2Choosing Others: Dating and Mate Selection Chapter 8Choosing Others: Dating and Mate Selection
3Learning ObjectivesLO 8.1 Compare the manifest and latent functions of dating LO 8.2 Outline the characteristics, benefits, and costs of traditional and contemporary dating patterns LO 8.3 Describe five strategies for meeting dating partners
4Learning ObjectivesLO 8.4 Compare three mate-selection theories LO 8.5 Describe some of the mate- selection differences across cultures LO 8.6 Describe the prevalence of dating violence, and explain why it occurs and its consequences
5Learning ObjectivesLO 8.7 Describe breaking up, and explain why it occurs and its consequences
6Why Do We Date? Manifest functions of dating Latent functions of datingDating: The process of meeting people socially for possible mate selection.Marriage market: Process in which prospective spouses compare the assets and liabilities of eligible partners and choose the best available mate.
7Manifest Functions of Dating MaturationFun and recreationCompanionshipLove and affectionMate selectionDating fulfills several important manifest functionsMaturation - Dating sends the message that an adolescent has become capable of engaging in developmental tasks such as emotional intimacy outside the family and, often, sexual expression.Fun and recreation - Going out with people we like relieves boredom, stress, and loneliness.Companionship - Regardless of one’s age, dating can be a valuable source of companionship.Love and affection - Dating is a socially accepted way to enjoy intimacy.Mate selection - Dating is usually a search for a marital partner.
8Latent Functions of Dating SocializationSocial statusFulfillment of ego needsSexual experimentation and intimacyBig businessDating fulfills several important latent functions.Socialization - People learn about:Expected gender roles.Family structures that differ from their own.Different attitudes, beliefs, and values.Social status - Going out with an attractive or successful person enhances one’s status and prestige.Fulfillment of ego needs - Being asked out on a date or having one’s invitation accepted boosts a person’s self-esteem and self-image.Sexual experimentation and intimacy - As dating becomes more committed or frequent, young people are more likely to want and have sex.Big business - Dating provides a significant economic market for products and services such as clothing, grooming, food, and entertainment.
9Question 1 _______ is a manifest function of dating. A. Sexual experimentation and intimacyB. Love and affectionC. Fulfillment of ego needsD. Socialization
10Question 1 _______ is a manifest function of dating. A. Sexual experimentation and intimacyB. Love and affectionC. Fulfillment of ego needsD. Socialization
11Question 2Dating is a process in which prospective spouses compare the assets and liabilities of eligible partners and choose the best available mate.TrueFalse
12Question 2Dating is a process in which prospective spouses compare the assets and liabilities of eligible partners and choose the best available mate.TrueFalse
13The Dating Spectrum Traditional dating Contemporary dating Traditional-contemporary combinationsDating in later life
14Traditional DatingWas prevalent in 1970s and is still a way to meet potential spousesGender role scripts are followedPopular eventsComing-out parties or debutante ballsBat mitzvah and bar mitzvahQuinceañeraThe popularity of traditional dating is particularly evident in formal events such as coming-out parties or debutante balls.Other cultural rites of passage include the bat mitzvah for girls and the bar mitzvah for boys in Jewish communities.In many Latino communities, the quinceañera is a coming-of-age rite that celebrates a girl’s entrance into adulthood on her fifteenth birthday.
15Contemporary Dating Hanging out Getting together Hooking up Hanging out may occur on a neighborhood street corner, at a fast-food place, or in a mall, where people just come and go.Hanging out is possible both because many parents respect their teenagers’ privacy and independence and because many 16-and 17-year-olds have access to cars.Getting together is more intimate and structured than hanging out.A group of friends meets at someone’s house or a party.Hooking up is a casual sexual encounter, no strings attached.After an initial hookup, partners may hook up again or, in some cases, start dating and become exclusive couples.
16Traditional-Contemporary Combinations Dating patterns incorporate both traditional customs and contemporary trendsProms and homecoming partiesDinner datesStayoversTraditional-contemporary combinations can lead to engagement and marriage.Proms and homecoming parties are still among the most popular traditional dating events.Dinner dates are still highly scripted.Stayovers is an emerging dating trend in which couples spend three or more nights together but maintain separate homes.
17Dating in Later Life Dating after divorce or being widowed can be: TherapeuticIntimidatingDating can enhance one’s self-esteem, decrease loneliness, and involve reassessing one’s strengths and weaknesses as one forges new relationships.It can also provide companionship while one is still grieving a spouse’s death.Dating can also be daunting.Recently divorced or widowed people might be uncomfortable.
18Question 3Which of the following is traditional-contemporary combination dating?QuinceañeraProms and homecoming partiesGetting togetherBat mitzvah
19Question 3Which of the following is traditional-contemporary combination dating?QuinceañeraProms and homecoming partiesGetting togetherBat mitzvah
20Question 4Dating after divorce or being is more intimidating that being therapeutic.TrueFalse
21Question 4Dating after divorce or being is more intimidating that being therapeutic.TrueFalse
22Meeting Others Personal classified advertisements Mail-order brides Professional matchmakersSpeed datingOnline dating
23Personal Classified Advertisements Appeared in newspapers in the early 1700s and later in magazinesAdvertisers described her or his qualities and those sought in an ideal partnerIn recent times, are primarily onlineThe ads became more prevalent during the 1960s and 1970s, but never became a widely socially acceptable way to find a mate.Only 1 percent of Americans met romantic partners through personal ads.
24Mail-Order BridesMen seek wives from economically disadvantaged regionsAmerican women are too independent, demanding, and criticalWant women with relatively little educationRaised in cultures in which a married woman is expected to be a docile and obedient homemakerMost men turn out to be abusers. Some have:Murdered their wivesBeaten, choked, and raped their bridesControl their spouses by denying them any contact with their families at home or with their current American neighborsInternational Marriage Broker Regulation Act required U.S. men seeking a visa for a prospective bride to disclose any criminal convictions for domestic violence, sexual assault, or child abuse.Most of the women stay in abusive relationships and don’t report assaults because they:Speak little English.Have no money and no friends in the United States.Don’t know that they can leave abusive husbands without being deported.Fear that their families will blame them, and not their husbands, for a breakup.
25Professional Matchmakers For people who find online dating:Too time consumingDisappointingLacking privacyMatchmakers charge money for their services, which include:Image consultantTrip to a bridal shop
26Speed DatingSingles engage in a series of brief face-to-face interactions with potential romantic partners in an eventBenefitsInexpensive, takes little timeGuards against stalking and draws people from the same regionAvoids the awkwardness of blind datesDisadvantagesParticipants often rate potential daters on superficial criteriaParticipants are more likely to experience a choice overloadParticipants go from one table to another, spending about 10 minutes chatting with each person.
27Online DatingPeople meet numerous potential partners online and discuss anythingAdvantagesConvenience and low costEasy for people who have difficulty in meeting potential romantic partnersDisadvantagesPeople might be dishonestOnline dating services haven’t improved romantic outcomes compared with offline conventional dating.Dating sites fail to collect a lot of crucial information that lead to failed relationships.Dating sites don’t take into account the real-life environment surrounding the relationship.Many sites use mathematical matching algorithms that promise to find your perfect partner.
28Online Dating The video discusses the pros and cons of online dating
29The Downside of Internet Dating In this video Pepper Schwartz talks about the negatives of internet dating
30Question 5Men who prefer _______ complain that American women are too independent.Personal classified advertisementsMail-order bridesProfessional matchmakersSpeed dating
31Question 5Men who prefer _______ complain that American women are too independent.Personal classified advertisementsMail-order bridesProfessional matchmakersSpeed dating
32Question 6In speed dating singles attend an event, where they engage in a series of brief face-to-face interactions with potential romantic partners.TrueFalse
33Question 6In speed dating singles attend an event, where they engage in a series of brief face-to-face interactions with potential romantic partners.TrueFalse
34Why We Choose Each Other: Some Mate-Selection Theories Filter theory: Homogamy and narrowing the marriage marketHeterogamy: Expanding the marriage marketSocial exchange theory: Dating as give and takeEquity theory: Dating as a search for egalitarian relationships
35Egalitarian Daters/Traditionalist Dates The text discusses the aspects of dating and choosing partners
36Filter TheoryFilter theory: People sift eligible mates according to specific criteriaReduces the pool of potential partners to a small number of candidatesHomogamy: Dating or marrying someone with similar social characteristicsPropinquity: Geographic closenessMarriage market is limited by our culture and social structure.Physical appearanceResearch indicates that Men and women choose partners whose physical attractiveness is similar to their own.Halo effect - Assumption that physically attractive possess desirable social characteristics such as:WarmthSexual responsivenessKindnessPoiseSociability and good character
37Figure 8.1 - The Filter Theory of Mate Selection
38Table 8.1 - U .S. Attitudes about Romance and Interracial Marriage among Blacks and Whites, 2011 Source: Based on data in Washington Post, 2012.
39Figure 8.2 - Changes in Black–White Dating Behavior, 2006 and 2011 Overall, the percentage of Americans who have ever dated someone of another race has increased.Source: Based on data in Washington Post, 2012.
40Heterogamy: Expanding the Marriage Market Dating or marrying someone with social characteristics that differ from your ownHypergamy: Marrying up to a higher social classHypogamy: Marrying down in social classInterfaith relationshipsU.S. interfaith dating and marriages are more common.Interracial and interethnic relationshipsInterracial and interethnic marriage rates in the United States have risen.
41Figure 8.3 - The Increase of Interracial Marriages in the United States Sources: Based on Lee and Edmonston, 2005, Figure 1; and Wang, 2012.
42Figure 8.4 - Intermarriage Rates of Newlyweds, by Sex, Race, and Ethnicity, 2010 The percentage of newlyweds married to someone of a different race/ethnicity.Source: Wang, 2012: 9.
43Social Exchange Theory People will begin a relationship if the rewards are higher than the costsRewardsIntrinsic characteristics, behaviorsAccess to desired resourcesCostsUnpleasant or destructive behaviorLossesPeople weigh their rewards and costs in choosing dating partners.
44Equity TheoryIntimate relationship is satisfying and stable if both partners see it as equitable and mutually beneficialJudgments about equity vary depending on the stage of the relationshipPeople tolerate inequity when a relationship becomes long-term commitmentEquity theory advances several basic propositionsThe greater the perceived equity, the happier the relationship.The greater the inequity, the greater the distress.People in an inequitable relationship will attempt to eliminate their distress by restoring equity.
45Question 7_______ theory posits that people sift eligible mates according to specific criteria and thus reduce the pool of potential partners to a small number of candidates.Social exchangeFilterEquityPropinquity
46Question 7_______ theory posits that people sift eligible mates according to specific criteria and thus reduce the pool of potential partners to a small number of candidates.Social exchangeFilterEquityPropinquity
47Question 8 Marrying up to a higher social class is known as hypogamy. TrueFalse
48Question 8 Marrying up to a higher social class is known as hypogamy. TrueFalse
49A Multicultural View Of Mate Selection Traditional and modern societiesHeterogamy and homogamyArranged marriagesHow mate-selection methods are changing
50Mate Selection and Marriage Around the World The text talks about the various choices available for mate selection
51Traditional and Modern Societies WealthDowry: Money, goods, or property a woman brings to a marriageBride price: Required payment by the groom’s family to the bride’s familyChild bridesViolates international laws on women’s rightsEven though the Indian government has outlawed the dowry system, it still flourishes.Bride price is criticized for treating women as property and for discouraging marriage among poor men.More than 25,000 girls a day are forcibly married before the age of 18, many as young as 9 years old.
52Fishing for a Mate? Eligibility Characteristics in Alaska The content explores the sex-ratio in Alsaka
53Heterogamy and Homogamy Based on economic decisionsHomogamyEnsures strong and continuing family tiesRacist beliefs discourage people from seeking partners different skin colorsIncreases the chances of passing down diseasesHeterogamy is thriving in many countries because:People don’t have prospective marriage mates in their own social group.Most marriages are based on economic decisions.
54Arranged MarriagesParents help children find a suitable spouse, settle down, and have a familyIncrease solidarity between families, kinship groups, clans, and tribesPreferred in most developing countriesArranged marriages often involve marrying a first cousin as the top choice.In some societies, the penalties for dishonoring a family by refusing an arranged marriage are severe.
55How Mate-Selection Methods Are Changing Countries in Asia and the Middle East are changing in how people meet and choose matesChina and India are experiencing a glut of single men and a scarcity of single womenPeople who live in cities often meet their mates in the same kinds of settings as Westerners.On college campuses, at parties, in public places, and increasingly via online dating sites.ChinaChina has responded to the preponderance of males by implementing some Western-style mate-selection methods, including newspaper and magazine ads and online dating sites.IndiaBesides relying on paid matchmakers, India has scores of matrimonial websites that are similar to dating sites.Japan and South KoreaTo retain the loyalty of unmarried employees in the under-40 age bracket, several companies in Japan have engaged matrimony brokerage firms to act as matchmakers for those seeking a spouse.In South Korea, leading companies such as Samsung ask agencies to organize group blind dates as a benefit for single employees, and major banks vie for rich private customers by offering free matchmaking for their children.Other countriesIn some parts of Spain, the Dominican Republic, Ecuador, and Colombia, women are scarce because they’ve left home to work in cities.To help men find mates, some enterprising farmers have organized “Cupid crusades.”Iranian lawmakers are considering legalizing matchmaking websites because of a “marriage crisis.”
56Question 9 Bride price is defined as the: Money, goods, or property a woman brings to a marriage.Required payment by the groom’s family to the bride’s family.Money, goods, or property a woman is given in a marriage.Required payment by the bride’s family to the groom’s family.
57Question 9 Bride price is defined as the: Money, goods, or property a woman brings to a marriage.Required payment by the groom’s family to the bride’s family.Money, goods, or property a woman is given in a marriage.Required payment by the bride’s family to the groom’s family.
58Question 10Heterogamy refers to marrying inside one’s own family of kinship group.TrueFalse
59Question 10Heterogamy refers to marrying inside one’s own family of kinship group.TrueFalse
60Harmful Dating Relationships: Power, Control, And Violence Power and control in dating relationshipsPrevalence of dating violenceFactors contributing to date violence and date rapeSome consequences of dating violence and date rape
61Sexual Violence Billboards The video talks about the controversy on placing sexual violence billboards
62Power and Control in Dating Relationships Principle of least interest - Partner who is less interested in the relationship has more power, and more controlPerson who is interested in continuing the relationship:Is more dependentHas less powerCan be manipulated or exploitedMen often maintain power and control during a dating relationship through direct strategies such as threats and aggression.Women more often use indirect strategies such as hinting, withdrawing, or attempting to manipulate a partner’s emotions.
63Prevalence of Dating Violence WidespreadRarely a one time eventAcquaintance rape: Unwanted and forced sexual intercourse of a person who knows or is familiar with the rapistDate rape: Unwanted, forced sexual intercourse in a dating situationMen are much more likely than women to use physical force and sexual aggression, but women can also be physically and emotionally abusive.Many women misinterpret the violence as evidence of love.The new definition includes men as victims; oral, anal, and vaginal penetration; and penetration by any body part or object.
64Different Types of Partner Violence In this video Claire Renzetti talks about partner violence
65Factors Contributing to Date Violence and Date Rape Parenting styles and family violenceGender rolesDemographic characteristicsPeer pressure and secrecyUse of alcohol and other drugsTechnologyFew negative sanctionsDating violence is most common among youth who have experienced harsh and minimal parenting, had poor relationships with their parents, and abused a sibling.Adopting traditional attitudes about gender roles increase the likelihood of date violence during both adolescence and adulthood.Date violence is more common in casual (25 percent) than exclusive (19 percent) relationships.Among dating couples aged 18 to 28, violence is more common when both partners:Have only a high school diploma.Have been dating longer than four years and there are children in the household.Are from different racial/ethnic groups.Peer pressure is one of the major reasons why some partners are violent and why many stay in abusive dating relationships.Secrecy protects abusers.Although they aren’t the cause, alcohol and drugs play a large role in sexual assaults, including dating.Technology has facilitated dating aggression.Very few women and men report dating violence because they grew up in violent homes, endorse traditional gender roles, see dating aggression as normal, or blame themselves if they or their partners were high on alcohol or other drugs.
66Some Consequences of Dating Violence and Date Rape Adolescents victims experience adverse health outcomes in young adulthoodMore likely to be depressed and do poorly in schoolMay engage in unhealthy behaviorsMore likely to have eating disordersThink about or attempt suicideViolence and rape violate both body and spirit; they can affect every aspect of the victim’s life.
67Question 11Which of the following factors contribute to date rape and violence?Parenting styles and family violenceGender rolesPeer pressure and secrecyAll of the above
68Question 11Which of the following factors contribute to date rape and violence?Parenting styles and family violenceGender rolesPeer pressure and secrecyAll of the above
69Question 12Date rape is defined as unwanted and forced sexual intercourse of a person who knows or is familiar with the rapist.TrueFalse
70Question 12Date rape is defined as unwanted and forced sexual intercourse of a person who knows or is familiar with the rapist.TrueFalse
71Breaking Up Why do we break up? How do we react? Is breaking up healthy?
72Why Do We Break Up? Individual reasons Structural reasons Communication problems and different interestsEmotional and physical abuseObsessive love and stalkingMismatched love and sexual needsSelf-disclosureDisillusionmentInfidelity and not making a commitmentStructural reasonsMoving awayEconomic recessionSocietal reactionsCouples from different racial or ethnic and religious backgroundsSame-sex partnersThere are numerous reasons for breaking up dating and other intimate relationships that include both micro- and macro-level factors.
73How Do We React? Common reactions ConfusionAngerMen get over breakups more quickly than womenPeople who have fewer resources to exchange in the marriage market are more upset by dating breakups than those who have many options because they’re self-confident, successful, or attractive.Effect of dumping or being dumped tends to be interpreted differently.
74Is Breaking Up Healthy? Ending a bad relationship is relieving Provides opportunities to find a mate suitable for marriage or a long-term relationshipBreaking up helps prevent and manage conflict escalation due to factors such as growing up in a violent home, low self-esteem, poor communication skills, and little ability in handling stress.Breaking up should probably occur more often than it does because most people don’t circulate enough before getting married.Breaking up opens up a larger pool of eligible and interesting partners as we mature, change, and become more self-confident.
75Question 13Which of the following is an individual reason for breakup?Moving awayEconomic recessionEmotional and physical abuseSocietal reactions
76Question 13Which of the following is an individual reason for breakup?Moving awayEconomic recessionEmotional and physical abuseSocietal reactions
77Question 14Confusion and anger are two of the most common reactions to breakups.TrueFalse
78Question 14Confusion and anger are two of the most common reactions to breakups.TrueFalse
79Discussion QuestionDiscuss how mate selection methods are changing across the following countries.ChinaIndiaJapan and South Korea