1. Marital Conflict (Interpersonal Conflict) Alienating and Bonding Fight Tactics

2. Alienating Fight Tactics Tend to be destructive to relationships and ineffective in resolving conflict Often intensify conflict and create emotional distance between partners

3. Four Alienating Fight Tactics Sabotage—One partner attempts to undermine some activity of the other partner. Fight Evading—One avoids fighting no matter how angry one is. Gunny sacking and Kitchen-Sink Fights—One keeps one’s grievances secret and lets them pile up. After so many pile up that one can’t “take it” anymore, the result is a kitchen-sink fight in which partners bring up many different totally irrelevant past occurrences. Mixed Messages—One sends simultaneous messages that contradict each other. One communicates anger but at the same time denies the anger.

4. Bonding Fight Tactics Tend to be more effective that alienating fight tactics in resolving conflict Are less likely to alienate partners May bring the partners closer together The key to bonding tactics is that partners try to build up each other’s self esteem

5. Five Bonding Fight Tactics Use of I-Statements to Avoid Attacks— Why/you statements directly assault a partner’s character or self-esteem. I-statements convey positive feelings about the partner at the same time that negative emotions are expressed. Feedback and Information Seeking— –Seek feedback by restating in your own words what the partner has said. –Seek information by simply asking

6. Bonding Fight Tactics (continued) Focus Anger Only on Specific Issues Willingness to Compromise and change Don’t Try to Win