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1 Say ‘NO’ to Bullying What every parent should know about.

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1 1 Say ‘NO’ to Bullying What every parent should know about

2 2 They say that bullying is epidemic. Every parent of a school age child should have some understanding about what bullying is. Children and communities do not have to remain powerless in the face of bully tactics. It is a cycle and therefor can be broken. We can help put an end to bullying and give the participants other ways to handle their roles, without being cruel to others or feeling fearful. Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…

3 3 Let’s be quite clear! There is not just a victim and a bully, but there are also witnesses. Bullying is also at the foundation of the cruelty metered out in domestic abuse. Bullying, victim and witness roles are learned behaviours: – from other family members, – from the TV, – from the playground, – from what has worked, or not worked, in the past. Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…

4 4 Is one or more individuals inflicting any of these Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…

5 5 Also involves teasing and taunting Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… Don’t let teasing escalate to bullying and then escalate to outright violence. Studies suggest that one in four childhood bullies have a criminal record by age 30. (otherwise figures 1/20) Psychologists and others working in the community believe early patterns of behaviour remain constant and/or escalate as a child gets older.

6 6 Bullying / teasing does not have to be extreme Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… If a child or person is hurting – physically or emotionally – to continue to add to it is absolute cruelty! Think about this: Bullying happens in all sorts of places and to all sorts of people at all sorts of ages. But it still HURTS and it is still CRUEL!

7 7 There are three players with bullying Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… VICTIMS BULLIES WITNESSES

8 8 The simple / immediate response Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… Witnessess can play the most pivotal role of all by not standing aside and in manoeuvring power issues. They can stand up for what is fair and just. Victims must be acknowledged, supported and empowered. Bullies can be monitored, punished (especially using restorative justice) and converted (their energy and drive harnessed for greater good).

9 9 A bit of food for thought! Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…. Bullying will never be eliminated unless adults and children become partners in this crusade against cruelty. And, it seems that scars on the soul take a lot longer to heal than scars of the flesh. Most parents who physically abuse their children do so sporadically, while parents who verbally abuse their children do so chronically. S & P Fried Most parents who physically abuse their children do so sporadically, while parents who verbally abuse their children do so chronically. S & P Fried

10 10 The difference between a bit of friendly banter and harmful teasing or bullying Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… 1. INTENT TO HARM – The bully finds pleasure in taunting and continues even when the victim’s distress is obvious. 2. INTENSITY AND DURATION – The behaviour (teasing / bullying) continues over a long period of time and the degree of taunting is damaging to the self esteem of the victim. 3. THE POWER OF THE ABUSER – The bully / abuser maintains power because of age, strength, size, gender and / or know how.

11 11 More on the difference Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… 4. VULNERBILITY OF THE VICTIM – The victim is more sensitive to teasing, cannot adequately defend her / himself and has physical / psychological qualities that make him / her more prone to vulnerability. 5. LACK OF SUPPORT – The victim feels isolated and exposed. Often the victim is afraid to report the abuse for fear of retaliation. 6. CONSEQUENCES – The damage to self concept is long lasting, and the impact on the victim leads to behaviour marked by either withdrawal or aggression.

12 12 LET’S LOOK AT VERBAL ABUSE Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…

13 13 Try these to say ‘NO’ to Bullying Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… Relinquish the myth that physical bullying is not a concern and make it clear – by actions as well as words – to children that such behaviour is unacceptable. All children’s reports of physical bullying must be taken seriously. Fathers and other male role models (uncles, older cousins, neighbours, etc.) need to talk to their sons about alternatives to fighting. Young men should see that they can obtain approval without resorting to violence. Firearms and weapons in the hands of children who lack responsibility to handle dangerous weapons should be banned.

14 14 More on sayng ‘NO’ Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… Media violence needs to be challenged and parents should exert authority over both quality and quantity of exposure to violent programming for their children. Rituals and rights of passage involving harrassment and bullying of others should be exposed for the cruelty it is and the harm it causes, and be banned. Adults need to impress on young people that name-calling, teasing and gossip can be damaging. Children must be informed that verbal abuse can escalate into more violent forms.

15 15 And more on saying ‘No’ Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… Victims need to know they do not deserve to be teased or bullied. Children and people with disabilities or differences of any kind are ripe targets for verbal abuse and deserve special protection from adults. Young people need to have a repertoire of strategies to deal with abuse, including reporting, ignoring, asserting and confronting. Sometimes verbal abuse can be camouflaged to appear as concern (check the put-down content and outcome).

16 16 ADULTS CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… THEY CAN INTERACT TO INTEVENE Parents with teachers and school administrators Parents to their own children Parents with other parents Teachers with students Parents with other children Adults as community advocates


18 18 HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THEIR OWN CHILDREN STOP BULLYING Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… Initiate conversations that stress the importance of making wise choices and doing the right thing in the face of peer. Give your child love and praise. ‘Cherish every quality of your child’s being and let them know it day after day after day.’ (Uri Branfenbrenner)

19 19 HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THEIR OWN CHILDREN STOP BULLYING Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… If you – the parent – did not receive the unconditional love that children thrive on, be aware of the imprint that those early experiences may have left on you. Resolve any anger, hurts, bitterness or less than helpful behaviour patterns. DON’T HAND THEM ON TO YOUR KIDS!

20 20 Give your children the gift of self esteem Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… Building self esteem in a child is a primary factor in the prevention of bullying behaviours – for bullies as well as victims and witnessess A key component of love is time and understanding

21 21 HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THEIR OWN CHILDREN STOP BULLYING Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… Affirm your child at every opportunity. If they are being bullied let them know they have not caused their distress (do not let them blame themselves). Problem solve together. Remind them the problem lies with the bully. Let them know you are there for them. Help your child learn to cope.

22 22 HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THEIR OWN CHILDREN BRING AN END TO BULLYING Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… Talk to your child about the immorality of silence when cruelty has taken over (evil flourishes when good people stand aside - old proverb ). By the age of five years children will know if cruelty is unacceptable in their family or not.

23 23 What you can do Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… If your child, or a child you know, has tried to talk to the bully, but to no avail, you could try yourself. Organise a meeting with both your child and the bully. If you feel you can, involve the parents of the bully. Qualities to role model Fair Calm Respectful Watch your body language Look for win / win outcomes

24 24 What you can do Say ‘NO’ to Bullying… Violence in the media has been highlighted by both students and teachers as a root cause of student violence

25 25 The End Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…

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