time if you need to.
I T TAKES A LOT OF WORK FROM THE FACE TO LET OUT A SMILE, BUT JUST THINK WHAT GOOD SMILING CAN BRING TO THE MOST IMPORTANT MUSCLE OF THE BODY... THE HEART.
If you don't have a smile, I'll give you one of mine. Smiling is infectious. You can catch it like the flu. Someone smiled at me today, And I started smiling too. A laugh is a smile that bursts. Smile - sunshine is good for your teeth. A smile is like tight underwear - it makes your cheeks go up. Is a smile a question? Or is it the answer?
Everyone smiles in the same language. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. Smile. Have you ever noticed how easily puppies make human friends? Yet all they do is wag their tails and fall over. The world always looks brighter from behind a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
PO Box 180, Tyabb 3913 P: ; A SMILE IS THE LIGHT IN THE WINDOW OF YOUR FACE THAT TELLS PEOPLE YOU ' RE AT HOME