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Healing for the Attachment Challenged, Angry and Defiant Child

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1 Healing for the Attachment Challenged, Angry and Defiant Child
Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Dr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Presentation Title 1 1 Healing for the Attachment Challenged, Angry and Defiant Child Bryan Post Name Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name Saturday, April 15, 2017 Welcome to creating healing for the attachment challenged, angry and defiant child. It’s quite a title. Wouldn’t you agree? Let me explain that title. Children typically with a lot of troublesome behaviors typically with trauma histories, foster care children, children in foster care, adopted children, biological children who come from difficult situations; it is common for them to be labeled reactive attachment disorder or attachment disordered. And I am not a huge proponent of diagnostic labels because actually I feel that a diagnostic label is too simple. I believe that it encompasses a child only in a certain amount of behavior and it doesn’t allow us to see the child for who the child really is, which is more than just those behaviors. It doesn’t allow us to see the child from a historical perspective. It doesn’t allow us to see the child from all the experiences that they’ve had, so what we typically do when we label children is then we put them very simply in a box of symptoms and a box of behaviors. And from that place we treat them and then when that treatment is no longer working then we medicate them. So, I’m typically not one to discount simple things. Actually, I’m very much into simple things. But when they are simple things that become limiting, then I see that as an issue. Rather than simple things that we can use and implement and apply, they’re very complex things.

2 3 Pathways of Emotional Expression
Attitudes Feelings Behaviors Trauma Triangle Anger Depression ©2009 B. Bryan Post

3 Critical areas of the brain for love and attachment
Dr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Critical areas of the brain for love and attachment Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title 3 Hypothalamus (Oxytocin Response) Hippocampus (Short-term Memory) Orbitofrontal Cortex (Social/Emotional Control Center) Pituitary Gland Amygdala Brain Stem (Fight, Flight, or Freeze) Name Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name (Lower Limbic/Reptilian) So some important areas of the brain. We’ve already touched on the amygdala first. The amygdala is the center of your brain. It is not at the center. It’s at the base of your brain. It sits right above the brain stem. It’s considered part of your reptilian brain. It sits in your right hemisphere of your brain. Meaning, it controls your right hemisphere, which is your emotional hemisphere. Your amygdala is your fear receptor in your brain. It senses threat in the environment. As soon as the amygdala senses a threat it just goes boom stress, boom fear. That’s all it does. It doesn’t think. It’s all emotional. React, react, react. Fight, fight or freeze. Your amygdala has neuro circuitry, which runs all the way down the spinal cord to the intestines. Very important because your amygdala, part of your primal brain is a part of your reactive brain, and in times of high stress, the high stress overwhelms the thinking parts of your brain, which are the hippocampus and the orbital frontal cortex, and I’ll talk just about those in just a minute. It overwhelms the part that allows you to think in the midst of stress. It goes directly to the gut and causes a gut reaction, a gut feeling, butterflies, intuition, irritable bowel syndrome. No conscious cognitive thought. It just goes right to the gut and that’s that feeling when you go, “I just don’t have a very good feeling about him.” Or that room, “I just don’t like that room.” You don’t know what it is, but you just know you don’t like it. Or you have a stomachache. Oh my stomach hurts and all is you’re doing is focus on the pain because it’s all emotional in that moment. Oh my stomach. But in a very short period of time the thinking parts of your brain pick up. The hippocampus is short-term memory. It goes from being overwhelmed to start to trying to pick up a little bit to help you remember that all is you’ve had for breakfast were six Crispy Creams and a half a pot of coffee. That’s why your stomach’s aching. And isn’t it as soon as you make the connection, your stomach aches a little less because then you can breathe. Your orbital frontal cortex and your hippocampus are directly connected. They help you to calm down those outpourings of the amygdala. They help you to think clearly in the midst of stress so you can start to calm down and see clearly. Your orbital frontal cortex is your emotional control center in your brain. It’s called your executive control center for all your social and emotional relationships. It helps you negotiate the environment, negotiate relationships. It’s reading the environment, reading the environment. It helps you read facial expressions and body language and gestures and tone of voice. Your orbital frontal cortex allows you to do that, but it sits in your right hemisphere too. However, your orbital frontal cortex and your hippocampus control your left hemisphere, which is your thinking hemisphere. Very important because it goes back to that statement, stress causes confused and distorted thinking, because stress starts in your amygdala and in your gut, overwhelms the hippocampus and orbital frontal cortex because your amygdala controls that right hemisphere, and in that right hemisphere where does little areas sit, which controls your left hemisphere, because they are overwhelmed, they now communicate confused and distorted thinking and suppresses short-term memory. Do you see that? I doesn’t get too complicated in it, does it? It’s kind of simple. But I don’t want to make the brain just a some simplistic organ because there are billions of aspects to the brain, billions of chemicals, dendritic connections, billions. When one part of the brain becomes activated, the whole brain, the whole body becomes activated. What I want to do is just give you some primary areas, some areas that we know are connected to stress and social and emotional relationships. These are some specific areas, but the whole brain becomes activated. Your adrenal glands that create adrenalin, which is another primary stress hormone, which sits right above your kidneys in your gut area, so it’s just very important to consider when looking at children, considering children. Bruce Perry says that if you work with children and you don’t have a generalist understanding of the brain, you’re missing out on the whole spectrum of dynamics. And I probably said his name now about four times. As you can see, I enjoy and respect his work. You can learn more about Dr. Perry’s work by visiting childtraumaacademy.org. Lots of good stuff. Neural Circuitry Adrenal Glands Spinal Cord 3

4 Understanding Oxytocin
Best available layperson reference on oxytocin is The Chemistry of Connection by Susan Kuchinskas (*special offer to follow later!) Oxytocin is known as the anti-stress hormone Swedish Scientist Kerstin Moberg, MD, author of The Oxytocin Factor, dubbed oxytocin the “calm and connection system” The Oxytocin Response is use-dependent It is essential to the development of effective self-regulation Tremendous oxytocin release occurs during orgasm which presents its own challenges to sexual acting out. Science is just now beginning to discover all of the implications for this hormone as it relates to human relationships

5 And More… How to Trigger it…
In The Chemistry of Connection Susan Kuchinskas offers a very simple checklist of activities for triggering oxytocin: Offer a sweet kiss Share a warm hug Cuddle Make Love Have an orgasm Sing in a choir Give someone a neck rub Hold a baby Stroke a dog or cat Perform a generous act Prayer Root for your team (Kuchinskas 2009) And More… Make eye contact Breathe Practice Mindfulness Listen without judgment Positive touch Proximity Play-Wrestle-Laugh-Dance Think loving thoughts Smile

6 The Relationship Factor TM

7 The Stress Model Behavior Love Emotions Fear Stress
Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title The Stress Model It is through the expression, processing, and understanding of the Fear that we calm the stress and diminish the behavior. Behavior Love Emotions Fear Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name Chapter 2. A Theory for Life The Stress Model is the groundbreaking theory that has been applied to countless cases for astounding and rapid healing. This simple formula is routinely applied to the most complex cases and situations for new insight and understanding. The Stress Model contends: All behavior arises from stress, and between the behavior and the stress lie our two primary emotions - Love and Fear. It is through understanding our own emotional experience and that of others that we can calm the stress, which will result in diminishing or eliminating the behavior. The Stress Model, for all of its theoretical formulations, applications, and underpinnings, is merely a model of compassion and understanding. The second of these two elements is of even greater importance than the first, because it is in our understanding of ourselves and others that compassion is bred. I will speak first about understanding because without understanding, nothing else matters, nor will it work. Oftentimes I refer to the Stress Model as a concept of the new paradigm of mental health and medical practice - the paradigm which says the whole and the part are equally important and interchangeable. In this manner, the Stress Model is not an exclusive model that points to this way as opposed to that way, but rather as a perspective of understanding that in and of itself transforms the path upon which we travel. In an effort to not be too abstract and poetic, I will set forth that the Stress Model incorporates a number of theoretical mental health approaches as well as different fields of study. Of these mental health theories I have incorporated Stress Triggering Sensory Event

8 Two important terms – Regulation & Dysregulation
Dr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Two important terms – Regulation & Dysregulation Presentation Title 8 8 Regulation: Dysregulation: The ability to experience and maintain stress within ones window of tolerance. Generally referred to as being calm, focused, or relaxed. This term is utilized by literally every scientific discipline. Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name Name Saturday, April 15, 2017 Two important terms for the day–regulation and dysregulation. Both of these terms I became familiar with through the work of Allan Shore, who is a neuroscientist at UCLA, has done a tremendous amount of work on taking and expanding John Bowlby’s attachment theory. John Bowlby was considered the father of attachment. Allan Shore is considered the American John Bowlby because he has taken all of Bowlby’s work and just methodically helped us to really explore and understand what attachment is by using these two concepts–one is regulation, which is the ability to experience and maintain stress within a window of tolerance. We all have a window of tolerance for how much stress we can handle and that can vary depending on the situation. Just like with music. You can turn the music up to a level and you can handle it. It goes a couple of notches higher and you start to get a little more agitated. It gets too high and then you want it to be shut down. But regulation is considered to be a concept that is used by literally every scientific discipline, because that same music, if you turn it on a five, it’s in a regulated state so it’s very clear. But when you turn it up to ten, it becomes distorted, which is a reflection of dysregulation. Dysregulation is when the experience of stress goes outside of your window of tolerance. When you’re regulated, it’s considered being calm, being in an optimal state. When you’re dysregulated, it’s considered as being stressed out in a state of distress. Dysregulation, that state of distress, has now seems to be a fundamental mechanism of all psychiatric disorders. That’s a huge statement. It’s huge. It now seems to be a fundamental mechanism of all psychiatric disorders, and if that term dysregulation takes you out of the statement, just put being stressed out. Being stressed out has now seems to be a fundamental mechanism of all psychiatric disorders. And if being stressed out has now seem to be a fundamental mechanism of all psychiatric disorders, then what would our next logical step be to help alleviate psychiatric disorders. Reduce stress, reduce stress. It always seems logical. But when we become stressed out, we don’t always see the logical things. So you got regulation and dysregulation. The experience of stress outside of ones window of tolerance. Generally referred to as being stressed out, or in a state of distress. It is believed that affect dysregulation is a fundamental mechanism involved in all psychiatric disorders (Taylor et al, 1997.) 8

9 Dr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title
Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Trauma and Memory 9 “If all we do is focus and become consumed with diminishing, reducing, changing, controlling, suppressing the behavior what we’re going to be doing is ignoring everything underneath of it.” Bryan Post Name Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name 9

10 Traumatic Events Common with Regulatory Difficulties
Dr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Traumatic Events Common with Regulatory Difficulties 10 Abuse Neglect Adoption and Foster Care Frequent Moves Chronic Pain Emotional Absence Parental Depression Needs Left Unmet What Do These Things Have In Common? They All Occur in the Context of Human Relationships!!! Name Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name These are all traumatic events common with regulatory difficulties. What’s important about these is that these are traumatic events that have occurred. And again just an example, they’re just examples, but these are traumatic events common with regulatory difficulties. Meaning, once these events have occurred, they impact the regulatory system. They impact their regulatory system. So I’d like to say you can take a child out of trauma but you can’t take trauma out of a child. You can take child out of trauma but you can’t take trauma out of a child. You have to help that child be able to integrate that traumatic experience, which means help the child see how that experience plays out in their relationships everyday. Help that child to see how they become fearful in those relationships, connect it to those past experiences that they’ve had, so you help them to integrate it, but you can’t take trauma out of a child. You help them to integrate it, so we have abuse, physical and sexual abuse. We know those occurred but do you realize that a single incident of abuse is enough to damage the brain, one incident. It doesn’t have to be multiple. One incident of abuse is enough to damage the brain. 10

11 The four levels of memory
Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Dr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title The four levels of memory 11 Cognitive Emotional Motor State Name Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name So there are four levels of memory when we speak about what’s underneath the surface, and these four levels of memory, which we all have, there’s cognitive, emotional, motor, and state. If you think about it, I like to use the analogy of a filling cabinet. 11

12 State level of memory, cont.
Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Dr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title State level of memory, cont. 12 Your earliest memory to develop Associated with your personality traits Where you store your personality Highly unconscious Typically your childhood Cognitive Emotional Motor Name Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name You’re feeling irritable, more aroused, and then it changes your thinking. What was once not threatening becomes very threatening. Depending on how significant that trauma was is going to be dependent on how big that state level becomes and how much it activates you and how much it takes over who and where you are. Trauma is Buried at the State Level, which directs all other responses! State State 12

13 Dr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title
Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Bryan Post's 16 Week A to Z Blueprint CourseDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Techniques for addressing challenging behaviors in attachment challenged children 13 13 “Any therapy or technique that is confrontational, aggressive, threatening blaming or fear based will ultimately not be effective for creating healing environments for attachment challenged Children.” Bryan Post Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name Name Name The only time we see things as abnormal is when they stand outside of our own perceptual understanding. Meaning, the only time we see things abnormal, even if all of the behaviors were about to go over, the only time we look at them abnormal is when it falls outside of our understanding, is when we don’t understand it. We only perceive things as abnormal that we don’t understand because the moment we understand them, they simply become what they are, and that’s OK with us. But when you don’t understand it, you say, “Oh that’s weird or that’s crazy, or why is that kid banging his head or why is he always steeling his grandma’s undergarments.” That’s strange behavior. But if you understand that behavior, if you understand the roots of that behavior, then you know it’s not strange. There’s something connected. There’s some story. There’s some message there for that child. 13

14 Principles of Family-Centered Regulatory Therapy
Stress Impacts all members of the family. Parents establish the foundation of the family Treatment impacting a child is initiated within the family unit, beginning with the parents. The therapeutic environment is the primary catalyst to healing. Assessment incorporates generational family dynamic.

15 Principles of Family-Centered Regulatory Therapy cont.
Diagnosis does not dictate treatment focus, outcome, or prognosis. The therapist’s “state” creates the foundation for trust and emotional security. Parental regulation is the single greatest factor in the maintenance and on-going regulation of children. Family behaviors and psychic dynamics are rooted in stress both past and present. Validating the emotional belief of the client is more important than establishing therapist’s belief.

16 Principles of Family-Centered Regulatory Therapy cont.
The primary motive of healing is reflected in the ups and downs of behavior change but not determined by it. The Family-Centered Therapist serves as guide, support, secure base (Bowlby, 1969), and advocate. Examining and encountering Fear-based emotional states is both necessary and preferable. Focus on Integration over resolution

17 Principles of Family-Centered Regulatory Therapy cont.
Families are innately equipped to create and perform their own healing rituals. The Family-Centered Regulatory therapist strives to be mindful of their own “family-based states” which may create impediments to to the families process.

18 16 Reasons You Should Join the POST Inner Circle Today!
The first 20 people to join Bryan Post’s Inner Circle today will receive the 16 Week A to Z Family Centered Blueprint Webinar Course ($997 value program created for parents and professionals) Course Includes: Introduction to Attachment and Beyond The Psychology of Regulation The Impact of Stress on Development and the Brain Understanding Trauma and Memory Diagnosis Medication Family Centered Regulatory Therapy part 1 and 2 Ethics of Touch in Psychotherapy Family Centered Regulatory Parenting part 1 and 2 Dealing with Challenging Behaviors Regulation in the Classroom The A to Z Review Everything Bryan Post from 10 years of research, clinical experience, and life’s journey Sign up for only $2.95 ; after the first 30 days monthly membership is $29.95 Cancel at any time. To Sign Up Complete the Yellow Form or Go to :

19 Exploring the Parenting Continuum
Death Penalty Perfect Love RESPONSIBILITY REACTIVITY <100+> <-100> LOVE FEAR Time-In Containment Guidance Understanding Emotional Processing Breathing Patience Affection Discipline Time-Out Isolation Spanking Consequences Behavior Modification Yelling Physical Tactics Medication rather than modification

20 There are negative and positive feedback loops
Dr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title There are negative and positive feedback loops Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title 20 Negative Neurophysiologic Feedback Loop Teacher/Parent Child FEAR Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name Name Feedback loops have the ability to embrace the whole room. If Sherry and I start having an argument right now, what all you start doing? Feeling uncomfortable, because a feedback loop is occurring. We all have the ability to add to it or to change it. So if Sherry says something to me and just like the trash example, if Sherry says Brian take out the trash and I say no, I just created a negative feedback loop because there are negative feedback loops and positive feedback loops. Now Sherry says I said take out the trash just like I did earlier with Derricka, she just expands the feedback loop because she’s got the ability to add to it or change it. If I continue saying no, she continues saying yes, then the feedback loop continues to get bigger and bigger and bigger, and it creates fear and you felt this before haven’t you. When maybe you’ve been gone for awhile and you come home and all of a sudden you go, “What’s going on?” You had that experience? That’s a feedback loop. You enter into a feedback loop. Two people are seating there and arguing and you walk pass and you’re looking at them. And then when you get past them you turn around and you watch for a minute, before you keep going. It’s a feedback loop. A negative feedback loop pulls you in. There are parenting tools and techniques that we have been instructed to use, traditional parenting tools and techniques that we have been instructed to use that actually create negative feedback loops. And if we create a negative feedback loop then the behavior is going to continue. It might change but then it will become something different. So let’s look at some of those. 20

21 Exploring the Hidden Communication
Positive Neurophysiologic Feedback Loop H Love!!! Teacher/Parent Child B, D, F, H G A, C, E, G F E D C B A

22 Common Behavior or Symptom of Dysregulation?
Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Common Behavior or Symptom of Dysregulation? Lying Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name Lying is a common behavior in children who have experienced trauma. The common view that children lie to control and manipulative others is contraindicated. Rather, children lie for one very important reason: They are fearful for their lives! Remember the finding regarding the nervous system and belief system from the state level of consciousness. In this finding, children have been traumatized at their state level. At this level, only fear exists.   When threatened, the child’s immediate response will be to protect himself from the potential threat. Irrational, yes, but perceived reality none the less. For a child with an early trauma history, lying is a life or death event. Keys to effectively assisting a child in overcoming Lying behavior: Ignore the Lie, but don’t ignore the child. Upon hearing the lie, immediately go to your child and hug him and tell him everything is going to be okay. Leave the lie alone. Do not even attempt to rationalize it with your child - this will only induce more threat. Following a significant period of time (1 to 2 hours), go to your child and, without mentioning the lie itself, state how much it hurts you when your child lies to you. Reinforce to him how much you need him to trust that you will not hurt him and can take care of him, especially when he is frightened.

23 Common Behavior or Symptom of Dysregulation?
Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Common Behavior or Symptom of Dysregulation? Stealing Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name Lying is a common behavior in children who have experienced trauma. The common view that children lie to control and manipulative others is contraindicated. Rather, children lie for one very important reason: They are fearful for their lives! Remember the finding regarding the nervous system and belief system from the state level of consciousness. In this finding, children have been traumatized at their state level. At this level, only fear exists.   When threatened, the child’s immediate response will be to protect himself from the potential threat. Irrational, yes, but perceived reality none the less. For a child with an early trauma history, lying is a life or death event. Keys to effectively assisting a child in overcoming Lying behavior: Ignore the Lie, but don’t ignore the child. Upon hearing the lie, immediately go to your child and hug him and tell him everything is going to be okay. Leave the lie alone. Do not even attempt to rationalize it with your child - this will only induce more threat. Following a significant period of time (1 to 2 hours), go to your child and, without mentioning the lie itself, state how much it hurts you when your child lies to you. Reinforce to him how much you need him to trust that you will not hurt him and can take care of him, especially when he is frightened.

24 Common Behavior or Symptom of Dysregulation?
Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Common Behavior or Symptom of Dysregulation? Defiance Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name Lying is a common behavior in children who have experienced trauma. The common view that children lie to control and manipulative others is contraindicated. Rather, children lie for one very important reason: They are fearful for their lives! Remember the finding regarding the nervous system and belief system from the state level of consciousness. In this finding, children have been traumatized at their state level. At this level, only fear exists.   When threatened, the child’s immediate response will be to protect himself from the potential threat. Irrational, yes, but perceived reality none the less. For a child with an early trauma history, lying is a life or death event. Keys to effectively assisting a child in overcoming Lying behavior: Ignore the Lie, but don’t ignore the child. Upon hearing the lie, immediately go to your child and hug him and tell him everything is going to be okay. Leave the lie alone. Do not even attempt to rationalize it with your child - this will only induce more threat. Following a significant period of time (1 to 2 hours), go to your child and, without mentioning the lie itself, state how much it hurts you when your child lies to you. Reinforce to him how much you need him to trust that you will not hurt him and can take care of him, especially when he is frightened.

25 Common Behavior or Symptom of Dysregulation?
Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Common Behavior or Symptom of Dysregulation? Aggression Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name Lying is a common behavior in children who have experienced trauma. The common view that children lie to control and manipulative others is contraindicated. Rather, children lie for one very important reason: They are fearful for their lives! Remember the finding regarding the nervous system and belief system from the state level of consciousness. In this finding, children have been traumatized at their state level. At this level, only fear exists.   When threatened, the child’s immediate response will be to protect himself from the potential threat. Irrational, yes, but perceived reality none the less. For a child with an early trauma history, lying is a life or death event. Keys to effectively assisting a child in overcoming Lying behavior: Ignore the Lie, but don’t ignore the child. Upon hearing the lie, immediately go to your child and hug him and tell him everything is going to be okay. Leave the lie alone. Do not even attempt to rationalize it with your child - this will only induce more threat. Following a significant period of time (1 to 2 hours), go to your child and, without mentioning the lie itself, state how much it hurts you when your child lies to you. Reinforce to him how much you need him to trust that you will not hurt him and can take care of him, especially when he is frightened.

26 Common Behavior or Symptom of Dysregulation?
Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Common Behavior or Symptom of Dysregulation? Learning Difficulties! Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name Lying is a common behavior in children who have experienced trauma. The common view that children lie to control and manipulative others is contraindicated. Rather, children lie for one very important reason: They are fearful for their lives! Remember the finding regarding the nervous system and belief system from the state level of consciousness. In this finding, children have been traumatized at their state level. At this level, only fear exists.   When threatened, the child’s immediate response will be to protect himself from the potential threat. Irrational, yes, but perceived reality none the less. For a child with an early trauma history, lying is a life or death event. Keys to effectively assisting a child in overcoming Lying behavior: Ignore the Lie, but don’t ignore the child. Upon hearing the lie, immediately go to your child and hug him and tell him everything is going to be okay. Leave the lie alone. Do not even attempt to rationalize it with your child - this will only induce more threat. Following a significant period of time (1 to 2 hours), go to your child and, without mentioning the lie itself, state how much it hurts you when your child lies to you. Reinforce to him how much you need him to trust that you will not hurt him and can take care of him, especially when he is frightened.

27 Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr
Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Dr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title – Final thoughts… 27 “If you always do what you’ve always done, you always be where you’ve already been.” Bishop T.D. Jakes Name Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name Bishop T. D. Jakes says, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you always be where you’ve already been.” We continue to do the same thing. We’re always be, we’ve already been, and so I present this information to you today to just give you an opportunity and maybe see that there’s something different out there. And I know some of the stuff I say is radical. It seems way out there. That seems like I’m crazy. Let there be no doubt I am a little crazy. Let’s not even have to question that. We just put it out there and that’s true. I couldn’t do what I do otherwise. Trauma is not something we have to be ashamed of. It’s something we have to learn from, grow from and use to our advantage because there’s never been a truly great and successful person in this world without serious trauma in their history. Oprah Winfrey, George Bush, Bill Clinton, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Mozart, van Gogh, now you talk about crazy. So I know some of it can be a little bit out there, but I want just to ask just to try it on a little bit and give it a chance. Don’t just discount it because it’s not what you’ve always heard. So just give it a chance. 27

28 Finally let us love not in word or speech, but in truth and action
Bryan Post's Creating Healing SeminarDr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Dr. Post's New Family Revolution Workbook Presentation Title Finally let us love not in word or speech, but in truth and action 28 “Focus on healing because healing allows you all the mistakes you need to make. So go out there and give it a shot. Expect to mess up, look at it and try to see the fear, try to see the stress, it’s there.” Bryan Post Name Visit for more resourceshttp://www.postinstitute.comConsultant's Name Finally let us love not in word or speech, but in truth and action. So maybe if we actually stop talking so much, maybe we can find some truth in that and we start looking at where we come from. Allan Shore, who I’ve mentioned, said the core of the self is nonverbal. It’s nonverbal and non-conscious, and it lies in the way we deal with our stress. He says that lies and patterns of affect regulation and what he’s saying it is not what we do. It’s not what we say. It’s how we feel when we’re doing it and saying it. It’s not what we do or say, it’s how we feel when we’re doing it and saying it. If you give this information an opportunity, you give it chance, and you don’t give up on the first time because remember healing expects you to fail, because the only you’re growing is when you’re failing. I expect you to fail. I encourage it. I say go out there and fall flat on your face as fast as you can and then look at what you did and let’s consider how you can do something different. Change is the only thing that says you need to be ashamed of yourself when you act that way. I don’t. Focus on healing because healing allows you all the mistakes you need to make. So go out there and give it a shot. Expect to mess up, look at it and try to see the fear, try to see the stress, it’s there. I promise. It’s in the world. Look in the mirror and see it for yourself. So before we started today I asked you to be open. You’ve all been open. I appreciate your time and your attention. You’re sincerity, your honesty, I appreciate that. I deeply appreciate that. I asked you to apply the information to yourself first. Now we easily forget about that one, but think about it a little bit come back to you and see what does this mean for me. And then finally take three things from the whole day and there’s been a lot. It has been a long day. Take three things from the whole day, three things, and think about those three things. Have those three things by the time you go home, by the time you go to your room, by the time you turn off a television, have those three things and think about those three things, those three things only. So finally may God bless each and every one of you and your families and your homes and your work that you do. Thank you for being here. 28

29 For more information please contact us at…
Post Institute & Associates LLC 2819 Haden Martin Road Palmyra, VA 22963 Office: (434) Toll Free: (866) 848-POST Fax: (434) 29


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