You Can Never Love Too Much! Dr. Jerry Smith Love is a bedrock of emotional intelligence ( Daniel Goleman ) … or practical intelligence. (Robert Sternberg) Love is at the center of how we treat others and how we treat ourselves. We may not always call it love … but it is what motivates us to keep caring, keep pressing onward, and it is something so powerful that it can sustain us when nothing else can or will. And … There is another side of the Report Card!!!
The Family …
Benjamin Hosley Wood
And … Corinne Elizabeth Wood born July 3, 2013! 7
Doesn’t Get Much Better!!!
The Rest of the Family!
The Life of Riley … and Benjamin
In meaningful and sustained learning … The intellect and emotion are inseparable. Brain research … emotions drive attention, learning, memory and other important mental and intellectual activities. (McCombs 2001) … Must address the “head and the heart.”
“The mission of education is to teach students to be both smart and good.” Socrates
“Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.” John Wooden
A Look At EQ/Practical Intelligence Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell Practical Intelligence is knowing what to say to whom, knowing when to say it, and knowing how to say it for maximum effect.
Emotional Intelligence = Practical Intelligence 18 Moreover, it is a great predicator of success in life and at work. Daniel Goleman
Why Emotional Intelligence? 19 “When people feel good, they work at their best” (Goleman, 2005). Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
The Five Elements of Emotional Intelligence Goleman, D. (2005). Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books, NY. Self-Awareness Managing Emotions Motivation Recognizing Emotions in Others Handling Relationships
Rate your Personal Emotional Intelligence in the following areas (on a scale of 1 – 10, with 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest): Self-awareness - _____ Managing emotions - _____ Motivation -_____ Recognizing Emotions in Others - _____ Handling Relationships - _____ 21 Emotional Intelligence (cont’d)
What is SEL? Educational process of acquiring knowledge, skills, attitudes, and beliefs to: Recognize and manage emotions Recognize and manage emotions Care about others Care about others Make good decisions Behave ethically and responsibly Develop positive relationships Avoid negative behaviors Links academic achievement with skills necessary for succeeding in school and in life CASEL’s Key Publications www.CASEL.org
Impact of Social Emotional Learning TIMOTHY P. SHRIVER and ROGER P. WEISSBERG Recent studies (more than 300 research studies on this subject) show that social and emotional learning programs significantly improve students' academic performance.
An average student enrolled in a SEL program ranks at least 10 percentage points higher on achievement tests than students who do not participate in such programs. Results: Better grade point average Attendance records Better classroom behavior Less likely to be a suspended or disciplined (Durlak, J.A. & Weissberg, R.P., 2005; Zins, et al., 2004). SEL programs improved academic performance 11 to 17 percentile points
Additional findings … SEL can also reduce unhealthy and risk-taking behaviors (Greenberg et al., 2003). Emerging evidence that SEL programs can promote social and emotional adjustment in children (Lopes and Salovey, 2004).
Developing Resilience That quality in children who, though exposed to significant stress and adversity, do not succumb to the school failure, substance abuse, mental health, and juvenile delinquency problems they are at greater risk of experiencing. Linquanti (1992) 26
27 The Resilient Child The Resilient Child Problem Solving Skills Sense of future and purpose Opportunities for participation Social Competence Caring and Support Autonomy
Recognizing Emotions in Others 28 “Many theorists think of learning from a purely cognitive viewpoint, but if you ask successful people to reflect on how they learned what they currently know, they’ll tell you: ‘We learned most all we know from and with each other.’ That takes social intelligence, not just cognitive ability” Goleman, D. (2005). Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books, NY.
Recognizing Emotions in Others 29 In tests with more than seven thousand people in the United States and eighteen other countries, the benefits of being able to read feelings from non-verbal clues included being better adjusted emotionally, more popular, more out-going, and more sensitive. Goleman, D. (2005). Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books, NY.
Characteristics of Individuals With High EQ Knowledge of their emotions … as they occur Managing emotions … applying the knowledge Motivating oneself to care about others’ emotions … in relationships Recognizing the emotions of others Handling relationships – managing emotions in others
“We Never Had A Pet”
Recognizing Emotions in Others 32 We can and do impact other’s emotions either positively or negatively. “It’s a fact that people can hear a smile through the telephone.” Jeannie Davis in Beyond Hello
In Fact … Although there is no consistent agreement in the literature on the components of school climate or their importance, most writers emphasize caring about others as a core element.
Empathy: The sentiment upon which all healthy social interaction is based.
Empathy: Creating a Climate of Civility
Many definitions of empathy The capacity to think and feel oneself into the inner life of another person. (Kohut) Spontaneously and naturally tuning into the other person’s thoughts and feelings, whatever these might be. (Baron-Cohen) What happens to us when we leave our own bodies … and find ourselves either momentarily or for a longer period of time in the mind of the other. We observe reality through their eyes, feel their emotions, share in their pain. (Lampert)
What is Empathy? Empathy is the ability to vicariously feel what another person is feeling, to understand and connect to where that person is. Empathy is a social skill, and as such it can be taught, practices, and applied. (Goldstein, 1999)
Two Kinds of Empathy Emotional Empathy or affective empathy: The desire to respond with an appropriate emotion to another’s mental states. Cognitive Empathy: The desire to identify another's mental states.
Cognitive vs. Affective Empathy Carl Rogers suggests that individuals with ASD have less ability to ascertain other’s feelings (cognitive) but demonstrate equal empathy when they are aware of others’ states of mind (affective/emotional empathy). In other words … When a person is overwhelmed by his/her own feelings when observing a person who needs help he/she is unlikely to engage in comforting or helping others. Minio-Paulello, Lombardo, Chakarabarti, Wheelwright, Baron-Cohen.
10 Traits of Successful Workers “The attitude of a qualified employee is the single most important criteria we use when evaluating job candidates.” Denise Keller, COO, Benchmark EMAIL. … Focused… Creative …. Humble…. Observant … Optimistic… Ambitious … Eager to Learn… Approachable … Enthusiastic… Well rounded
The following is from an interview with Mark Lyden, a college recruiter for a Fortune 500 company and author of “College Students: DO THIS! GET HIRED!”College Students: DO THIS! GET HIRED! Question: “What do you think the number one fear of a hiring manager is?” “Without question, a hiring manager’s number one fear is hiring someone with a bad attitude. Attitude is the most important attribute because hiring managers know that having a college hire with a bad attitude will cause them nothing but headaches. They know it will play havoc with the team’s chemistry. It will cause friction between team members, which will lower morale, productivity and performance. And guess who gets blamed for the teams dip in performance? The hiring manager. To put it another way, it creates drama in the group. Hiring managers hate drama because instead of concentrating on how they can better perform their tasks and responsibilities, they are having to deal with the drama of people not getting along.”
What About Business? “A major flaw in contemporary business practice is a lack of empathy inside large corporations.”
Wired to Care, Dev Patnaik, 2009 “The real opportunity for businesses in the 21 st Century is to create a widely held sense of empathy for customers” … examples such as Nike, Harley-Davidson, IBM and Southwest Airlines, are examples of “Open Empathy Organizations.” “These companies see opportunities more quickly than competitors, adapt to change more easily, and create workplaces that offer employees a greater sense of mission in their jobs.” (Wired to Care, Dev Patnaik)
Empathy Comes Naturally When children see other in pain, their brains respond as if it were happening to them. Same response also shown in adults. Normal school- age children may be naturally prone to empathy. There is an inborn capacity to resonate with the pain of others. Jean Decety, University fo Chicago
Important Observations Prosocial behaviors emerge by the second year of life … they increase during the toddler years. Aggressive Tendencies are pretty much a done deal by age 2. (Physical Aggression.) Development of empathy occurs by age 2. Empathy is crystallized by age 9.
Stand In Their Shoes
Social Norming and Marketing Campaigns The majority of students either indicate that they try to help a bullied student (35% of girls and 29% of boys) OR that they don’t help but that they think they should (30% of girls and 22% of boys). There is hope, there is help, you are part of the solution!
About Empathy … Did you know? In Tennessee over 76% of students are not involved in bullying of any kind, at all? There is hope, there is a help, you are a part of the solution!
In Tennessee 60% of students say that they try to help when they see someone being bullied? There is hope, there is a help, you are part of the solution! About Empathy … Did you know?
That in most schools more than 94% of all students report that when one of their peers is being bullied that they think that they feel sorry or at least a bit sorry and want to help? There is hope, there is a help, you are part of the solution! About Empathy … Did you know?
51 B C D H G E F A Start the bullying and take an active part Take an active part, but do not start the bullying Support the bullying, but do not take an active part Like the bullying, but do not display open support Dislike the bullying and think they ought to help, but don’t do it Dislike the bullying, help or try to help the bullied student The one who is being bullied Student Who Is Bullied Students Who Bully Followers Supporters Passive Supporters Disengaged Onlookers Possible Defenders TG, p. 24 What Roles Do Students Play In Bullying Situations? Watch what happens but do not take a stand.
That 17% of students said they’ve been bullied on the Internet in the past year; 83% said they had not? There is hope, there is a help, you part of the solution! About Empathy … Did you know?
88% of students reported that they would not join in bullying when they see someone being bullied? There is hope, there is a help, you are a part of the solution! About Empathy … Did you know?
The Empathy Gap “People fail to understand the consequences of the social trauma experienced by victims of bullying, teasing and ostracism.” “This empathy gap can be devastating because it means victims often do not get the support, intervention or advocacy they need.” Everyone knows that social trauma is unpleasant, but people are often blind to the full severity of these experiences and therefore don’t do enough to protect or intervene when victims suffer.”
Physical Pain … More Painful? Physical pain and intense feeling of social rejection “hurt” in the same way, a new study shows. The same regions of the brain that became active in response to painful sensory experiences are activated during intense experiences of social rejection. These results give new meaning to the idea that social rejection “hurts.” Ethan Kross, University of Michigan, Proceedings of the Nataional Academy of Sciences.
Trauma Experts classify bullying as chronic trauma. Chronic trauma is repetitive and insidious accumulation of everyday insults to one’s integrity and sense of safety as a human being. The more a person is bullied and threatened, the more they are traumatized. Dr. Henry Gravitz, Unlocking the Doors to Triumph, 2004 Diplomate of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and of the American Board of Forensic Examiners
Keys to Empathy Put yourself in the others’ shoes Pay attention to what the person is feeling. Listen to the persons words and tone of voice. Pay attention to body language Pay attention to your own feelings as you observe
Keys to Empathy Put these feelings into words, keeping the focus on the other person Keep it simple and use your own words Avoid repeating exactly what the other person ahs said. Doing this will likely annoy … which is not empathetic. Give the person a chance to respond to your comments. Do not worry about getting it exactly right … the important thing is to listen and pay close attention and show you understand.
Listening and Empathy It is a fundamental ability in today’s workplace and school environments. People who are cut off from their emotions are not able to connect with people. Keep focus on the other person. When you listen empathetically you demonstrate true care. When others are in pain and suffering being listened to has a calming effect.
Listening and Empathy When you listen carefully you come to understand that almost everyone’s point of view can be understood. Your response can better help the other person understand their situation. (Become a mirror to the other person.) The Power of Empathy: A Practical Guide to Creating Intimacy, Self-Understanding and Lasting Love.
Empathy and Sympathy Empathy is the ability to mutually experience the thoughts, emotions, and direct experiences of others. It goes beyond sympathy which is a feeling of care and understanding for the suffering of others.
Remember … It is possible to be empathetic and not sympathetic at the same time.
Exercises to Teaching Listening with Empathy Listen without empathy – What it’s like to not be heard. Feeling Heard – What it’s like to be heard. Partner Practice - Role play skits around a variety of feelings and situations Watching Body Language – skits focusing on Body Language www.ehow.com/info_8146254_activities-listen- empathy.html#ixzz2lctvvpw6
How to Improve Empathic Listening Skills Make a conscious effort and decision to listen more empathetically … close your eyes if you need to and clear your mind Listen without judgment Insert comments when the speaker pauses … do not interrupt Communicate with your face that you are truly listening Say things like tell me more to encourage the speaker
Finally … Recognizing Emotions in Others 65 At the very least, empathy requires being able to read another’s emotions. At a higher level, it entails sensing and responding to a person’s unspoken concerns or feelings. At the highest levels, empathy is understanding the issues or concerns that lie behind another’s feelings. Goleman, D. (2005). Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books, NY. Empathy is directly connected to the level of love we have for ourselves and others.
Empathy Needs Assessments
Empathy Assessment Activity 1. Locate the Empathy Education Needs Assessment 2. Discuss Questions 4-8 at your table or in small groups. (Share honest assessments in your conversation with each other!) 3. What are your assessments about what you have shared with each other? 4. What actions might you consider for your faculty/staff?
Connection at the Classroom Level “A place where students feel safe both emotionally and physically, where they feel supported, and where they feel enthusiastic about the discoveries each new school day will bring. It is a place where individuals feel honored and where a sense of interdependence is built into the culture.”
Building classroom community should not be seen as some kind of activity or lesson but as a way of being that touches all aspects of the school day … and life.
Summary “Only by having a heightened sense of empathy to victim's true suffering can we begin to pave the way for reform and new policies.”
What Do We Believe? Only when students, teachers and administrators partake in exercises that simulate a socially painful event, such as bullying, can they be truly empathetic to its consequences.” Our perception of social pain matters as much as our understanding of physical pain. Not only do estimates of social pain govern how we empathize with socially traumatic events, but they guide our approach to how well we advocate on a victims’ behalf. Loran Nordgren, Kasia Banas, Geoff MacDonald
Principals …All in? When Principals go “all in” in terms of supporting Social Emotional Learning Programs, school programs, teachers stand a better chance of successfully implementing change.” If school principals lack enthusiasm or show little support, they are actually viewed as a hindrance by teachers, posing “major challenges” to the success of schools programs. Apprehensive teachers are more willing to try new approaches in their classrooms if they know they have the support of the administration. University of Pitsburg and University of Virginia
So What About Adults Who Don’t Get It?
How Family and Friends Can Help Targets did not cause the bully to assault them. (If you think Targets invited harm from the bully, STOP NOW: You will do more harm than good. DO NOT VOLUNTEER. YOU CAN’T HELP!) The Bully at Work, by Gary and Ruth Namie
ADULTS WHO BULLY STUDENTS Teacher Who Bully Students: Patterns and Policy Implications Alan McEvoy, 2005
If You Build It … They Will Come! Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the people doing it. Chinese Proverb
The School of Belonging 1. Caring intentions on the part of all staff members 2. SEL needs of all students are honored 3. Any form of emotional violence is entirely unacceptable 4. Staff and students participate in regular focus groups. This keeps staff in touch with the emotional dynamics of the school … provides for collaboration 5. Cultural literacy initiatives are coordinated in concert with SEL initiatives. (Diversity and empathy trainings, etc.)
The Ten Intentions … of a School of Belonging 1. The presence of a supportive leader 2. Effective SEL in-service training 3. An inviting school office 4. Assembly programs/student workshops 5. Mentor programs for staff and students 6. Monthly grade level community meetings 7. Daily celebration and recognition of students 8. A variety of extracurricular activities for all students 9. Alternative programming 10. Parent workshops
PRACTICE: Event-Empathy-Action (David Levine, Teaching Empathy) What happened? (the event) How is that person feeling? (empathy) What will I do? (a specific action) Use hypothetical situations/scenarios a class can discuss in order to explore options for empathic responses: A new student just arrived today and sitting is alone in the cafeteria. A classmate just found out that her family has to move because her mom’s job has been transferred.
Final Conclusions … At the foundation of a positive school culture is a positive school climate … relationships that flourish, students and staff who care, and are committed to excellence in learning, and the highest standards for self regulation and discipline through standards that are based on mutual respect and shared ownership and are found in a place where LOVE thrives, EQ rules and everyone is motivated to do and be their best !
The Real Test To what extent is your school engaged with these systemic efforts to improve school climate, create a culture of caring, civility, and enhance social emotional competencies? How does – or might – this work ‘fit’ within your school? You and I all know all of this … What are we doing about it? Really?
“ Choose being kind over being right and you’ll be right every time.” Richard Carlson
PLEASE NEVER, NEVER FORGET …
The Essence of Compassion “Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and wrong …. Because sometime in your life you will have been all of these.”
Credits CASEL www.casel.orgwww.casel.org David Levine, Building Classroom Communities and Teaching Empathy Lesley D. Farmer, Esq., Director, Office for Civil Rights, Tennessee Department of Education Stan Davis, Empowering Bystanders, Schools Where Everyone Belongs Dan Olweus, Bullying At School The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program, www.clemson.edu/olweus and www.olweus.orgwww.clemson.edu/olweuswww.olweus.org Hazelden, Center City, MN www.hazelden.orgwww.hazelden.org Jeanne Segal, Ph. D (Goleman, D. (2005). Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books, NY.) Robert Wm. Blum, MD, Ph.D. University of Minnesota (National School Climate Council School Climate) Derek Petersen, Integrative Youth Development) Adults Who Bully Students Teachers Who Bully Students: Patterns and Policy Implications Alan McEvoy, 2005
Relationships, Relationships, Relationships 12:12 – 16:15 87 What’s your Magic??? How do we fix this? How many people in here have 1 friend? Almost everybody… People think I'm different Most kids don’t want to be around me I feel like I belong somewhere else
Reflections What are your overall reflections about the clip? What practices do you have questions about? What seems to be the prevailing mood of the Principal? The Students? How do you feel about Alex’s comments? 88
Bringing Them In??? 28:47 – 31:26 89
Reflections What practices were used in this clip that were inappropriate? Perhaps even potentially placing the school/district in a vulnerable legal position? What strategies would you suggest as an alternative? 90