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Copyright © Allyn and Bacon 2005 1 Chapter 7 Affiliation and Friendship This multimedia product and its contents are protected under copyright law. The.

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1 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Chapter 7 Affiliation and Friendship This multimedia product and its contents are protected under copyright law. The following are prohibited by law: Any public performance or display, including transmission of any image over a network; Preparation of any derivative work, including the extraction, in whole or in part, of any images; Any rental, lease, or lending of the program

2 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Chapter Outline What is a Friend? Goals of Affiliative Behavior Getting Social Support Getting Information Gaining Status Exchanging Material Benefits What is a Friend? Goals of Affiliative Behavior Getting Social Support Getting Information Gaining Status Exchanging Material Benefits

3 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon What is a Friend? Affiliation motive – the desire to be near others and to have pleasant and affectionate interactions with them This chapter focuses on the “platonic” aspects of friendship and affiliation. Affiliation motive – the desire to be near others and to have pleasant and affectionate interactions with them This chapter focuses on the “platonic” aspects of friendship and affiliation.

4 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon What is a Friend? Friend – someone with whom we have an affectionate relationship who is neither relative nor lover People’s personal definitions of friendship include such features as the following: Friends participate as equals Friends enjoy each other’s company Friends help each other in times of need Friends disclose Friend – someone with whom we have an affectionate relationship who is neither relative nor lover People’s personal definitions of friendship include such features as the following: Friends participate as equals Friends enjoy each other’s company Friends help each other in times of need Friends disclose

5 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon What is a Friend? Friend – Platonic aspects of friendship: “Free from physical desire” Romantic or sexual feelings are aspects of love and will be covered in Chapter 8. Friend – Platonic aspects of friendship: “Free from physical desire” Romantic or sexual feelings are aspects of love and will be covered in Chapter 8.

6 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Liking Those Who Make Us Feel Good Reinforcement-affect model – the theory that we like people we associate with positive feelings and dislike those we associate with negative feelings (classical conditioning)

7 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Liking Those Who Offer Us a Good Deal Social exchange theory – the theory that we evaluate relationships based on the the trading of benefits within the relationship; equity (page 228)

8 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Liking Those Who Offer Us a Good Deal The reinforcement-affect and social exchange models posit a domain- general goal of feeling good. Domain-specific models assume different relationships have different goals at different times. The reinforcement-affect and social exchange models posit a domain- general goal of feeling good. Domain-specific models assume different relationships have different goals at different times.

9 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Liking Those Who Offer Us a Good Deal Domain-general- attempts to explain a wide range of behaviors using a simple/general rule. Domain-specific models presume that the governing principles vary from one domain of behavior to another. Examples? Domain-general- attempts to explain a wide range of behaviors using a simple/general rule. Domain-specific models presume that the governing principles vary from one domain of behavior to another. Examples?

10 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Goals of Affiliative Behavior This chapter examines four main goals for affiliating and forming friendships: Getting social support Getting information Gaining status Exchanging material benefits. This chapter examines four main goals for affiliating and forming friendships: Getting social support Getting information Gaining status Exchanging material benefits.

11 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Goal 1: Getting Social Support Social support – the emotional, informational, or material assistance provided by other people in one’s social network. We often turn to others for support when we are under stress. Social support – the emotional, informational, or material assistance provided by other people in one’s social network. We often turn to others for support when we are under stress.

12 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Focus on Application: Health Psychology and Social Support There are a number of positive health benefits that come with having social (either human or canine) support: less upset by stressful events more resistant to disease live longer after diagnosed with life- threatening diseases There are a number of positive health benefits that come with having social (either human or canine) support: less upset by stressful events more resistant to disease live longer after diagnosed with life- threatening diseases

13 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Threats: Why Misery (Sometimes) Loves Company Physical dangers (death, pain) and social isolation ( rejection experience) both increase our motivation for social support. pages Physical dangers (death, pain) and social isolation ( rejection experience) both increase our motivation for social support. pages

14 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Pushing Support Away We do not always perceive social support as a good thing, however, especially when we cannot reciprocate. The potential for embarrassment may also decrease the motivation to seek support. We do not always perceive social support as a good thing, however, especially when we cannot reciprocate. The potential for embarrassment may also decrease the motivation to seek support.

15 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon The Self-Perpetuating Cycle of Loneliness and Depression Depressed individuals tend to focus on negative aspects of their lives, which can alienate others. Lonely people often cope with isolation in counterproductive ways. Depressed individuals tend to focus on negative aspects of their lives, which can alienate others. Lonely people often cope with isolation in counterproductive ways.

16 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Loneliness Discomfort around others Avoiding Others Self-Defeating Thoughts (“I’m completely unlikable”) Others begin to avoid person Negative Interpersonal Behaviors Depression

17 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Attachment and Social Development People whose parents provided a secure relationship are better suited to handle stresses later on in life. Evidence? This may be because they are better equipped to get support. Page 236 People whose parents provided a secure relationship are better suited to handle stresses later on in life. Evidence? This may be because they are better equipped to get support. Page 236

18 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Attachment and Social Development Adolescents and college students increasingly turn from parents to peers for support. Even in college, people who have reassuring relationships with parents have less negative moods and get good grades. Adolescents and college students increasingly turn from parents to peers for support. Even in college, people who have reassuring relationships with parents have less negative moods and get good grades.

19 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Goal 2: Getting Information Other people can provide a wealth of facts helpful for solving problems in the physical world. Example: How to build a fire When it comes to social realities (do others perceive you as friendly?) – other people’s opinions are more or less all that matters. (“looking-glass self”) Other people can provide a wealth of facts helpful for solving problems in the physical world. Example: How to build a fire When it comes to social realities (do others perceive you as friendly?) – other people’s opinions are more or less all that matters. (“looking-glass self”)

20 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Social Comparison and Liking for Similar Others Our motivation to obtain information from others is partly driven by a desire for accurate information. But part of the attraction of getting information from similar others is the positivity bias. Information that others agree with us makes us feel good. Our motivation to obtain information from others is partly driven by a desire for accurate information. But part of the attraction of getting information from similar others is the positivity bias. Information that others agree with us makes us feel good.

21 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Liking for Similar Others Reciprocal Liking – One of the most potent determinants of our liking someone is if we believe that that person likes us.

22 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Self-Disclosers and Non- Disclosers A key aspect of being a friend is self- disclosure. Self-disclosure – the sharing of intimate information about oneself People who disclose more about themselves are more likable. (Why? When?) Women are generally more disclosing than men. (Why?) A key aspect of being a friend is self- disclosure. Self-disclosure – the sharing of intimate information about oneself People who disclose more about themselves are more likable. (Why? When?) Women are generally more disclosing than men. (Why?)

23 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Gender and Depression

24 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Gender and Suicide

25 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Uncertainty Uncertainty increases the desire to make social comparisons. When we’re afraid, part of why we desire the company of others is to compare our own reactions with theirs. Uncertainty increases the desire to make social comparisons. When we’re afraid, part of why we desire the company of others is to compare our own reactions with theirs.

26 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Similarity Many studies support the theory that when we’re uncertain, we prefer information from similar others. But if the issue is highly important to us, we prefer affiliating with others who can give us accurate information, whether they are similar or not. Many studies support the theory that when we’re uncertain, we prefer information from similar others. But if the issue is highly important to us, we prefer affiliating with others who can give us accurate information, whether they are similar or not.

27 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon When Dissimilarity Can Save Self-Esteem We tend to be uncomfortable when someone excels on a characteristic we see as central to our self-esteem, especially when that person is a close friend.

28 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon When Dissimilarity Can Save Self-Esteem Chronically happy people’s self- appraisals seem to be relatively oblivious to information that another has done better than they have. Why? What are the dependent and independent variables in this claim?

29 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Gaining Status Humans, like baboons, often form alliances to improve their position in the social dominance hierarchy.

30 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Men’s Friendships are More Hierarchical Men’s relationships are marked more by hierarchy and instrumentality (components of status-seeking). Women emphasize intimacy. Consequently, men get more respect in their relationships, but women get more affection. Men’s relationships are marked more by hierarchy and instrumentality (components of status-seeking). Women emphasize intimacy. Consequently, men get more respect in their relationships, but women get more affection.

31 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Status by Association The desire to form friendships with high status individuals is especially strong in status-oriented cultures. Example: Higher in Japan than the U.S. People often try to break social connections that could reflect poorly on them (example: dishonest, hostile, or stigmatized others). The desire to form friendships with high status individuals is especially strong in status-oriented cultures. Example: Higher in Japan than the U.S. People often try to break social connections that could reflect poorly on them (example: dishonest, hostile, or stigmatized others).

32 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Snyder, Lassegard, & Ford (1986) Status by Association Students in one experiment were assigned to the “Blue Team,” to work together on intellectual problems. They were later told that their team scored either: Above 90 percent of people their age Below 70 percent of people their age Controls were given no information Students in one experiment were assigned to the “Blue Team,” to work together on intellectual problems. They were later told that their team scored either: Above 90 percent of people their age Below 70 percent of people their age Controls were given no information

33 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Students whose team had performed well “basked in reflecting glory,” proudly displaying their team affiliation Success Failure No Information Percent Taking a “Blue Team” Badge Gaining Status esearch esearch Snyder, Lassegard, & Ford (1986)

34 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Students whose team had performed poorly “cut off reflected failure” by avoiding wearing the badges. Success Failure No Information Gaining Status Percent Taking a “Blue Team” Badge Snyder, Lassegard, & Ford (1986) esearch esearch

35 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Seeking Status May Erode Social Support Zealously pursuing status motives in our relationships may reduce social support. Men may create social worlds that are status-oriented but not as socially supportive as the worlds created by women. “Social capital”?; stress? Zealously pursuing status motives in our relationships may reduce social support. Men may create social worlds that are status-oriented but not as socially supportive as the worlds created by women. “Social capital”?; stress?

36 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Exchanging Material Benefits Because of the importance of sharing resources, all societies have strong rules about sharing. Example: Hunter-gatherers have random runs of luck, and they would not survive if they did not share with one another. Because of the importance of sharing resources, all societies have strong rules about sharing. Example: Hunter-gatherers have random runs of luck, and they would not survive if they did not share with one another.

37 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Fundamental Patterns of Social Exchange Social exchange – the trading of benefits within relationships

38 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Fundamental Patterns of Social Exchange Equity – state of affairs in which one person’s benefits and costs from a relationship are proportional to benefits and costs incurred by partner Equity is not the only form of social exchange for all relationships. Equity – state of affairs in which one person’s benefits and costs from a relationship are proportional to benefits and costs incurred by partner Equity is not the only form of social exchange for all relationships.

39 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Communal Sharing Exchange RulesExample Authority Ranking Equality Matching Market Pricing Models of Social Exchange

40 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Communal Sharing All group members share in the group’s resources as needed and depend on one another for mutual care. Tight-knit family Exchange RulesExample Authority Ranking Equality Matching Market Pricing Models of Social Exchange

41 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Communal Sharing Higher-ranking individuals are entitled to loyalty, respect, and deference; lower-ranking individuals are entitled to protection, advice, and leadership. Tight-knit family Exchange RulesExample Authority Ranking Equality Matching Market Pricing Military squad Models of Social Exchange

42 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Communal Sharing No one gets more than others; people take turns, share equally, and reciprocate benefits. Tight-knit family Exchange RulesExample Authority Ranking Equality Matching Market Pricing Military squad Children playing a game Models of Social Exchange

43 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Communal Sharing Individuals trade according to rational rules of self- interest, taking goods and services in proportion to what they put in, and seeking the best possible “deal.” Tight-knit family Exchange RulesExample Authority Ranking Equality Matching Market Pricing Military squad Children playing a game Customer & Shopkeeper Models of Social Exchange

44 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Individual Differences in Communal Orientation People who have a communal orientation are less concerned with keeping careful track of inputs and outputs in their relationships with others.

45 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Communal and Exchange Relationships People are more likely to adopt a needs-based rule in communal relationships. Example: If you are taken sick, your spouse will excuse you from your share of the housework, but your credit-card banker won’t care. People are more likely to adopt a needs-based rule in communal relationships. Example: If you are taken sick, your spouse will excuse you from your share of the housework, but your credit-card banker won’t care.

46 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Proximity and Social Capital Proximity-attraction principle – the tendency to become friends with those who live or work nearby Also known as the “Propinquity Effect” or, “mere exposure” Proximity-attraction principle – the tendency to become friends with those who live or work nearby Also known as the “Propinquity Effect” or, “mere exposure”

47 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Proximity and Social Capital The proximity-attraction principle may be due partly to the ease of exchange with neighbors, and partly to the mere exposure effect. People also have a tendency to fall in love with others who they view as similar in some respect. 

48 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Proximity and Social Capital Mere exposure effect – the tendency to feel positively towards stimuli we have seen frequently

49 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Proximity and Social Capital Modern Americans are spending less time interacting with friends and relatives and more time inter-acting with media and using technology. Is this true? What might this mean? What about cell phones and IM? “Virtual Propinquity” and long distance friends and lovers.

50 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Are Exchange Relationships Different in Western and Non- Western Cultures? As compared to more traditional societies, relationships in western cultures tend to be: More freely chosen Less permanent More individualistic. As compared to more traditional societies, relationships in western cultures tend to be: More freely chosen Less permanent More individualistic.

51 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Are Exchange Relationships Different in Western and Non- Western Cultures? These differences may be related to: Differences in mobility Differences in proximity to kin Differences in individualism vs. collectivism. Modern urban dwellers move away from close relatives. These differences may be related to: Differences in mobility Differences in proximity to kin Differences in individualism vs. collectivism. Modern urban dwellers move away from close relatives.

52 Copyright © Allyn and Bacon Physical Attractiveness, Liking, and Friendship Physical attractiveness is a major determinant of liking in studies of first impressions; why? basking and self-image resources physical attractiveness and physical attraction Physical attractiveness is a major determinant of liking in studies of first impressions; why? basking and self-image resources physical attractiveness and physical attraction


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