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1 Leadership Manual Charlie Appelstein, M.S.W. Creating a Positive, Strength-Based Culture.

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1 1 Leadership Manual Charlie Appelstein, M.S.W. Creating a Positive, Strength-Based Culture in Our Schools & Understanding and Responding to Students with Emotional & Behavioral Issues Using Strength-Based Theories and Practices

2 2 Table of Contents Introduction:P. 4 The Power of a Positive, Strength-Based ApproachP. 5 The Importance of MotivationP. 6 Strength-Based Action PlansP. 7 Gus on Pejorative LabelingP. 8 Understanding & Decoding Problem BehaviorP. 9 Reframing ExerciseP. 10 Challenging Behavior and Pejorative LabelingP. 12 Action PlansP. 13 Providing Hope & Possibility Through MetaphorsP Questions to Ask Your StudentsP. 16 Strength-Based Practice: The PrinciplesP. 17 Solution-Focused QuestionsP. 18 Self Esteem Building (Doing vs. Understanding)P. 19 Action PlansP. 20 Helping Inflexible & Explosive StudentsP. 21 Exercise P. 22 Seeing is Believing vs. Believing is SeeingP. 23 Respecting Roots & Cultural DiversityP. 24 Millimeter Acknowledgment & Hellos/GoodbyesP. 25 Working with FamiliesP. 26 School/Parent Partnership QuestionnaireP. 27 CueingP. 28 Cueing ExerciseP. 29 Stretching (Repetitive behavioral quizzing)P. 30 Externalizing & Naming Negative BehaviorsP. 32 Using HumorP. 33 Humor IdeasP. 34 Creating Individual and Group Incentive PlansP. 36 Strength-Based Mission StatementP. 41 Managing Number One FirstP. 42 Action PlansP. 43 Examining How it Feels to work with Troubled KidsP. 44 Checking your Baggage at the DoorP. 45 The Observing EgoP. 46 Strategies for Managing Self-Esteem InjuriesP. 47

3 3 Maintaining Staff Cohesion & Avoiding Team SplittingP. 61 Developmental Psych. & Peer RelationsP. 62 Personal Boundaries and Self-DisclosureP. 63 Pre-Talk ConsiderationsP. 64 Core Verbal InterventionsP. 65 Proactive Considerations for TeachersP. 70 Proactive Strategies for Students with Learning DisabilitiesP. 73 Behavior Management: Understanding, Prevention, and PrinciplesP. 75 Limit SettingP. 76 Logical ConsequencesP. 77 Self-Management Strategies for StudentsP. 83 Review QuizzesP. 89 Teacher Feedback FormP. 94 Personal Journal SheetsP. 99 Transactional AnalysisP. 104 Elements of Successful LeadershipP. 105 Additional Training SheetsP. 106 The Affect Scale & Feeling Zone P. 48 Content vs. Massage & Body MessagesP. 50 Power & Control from a Trauma Victim’ s PerspectiveP. 51 Power & Control ExerciseP. 52 The Importance of SupportP. 53 The Ecological MapP. 55 Maintaining Support Outside of SchoolP. 56 The Holding EnvironmentP. 57 The Developmental Perspective & Putting in the BricksP. 58

4 4 Introduction This intensive training regimen and training manual have been designed to provide the educational coaches with the content and skills necessary to effectively implement, model and sustain a strength-based educational culture in their schools. Strength-based practice is an emerging approach to guiding students that is exceptionally positive and inspiring. It begins with belief that all students have or can develop strengths and utilize past successes to mitigate problem behavior and enhance social, behavioral, and academic functioning. It continues with practice methods that identify and marshal these strengths for necessary behavior change and continued excellence. The course will teach the major components of the strength-based approach and demonstrate how the following eight training aides help to systemically weave the material into a school culture: 1. Modeling 2. Visual Cues 3. Film Clips 4. Feedback Sheets 5. Training Exercises 6. Quizzes/Learning Games 7. Literature (orientation & ongoing material ) 8. Supervision

5 5 “A smile is the face’s way of giving an emotional hug.” The Power of a Positive, Strength-Based Approach Strength-Based Practice: It’s all about Attitude & Actions Twenty years from now, the students you currently teach won’t remember much of what you said to them, but they’ll all recall how you made them feel. Educators maximize student potential when they convey an attitude to each and every one that says: I believe in all of you and I am thrilled to be part of your life. And then, through their daily actions…show that they mean it. Genuine believing attacks self-doubt, makes students feel better about themselves and provides hope… Hope is Humanity’s Fuel. Under-achieving students often struggle with self-confidence: “Self-doubt kills ability.” -Degas Excerpts from David Shenks’ The Genius in All of Us: But the new science suggests that few of us know our true limits, that the vast majority of us have not even come close to tapping what scientists call our ‘unactualized potential.’ With humility, with hope, and with extreme determination, greatness is something to which any kid-of any age-can aspire. Most underachievers are very likely not prisoners of their own DNA, but rather have been unable to tap into their true potential. Have you ever watched an actor in a bad mood? If you’re in a bad mood, it might be prudent to fake that you’re not. Actors entertain for a few hours. Educators save lives. A positive attitude sends the message: I want to be here. I care about you. I believe in you. You WILL succeed! Children & youth with post traumatic stress disorder will shut down (i.e. become protective) when approached by an adult with a stern expression. Research has shown that a student entering high school with a history of violence, is not likely to commit further acts of aggression (at his/her school) if the student believes there is at least one educator at the school that thinks “I’m terrific!” - James Garborino, Ph.D. “I was successful because you believed in me.” - Ulysses S. Grant in a letter to Abraham Lincoln When youth feel better about themselves they are more likely to use and cultivate their strengths.

6 6 The Power of Motivation “As teachers, let us commit to learning why “unmotivated” kids are unable to find their drive and inspiration on playing fields, on skateboard courses, in poolrooms, in video arcades, on mall concourses…or at nine thousand feet. What do these settings provide that we do not provide in the classroom? We constantly search for ways that we can “change the child.” Perhaps the first significant change should come from us. Perhaps we should first analyze and change our policies, procedures, and practices when dealing with hard-to-reach kids. - Richard Lavoie, The Motivation Breakthrough, preface XIX Most teachers and parents recognize that motivation is the key to learning. Reflect for a moment on your favorite teacher in high school. The chances are that he was an effective motivator. He inspired you. He was not merely a teacher, he was also a leader. He did not necessarily make learning fun, but he made learning attainable and purposeful. Whether you serve children as a teacher, parent, coach, or instructor, you will multiply your effectiveness immeasurably if you learn how to motivate your charges and maintain that motivation throughout the learning process.” - Richard Lavoie, The Motivation Breakthrough, p.5 Strategies for Motivating At-Risk Students Greet each student with a smile Send positive notes home Call a student’s home and/or program after a good day or accomplishment Get to know the strengths and interests of each of your students. Take an interest in these strengths. (e.g. If a student likes NASCAR – get on the internet and learn about NASCAR) Do the same with their parents: “Ask your dad whether he thinks the Patriots can win the Super Bowl?” Use self-deprecating humor (e.g. Don’t look at me if the Patriots lose on Sunday!...and then let them give you a hard time after a loss. Play a game (e.g. basketball, cards, computer, etc.) – try, but lose on purpose and pretend to be ticked off: “Don’t tell anyone that you beat me!” Ask their advice whenever possible (i.e. Empower!) Regularly post their work on a wall for all to see. Periodically celebrate successes. Let them know on a regular basis how much you enjoy working with them. Unexpectedly celebrate good days and/or accomplishments Keep things neat (Sends the message that you take the job seriously) Use humor liberally. Play music during free time and/or weave it into the content.

7 7 Strength-Based Action Plans: 1. Ask your staff members whether they believe there is a big difference between any one of them and the most troubled student they work with? Afterwards, cite the open-heart surgery example. (i.e. How would any of them feel if prior to be operated on, the surgeon said:) “I’d like to be honest with you. I’m kind of in a bad mood this morning. I didn’t get much sleep due to a research paper I had to write; and, this morning, my broker beeped me on my way in. I lost 10 grand on IBM! I told the sucker NO tech stocks! So I’m ticked and irritable but I can cut your heart open.” Ask your staff members: “Would you say cut doctor!” Discuss. 2. Retell the anecdote about the new teacher who thought her students’ locker numbers were their I.Q. scores. Ask your staff members to postulate why she did so well, why the difficult students all changed their ways? Ask your staff members: “Have you ever worked an entire day where at least 2 or 3 times you didn’t ask yourself: “What the heck do I do now? “What do I say here?” Then advise: Next time and every time thereafter you find yourself in one of those “What the heck do I do now” situations, think: “It doesn’t matter what I say or do right now. I’ll respond in the best way I can – based on my knowledge and experience. But the most important thing I bring to this job is my attitude. Remind them to think: Twenty years from now, this kid won’t remember much of what I said to her, but she will recall how I made her feel. 3. Talk with your staff members about the “rolodex”. Do all of their students go to bed with visions of hope and possibility? Do they have enough “Reasons to Get Up” cards in their rolodexes? Do they have hope? Are they (the teachers ) in each kid’s rolodex? 4.Ask your staff members: Does every student you touch believe that you think he or she is terrific? If not, why? And what can you do about this?

8 8 “ Look, I know some of us can be quite difficult. I was a hellion my first six months, considered quite obnoxious. But it was simply defensive posturing. (Can you say defense mechanism?) Kids aren’t bad. They’re just screwed up. The kid who’s pushing you away the most is probably the one who needs you the most. I think every residential center would be better off if they never used words as manipulative, lazy, un-invested, controlling, and obnoxious. They’re pejorative adjectives. When you label one of us in such a way, you contaminate the waters and no one wants to swim with us any more. “Manipulative kids aren’t fun to work with.” “They’re a pain in the ass.” “Boy, is that kid manipulative!” Every time we get blasted for being “manipulative” (or any other such term), our self-concept suffers. We take on that word – we internalize a sense of badness. Yet the kid you call “manipulative” might have come to your facility with a history of manipulating his way out of getting beaten. So, maybe manipulating ain’t so bad. Maybe it simply needs to be understood in the context of a child’s situation. Maybe people don’t need to use these words anymore.” P. 24 “I had been an excellent math student, but the day she told me I was “spacey” and unfocused was the day I stopped connecting to math.” Note: Throughout this handout will be references to the manuscript: Helping Traumatized Children Learn produced by Massachusetts Advocates for Children Gus on Pejorative Labeling The Gus Chronicles, Appelstein, 1994

9 9 Understanding and Decoding Problem Behavior Life isn’t what you see, it’s what you perceive! Pejorative LabelPositive, Hope-Based Reframe ObnoxiousGood at pushing people away Rude, arrogantGood at affecting people ResistantCautious Lazy, un-investedGood at preventing further hurts, failures ManipulativeGood at getting needs met Just looking for Good at caring about and attentionloving yourself Close-mouthed Loyal to family or friends Different, oddUnder-appreciated Stubborn & defiantGood at standing up for yourself Tantrum, fit, outburst Big message Learning disabilityRoadblocks Responding to Misbehavior: Understand ( behavior is always a message ) > Reframe > Squeeze When you change the way you look at a student with emotional and behavioral issues…the student changes.

10 10 Reframing Reframing involves taking a seemingly negative behavior and "reframing" it in a positive way. For example, a youth who appears hyperactive could be told: "Billy, you have a lot of energy. You can probably do more things in an hour than most of us can. I wish I could move like you.“ Try and reframe the following behaviors exhibited by troubled students. Write down the reframe you might utilize: 1.A student who is always looking for attention: 2. A youth who won't talk about his/her feelings: 3.A student who acts rudely: 4.A student who makes funny noises at the wrong time: 5.A student who acts in a stubborn manner: 6.A student who tattles: 7. A youth who frequently swears: 8.A student who's bossy with peers:

11 11 Reframing II 1.A student who is always looking for attention: R: I apologize to you for anyone who has ever put you down for looking for attention. I think it’s great you look for attention – good or bad. It means you haven’t quit on yourself. You probably haven’t received enough attention in your life and you’re looking for it now. Are there better ways to seek it? Sure, and we can talk about them. But I don’t want you to spend another minute of your life thinking that there’s something wrong with looking for attention!” 2. A youth who won't talk about his/her feelings: R: You’re a real loyal daughter. I think you hold everything in to protect your family and I think that’s quite admirable. Your mom is very lucky to have a kid like you. But this isn’t us against your family, we’re on the same side (connecting statement –see page ). 3.A student who acts rudely: R: You have an amazing ability to affect people! Or, “I think you’re pretty good at giving to others what you’ve received.” 4.A student who makes funny noises at the wrong time: R: You’re a very creative kid. What range, pitch, resonance! These are great noises. How about saving them for the end of the day. You can put on a show for five minutes. 5.A student who acts in a stubborn manner: R: You’re good at standing up for yourself and what you believe. Some of the greatest people in the world were quite stubborn about their causes: Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa. But the great ones all new when to give in a little. 6.A student who seems unmotivated: R: You’re pretty good at protecting yourself. If you don’t try you can’t be embarrassed. But you’re a bright kid and if you just take it step by step you’ll probably have success. 7. A youth who frequently swears: 5.R: You’re very expressive! You’ve got words I never heard before. Might use a few at the Cowboy’s game. How about saving the expressive language for times your alone with one of us, not in front of the other students. Thanks. 8.A student who's bossy with peers: 9.R: You’ve got great leadership skills. You’re a natural.

12 12 Responding to Challenging Behavior & the Negative Effects of Pejorative Labeling What is the strength-based protocol for responding to challenging behavior? To provide hope and possibility to troubled students in need, strength-based wisdom advises a three-step response: (1) understand the behavior (all behavior is viewed as a message), (2) reframe it in positive terms, and (3) hydraulically squeeze it into a benign place where it can be explored and appreciated. At the same time, students who break established rules are held accountable for their actions. It is important to remember that negative behavior generally comes for a positive place, which in most cases is self-protective. A student who always seems to be looking for attention probably needs more than the school can offer. It’s not her fault that she’s been deprived of it. How does a strength-based practice distinguish itself from others, in purely practical terms? Perhaps the key characteristic of a strength-based approach is the reluctance – if not outright refusal – to use negative labels when talking to or about an at-risk student or group. Pejorative labeling does young people a disservice by negatively influencing the way others think about them – and the way they view themselves. For example, call a teenager obnoxious and people will not want to engage her; call her a courageous youth who happens to be a master at keeping adults at a distance… and folks will be more inclined to reach out to her. As mentioned, when students feel good about themselves, they make better decisions. A critical remark from a teacher can reinforce the poor self-image many at-risk kids harbor and can jeopardize future interactions. Many at-risk youngsters blame themselves for the abuse they endured, and believe they deserved it. Kids who have abused by their parents – still love their parents. If my parents did this to me, it must be my fault. The task of transforming such children is to set the record straight: There are no bad kids or bad parents – just good people who sometimes make bad (sometimes really bad) decisions. Using pejorative labels with at-risk kids reinforces their negative self-concept. Practitioners who speak disrespectfully to or about a student are encouraged to apologize. In the domain of strength-based practice it is said: “Life isn’t what you see, it’s what you perceive.”

13 13 Strength-based practitioners need to perceive every at-risk child and youth as a wonderful human being with great potential. By doing this, practitioners make a positive future – for the students they service - more possible, which in turn, makes it more probable. Action Plans 1. Relate and discuss the following anecdote: Recall the two new teachers who were tricked by the researchers. One was told: “You’ll be getting the two toughest kids in the school” and the other “You’ll be getting the two honor’s students.” When the students were switched - each teacher responded to the students based on their labels, and continued to treat the students in the same manner after the truth was revealed. 2. Conduct the following exercise with your staff members: Tell them that they have an opening for one student in their class, and that there are two kids on the waiting list, and that a decision has to be made ASAP. You will give them a thumbnail sketch of each kid and they must decide immediately whom to take: “Youth number one is a thirteen-year-old girl with burn marks up and down her forearms. She wears long sleeve sweatshirts all year long, even when it’s ninety degrees. She doesn’t want a soul to see her scars. She was terribly abused by her stepfather who was imprisoned and is no longer in her life. He held her arms down on a hot stove multiple times. She’s described as a sad and very troubled teenager. If we take this girl, we’re under strict orders not to say a word about her clothing. She just entered into therapy and for the first time is dealing with her abuse.” “Youth number two is another thirteen-year-old girl who just got booted out of a group home in the next county. She’s described as rude, obnoxious, mean-spirited, and is quite heavy. She has hygiene issues and is very lazy. She was kicked out for slapping a staff member. “ Ask: Which girl would you take? Most will choose the first youth. Ask them why? Have them write down or call out their reasons for choosing girl number one. Afterwards, tell them that you just described the same kid. This exercise should lead to a good strength-based discussion, as well as being an eye-opening experience. Reiterate the principle: Life isn’t what you see, it’s what you perceive… A good educator sees every kid as an “A” kid.

14 14 4. Ask your staff members: “Why do you sometimes swear at and give the finger to a motorist who cuts you off in traffic? Is it because he cut you off?” Most staff members will respond: “Yes” Tell them the answer is no. Ask them to listen to the principle again: “Life isn’t what you see, it’s what you perceive…it’s what you think.” Now, ask them again why they give the finger? After listening, state: “Because we think the motorist is a jerk! But you don’t really know that…it’s our perception. What if God sent an to your brain right before you opened your mouth and gave the finger: ‘Joan, this is God. This man’s on the way to the hospital, his wife is dying? Would you still give him the finger?” “Life isn’t what you see, it’s what you perceive…it’s what you think.. You’ve got to view every student as a beautiful human being….because they all are. Behavior is always a message. 5. Show the clip from Remember the Titans where Danzel Washington reframes Lasko’s self-defeating comment in the cafeteria. See if your staff members can detect the reframe. “A self-aware kind of guy. I like that.”

15 15 Providing Hope & Possibility Through Metaphors & Positive Predicting “See your fears and worries about (pending issue/loss/transition) as a big snowball in the middle of your chest, and understand that as each day goes by, it’s going to melt a little. It may stay forever…but it will become so small that you can build a great life around it.” “It’s not a learning disability, bi- polar, Asperger’s; it’s a roadblock. All big cities have them, but people get to work on time every day. Why? They find away around it. You can to. Many successful people have roadblocks similar to your.” “You’re big and powerful…but you’ve gotten off track. All great trains get off track. What can we do to get to get you back on the rails? You will get to a good place.” The Melting Snowball Poker “Life is like a poker game. Even if you’re dealt a bad hand, you can still win the game. Prison is full of people who blame their upbringing for why they broke the law. But for every one person in prison who blames his/her family, there are 100 folks on the outside who were raised in similar circumstances but chose to be good citizens. The Roadblock TheTrain The 2011 Edition “Cars improve every year. People get better every day. You’re the 2011 Steven. You don’t over-heat as much as the 2010 Steven…have a sleeker design, follow the road signs better. Don’t give me this bull: ‘Same old me.’ You get better every day…wiser, more experienced, more mature.. Positive Predicting When you talk about the future in positive terms, you make any desired outcome more possible. And when it’s more possible, it becomes more probable! “How should we celebrate when…” “When we recover the onside kick….”

16 16 Relationship Building & The Art of Engagement 30 Questions You Could Ask Your Students 1. Tell me the five best things about you? 2. If you could have the following superpower which one would you pick? a. The ability to fly b. super-strength c. could turn invisible 3. If you were trapped on a deserted island and could pick one famous person to be with, who would it be? 4. If a genie could grant you any three wishes, what would they be? 5. What profession do you want to be when you’re older? 6. Who was the best teacher you ever had? Tell me why. 7. What would the ideal teacher be like? 8. Choose: Live to 100 in excellent health or win10 million dollars in the lottery but pass away at age If you are feeling sad, what meal would be the one that would cheer you up? 10. Do you believe men and women are equally smart? Why or why not? 11. Choose: Live forever in good health or five people you pick live forever (in good health)? 12. Is there anything you pretend you understand, but you really don't? What is it? 13. If a genie would give you only one wish, which would you pick, and why? 1. Being world-class attractive 2. Being a genius 3. Being famous for doing something great 14. What is your most embarrassing moment? 15. Tell me who you think are the three greatest musicians in the world? Why? 16. If you could change three things about yourself, what would they be? 17. If you had to have a disability, which one of these would you pick, and why? 1. Blindness 2. Deafness 3. Inability to walk 18. What are the qualities that make a good friend? 19. What do you say to comfort yourself when something scares you? 20. If you paid your bill at a restaurant and the waiter gave you too much change, would you tell him/her? 21. What do you think are the characteristics that make a good teacher? 22. Name the three music artists you most admire. Three athletes you most admire? 23. Choose: a. Super-human strength b. The ability to fly c. Able to become invisible 24. Name a TV or movie star that you think is lame. 25. Do you think it's important to get physical education in school? Why or why not? 26. If you had to live in another country for the rest of your life, where would it be? 27. Choose: If you had to eat the same dinner for one year…what would it be? 28. Choose: Find a cure for all cancers or stop all wars for the next 100 years 29. What have you done in school or sports or anywhere, that you are most proud of? 30. Choose: Win American Idol or win the Presidency?

17 17 Strength-Based Practice What is it?: An emerging approach to guiding individuals that is exceptionally positive and inspiring. It begins with belief that all students have or can develop strengths and utilize past successes to mitigate problem behavior and enhance functioning. It continues with practice methods that identify and marshal these strengths for necessary behavior change. Powerful combination of the strength-building model and solution-focused therapy Emphasis is on: Strength-building rather than flaw-fixing Doing rather than understanding Believing in every student – not “believing is seeing” (Unconditional support – “Seeing is Believing”) (Standard Behavior Man.) …which produces Optimism – which feeds possibility, and motivates coping and adaptive behavior, even in the face of difficult odds. Hope is humanity’s fuel. The Goal: Change rather than insight and awareness The Work: Problem-driven not problem-focused (solution-focused): Devoted to helping students initiate actions to dispense presenting problems Primarily short term Goal-oriented and focused on resolving the identifying problem Assumptions (or lack thereof)…. Strength-based practice does not assume that ownership of guilt is somehow automatically curative. …Does assume that change is inevitable, not uncertain Strength-based practice does not assume LARGE problems require LARGE efforts for solutions. …Does assume that SMALL changes can ripple out to bring resolution.

18 18 Solution-Focused Questions A model of questions that help students recognize and build upon inherent strengths. It’s the language of hope and possibility. Explorative Historical: “I can’t do this assignment! It’s too hard!” “How many difficult assignments have you been given that made you nervous just like this one? Quite a few, right. And how many did you get done? Just about all of them, right? So what are the odds you’ll get this one done? …Go back to any one of the difficult assignments you received – that you did well on. How did you get it done? Did you ask for help? Break it down? So, I guess you could do that this time, eh?” “I’ll never make it at that new school!” “How many kids in America, a year ago, where in your same shoes…nervous about attending a new school? How many of them adjusted okay and are doing well today? So if most of them are doing okay, why can’t you?” Qualifiers: “I hate this class!” > “So you’re saying you hate this class right now.” Past Tense: “I’m stupid!” > “So you haven’t been feeling real smart lately.” When & Will: “I’ll never make a friend!” > “When you do, what will it be like?” Scaling Questions: “On a scale of one-to-ten, ten being that you’ll make lots of friends at the new school – zero, you won’t make any….what number are you at now. When it’s higher in a month, how will you feel? Identifying In-Between Change “What will be the first sign that you’ve turned the corner.” Amplifying Change Using Speculation “You’ve had some great weeks. Do you think the reason you’re doing so well has something to do with getting older and more mature? Perhaps you’ve outgrown the little-kid stuff? Changing Perspective Question: “How come you’re not doing worse? Exception questions: “Have there been times recently when the problem did not occur?” Visit:

19 19 Activities & Self Esteem Building (Doing vs. Understanding) To help students enahnce self esteem, provide tasks and activities that offer a: Universal Opportunity for Individual Success P.57 “Every child has an area of strength in which he or she excels, Whether it is in academics, art, music, or sports. When educators can identify and focus on a child’s strength, they afford the child the opportunity to experience success, with all the emotional implications of doing something well. This is an important starting point in mastering academic content and social relations, which in turn serve as a basis for success at school.” Examples: Modify or devise sporting endeavors that facilitate success, such as a basketball game where the ball has to be passed three times before it can be shot. Academic tasks they understand and can accomplish Physical fitness pursuits (e.g. create a chart for walking/running) Art work that is doable; music & dance Special chores and/or work opportunities (e.g. helping in the office, cafeteria, with the maintenance staff) Games, often of chance, they can all win Helping or mentoring younger kids or those less fortunate Community projects Volunteering Animal care Every student needs his/her own special niche! Trumpet Success -Call home when a challenging student has a good day. -Have school personnel write congratulatory notes to a student who accomplishes a significant feat. -Post accomplishments on walls

20 20 Action Plan: 1. Give each of your staff members two dice. See who can throw the most consecutive rolls without getting doubles. They can start again when they get doubles. Play for around five minutes. Afterwards, ask them why it was fun? The answer: The activity provided a universal opportunity for success. Explain that we increase the odds for all students to function well and learn, when they have ample opportunities for success on a daily basis. 2. Ask your staff members what steps the school could take to increase student success opportunities and, in particular, for the more challenging students? (e.g. community projects, volunteer opportunities, creative vocational endeavors, more after-school sports, clubs and activities, in-house jobs, student government, school newspaper, etc.

21 21 Helping Inflexible/Explosive Children & Youth Characteristics of Such Kids: Display deficits in frustration tolerance Generally do not respond well to consequences and rewards (i.e. traditional motivational approaches) Symptoms are thought to emanate more from neurological as opposed to psychological factors Prone to stubborn, inflexible, explosive outbursts Often display genuine remorse after an episode How to Help: Create user-friendly environments to clear the smoke (take the air out of the balloon) Determine which behaviors need to be addressed and how best to respond. Categorize behaviors and responses into one of three baskets: A = Non-negotiableB = Compromise & NegotiationC = Ignore As kids meltdown and approach vapor lock, immediately distract, empathize, and offer aid. Help them to downshift into a calmer state (i.e. make the cognitive shift). A = Non-negotiable, often a safety concern. Consequences could be issued. B = Room for compromise & negotiation C = Ignore Most of this material is from The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, Ph.D. A B C

22 22 Exercise: Creating User-Friendly Environments 1. Pick a student who is often inflexible and can act in an explosive manner. Discuss: How “user- friendly” is the current environment to him/her? What changes could you make? (think baskets). _______________________________________________ 2. Pick a time of day or particular class that is struggling or problematic. How could you create a more user-friendly environment to better meet their needs? __________________ _______________________________________________

23 23 Strength-Based Practice: Principles  Seeing is Believing = Unconditional support If you visit the home of family that has a toddler or two what do you see everywhere? Toys. Did the children need to earn them? No. They were offered unconditionally. This act of unconditional love and kindness strengthens bonds, facilitates object constancy (my parents are always there for me), and enhances self-image (“I’m someone of value!”) vs. Believing is Seeing = Standard behavior management (If I do well, I am rewarded. If I don’t, I am not) Seeing is believing produces Optimism – which feeds possibility, and motivates coping and adaptive behavior, even in the face of difficult odds Seeing is Believing “Butch, you D’a man! We’re excited that you’re here!” NOT: Believing is Seeing! “ We’ll treat you nicely once you put that slingshot down, lose some weight, and get rid of that ridiculous hat!” Seeing is believing examples: Have lunch with a troubling student; Do something fun with a group that is struggling; bring in a special snack; give the group extra recreation time even if they haven’t earned it. “You don’t always have to behave great for me to treat you great. I love working with you guys and I care about you –regardless of your behavior. Of course, I like good choices and fine acting – but I’m behind you either way.” Perform Deliberate Acts of Kindness

24 24 Respecting Roots & Cultural Diversity The search for and healing identification with ancestors, people of the sam race, color, gender, and/or religion. People who INSPIRE and provide HOPE! Martin Luther King Harriet Tubman Franklin D. Roosevelt Explore: Customs, Traditions, Holidays, & History. Michael Jordan Amelia Earhart - Have students explore their roots. Help them to learn about and hang pictures of inspiring heroes. -Read stories aloud of inspiring historical (or current) figures who overcame great odds to make a difference. - Bring in foods, art, and other items that are endemic to a particular culture. Attend a concert. Bring in a movie, etc. Other ideas :__________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Cesar Chavez

25 25 The Millimeter Acknowledgement “Do you think it’s slightly possible that perhaps, maybe….” “Could, maybe, 1% of this have something do with…” Examples: Goodbye to: Home Hello to: School Goodbye to: Teacher Assistant Hello to: New adult in their lives “You can’t say hello until you have first said goodbye! Honoring Hellos and Goodbyes Stages of grief: Shock & Denial, Anger, Sadness, Acceptance Tip: Replace cognitive distortion (stinkin’ thinkin’) Example: Angry that staff member is leaving, but feeling lucky that we got to work together for so long. Strength-based practice does not assume that ownership of guilt is somehow automatically curative. SB goal: Change rather than insight and awareness Yet, behavior is always a message, and oftentimes the message of misbehavior can be rooted in an unresolved or faulty hello or goodbye. Life and a classroom is a series of hellos and goodbyes. Take them all seriously – from daily transitions to the loss of a family or staff member. Older teenagers often struggle with saying goodbye to the childhood they wish they had enjoyed. Admitting guilt is very difficult for some kids, especially trauma victims. Here’s an effective approach to helping kids accept more responsibility:

26 26 Working with Families Key Principles, Terms and Concepts “The more the relationship between families and the school is a Real partnership, the more student achievement increases. When Schools engage families in ways that are linked to improving learning, Students make greater gains. When families are engaged in positive ways, rather than labeled as problems, schools can be transformed from places where only certain students prosper to one where all children do well.” Excerpt from Into, p.1, Beyond the Bake Sale The Continuum of Parental Involvement 1.Engagement - Focus on the strengths and passions of each family member Understand & appreciate resistance (i.e. cautiousness) Take an active interest in who they are. Assist with socio-economic support. 2.Participation - Invite parents into their children’s schools. Create parent centers for collaborative learning and support 3.Empowerment - Actively seek their advice when there are important issues/questions regarding their children 4. Graduation School personnel and parents form Interlocking Partnerships Teachers s view parents as Collaborators Family work is Cultural rather than Compartmental* * All school personnel can reach out and make a difference with a family

27 27 What is a Family School Partnership Supposed to Look Like? Rate how your school measures up in this area: 1 = Never 3 = At times 5 = Most definitely From Beyond the Bake Sale, P Home visits are made to every new student_____ 2. Home visits are often made to the home of a struggling student_____ 3. Activities honor families’ contributions_____ 4. Building is open to community use and social services are available to families_____ 5. Most family activities connect to what children are learning_____ 6.School staff, families, and community members share recreational time together (e.g. holiday party, bingo, movie night, etc.)_____ 7. Parents and teachers look at student work and test results together____ 8. Community groups offer tutoring and homework programs at the school_____ 9. Students’ work goes home every week, with a scoring guide_____ 10. Translators are readily available_____ 11. Teachers use books and materials about families’ cultures_____ 12. PTA includes all families_____ 13. Local groups help staff reach parents_____ 14. There is a clear, open process for resolving problems_____ 15. Teachers contact families each month to discuss student progress_____ 16. Student-led parent-teacher conferences are held three times a year for thirty minutes_____ 17. Parents and teachers research issues such as prejudice and tracking_____ 18. School personnel assist families in seeking essential social, economic, medical and therapeutic resources_____ 19. Parents can use the school’s phone, copier, fax, and computers_____\ 20. Staff work with local organizers to improve the school and neighborhood_____

28 28 Cues to Use (Coping Thoughts/One-Line Raps) Encourage kids to create and practice coping thoughts - in the form of cues or one-line raps - to diminish or eradicate problem behaviors (i.e. bad habits). Cues are more successful when they rhyme, are rhythmic, humorous and repeated often. Practice makes perfect! The brain is designed to change in response to patterned, repetitive stimulation. Social Take turns when you talk, if you don’t the kids will walk. Give kids their space, it’s their place. Don’t poke, it’s not a joke. Think how they feel…that’s the deal. Stop and think, don’t be a dink. Stop and listen, cause you don’t know what you’re missing. Stay arms lengths away…today. It’s wise to look folks in the eyes. Always remember to say “thanks” and “please”…and cover the cheese! Think about you thinking about me…it’s as easy as 1,2, 3. Control the tone…or they might groan! Use an indoor voice, that’s a good choice, Line up quiet, don’t cause a riot. Anxiety Don’t be in a hurry to worry. Encouragement/Affirmations I’m smart. It’s in my heart. Learning is your (my) ticket to a good life. It’s my turn to learn. Done it before, will do it again. I’m great, just you wait! I can make it if I choose. Only I can make me lose. If it is to be, it’s up to me! Anger Control NBD…easy as 1-2-3! NBD…easier than 1-2-3! NO BIG DEAL! Breathe in, breathe out…stay calm - no shout. Let it Go. Let it go, Joe (Just stay cool no need to blow) Let it go…so (So I can be happy or earn things, etc.) When you get mad…don’t do bad (or don’t get sad)…just talk or walk. Talk, walk, or squawk! Here’s some advice, talk real nice. Stay in control, that’s the goal. I can, I will, I gotta chill. Organization & Distractibility Inch by inch life’s a cinch. Yard by yard life is hard. Make a list, it will assist. Stay on track, Jack. Hocus, Pocus, Focus! Like a King on a throne I can do it on my own. Step after step, that’s the prep. Don’t move all over the place, sit and learn with a happy face. No need to groan, I can start (do it) on my own. Sit and relax, learn to the max! Use Bongos! SB Principle: Big problems don’t always require big efforts for solutions

29 29 Create a “cue (rap) or two” for some of the students you work with: Bad Habit:____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ Cue:_________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ Bad Habit:____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ Cue:____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ Bad Habit:_________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ Cue:_________ _________________________________ ________________________________________________________ P. 31 “The prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain primarily responsible for the development of the executive functions, has been shown to be adversely affected by trauma.” Fortunately the brain is an amazing organism and even when it is impaired, it often has the ability through environmental interventions – such a s cueing - to be “rewired.” Neurologists call this characteristic of the brain: synaptic plasticity. When a child or youth repeats a cue (coping mantra) – over and over again with a set rhythm - dramatic behavioral gains can occur. The desired behavior, in essence, becomes imbedded in the individual’s neuropathways.

30 30 Stretch! Athletes always stretch their muscles before exercising or playing a game. For some students, a similar kind of preparation is necessary before engaging in an evocative activity. Children and youth who appear inflexible and are prone to explosive outbursts often have trouble functioning in physical activities that can be rough and unpredictable, such as touch football and basketball. Asking or requiring these students to “Stretch” prior to one of these activities, might prevent an injury or two! Example: 2 Minute Stretch Warm-up Form 1.Is football a very physical and unpredictable game? Yes or No 2.Is there a chance someone is going to hit, grab, pull, step-on, or trip me? Yes or No 3.If something rough happens to me, what do I think? a. “This is typical, don’t get mad.” Yes or No b. “I’m upset. Let it go! NBD (No big deal!) Yes or No c. “If I make a bad choice and hit, I could hurt someone or get suspended.” Yes or No d. “If I make a bad choice, people (can list names) will be unhappy with me.” Yes or No e. “If I do well, they’ll be proud.” Yes or No 4. Am I warmed up and ready to play? Yes or No. Suggestion: Create scripts to help students prepare for and practice potentially difficult interpersonal interactions. Example: “What can you say to yourself if you’re feeling bored? Practicing the Desired Behavior

31 31 1, Anger is a good emotion?YESNO 2. People like Martin Luther King used their anger to positively change the world?YESNO 3. Anger needs to be let out right? YESNO 4. When my anger starts to grow, it’s helpful to: Take some deep breaths or count?YESNO Think about a pig in a mink coat?YESNO Say to myself “Stop and think, don’t be a dink, YES NO NBD, or Let it go, Joe?” Take a step back and think – whom am I really mad at?YESNO Think about me being in a calm, beautiful place?YESNO 5. Sometimes we get too angry because of stinkin’ thinkin’ We overreact to situations, thinking the very worse?YESNO 6. It’s often helpful to replace negative with positive, more YESNO hopeful thoughts? 7. If I get angry and make a lousy choice, there will be serious consequences…which make life miserable?YES NO 8. If I control my anger properly, like I’ve done many times in the past, we’ll all feel pretty good.YESNO 9. I’m an awesome kid?YES NO 10. I’m going to make something of my life!YES NO Stretch! Topic:________________ The brain is designed to change in response to patterned, repetitive stimulation

32 32 Externalizing & Naming Negative Behaviors Giving life and a name to a problematic issue or “bad habit” (i.e. externalizing it) can help kids rid themselves of problematic tendencies/habits/compulsions. Examples: A student who needs to do things perfectly: “Get lost Mrs. Perfecto! Get out of here. Get off my back, you loser!” A student who is prone to behavior outbursts: “Get out of here Mr. Fitz!” A student who talks rudely: “Get lost Rudy! You’re nothing!” A student who argues incessantly: “Go far Mr. R!” “You’re through Mr. R Gue!” A student who is reluctant to write: “Get out of town, Mr. No Write!” A student who skips school or is frequently tardy: “Are you going to let I.B. Truant/Tardy get you into trouble next week?” A student who is often provocative: “Why are you letting I.B. Provokin get you in trouble?” Create your own:_____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ Rudy

33 33 Humor in the Classroom Role of Humor Forms a bridge between adult/child world (i.e. counters resistance) De-mystifies individual persona/reduces power messages Enhances relationship building Tension reducer Provides effective modeling Improves self-esteem Enhances identity formation (e.g. niche theory) It's FUN! It's reflective of the environment Demonstrates caring Rules: Try! But give up quick Do not view the use of humor as an extra; it should be an integral communication technique. Make no assumptions about who can or can't be humorous – for everyone is capable! Avoid sarcasm Forms: Self-Deprecating Slapstick Joke Telling Grandiose Praise Humorous Games Musical Expression Poetry Transitional Objects & Humor Sustain "humorous" moments via: The written word Photos Recordings Videos A study by Stanford reported that students learn 700% more in a classroom when humor is an active part of the teaching. Humor needs to be taken seriously!

34 34 Comic Ideas 1. The Sherlock Search: When checking desks or lockers, wear a Sherlock Holmes cap and use a magnifying glass! 2. Rap-it-to-them: Deliver announcements to the kids in rap style. Maybe “dress-up” a bit. 3. Magic/card tricks: Most toy stores and all joke shops sell these items. 4. Special dress day: Have the staff and/or kids all dress in the same color, etc. 5. Unusual objects: Bring in funny pens, wind-up toys, invisible ink, big playing cards, large sunglasses, etc. 6. Trivia questions: Periodically ask interesting - if not funny - trivia questions. They can be a great tension reducer. Occasionally, they can be self-deprecating: “Which teacher once cooked a turkey upside down?” (Obviously, be careful with boundary limits) 7. “What's Morton up to? (i.e. Getting the monkey off our backs) A stuffed-monkey can represent the “monkey-on-our back” that tends to give us negative messages about why we're not good enough, why our ideas won't work, or why blame belongs to someone else. Have a stuffed monkey available for times when kids have self-defeating thoughts. Converse with him at these times. Morton stays silent. Example: “Are you telling Carl not to try because he's not good at this?” “Shame on you, Morton. Carl is one cool dude. He knows that no one can be perfect at everything!” “What?....you think I need to brush my teeth?” “Well, I think you stink and need a bath!” * This form of humor helps kids to practice better self-management. (See cognitive behavioral sheet)

35 35 8. Nonsense Sayings: Be quick to intersperse nonsense sayings, particularly to reduce tension. Example: “Okay, Mary you have a choice. You can clean your desk now or you take the curtain, or spin again, Vanna.” “Sun of a gun, we're gonna have fun, on the bayou.” 9. The “Translator” Pretend a kid is from a foreign country that no one has heard of, and speaks a language no one can understand. Pick another kid who will translate for him/her. Have other kids and staff interview the foreign kid. The foreign kid will speak in gibberish. If he/she gives a short answer, the translator will give a long reply and vice versa. Example: Questioner: What is her favorite food? Foreign Kid: Yop – ka – be – dokee Translator:“She says that in her country there is a wide assortment of foods but that it is outlawed to have a favorite food because it might disrespect the other foods. If, on the other hand, you were to have asked her what food she likes, she would have most gladly replied, “Why, the devil dog, of course.” 10. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Take the academic material you are teaching and put into the millionaire format. Offer class “dollars” that they can trade in. Suggestion: Purchase the book The Laughing Classroom

36 36 Reward Improvement. Create an incentive system that’s easy to administer, and follow through! Make incentive systems time-limited unless they are part of an ongoing plan. If used for one or two kids, keep charts in a private place. Be discreet! Award incentives in a private manner. If other students complain. “Why don’t I get checks and rewards?” be honest with them, explain that every student is unique and that some have special needs. Ask for their help in getting the student back on track. Slowly raise expectations for incentives – but don’t act too fast. In general, the more troubled a student appears, the greater the frequency he/she should be rated and rewarded. As kids improve, frequencies should decrease. Be flexible! Incentive systems frequently need to be changed and modified. Kids often tire of the same rewards. A great deal of creativity and effort often needs to be put forth to successfully maintain systems. Make incentive charts and/or document forms colorful (but age-appropriate) and easy to read. Creating Group & Individual Incentive Plans Key Principles for using incentives:

37 37 Suggested Rewards: Educators must provide rewards based on available resources (i.e. "best possible"). Ideally, the best pay-off for a kid is individual time with an adult. Allowing the youth to invite a friend is even more motivational. If circumstances and/or resources do not allow for kids to earn one-to-one time, than earning computer time or time doing something else that's enjoyable is preferred to paying-off with material items. Other non-material rewards include: Special activity trips, additional free or recreational time, additional time at a favored activity, earning a special chore or activity, watching a video or having preferred music played. If material items need to be used as incentives, here are some options: Comic books, pens and pencils, baseball cards, games, art supplies, puzzles, candy, gift certificates, money, food, cassettes, CDs, DVDs The Medium of Exchange Younger kids often get excited about earning chips, tokens, “gold” coins, stickers, etc., which they can trade-in for the items or privileges listed in the chart. These symbols of success are called the medium of exchange. For younger kids, having them earn (name) dollars is a fun approach to behavior modification. Keyshawn Dollar

38 38 Sit and Relax, Learn to the Max Let it Go, Joe I Can you Know Controls anger, make good decisions, respectful to kids and adults) Outside the Room Bring JOY, not Doom Good transitions, uses proper language at all times, trustworthy. Acts Properly in hallways and lunchroom. Bills’s Good Choices Plan M * T W TH F Total for week______ 3 = Great choices in this area 2= Okay choices 1= A few good choices -- = Train off track am pm = Did some of my homework at home – 1 bonus point + = Completed all of my home- work at home – 3 bonus pts Daily Totals Stays in room more often, takes breaks inside of class, focuses on work without involving others Bonus Checks Monday am Date ________ Incentive:

39 39 Dates______________ Staying on Track, Jack! Goal(s) for the week: Attend school 4 days Be more respectful to French teacher M T W Th F Name_____________________ 8 checks = Pizza and soda on Friday Self-management tool Total__________ Total

40 N C On time? Prepared? Yes No Yes No Excellent Fair Off-Track Homework Assigned? Behavior Teacher’s Initials Class Yes No Name________________________________________ Date_____________________ Daily Tracking Form Key for Behavior: Excellent Fair Off-Track 1. Consistently follows classroom rules. 1. Follows classroom rules most of the time. 1. Chooses not to follow classroom rules 2. Actively listens. 2. Listens at least 75% of the time. 2. Chooses not to listen to the teacher. 3. Volunteers in class discussions/activities. 3. Participates when called upon. 3. Chooses not to participate in class- 4. Speaks respectfully to others. 4. Speaks respectfully to others some room discussions/activities of the time. 4. Chooses not to be respectful to others.

41 41 We believe there is no such thing as a bad kid or bad parent; just bad luck and bad choices. We believe that all of our students possess core strengths that can be utilized to help them make good choices and be effective learners. We strive to help students help themselves. Our approach involves mutually identifying, developing, encouraging, practicing, and maximizing the inherent strengths in every student we welcome through our doors. To accomplish our academic goals we establish a positive, upbeat, and safe environment that instills hope, provides multiple opportunities for success, and, at all times, adheres to the golden rule. We believe a good life is all about making good choices. Although we have deep respect and empathy for those students who have encountered difficult circumstances in their lives, our focus is on the present and the road ahead. Strength-Based Mission Statement

42 42 Managing Number One First! Ask your staff members the following question: “Who is the most important person in any interaction you have with a youth?” Answer: “You are! If you don’t respond well, the youth has no chance.” Staff members need to manage their own behavior before they can appropriately deal with the behavior of others (e.g. students, colleagues, and administrators). Any feeling a school staff member experiences – on or away from the job – is normal and often diagnostic. Feelings teach us about others. If, for example, a teacher feels anger towards a student, it’s quite conceivable that the youth has elicited this feeling to push the adult away or to displace anger felt towards others. Either way, the angry feeling reveals something about the youth. Most educators see themselves as helpers; individuals who take pleasure in reaching out to others. A person’s self-image (i.e. how one sees and/or defines oneself) is a sacred possession. Both new and experienced school personnel often question themselves (i.e. question their self-image) when difficult interactions lead to negative feelings. School staff members need to hear and understand that they are still the “good helper” even when intensely negative feelings arise towards a student or group. Negative feelings towards a student or group are not a sign of personal weakness; and it’s imperative that educators don’t act negatively in response to them. Negative feelings are, in part, a by-product of an intensely intimate and emotional environment, as well as any personal baggage a worker may bring through the doors. Feelings and actions are at times influenced by childhood experiences (i.e. how one was raised). For example, if a person was raised in a strict environment, there is a higher probability for that person to be strict with children and youth, or to act in the opposite manner. In addition to possessing a “ helper ” self-image, we also possess the image of the good son or daughter – or the rebelling child. Most people will go to great extremes in seeking the love of a parent – even if the parent is deceased. At times, school personnel will copy a trait or characteristic of a parent as a way of identifying with that person: “ I ’ m just like my dad. ” As a result, it is critical for all school professionals to check their baggage at the door before every shift. In other words, only bring the good stuff you got from home (e.g. unconditional love, affection, humor, warmth, etc.).

43 43 Action Plan: 1.Have your workers review the Examining How it Feels worksheet. Ask them if they can find any feelings on the left hand side that wouldn ’ t be appropriate to experience towards a troubled child or youth. Oftentimes, staff members will call out “ Sexual ”. Explain to them that it is perfectly normal to experience a sexual feeling towards an older student. However, it would be egregious and illegal to act on it. Explanation: Children and youth who have been abused, often act sexually and physically provocative in order to take control of a potentially harmful interaction. For example, if a sexually abused youth believes an educator is at risk to abuse her - and given the youth ’ s history, she believes all adults are at risk to do this - by acting seductively towards the staff member, she increases the odds that the sex will occur - and she will have been in control of it, as opposed to having it happen out of the blue (as it has before). This is called counter-phobic behavior. A student who has been sexually abused is afraid (i.e., phobic) about being abused again. To be in control of it happening, the youth often sets it up – even though, in reality, the youth wants desperately for it not to happen. “ Go ahead, call my mother. Kick me out of the class. Send me home. Suspend me. I don ’ t care. ” Angry “ Go ahead …” type remarks are often signs of counter-phobia. The student expects the staff member will hurt him (physically and/or emotionally), so he tries to make it happen (i.e. get it over with). This is why it is essential to stay calm when a troubled student acts provocatively. Staying cool reduces provocative and problematic counter-phobia. A loud, erratic staff member will trigger counter-phobic provocation. 2. Have your staff members complete the Checking Your Baggage at the Door Questionnaire. Inform them that the results are private. Remind them of the importance of understanding who they are and where they ’ re coming from.

44 44 Understanding, Normalizing, and Learning from our Feelings Typical Feelings and/or Traps 1.Angry 2.Frustrated 3.Out-of-Control 4.Disgusted 5.Guilty 6.Sexual 7.Insecure 8.Afraid 9. Overwhelmed 10. Add your own Influenced by: Personal baggage, limited resources, quality and quantity of supervision & training, temperament, etc. All feelings are normal. Learn from them; they are diagnostic. Misbehavior is a coded message. “The kid who is pushing you away the most, is probability the one Who needs you the most.” Gus Studelmeyer The Gus Chronicles (Appelstein, 1994 ) Feelings: Yes Acting on them: NO!

45 45 “ Check Your Baggage at the Door” This is a reflective questionnaire about who you are and why you’re here. No one will see this document but you. It is given to increase your self-awareness about past experiences and how they can influence present day decisions, practices, and attitude. For example, if you were raised by a punitive father it’s possible that you’ll act punitively towards your students because that’s what you learned. It’s also possible that you entered the field to counteract how you were raised (to heal some of the wounds you incurred) and will be too lenient (soft) with your students. At times, teacher’s copy the traits (good or bad) of a parent as a way of identifying with that parent – which, on some level, bring them closer to these individuals. Bottom line: Few people escape childhood unscathed. We all tend to bring baggage to our adult positions. Some of it should come through – and some should be checked at the door. Know thyself. Were you raised in a happy home? Did you receive enough attention from both parents? What kind of limit setting did your folks employ? (e.g. spanking, yelling, logical consequences, punishment, etc.) Were your parents physically affectionate to you? What kind of values were taught and modeled? Were there a lot of rules and structure in your home? Did your childhood experiences influence your decision to work with kids? What baggage should you check at the door? What should come through?

46 46 “I’m REALLY ticked…I could just - it’s okay. Stay cool…ALL feelings are normal. Learn from this. I’m suffering a bad self-esteem injury, but in a little while it will heal. Respond instead of React. Use the Force, Betty! …I mean, Luke.” Respond = The Golden Rule The Observing Ego Lack of support leads to punitive actions. Strategies to use in order to keep your cool 1.Think about the principle of lack of support being related to punitive actions – and don’t go there. Think: “I can do anything for 90 more minutes!” 2.Visualize yourself walking to your car at the end of a brutal shift with a BIG smile on your face thinking “I kept my cool all during the shift. I didn’t “react” like some of others. I did good!” 3.Think about tomorrow: If I respond instead of react to the end of the shift, my relationships will grow stronger…and the job will get easier. 4.Think about a M.A.S.H. Unit: When I’m at my worst, I need to give it my best! 5.Use the Force, Luke! Don’t succumb to the Dark Side. Don’t say or do anything to a youth or group that you wouldn’t want said or done to you. Self esteem is fragile even when It’s good!

47 47 Strategies for Managing Number One First! Managing Self-Esteem Injury No one has good self-esteem. Self-esteem is a fragile entity – even when it’s strong. Say to anyone with good self-esteem that “You look awful today,” and you’ve most likely ruined that person’s day. Even worse, tell a good self-esteem person that she is a lousy teacher, and that all of her colleagues agree, and you devastate this woman; and her ability to function well (i.e., use her teaching tools effectively) will be severely compromised. What good are tools (e.g. techniques, interventions, understanding, etc.) if educators can’t use them properly? Humans are incredibly susceptible to self-esteem injury. In a typical special ed setting, a professional is likely to suffer self-esteem injuries a day (e.g. a good talk does nothing, students are out-of-control, principal criticizes you, a youth puts you down, etc.) When self-esteem injuries occur, an educator must immediately use her observing ego, which is the inner voice that helps guide our actions, to self-reflect and then respond instead of react: “I’m angry and humiliated. I feel like getting back at the kid. Stay cool. Remember, behavior is a message. This kid is telling me something. Make a point to explore this. But for now, take a deep breath and chill out. You’re suffering a self-esteem injury. Everyone does. In a little while it will heal, respond vs. react to the kid.” Responding means never saying or doing anything to a youth, adult, or group that you wouldn’t want said or done to yourself. It’s the Golden Rule and there are no exceptions. There is a terrible double-standard in our society that allows children and youth to be treated differently than adults. This is wrong, and is at the heart of why so many youth act out. Chronic misbehavior is often a tragic byproduct of power that was misused against a person earlier in life.

48 48 The Affect Scale Youth’s anger In Control Key: Establish inverse relationship Adult’s affect As they get louder, you become more quiet Out of Control Safety is the only exception

49 49 The Affect Scale Youth’s Anger Adult’s affect Key: If the student escalates through the zone, the adult’s affect should grow more muted. FeelingZone Inside the “feeling zone” there is room to model affect-laden content. Said in a controlled, but somewhat expressive manner: “John, I’m really upset about the choice you just made.” “Mary, I’m angry about that...” Loss of Control In control Feeling Zone

50 50 Content vs. Message “ You won’t be around next week?” “You…won’t be around next week.” 2 weeks later… Use “I” or “We” instead of “You” when making requests, and try and start requests with “Please” and finish with “Thank you.” “Could you please put that away, thanks.” Body Messages “C’mon dude…let’s get it done, and then we can boogey. NBD brother.” “You need to get it done now!” NBD = No Big Deal! vs. Speak to your students at eye level or below. Approach students in a calm manner. Be careful about your pace, posture, facial expression, hand movements and body position. All verbal communication consists of two components: the content and message(s). The content is the actual information being relayed. The message refers to how it is perceived based on the manner it was conveyed. At-risk students are hypersensitive to the messages adults send.

51 51 Excerpt from The Gus Chronicles: Reflections From An Abused Kid (Appelstein, 1994) Within a month or two, something else becomes clear about residential treatment: POWER. It permeates the environment. Kids are told what to do, when to do it, and why it should be done. Sure, there's autonomy built in, but the sense of powerlessness can become great. The temptation to misuse power, on the part of the staff members, hovers like a fly over shit. Sometimes, I think the staff don't understand how powerful they are - and how that makes us feel. Three times I've returned from school to find out my roommate has been changed. "The new combinations make more sense for the group," I get told. Screw You! I hated Billy Parody. Rodney Jones farted all the time. And Carl Spooner was a certified looney. I ask you, the reader, how would you like to drive home one night and find out someone had moved your things across the street, and you were now living with Ed Magillicutty? You hate Ed Magillicutty! These kind of things happen all the time in residential treatment. Most kids have already been subjected to the misuse of power prior to entering a treatment milieu. A lot of anger builds up due to this. Unless staff members are extremely sensitive to this issue, they risk maintaining a sense of alienation between the kids and themselves. "Why?" "Because I told you so!“ This kind of power makes me sick. I've always liked the staff members who didn't yell and gave reasons for things. "Because I told you so!" Who the hell do they think they are? And if we respond angrily to this kind of power move we get in more trouble. POWERLESSNESS. It sucks. Looking at Power & Control From a Trauma Victim’s Perspective

52 52 1. How is power misused in a school setting? List any and all ways misuses occur. _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ Misuse of Power Exercise

53 53 The Importance of Support Any adult who works with challenging children is likely to become punitive if she does not receive enough daily support (i.e., training, breaks, time-off, praise, encouragement, etc.). Educational settings rarely provide their staff members with enough support due to financial limitations. As a result, most educators are at risk – at all times – but particularly as a day winds down, towards being punitive (i.e., reactive) towards his/her students. Teachers often react, rather than respond because they lack support and feel worn down. For example: At the end of a really rough day what is the typical teacher thinking? How about? A. “One more thing! If these darn kids say or do one more thing…I’m gonna… Or B. “The poor lads have had rough day. What can I do to make sure they all go home with big smiles on their faces?” Rarely does one answer “B.” Because at the end of a long, difficult day – one in which an educator has not had enough support (help, breaks, praise, encouragement) and has had numerous self-esteem injuries – he is primed to react. Because lack of support wears people out - physically and emotionally - which causes punitive actions. At times, teachers get angry with kids who require excessive attention. Occasionally a troubled student will misbehave after receiving special one-to-one time with an adult. This often angers the adult, prompting the following response: “That kid’s just looking for attention.” Is it wrong to get mad at challenging children and youth because we can’t appropriately meet their needs for more attention? No. But its critical to respond appropriately at these times. When agitated, use your observing ego to investigate the source of your frustration (i.e., lack of support, self-esteem injury) and then use it to do the right thing. “Carl, you’ve had it with this kid. You gave him extra attention and now he’s acting up even more. Wait. Stay calm. Even though you gave him some extra attention, it wasn’t enough. Don’t blame the kid. Sure, you can hold him accountable for his behavior, but don’t get mad at the kid for trying to meet his needs. The poor kid has never received the attention he deserves. And it’s not his fault that you don’t get enough support (nor your school’s – it’s the job you chose). Remember, behavior is nothing more than a message. See what you can do to get him and yourself more support. Stay calm. Respond vs. React. Attah boy.”

54 54 Lack of support being a major source of punitive actions evokes Star Wars imagery: It’s the Force vs. the Dark Side. In any educational setting where staff support (breaks, training, praise, etc.) is inadequate (and that’s true for all such settings), there is a strong, gravitational pull to the Dark Side (i.e. towards punitive actions). Any time an educator is inclined to react vs. respond to a student, his observing ego should immediately talk to him in the voice of Alec Guinness (Obe-Won-Kanobie), and say: “Luke, Luke…use the force, Luke...stretch out your feelings…the force is always with you.” If you work with kids, see yourself as a Jedi Knight. The second you cross the threshold of your school, understand that your name changes and you are now Luke Skywalker, a Jedi- warrior on a life-saving mission.

55 55 Other family Members School (adult) Schools (kids) Self Help Finances Relatives Neighbors Friends Recrea tion Household Respons-- ibilities Health & Medical (kids) Therapy, AA, Etc. Health & Medical (adult ) Commu nity Orgs. Work Rate Your Level of Support -3+3 Strong source of support Serious drain & lack of support The Support Continuum Me Support Quotient Couple or Signif. Other Religion The Eco Map _____

56 56 Maintaining Support Outside of School Lack of support can lead people to act punitively. If a teacher is not receiving enough support in her private life, she will be more likely to react rather than respond at work. The field of special education typically attracts people with personality types that lead them to give more than they receive (i.e. martyr-types). It can be helpful to ask yourself the following question: Why is it so important for me to please others? It’s essential for educators to constantly monitor their emotional and physical well-being, and to make sure they are taking ‘good enough’ care of themselves. Good questions to ponder introspectively: “Why is it so important for me to always help others?” “Do I only feel good about myself when I am pleasing others? “Do I feel guilty when I turn down overtime, or requests from friends to help them out? “Am I eating and sleeping okay? “Am I exercising enough? “Am I taking good care of myself?” On the following page is an eco-map (ecological map). Fill it out – and do soon a regular basis. Rate each support circle on a continuum from –3 to +3. A rating of +3 would mean it is an area that brings you excellent support. A rating of –3 would mean it is a category that is seriously draining you. For example, if you have a sick mother and are the only person caring for her, a rating of –3 would seem quite appropriate. A zero (0) rating would mean the area is neither providing much support nor draining you. When you have rated all the circles, add up all of the numbers. Subtract the minus numbers from the positive ones. The total number becomes your support quotient and is placed in the middle circle. Your goal is to keep this number as high as possible.

57 57 A person with a well-differentiated "self" recognizes his realistic dependence on others, but he can stay calm and clear headed enough in the face of conflict, criticism, and rejection to distinguish thinking rooted in a careful assessment of the facts from thinking clouded by emotionality. “People with a poorly differentiated "self" depend so heavily on the acceptance and approval of others that either they quickly adjust what they think, say, and do to please others or they dogmatically proclaim what others should be like and pressure them to conform. Everyone is subject to problems in his work and personal life, but less differentiated people and families are vulnerable to periods of heightened chronic anxiety which contributes to their having a disproportionate share of society's most serious problems. “ Excerpted from thebowencenter.org

58 58 The Developmental Perspective & Putting in the Bricks The first three years, including the pre-natal period, are the most important in a human’s life. During the first three years, parents create a holding environment for their children, which is defined as a total environmental provision in which kids are able to grow physically, psychologically, and socially. A regular or special education setting for students, some of whom have been raised in unstable environments, is in essence a holding environment where the elements of the first three years are replicated. They include: Unconditional Love Nurturing Appropriate Physical Affection Safety and Security Consistency Considerable Attention Meeting Food and Clothing Needs Intellectual Stimulation _________________ (add your own) The first three years can be termed the foundation years. Similar to a house, all children need a strong foundation. In other words, enough bricks to become independent and happy. Toddlers need to separate and individuate (achieve separation-individuation) and develop a good sense of self by the age of three in order to be independent and happy. If a child successfully navigates the first three years, she achieves object constancy. In other words, the child has a sense of security with respect to human relationships. Whether loved ones are present or not, she knows she has meaningful ties to these people (i.e. objects), and can function effectively. Many children who present with behavioral and emotional difficulties have issues with object constancy, and – as a result - trust. Their relationships with loved ones have often been tenuous and unpredictable – and this factor will manifest itself in how they deal with you. Many of your students enter your classrooms with weakened foundations. In other words, they did not receive “good enough” love, nurturing, limits, and attention during their formative years. As a result, they do not possess a good sense of self. More and more young people living in out-of home placements were born with – or soon developed - due to abuse and neglect – neurological problems. Research on children who have suffered early trauma in their lives indicates that brain development is adversely affected by trauma and a hostile living environment.

59 59 Due to these “wiring” problems, life is increasing more frustrating for these children. Great effort should be devoted to understanding the neurological condition of every student, and how to best meet their needs by creating user-friendly environments. Teachers should view themselves as fillers vs. talkers, who deal with deficits vs. conflicts. Filling vs. talking refers to the importance of “filling in the missing bricks” or framed in another way: Focusing on actions over words. Examples of “filling” are listed below: Coming in on time with a positive attitude Being consistent Providing plentiful activities Making each child feel special Helping with hygiene – with a smile on your face! Maintaining a neat and organized setting Using humor liberally (but avoiding sarcasm) Being proactive Doing necessary paperwork on a timely basis Setting appropriate limits Staying calm when kids misbehave Providing safety and security Maintaining an upbeat demeanor ___________________ ( add your own) Deficits vs. conflict implies that the conflicts troubled kids frequently experience are generally symptoms of a deeper problem, namely: an incomplete sense of self, due to basic needs not having been met earlier in life, and/or neurobiological factors. Think about a house build on a weak foundation… Beams are more likely to crack and windows to pop out due to the immense pressure being applied to the weakened foundation. The beam and window problems are conflicts the house owner experiences. Yet, if the owner replaces a beam, there is no guarantee that it won’t crack Again unless more bricks are placed in the foundation; the problem must be addressed. Educators working with students who have suffered trauma need to form appropriate expectations for the kids in their care, as well as themselves. Being a successful professional means responding vs. reacting most of the time. Every time a professional responds instead of reacts, she puts in a brick that remains forever; she increases the odds that that youth will have a slighter stronger foundation for which to build upon and use her strengths.

60 60 When a teacher has a positive, meaningful interaction (such as a great talk) with a challenging student, she should reflect upon the interaction and think: “Hey, that was a great intervention. I just put another brick in this kid’s foundation; a brick that will be in place forever.” The teacher should not get upset if ten minutes later the talk didn’t seem to have an effect. At this point the teacher should stay calm and respond vs. react. If she does, yet another brick will be added to that student’s foundation. A bricklayer feels immense satisfaction and pride when he views a completed house in which he and his mates painstaking built the foundation. The world of special education is no different. It might take years before the fruits of our hard labor come to fruition. Bricks can never be removed from a foundation. If, after placement, a youth regresses because she is in an adverse environment, she stops receiving desperately needed bricks – but the bricks that have already been placed remain forever. Although working with troubled young people is difficult and often complicated, the brick metaphor simplifies and affirms the process: A troubled student enters your school with 765 bricks (he should have received 3000 by now). The job of the educational team is to replicate what he’s missed and still needs so that he will leave with significantly more. If he departs a year later with 1243 bricks, he has not been cured, but he’ll be considerably stronger and the probability for utilizing his educational and social strengths - and having a good life, will be that much better. At the end of every night, when you play your day over in your head, don’t judge yourself solely by how well your students learned and behaved during the day. No, judge yourself by how well you behaved. Did you respond instead of react in most situations? Did you replicate what your students still need? If the answer is “Yes,” you put in some meaningful bricks – that will never be displaced – And increased the odds that tomorrow and beyond will be that much better. It’s all about the bricks. As mentioned, troubled kids need the adults in their lives to look upbeat and maintain a positive attitude. Bad moods should be checked at the door. A two-year-old doesn’t want to see her mom or dad come home in a bad mood. This would cause her to worry about the sanctity of the holding environment. When she’s older she can handle this - when she has the bricks. Not now. A fourteen year old who didn’t get it good enough in her early years, who still displays early unmet needs, might react the same way to a teacher starting a class in a bad mood as the two-year-old would.

61 61 Kids whose developmental needs get skewed, primarily during the terrible twos period, tend to do a lot of splitting. In other words, they try to get the adults in their lives at odds with one another. Splitting is a normal developmental occurrence that rears its head during the terrible twos, when a child is beginning to separate and individuate and doesn’t want to be told what to do. When the emerging two year old hears “No” for the first time, this causes stress, prompting the child to split: “When mom’s being good to me, that must be the good mom. When she’s saying ‘No,’ that’s the bad mom. If parents remain balanced (i.e. set reasonable limits but stay warm and loving) during the “splitting” (terrible two) period, the child emerges with a good sense of self and understands that mom (and dad) can be both good or bad, but is one cohesive person, and I am too. Kids who tend to split staff do so to because it brings them back to the developmental stage they still need to master. If staff members refrain from splitting and stay balanced in their approach to such youth, treatment progresses. Splitting is a stress reaction. When one feels stress, in the haste to relieve it, we polarize: Whatever is causing the stress is bad, and we’re good (i.e. we split) The stress of working in an under-supported educational setting coupled with the developmental need for the students to provoke disharmony among staff members, often results in schools having a great deal of inter-departmental splitting (e.g. clinical vs. childcare staffs, teachers vs. child care, etc.) Therefore, it is essential for school personnel to avoid splitting at all costs: Splitting stops a program/school – and a student – from moving forward. Youth: My mother said you guys are too punitive. Teacher:I like your teacher. I’ll give her a call to make sure we’re on the same page. Maintaining Staff Cohesion & Avoiding Team Splitting

62 62 Students who have not received good enough care in the first three years of life tend to be extremely egocentric. The message underlying their egocentrism: I’m preoccupied with taking care of myself because I don’t trust others to meet my needs. The extreme egocentrism we see in troubled kids is more about self-protection than self-love. Never put a youth down for being self-absorbed. Understand why they act in this manner and help them learn the skills to be more reciprocal. Because of their extreme egocentrism, troubled kids have great difficulty making and sustaining friendships. At the age of five, a normal child is very egocentric. He should be if his parents made him feel special. When children enter kindergarten, they decide (begrudgingly) to socially accommodate to their peers, and socially subordinate their desire to be in charge, in order to be accepted by their peers. By doing so, friendships are formed, social skills are learned, and self-esteem rises. Unfortunately, troubled kids rarely ever accommodate or subordinate because doing so is too risky. They would lose too much control of life. They must cling to their extreme egocentrism in order to remain safe. Sad Fact: Very few kids in residential treatment or special ed have ever had a best friend. A public school or special ed setting is a holding environment that should feel safe enough for kids to practice friendship building. Troubled kids desperately need to accommodate to their peers and subordinate their desire to be in charge at all times (i.e. learn friendship/social skills). Duo therapy is an effective modality for helping children make friendships and learn social skills. It involves pairing two kids with one adult for the purpose of social skill development. Tremendous effort should be made to pair kids up and have them practice friendship skills. Without friends most people will struggle through life. Kids who do not receive ‘good enough’ care in their first three years of life are at risk for a number of behavioral disorders (oppositional defiant, conduct, and character disorders). If a youth is diagnosed with a character disorder such as borderline personality disorder, it is a life- long condition that can only be modified, not cured. A character disorder is the same thing as a personality disorder. Great idea: Once or twice a week have “Buddy Time” Randomly match kids for a task or activity. Use incentives if necessary to motivate and reinforce this endeavor. Developmental Psychology & Peer Relations

63 63 Exploring Personal Boundaries & Self-Disclosure Do you have a boy/girlfriend? Do you have sex? Are you gay? Are you straight? Do you drink or do drugs? Did you do either when you were my age? Where do you live…with whom? Where? Have you ever been abused? Been in therapy? Do you gamble? Buy lottery tickets? Where did you grow up? Any brothers or sisters? Are you my friend? Do you love me? How would you respond if a student asked you any one of these questions? Key considerations if asked: Will my answer create a split? How will the student experience my answer? What is the student’s frame of reference? It’s best to be conservative and adhere to a strong self-disclosure policy when working with troubled young people.

64 64 Pre-Talk Considerations When approaching an agitated student or group: Number One Goal: Engage Listen, empathize, paraphrase, offer help, repeat, offer hope…HOOK ‘EM in! Don’t be defensive. Anticipate negative comments – don’t take them personally… “It’s an injury and it will heal.” Expect displacement (i.e. anger directed at you that is meant for someone else.) Assess your relationship and feelings toward the student. Think PIE (i.e. everyone deserves an equal slice) An unpopular student receives equal respect/treatment Practice the talk in your head. Longer discussions generally have a beginning, middle, and end phase. Other considerations :_______________________________ _____________________________________________

65 65 Core Verbal Interventions Supportive Statements : Responses that support where a youth is “coming from.” Supportive comments are non-judgmental and empathic. They are meant to engage and comfort a student during a time of emotional unrest. Offering to help is a supportive intervention Examples: “John, you seem really upset. What’s going on?” “Who can blame you for feeling so angry.” “Boy, this has been a rough day.” “What can I do to help?” Repeating or Paraphrasing w/qualifiers: Refers to the act of repeating back or paraphrasing (i.e. stating the key points of what a youth has said). Repeating should be used judiciously. Example: Kid: “I hate this place!” Adult: “It sounds like you hate this place, right now.”* * Solution-oriented, possibility language Feelings Exploration: Troubled youth sometimes have difficulty expressing how they feel. Adults need to help these kids identify, manage and work through the myriad of feelings they experience. Examples: “So how do you feel about that?” “How does that make you feel?” Helping kids articulate their emotions is okay, at times: Examples: “Are you feeling hurt and angry?” “Many kids would feel angry about what happened. Is that how you feel?” Young people who have suffered trauma often have trouble identifying and managing their feeling. They need your help. Sandwich Approach: During stressful encounters it is often easy for adults to focus on what went wrong as opposed to what went right. Troubled youth often become overwhelmed and reactive when confronted with their mistakes. Therefore, it is often wise to interject something positive into a dialogue – particularly during the early phase of a conversation. Doing so helps diffuse rising anxiety and frustration. Positive words should be delivered in a more animated fashion.

66 66 Example: “John, you made a big mistake when you ran off. But, you made a great decision to return after an hour.” Note: Framing positive and negative behavior in terms of mistakes and decisions is an effective way of addressing issues that are often problematic. Specific words help adults to keep troublesome interactions from becoming personalized Praise and Encouragement: Most troubled children and youth suffer from praise deficit. Most experts believe that there is a strong correlation between a child’s improved functioning and the amount of praise and encouragement he/she receives. Examples:“That was fantastico! You really know how to keep your cool.” “I know you can do it. You’ve done it before. You D’a man! Praise is more effective when it is specific as opposed to general. Examples:Okay: “You did a great job with that assignment.” Better: “ Great job! Your penmanship was excellent and your choice of vocabulary was impressive.” Humorous Words: Humor ought to be taken seriously. One doesn't have to be funny to use humor (although it does help). Key Humor Rule: Use humor, but if it is not well received, abandon it quickly – and don't use sarcasm. Examples: “Hey, you seem to be trying very hard to get me mad. And do you know what? You're doing great job! I'm really upset..” To an eight-year-old: “You’re acting just like an eight-year-old!” Apologizing: Refers to the ability to admit mistakes. How can we expect children and their parents to take more responsibility for their actions if we ourselves are reluctant to do so? Modeling vulnerability, and humility Example: “I apologize for yelling at you, Billy. I got a little too upset. I'm sorry.”

67 67 Reasoning Responses: Refers to the process of explaining why certain behaviors need to be addressed and/or warrant consequences and the possible ramifications if such behaviors are not dealt with. Example: “Could you please take a break? Stomping around makes people feel uncomfortable. What if we let all the kids stomp like that? It would be pretty loud and chaotic around here.” Connecting Statements: In limit setting situations and/or when adults and youth are on different sides of an issue, it is often helpful to take a step back and make a connecting statement. These interventions build a bridge between the two parties. Example: “Hey, I don't like having to ask you to leave class. It's not me against you. You and I are on the same side. Heck, I’m President of your fan club. This hasn't been a fun day for either of us.” Empowering Interventions: Challenging kids are often hypersensitive to power being used against them. Interventions that shift power back to them are extremely effective. Asking troubled kids for their opinions and giving them choices regarding important aspects of their day are empowering interventions that greatly facilitate emotional growth and improved functioning. When we say to a troubled child, “You make the decision,” we are really saying: “You take the power,” and the message to the kid is: I trust and believe in you. A troubled youth with little self-confidence needs to hear this message over and over again before he'll believe it; and when he does, he's not so troubled anymore. Examples: Student: “Bruce is bothering me!” Adult: “What can you do to get him to stop?” Student: “What's my consequence?” Adult: “What do you think it should be?”

68 68 Explorative Response (psychological): Troublesome behaviors are sometimes symptoms of underlying emotional upheaval (i.e. displacement). Given relationship factors and context, a teacher might choose to explore possible sources of discontent. Example: “You know, it seems like you're pretty worked up about a rather small issue. You don't usually act this way. Is there anything else bothering you?” Note: Depending upon your relationship, you might choose to volunteer or assist a child with a possible reason for his/her discontent. Example: “I heard you mention your mother. Everything okay at home?” “Today is Thursday. Is there anything happening tomorrow that might have you worried?” It is often helpful to use the millimeter acknowledgement technique when using an explorative psychological response. Example:You seem off track this afternoon. Not yourself. Do you think there’s a one percent chance that some of your problems have something to do with a home issue? Maybe one percent? Explorative Response (historical): The ultimate goal in helping an agitated youth is to assist the youth in managing her own behavior (i.e. look within for solutions). This goal can be met by asking the youth to recall something positive from her past that will help in the present. Example:“You’re pretty frustrated and upset right now. When you’ve been in a similar position in the past, what good decision(s) did you make?” “You hit Roger because he made you angry? Have you ever been angry with a kid and not hit him? Why? What were you thinking that stopped you from hitting him? Have you showed this ability to control your emotions more than once?” “You seem to think that none of the teachers like you at this school. Have you ever had a teacher that liked you? Tell me about her. Why do you think she liked you? Why did you like her? So, would you agree that you’re clearly a likeable kid?”

69 69 Explorative (reflective): It is often helpful to ask a youth to reflect upon the efficacy of a certain mode of relating. Example: To a youth who often speaks disrespectfully to adults: “When you talk to me and other adults like that, does it work for you? Are you getting what you truly want? Could you possibly try a different approach?” Surface Clarifications: Although it is important to explore a child's underlying issues, it's equally important to clarify problems in the here and now. Example: “So, lets make sure we've got this straight. The thing upsetting you most is that Bobby got to switch seats and you didn't. Is that correct?” Plan Making: Proper utilization of the techniques contained in this handout help educators to work through sensitive issues with youth. To be truly helpful, most serious conversations should end with the adult and youth making a plan for the future. We want to help children learn new ways of conducting themselves and reinforce good decisions. Example: “Okay, Cheryl, I'm proud of the way you talked about this. I know it wasn't easy. Do you think we can make a plan to help you avoid making the same mistakes next time?” “What might be a better way to let people know some of the kids are teasing you during recess?” Kid: “Talk to one of the lunch monitors.” “Sure. That's a good plan.” “Maybe, you can start a school journal, as well. Write down how things are going outside. Would that be something we can add to the plan?” Kid: “Yeah, I like that.”

70 70 Proactive Considerations for Educators Rate yourself from 1-5: 5 = Excellent in this area 3 = Okay 1 = Serious room for improvement 1.Rules are clear and posted, as well as the daily schedule. In Middle and High Schools, teachers preview the class ahead.____ Rules are taught for 2 weeks. Considerable effort is devoted to teaching and practicing “good” behavior. Use role-plays, modeling, scripting, games, quizzes, cues, and direct communication to repetitively teach expected behavior (i.e. good choices). Positively reinforce good decisions. Adult: “In one minute, we’re going to put the games away. What are you going to say when I ask you to stop? ‘Thanks Mr. A for the extra minute.’ 2. Transition times are structured and orderly.____ a. Students are warned about upcoming transitions: “In a few minutes we’ll be going to science." b. Students line-up quietly. If they are loud and rambunctious during transitions, they should be asked to return and try again. Options: Transition kids in groups of two, have them line-up based on birth dates, table location, etc. 3. Seating assignments make sense.____ a. Troubled students could be separated during key academic periods. (First, give them a chance to sit together.) b. Students who often need “breaks” should be sitting closer to the break area(s). 4. Students are not hungry.____ 5. Classroom is neat and orderly. Student desks/lockers do not get too messy.____ 6.There is a non-stimulating “safe” place for disruptive/agitated students to “take a break.” ____ a. Have educational material and/or self-help material available for students in break time. 7.There is an established limit-setting progression____ (e.g., 2 warnings > break > refusal > office visit - or alternative location - > detention > suspension) Students are held accountable for their behavior at all times in the progression.

71 71 8. The room(s) appears colorful and inviting.____ 9. The physical lay out of the room is most conducive to learning.____ For example, a horizontal classroom with 2-3 rows of seats situated in a semi-circle will provide a teacher better access to each student than a vertical classroom with six rows of seats. In addition, it is helpful to establish separate areas within a classroom with distinct boundaries (i.e. a book shelf or divider) 10. Teachers, parents, and other collaterals have established systems for communicating with one another (e.g. homework assignment books, regular phone contact, , established meeting times, etc.)____ a. Regular or as needed class meetings often improve communication and relationships between teachers and students._____ Meetings should have established rules and be designed to empower students. Sample rules: Appreciation of Others (i.e. no put-downs) Listen Attentively Respect Everyone Right to Pass (students can pass when it’s their turn) "What can we do to make this a better class?” “What can we do to resolve this issue?” “What can we do to learn more about each other? Tips: Designate a special gesture to keep things under control. For example, when the the teacher raises their hand, everyone else raises their hand and stops talking. At times, teachers use a special object (of interest) that is passed around – a person can only speak if he/she is holding the object. At each class meeting, introduce a positive sentence they must finish: “One thing I like about our classroom is…” “I’m grateful that…” “One good thing that happened to me recently is…” “ I wish…” …. “ I hope that….” 11. Requests to students are issued using the words "Please" and "Thank you.” and most requests do not start with the word “You”…instead “I” or “We”._____ 12. Limits are set in a calm and predictable manner.____ 13. Teachers regularly use and promote humor (not sarcasm) with their students._____

72 Teachers regularly circulate throughout the classroom.____ 15. Student accomplishments are trumpeted and/or displayed.____ 16. Teachers call parents when a challenging student has had a good day!____ 17. In elementary school classrooms, a weekly Chore Chart can add structure and be both an empowering and self-esteem building vehicle. A great chore to create: "The Class Comedian!“____ 18. Teachers enthusiastically welcome students when they enter the classroom.____ 19. Requests are specific vs. general____ Yes: “Please do problems 1-4.” No: “Get your math done.” 20. Assign tasks in a sequential manner. Break down all the long-range assignments and projects. Give shorter time frames._____ 21. Teachers make it a priority to explore and know the strengths of their students. ____ Examples: A student who excels in sports could have certain academic principles explained using sports metaphors. Students with hands-on strengths could learn by “doing” vs. listening_____. 22. Each class has its own routines and traditions that help make it special. _____ For example: Oldest student writes and reads a note of “thanks” on Thanksgiving; write a funny poem for students on their birthdays; have a special class greeting or rap, etc. 23. Teachers stay calm as students grow more agitated (i.e. Use the Affect Scale)____ 24. Teachers often utilize positive, strength-based verbal interventions._____ 25. Teachers talk about the future in positive terms (positive predicting)?_____ 26. Teachers are cognizant of the body messages they send (e.g. knowing when to give students proper distance, when to get lower, how to angle themselves, etc.)_____ Add your own:________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

73 73 Proactive Strategies for Students with Learning Disabilities: 1.Have them pre-read a page or section that you will be covering in class. Let them know which questions you’ll be asking them. 2.Stand behind them when it’s their turn to participate. Help them with difficult words and sentences. 3. Ask them to read and/or comprehend words, sentences, and paragraphs that are shorter in length. 4. Be aware that the energy it takes an LD student to decode the written word often has an adverse affect on comprehension skills. 5.Provide more individual attention. At times, it is helpful to enlist the aide of other students to help the cause. 6.Provide frequent and regularly scheduled breaks 7.Expect performance inconsistency and respond accordingly (e.g. If they’re “on” challenge them more; if they’re not, be more cautious about your expectations). Help LD students to understand this phenomenon and cope accordingly. This neurologically based problem causes students to have good days and bad days that are largely beyond their control. In a study conducted by Jonathan Cohen at Columbia University, eight hundred adolescents with learning problems were asked to identify the most troubling and frustrating aspect of their learning disability. The majority of the students cited performance inconsistency. 8. Provide more direct instruction and as much one-to-one instruction as possible. Use guided instruction. 9. Teach and practice organization and study skills in every subject area. 10. Design lessons so that students have to respond actively – get up, move around, go tot the board, move in their seats.

74 Design tasks of low to moderate frustration levels. 12. Use computers for instruction 13. Challenge but don’t overwhelm. 14. Provide frequent feedback. 15. Schedule difficult subjects at these students’ most productive times. 16. Monitor independent work 17. Use mentoring and peer tutoring 18. Allow doodling or appropriate mindless motor movement. 19. Allow time during the day for locker, backpack, and desk organization. 20. Have students create a master notebook-three ring binder- in which they can organize (rather than stuff) papers. Limit the number of folders. Monitor notebooks. Have daily and weekly organization and clean-up routines. 21. To assist with memory retrieval teach these students memory strategies such as grouping, chunking, and mnemonic devices. 22. For difficulty in sticking with and finishing tasks add interest and activity to tasks. Divide larger tasks into easily completed segments. Shorten overall tasks. Allow the students a choice in tasks. Limit lecture time. Call on these students often. 23. For difficulty in beginning tasks: repeat directions. Increase task structure. Highlight or color-code directions and other important parts of the assignments. Teach the students keyword-underlining skills. Summarize key information. Give visual cues. Have the class start tasks together.

75 75 Behavior Management: Understanding, Prevention, and Principles View misbehavior as a message: “Something is wrong. I need help.” Try to respond instead of react to difficult behaviors. In other words, don’t say or do anything to a student that you wouldn’t want said or done to yourself. Practice the Golden Rule Use your observing ego (e.g. “It’s an injury and it will heal. Respond instead of React”) Practice pattern identification. Note if a child or group act out in a predictable manner (i.e. at the same time each day, over the same issues, etc.). Once a pattern is identified, investigate your (or the setting’s) role in contributing to the problem(s). What can you change, modify or practice? How can you make the environment more user-friendly? Next, seek out the student’s input and develop a plan. Constantly practice and reinforce the desired behaviors. Behavior experts suggest that students should hear four positive comments for every one negative. Catch them doing it right. Positive reinforcement is far more effective than discipline in promoting positive behavioral changes. Use consequences instead of punishment. A consequence is related to an inappropriate behavior, a punishment is not. Consequences reinforce the values of your setting/society. In general, the sooner a consequence follows a misbehavior the more effective it will be. Try and avoid delayed consequences except for serious behaviors. Issue consequences that have a high probability of being accepted. Be careful about using traditional motivational approaches with non-motivational youth (A,B,C Baskets) Establish a limit setting progression. In other words, everyone should know exactly what happens if a student refuses to accept a limit. Use best possible interventions but advocate for resources to enhance the learning climate as it Relates to the emotional well-being of all concerned. Whenever possible, and for more serious behaviors, try and let the students decide the appropriate consequence(s). Practice progressive discipline

76 76 Limit Setting Limit setting progresses in five clearly defined stages: First:Supportive Second:Logical Consequences Third:Physical Intervention Fourth:Processing Five:Reintegration First Stage: Supportive Interventions include but are not limited to: Verbal prompts, reminders, warnings Redirection, distraction, divide & conquering Appropriate verbal dialogue (e.g. Compromise, negotiate, reframe, support and help, explore historically) Hydraulically squeeze (i.e. Find a benign place for the student (or group) to do the same behavior. Example: A teen who swears is allowed to swear one-on-one with an adult in a private location). Humor (but not sarcasm) Non-verbal interventions (e.g. Hand signals, lights out, circulating around the room, rhythmic clapping, standing on a table, lying on the floor, etc.) “Love the object” If a student is playing inappropriately with an object – take an interest in it. Follow-up later. Use the power of a group Channel (e.g. Have an energetic kid do something physical, have the entire class do some exercises) Hold an impromptu meeting….Play a music box every time the class gets off track. Reward them if the box still has music to play at the end of the day Vicarious reinforcement (Praise another youth for the behavior you want the youth in question to display.) Selectively ignore In general, if two or three supportive interventions don’t work in a relatively short time period, a logical consequence should follow.

77 77 Proximity Manipulation Levels of supervision can be intensified when students behave inappropriately: “John, would you please sit up front for the remainder of the class?” “Carla, we're going to walk side-by-side to the gym.” “Billy, you will need to be escorted from class to class until you’ve earned back some trust.” When a student begins to improve his behavior, he can earn the incentive of gaining more freedom, with respect to his/her proximity to adults. Supervision levels can be created to address unsafe, problematic acting out, such as: In- sight, one-to-one, and close supervision. These levels – which represent proximity manipulation – can be adjusted as a kid or group regain (earn) their trust. Re-Doing Students who have trouble meeting expectations, such as walking quietly to lunch, not running in the hallways, talking inappropriately, etc., can be asked to re-do the specific task: “Okay John, I'd like you to go back to the door and try walking here again...s-l-o-w-l-y.” “Could you please try and redo this assignment? I don’t think it’s your best effort.” “Could you please try and say that to me again? Thanks.” Option: “I think you said I’m a wonderful dude and a sharp dresser, but I’m not sure.” The Directed Chat When a student is not responding to supportive interventions, a teacher – if conditions permit – can request a private chat, preferably in a different location. By changing location, it is often easier to approach the issue at hand with more calmness and emotional distance. Going to a neutral location often facilitates conflict resolution. An educator, for instance, could ask a disruptive student to join her outside the class for a minute. Oftentimes, by giving a student or group such attention, problematic behavior is ameliorated. Logical Consequences

78 78 Natural Consequences Natural consequences involve discipline that it is a natural byproduct of one’s actions. Examples: “I think I am going to stop working with you now. I’m uncomfortable with your language. You could make better choices. I’ll check back with you in a little while to see if you can talk with me in a more civil manner.” If a group is too loud and unruly an adult could just sit quietly and wait for them to calm down. The educator could look towards the clock (meaning they’ll be losing free time) Other consequences could be applied if this intervention isn’t successful. A youth refuses to do his homework. The natural consequence: He fails the test. A youth refuses to wear gloves. The natural consequence: Frozen fingers Removal of Attention At times, the best way to deal with negative behavior is to walk away from it and/or switch-off. Educator: “You’re choosing to make me upset. I think I’m going to take a break from being with you now. I’m hoping that later we can work this out.” If an educator is becoming angry with a youth or group, a fellow staff member should be empowered to step in and take over for the person. Some schools/programs employ a “tag-off” like in professional wrestling.

79 79 Loss of Privileges Restricting a privilege, such as using a computer or going out to recess is generally a delayed consequence and should only be used for more serious behaviors or when minor behaviors become problematically repetitive. However, when students commit serious infractions to school rules…a restriction meted out based on the severity of the action and the frequency it has occurred is often the appropriate consequence. Bettelheim: Taking activities away from a troubled child is like taking cough syrup from a person with a sore throat. Problem Behavior: A student visits inappropriate websites during school. Response: The student is restricted from using the school computers for a determined period of time – based on severity and frequency. Problem Behavior: Students are caught texting during class. Response:They lose the right to use their cell phones in school for a determined period of time – based on severity and frequenc Reparation (Restitution, Community Service, etc.) If a child or youth acts out towards a human being or physical object, it invariably causes psychological and physical damage, respectively. It is, at times, helpful to have the student (or group) that has offended repair the damage (within herself, as well). Examples: Problem Behavior: A student is caught bullying others: Reparation: Have the student apologize to the kids he/she has tormented and require her to help others for a certain duration of time. Problem Behavior: A student throws food in the kitchen: Reparation: Require the youth to help out in the cafeteria.

80 80 Problem Behavior: A student is caught texting during class Reparation: The student loses the right to use his/her cell phone for a determined period of time – based on severity and frequency Another way to frame this consequence is to view the act of repentance as “giving back.” Principal: “Bill, you took away some of the respect and harmony we feel here by making the bad decision to damage the property. I’d like for you to give something back by coming up with a project that will contribute to the well-being of the school. You took something away…now give something back Whenever possible let the student or group decide the consequence

81 81 Breaks (Time-Out) Students often react negatively to the term time-out. As a result, it is best to use alternative terminology: “Could you please step outside the room and chill out?” “Jim, I'd like you to sit on the bench, calm down, and think about making some better choices.” “Sara, would you please walk to Mrs. Brown’s room for a short break, thanks.” It’s best to give students choices where to take their breaks: “Reggie, could you please take a break. Chill out in the back or take a short walk and return. Thanks.” The more empowering we are, the less issues students will have with power. There are two forms of Breaks: Set Amounts and Open Ended Set Amounts = Established time-out lengths and progressions Example: 2 minutes > refusal > student must leave the room > refusal > administrator called & a call home is placed > processing. Open Ended = No set amounts of time for breaks Examples: “Could you please take a break in the back. You choose where to sit.” > refusal > “If you don’t move, I’m not sure I’ll feel comfortable taking you outside in an hour.” 2 warnings (i.e. supportive interventions) > “Could you please take a break. Please return when you think you are ready to calmly join the group.” Refusal > “Remember, you don’ t earn any points if you refuse to move. It’s your choice.” Refusal > “You’ve got three seconds to take The break or you will need to go to the office. Make a good choice. Three, two, one…” > Refusal > Student must go to the office 2 warnings (i.e. supportive interventions) > “Could you please take some space? I'll come and talk to you when you are sitting quietly.” refusal > “If you don’t make the good choice to take A break within a minute or so, you know what happens, I’ll have to send you to the office. And I don’t want to do that. Make a good choice.” > One minute later > “Three, two…” > Refusal “Could you please head to the office. Thanks.”

82 82 Where are Breaks Conducted? Best place: A non-stimulating area; a natural part of the room. You don't necessarily have to have specific time out areas. How are Breaks Conducted? Students should always be allowed to sit comfortably to complete breaks. A break should be conducted in a quiet and respectful manner. The student should not be facing a corner or wall. If using set amounts (e.g. 5 minute break) “Time” counts when the child is sitting quietly. Do not start break time over if the student begins to escalate. Give him/her credit for time already served. Do not have the student stand to do a break. Don't keep adding time if the youth continues to misbehave: “Please let me know when you're ready to begin.”

83 83 Self-Management Options for Children & Youth Teach students how to control their anger. Suggest the following techniques: 1.Stop and count to 5 or 10 (or 100!). 2.Take a deep breath. Breathe calmly. Take a step back from the scene. 3.Decide what the problem is? Suggest that a youth ask him/herself: “Who (or what) am I really mad at?” 4.Think Rap! (NBD – easier than 1, 2, 3! - No Big Deal, Walk or talk, Don’t be a fool – stay cool, Stand tall - make the right call, etc.) 5. Think about alternative options (choices) – instead of acting inappropriately: Walk away (ignore) Try and talk it out in a friendly manner Ask for helpGive a reason for the person to stop 6.Think about the consequences of making a good vs. a bad choice: “If I hit him, I’m grounded for a week.” “If I walk away, I go to the Mall tonight and no hassles from home.” “If I hit him, no soccer after school!” 7.Avoid stinkin’ thinkin’ (Life isn’t what you see – it’s what you think!) 8.When getting angry try and replace negative thoughts (stinkin’ thinkin’) with more positive thoughts. Have students PRACTICE these self-management techniques – and reinforce + choices

84 84 Avoid Stinkin’ Thinkin’! Life isn’t what you see…it’s what you think! Your friend doesn’t call you back: Stinkin’ Thinkin’:“She’s mad at me., and a real jerk for ignoring me!” Positive – replacement- thought:“Maybe she’s busy or didn’t get the call.” You don’t do well on a test Stinkin’ Thinkin’ “I’m stupid!” Positive – replacement - “No one is good at every subject thought: I’m trying!” Can you think of times you have let Stinkin’Thinkin’ get in your way? _________________________________________________ Be a Good Detective! Check your past for proof that you have succeeded at difficult tasks! Any time you feel you can’t do something…. Think: “Have I done this before?” And if the answer is “Yes”…Why not know? Why did I do it before? What did I do? How will I feel when I succeed? Or Think of other people who were in the same position (and just as worried) …but succeeded. Think: If they can do it: Why can’t I?

85 85 See the Future ! Visualize /imagine yourself doing great at school, getting along well with the key people in your life, holding a super job, etc. The more you see it, think it…believe it…the greater the likelihood it will happen! When you get stressed or upset…take a trip in your mind to a peaceful place…. Visualization

86 86 The Connections Map Siblings Religion Sports Self- Help Money Relatives Neighbors Friends Hobbies Therapy, Al-Anon, etc. Physical Appearance Community Groups Job(s) Rate Your Level of Support Strong source of support Serious drain & lack of support The support continuum Me Support Number____ Roommates Parents Health (Eating. Sleeping, etc.) School Pets Boy/Girl Friend

87 87 I’m ticked. But stay cool. It’s an injury and it’ll heal. That’s the deal! Use the Force! I got to make the right call. Be my own COACH. Call the right play! Coach You SELF-MANAGING Lack of support causes stress. Stress affects your ability to make good choices. Avoid the Dark Side!

88 88 Using Heroes to Guide Appropriate Actions (Often effective for students on the autism spectrum) “All Jedi Knights worry and feel nervous during stressful encounters…don’t they? Doesn’t Luke feel anxious from time to time?” “How would Luke feel if ____________?” “What would Luke do in this situation? What can Jedi’s do if they feel upset or anxious? “How would he save the day?” “What would Luke want you to do? “What would a Jedi Knight do? Tip: Use action figures to enhance the effectiveness of this approach. Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight Paul Gladstone – Jedi in Training “Tell Vader to get lost! “Use the Force my young Jedi! Stretch out your feelings…. The Force is always with you…”

89 89 Quiz #1: Strength-Based Practice True or False 1.Solution-Focused work begins with the notion that students must assume responsibility for their negative actions before moving on_____. 2. A teacher should always be honest with his/her students_____ 3. The snowball metaphor is appropriate to use with students who have endured a traumatic event_____. 4. “Is there a 1% chance that some of your actions today are due to the testing you’ll have tomorrow?”…is an example of The Millimeter Acknowledgement_____. 5. A well-functioning, strength-based environment adheres to the notion of “Believing is Seeing”_____. 6. Strength-based education is primarily about Attitude and Accountability_____. 7. Synaptic plasticity can adversely affect the effectiveness of cueing_____. 8. There are three major components with respect to the success of cueing: humor, rhythm, and repetition_____. 9. Strength-based practice assumes change is inevitable not uncertain_____. 10. Reframing involves finding the positive aspects of a seemingly negative behavior_____. 11. Students should not be positively reinforced unless they have accomplished a measurable endeavor_____. 12. Behavior is always a message_____. 13. Strength-based practice is all about attitude and actions_____. 14. Students with emotional and behavioral issues are often success deprived_____. 15. The most important aspect of an individualized incentive plan is to reward improvement_____

90 90 Review Quiz #2: Managing Number One and Developmental Psych. True or False: 1. Self-esteem injuries are typical in a school setting. ____ 2. Having high self-esteem prevents one from incurring self-esteem injuries. ____ 3. Some feelings are inappropriate to harbor towards a child or youth. ____ 4.An observing ego helps adults monitor the actions of others. ____ 5.It is never okay to yell at a student. ____ 6.Lack of support leads to punitive actions. ____ 7.Staff members should assume that a troubled student who is given extra attention by an educator should be appreciative and will not misbehave afterwards. ____ 8. All of the following represent forms of support to a teacher: praise, encouragement, breaks during a day, shorter work hours, more pay, asking his/her advice (empowering), using more para-professionals, improving staff-to-student ratios. ____ 9. It ’ s better if a school staff member with a good observing ego makes a mistake with a youth. ____ 10. Use the Force, Luke is a self-management tool that reminds adults to read science fiction. ____ 11. Filling vs. Talking is consistent with the phrase: actions speak louder than words. ____ 12. Stress and the pathology of the students often cause problematic splitting in a school or child welfare setting. ____ 13. A good talk with a kid puts in a brick that will stay with him/her forever. ____ 14. A holding environment is any place a kid has total environmental provision. ____ 15. Deficits are analogous to problems, as conflicts are to symptoms. ____

91 91 Review Quiz #3: Communicating Principles and Techniques Answer True or False: 1. All verbal communication has only one content and one message ____. 2. Content refers to the actual information being relayed. ____ 3. Youth care workers are always aware of the message(s) they are sending when communication with kids. ____ 4. Controlled anger at the choice a student makes is acceptable. ____ 5. Counter-phobic behavior is a kid’s way of gaining control of an anxiety-reducing situation___. 6.The affect scale calls for an inverse relationship between an adult’s and youth’s control of a affect/emotion. ____ 7. In general, a hard working and compassionate staff member needs to worry less about the messages he/she is sending. ____ 8.The more agitated a kid appears, the more important it is to speak with him/her from a position of authority and control (i.e. in an elevated position). ____ 9. Pattern identification involves detecting predictable speech anomalies. ____ 10. When using pattern identification, the first step after identifying an ongoing, predictable behavior issue is to determine the adult’s role in contributing to the problem(s). ____

92 92 Review Quiz #4: Behavior Management True or False 1. The theories and techniques from Ross Greene’s book The Explosive Child would not work well with students who are neurologically impaired._____ 2. Only one supportive intervention should be given prior to issuing a logical consequence._____ 3. Limit setting progresses in five stages._____ 4. A consequence is related to the behavior in question; a punishment isn’t._____ 5. Immediate and delayed consequences are equally effective._____ 6. When issuing a break/time-out, it’s best not to say “Could you please take a break” since it is in question form and will confuse the child _____ 7.Time-outs or breaks always have a prescribed amount of time to serve._____ 8.If a teacher enters a room and hears a youth swear, and asks the child to take a break, she is incorrectly starting the limit setting stage progression with a logical consequence._____ 9.It is generally essential to create a limit setting progression in every setting._____ 10. Distraction is a very effective supportive intervention._____

93 93 1.F, 2. F., 3. T, 4. T, 5. F, 6. T, 7. F, 8. F, 9. T, 10. T, 11. F, 12. F, 13. T, 14. T, 15. T Quiz #2 1. T, 2. F., 3. F, 4. F, 5. T, 6. T, 7. F, 8. T, 9. T, 10. F, 11. T, 12. T, 13. T, 14. T, 15. T Quiz answers Quiz #1 Quiz #3 1.F, 2. T., 3. F, 4. T, 5. T, 6. T, 7. T, 8. F, 9. F, 10. T Quiz #4 1. F, 2. F., 3. T, 4. T, 5. F, 6. F, 7. F, 8. T or F, 9. T, 10. T

94 94 Teacher Feedback Form 1.Did you greet your students with a great attitude today?___________ 2.Give an example where you responded instead of reacted to a student or group? (Practiced the golden rule; used the affect scale, etc.) ___________________________________________________________________ __ ______________________________________________________________________ 3.Cite times where you used your observing ego today? (Ex: Thought - "It's an injury and it will heal; lack of support equals punitive actions,” etc.) _____________________________________________________________________ 4.Describe how you managed a transition time today (e.g., Escorting students to and from specials, lunchtime, etc.). For instance, did you have the students re-trace their steps, sit quietly before exiting, did you review expectations, positively reinforce good transitions, etc.? ______________________________________________________________________ 5. Did you reframe a troublesome behavior today? If yes, what did you say? ______________________________________________________________________ 6. Did you use any metaphors today to inspire your students? If yes, which ones? ____________________________________________________________ Name:____________________ Date:_________

95 95 7. Did you keep your classroom neat today? (including student desks, lockers, hallways, etc.) ____________________________________________________ 8. Did you use humor in an appropriate manner today? If yes, how? (Did anyone laugh?) ____________________________________________________ 9. What was your best moment of the day? ____________________________________________________ 10.Did you take any risks today (i.e. try a new intervention? Stretch your comfort zone?) Explain: ___________________________________________________ 11. Any situations you felt you could have handled more appropriately? Discuss :______________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ 12. Did you apologize at any time to a student or the group today? ____________________________________________________

96 Did you use any of the new verbal interventions that have been introduced to you? (e.g. solution focused questions, millimeter acknowledgement, connecting statement, etc) Which ones? ________________________________________________________ 14. Did you say please and thank you most of the time when making requests? And were you cognizant of your body language and messages? _______________________________________________________ 15. Did you do anything today to reduce “splitting” among team members? (i.e. staff, parents, students, administrators, clinicians, etc.) ________________________________________________________ 16. What did you say or do to build self-esteem in some of your students? Did you create and/or modify tasks, academics, games, or sports in order to provide more success opportunities for your students? ________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 17.Did you trumpet successes today? (e.g. post accomplishments, call a student’s home, inform a co-worker about a nice achievement, etc.) ________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________

97 Are you taking good care of yourself? Are you content with the results of your eco-map as it is today? Are there some steps you can take to raise the your level of support (i.e. support quotient)? (Keep these answers to yourself). 19. What are you doing really well as a teacher? ______________________________________________________________ 20. Do all of your students wake up thinking that you think they are all terrific? (If the answer is no - why?) ______________________________________________________________ 21.How well did you set limits today? Were you creative in the supportive stage? ______________________________________________________________ 22. Discuss a limit-setting situation that was difficult. What alternative approaches could you have tried? ____________________________________________________ Comments/Questions: _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________

98 98 Feedback Form: Other Questions What are other questions you would want a your staff members to answer after a day of teaching? 1.___________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 2.___________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 3.___________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 4.___________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 5.___________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 6.___________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________

99 99 My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal Date:____________ Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Comments___________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________

100 100 My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal Date:____________ Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Comments___________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________

101 101 My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal Date:____________ Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Comments___________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________

102 102 My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal Date:____________ Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Comments___________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________

103 103 My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal Date:____________ Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Comments___________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________

104 104 Transactional vs. Interactional Analysis Interactional Analysis: Deal with an interaction as it was observed or reported Example: A teacher care uses sarcasm with a youth. The youth gets angry and utters a rude retort. The teacher sends the student to the office for being disrespectful. If the teacher had used transactional analysis and pondered why the youth misbehaved, there would have been a better result. ____________________________________________________________________________ Question: Who is generally the most popular person in any large residential setting? __________________________________________________________________________ Why?_____________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ Transactional Analysis: Explore/factor-in all underlying issues … See the BIG Picture Key question: What is my role in or responsibility for what occurred? (The school’s role?) Behavior is always a message. Before reacting to problem behavior, investigate the source of the issue(s) and then respond accordingly. Be self-reflective. Ask yourself: “Whom am I really mad at? “What else is going on that has contributed to me feeling this way? “Am I (or another party) partly responsible for how this person and/or group is acting?” (If yes, take some responsibility for what has occurred.) Jointly work towards a resolution.

105 105 Superior Strength-Based Leadership It has been written that a successful leader/supervisor must possess these two critical attributes: 1________________________________2.______________________________ Teachers and others look to their principal and other leaders (i.e. Dept. Chair) for guidance, support, safety, inspiration, and education. However, the degree to which they will be motivated for maximum performance is often contingent upon their perception of the leader/supervisor as a likeable person, tireless worker, and one that knows what he or she is talking about. Therefore, superior modeling is essential for all leaders. Groups tend to rise and fall based on the quality of their leadership. What is "Superior Strength-Based Leadership?" In a nutshell, SSBL is: Focusing on what his/her staff members do right. Striving to make every staff member feel valued Always coming in on time Actively attending to the appearance of one's facility (How a setting looks is a reflection of how much the staff cares) Establishes and oversees roles, rules and expectations that are clear and unambiguous. Never raising one's voice to staff or students (i.e. practices the Golden Rule) Maintaining a high level of enthusiasm Strongly adhering to the rules of the school Maintaining regular contact/supervision with supervisees- particularly new professionals and/or those most in need. Listening to both sides of any issue and refraining from being too judgmental Responding to adversity (e.g., staff calls in sick, broken appliances, major acting out, expansion, etc.) with external calmness and confidence. Remaining neutral in dealing with staff members who are angry about school policy - but, encouraging workers to follow through with their area(s) of concern. (At times, it may be appropriate for a supervisor to pursue a worker's issue.) Dressing appropriately at all times Establishing strong lines of communication between all parties. Demonstrates a strong desire to become a greater educated professional (e.g. Attends workshops, utilizes journals and relevant articles and books, etc.) Aggressively advocates for MACRO level changes but conscientiously attends to MICRO level needs. Motivating workers with respect to dealing with: -Particularly difficult students, interagency changes and interpersonal issues between workers Utilizing a liberal amount of humor on a daily basis, and encouraging others to do likewise. But is careful with sarcasm (veiled hostility).

106 106 Additional Training Sheets

107 107 Reframing Reframing involves taking a seemingly negative behavior and "reframing" it in a positive way. For example, a youth who appears hyperactive could be told: "Billy, you have a lot of energy. You can probably do more things in an hour than most of us can. I wish I could move like you.“ Try and reframe the following behaviors exhibited by troubled students. Write down the reframe you might utilize: 1.A student who is always looking for attention: 2. A youth who won't talk about his/her feelings: 3.A student who acts rudely: 4.A student who makes funny noises at the wrong time: 5.A student who acts in a stubborn manner: 6.A student who tattles: 7. A youth who frequently swears: 8.A student who's bossy with peers:

108 108 Relationship Building & The Art of Engagement 30 Questions You Could Ask Your Students 1. Tell me the five best things about you? 2. If you could have the following superpower which one would you pick? a. The ability to fly b. super-strength c. could turn invisible 3. If you were trapped on a deserted island and could pick one famous person to be with, who would it be? 4. If a genie could grant you any three wishes, what would they be? 5. What profession do you want to be when you’re older? 6. Who was the best teacher you ever had? Tell me why. 7. What would the ideal teacher be like? 8. Choose: Live to 100 in excellent health or win10 million dollars in the lottery but pass away at age If you are feeling sad, what meal would be the one that would cheer you up? 10. Do you believe men and women are equally smart? Why or why not? 11. Choose: Live forever in good health or five people you pick live forever (in good health)? 12. Is there anything you pretend you understand, but you really don't? What is it? 13. If a genie would give you only one wish, which would you pick, and why? 1. Being world-class attractive 2. Being a genius 3. Being famous for doing something great 14. What is your most embarrassing moment? 15. Tell me who you think are the three greatest musicians in the world? Why? 16. If you could change three things about yourself, what would they be? 17. If you had to have a disability, which one of these would you pick, and why? 1. Blindness 2. Deafness 3. Inability to walk 18. What are the qualities that make a good friend? 19. What do you say to comfort yourself when something scares you? 20. If you paid your bill at a restaurant and the waiter gave you too much change, would you tell him/her? 21. What do you think are the characteristics that make a good teacher? 22. Name the three music artists you most admire. Three athletes you most admire? 23. Choose: a. Super-human strength b. The ability to fly c. Able to become invisible 24. Name a TV or movie star that you think is lame. 25. Do you think it's important to get physical education in school? Why or why not? 26. If you had to live in another country for the rest of your life, where would it be? 27. Choose: If you had to eat the same dinner for one year…what would it be? 28. Choose: Find a cure for all cancers or stop all wars for the next 100 years 29. What have you done in school or sports or anywhere, that you are most proud of? 30. Choose: Win American Idol or win the Presidency?

109 109 Building Self-Esteem Action Plan: 1. Give each of your staff members two dice. See who can throw the most consecutive rolls without getting doubles. They can start again when they get doubles. Play for around five minutes. Afterwards, ask them why it was fun? The answer: The activity provided a universal opportunity for success. Explain that we increase the odds for all students to function well and learn, when they have ample opportunities for success on a daily basis. 2. Ask your staff members what steps the school could take to increase student success opportunities and, in particular, for the more challenging students? (e.g. community projects, volunteer opportunities, creative vocational endeavors, more after-school sports, clubs and activities, in-house jobs, student government, school newspaper, etc.

110 110 Exercise: Creating User-Friendly Environments 1. Pick a student who is often inflexible and can act in an explosive manner. Discuss: How “user- friendly” is the current environment to him/her? What changes could you make? (think baskets). _______________________________________________ 2. Pick a time of day or particular class that is struggling or problematic. How could you create a more user-friendly environment to better meet their needs? __________________ _______________________________________________

111 111 Respecting Roots & Cultural Diversity The search for and healing identification with ancestors, people of the sam race, color, gender, and/or religion. People who INSPIRE and provide HOPE! Martin Luther King Harriet Tubman Franklin D. Roosevelt Explore: Customs, Traditions, Holidays, & History. Michael Jordan Amelia Earhart - Have students explore their roots. Help them to learn about and hang pictures of inspiring heroes. -Read stories aloud of inspiring historical (or current) figures who overcame great odds to make a difference. - Bring in foods, art, and other items that are endemic to a particular culture. Attend a concert. Bring in a movie, etc. Other ideas :__________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Cesar Chavez

112 112 What is a Family School Partnership Supposed to Look Like? Rate how your school measures up in this area: 1 = Never 3 = At times 5 = Most definitely From Beyond the Bake Sale, P Home visits are made to every new student_____ 2. Home visits are often made to the home of a struggling student_____ 3. Activities honor families’ contributions_____ 4. Building is open to community use and social services are available to families_____ 5. Most family activities connect to what children are learning_____ 6.School staff, families, and community members share recreational time together (e.g. holiday party, bingo, movie night, etc.)_____ 7. Parents and teachers look at student work and test results together____ 8. Community groups offer tutoring and homework programs at the school_____ 9. Students’ work goes home every week, with a scoring guide_____ 10. Translators are readily available_____ 11. Teachers use books and materials about families’ cultures_____ 12. PTA includes all families_____ 13. Local groups help staff reach parents_____ 14. There is a clear, open process for resolving problems_____ 15. Teachers contact families each month to discuss student progress_____ 16. Student-led parent-teacher conferences are held three times a year for thirty minutes_____ 17. Parents and teachers research issues such as prejudice and tracking_____ 18. School personnel assist families in seeking essential social, economic, medical and therapeutic resources_____ 19. Parents can use the school’s phone, copier, fax, and computers_____\ 20. Staff work with local organizers to improve the school and neighborhood_____

113 113 Create a “cue (rap) or two” for some of the students you work with: Bad Habit:____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ Cue:_________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ Bad Habit:____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ Cue:____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ Bad Habit:_________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ Cue:_________ _________________________________ ________________________________________________________ P. 31 “The prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain primarily responsible for the development of the executive functions, has been shown to be adversely affected by trauma.” Fortunately the brain is an amazing organism and even when it is impaired, it often has the ability through environmental interventions – such a s cueing - to be “rewired.” Neurologists call this characteristic of the brain: synaptic plasticity. When a child or youth repeats a cue (coping mantra) – over and over again with a set rhythm - dramatic behavioral gains can occur. The desired behavior, in essence, becomes imbedded in the individual’s neuropathways.

114 114 Externalizing & Naming Negative Behaviors Giving life and a name to a problematic issue or “bad habit” (i.e. externalizing it) can help kids rid themselves of problematic tendencies/habits/compulsions. Examples: A student who needs to do things perfectly: “Get lost Mrs. Perfecto! Get out of here. Get off my back, you loser!” A student who is prone to behavior outbursts: “Get out of here Mr. Fitz!” A student who talks rudely: “Get lost Rudy! You’re nothing!” A student who argues incessantly: “Go far Mr. R!” “You’re through Mr. R Gue!” A student who is reluctant to write: “Get out of town, Mr. No Write!” A student who skips school or is frequently tardy: “Are you going to let I.B. Truant/Tardy get you into trouble next week?” A student who is often provocative: “Why are you letting I.B. Provokin get you in trouble?” Create your own:_____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ Rudy

115 115 “ Check Your Baggage at the Door” This is a reflective questionnaire about who you are and why you’re here. No one will see this document but you. It is given to increase your self-awareness about past experiences and how they can influence present day decisions, practices, and attitude. For example, if you were raised by a punitive father it’s possible that you’ll act punitively towards your students because that’s what you learned. It’s also possible that you entered the field to counteract how you were raised (to heal some of the wounds you incurred) and will be too lenient (soft) with your students. At times, teacher’s copy the traits (good or bad) of a parent as a way of identifying with that parent – which, on some level, bring them closer to these individuals. Bottom line: Few people escape childhood unscathed. We all tend to bring baggage to our adult positions. Some of it should come through – and some should be checked at the door. Know thyself. Were you raised in a happy home? Did you receive enough attention from both parents? What kind of limit setting did your folks employ? (e.g. spanking, yelling, logical consequences, punishment, etc.) Were your parents physically affectionate to you? What kind of values were taught and modeled? Were there a lot of rules and structure in your home? Did your childhood experiences influence your decision to work with kids? What baggage should you check at the door? What should come through?

116 116 “I’m REALLY ticked…I could just - it’s okay. Stay cool…ALL feelings are normal. Learn from this. I’m suffering a bad self-esteem injury, but in a little while it will heal. Respond instead of React. Use the Force, Betty! …I mean, Luke.” Respond = The Golden Rule The Observing Ego Lack of support leads to punitive actions. Strategies to use in order to keep your cool 1.Think about the principle of lack of support being related to punitive actions – and don’t go there. Think: “I can do anything for 90 more minutes!” 2.Visualize yourself walking to your car at the end of a brutal shift with a BIG smile on your face thinking “I kept my cool all during the shift. I didn’t “react” like some of others. I did good!” 3.Think about tomorrow: If I respond instead of react to the end of the shift, my relationships will grow stronger…and the job will get easier. 4.Think about a M.A.S.H. Unit: When I’m at my worst, I need to give it my best! 5.Use the Force, Luke! Don’t succumb to the Dark Side. Don’t say or do anything to a youth or group that you wouldn’t want said or done to you. Self esteem is fragile even when It’s good!

117 How is power misused in a school setting? List any and all ways misuses occur. _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ Misuse of Power Exercise

118 118 Other family Members School (adult) Schools (kids) Self Help Finances Relatives Neighbors Friends Recrea tion Household Respons-- ibilities Health & Medical (kids) Therapy, AA, Etc. Health & Medical (adult ) Commu nity Orgs. Work Rate Your Level of Support -3+3 Strong source of support Serious drain & lack of support The Support Continuum Me Support Quotient Couple or Signif. Other Religion The Eco Map _____

119 119 Exploring Personal Boundaries & Self-Disclosure Do you have a boy/girlfriend? Do you have sex? Are you gay? Are you straight? Do you drink or do drugs? Did you do either when you were my age? Where do you live…with whom? Where? Have you ever been abused? Been in therapy? Do you gamble? Buy lottery tickets? Where did you grow up? Any brothers or sisters? Are you my friend? Do you love me? How would you respond if a student asked you any one of these questions? Key considerations if asked: Will my answer create a split? How will the student experience my answer? What is the student’s frame of reference? It’s best to be conservative and adhere to a strong self-disclosure policy when working with troubled young people.

120 120 Proactive Considerations for Educators Rate yourself from 1-5: 5 = Excellent in this area 3 = Okay 1 = Serious room for improvement 1.Rules are clear and posted, as well as the daily schedule. In Middle and High Schools, teachers preview the class ahead.____ Rules are taught for 2 weeks. Considerable effort is devoted to teaching and practicing “good” behavior. Use role-plays, modeling, scripting, games, quizzes, cues, and direct communication to repetitively teach expected behavior (i.e. good choices). Positively reinforce good decisions. Adult: “In one minute, we’re going to put the games away. What are you going to say when I ask you to stop? ‘Thanks Mr. A for the extra minute.’ 2. Transition times are structured and orderly.____ a. Students are warned about upcoming transitions: “In a few minutes we’ll be going to science." b. Students line-up quietly. If they are loud and rambunctious during transitions, they should be asked to return and try again. Options: Transition kids in groups of two, have them line-up based on birth dates, table location, etc. 3. Seating assignments make sense.____ a. Troubled students could be separated during key academic periods. (First, give them a chance to sit together.) b. Students who often need “breaks” should be sitting closer to the break area(s). 4. Students are not hungry.____ 5. Classroom is neat and orderly. Student desks/lockers do not get too messy.____ 6.There is a non-stimulating “safe” place for disruptive/agitated students to “take a break.” ____ a. Have educational material and/or self-help material available for students in break time. 7.There is an established limit-setting progression____ (e.g., 2 warnings > break > refusal > office visit - or alternative location - > detention > suspension) Students are held accountable for their behavior at all times in the progression.

121 The room(s) appears colorful and inviting.____ 9. The physical lay out of the room is most conducive to learning.____ For example, a horizontal classroom with 2-3 rows of seats situated in a semi-circle will provide a teacher better access to each student than a vertical classroom with six rows of seats. In addition, it is helpful to establish separate areas within a classroom with distinct boundaries (i.e. a book shelf or divider) 10. Teachers, parents, and other collaterals have established systems for communicating with one another (e.g. homework assignment books, regular phone contact, , established meeting times, etc.)____ a. Regular or as needed class meetings often improve communication and relationships between teachers and students._____ Meetings should have established rules and be designed to empower students. Sample rules: Appreciation of Others (i.e. no put-downs) Listen Attentively Respect Everyone Right to Pass (students can pass when it’s their turn) "What can we do to make this a better class?” “What can we do to resolve this issue?” “What can we do to learn more about each other? Tips: Designate a special gesture to keep things under control. For example, when the the teacher raises their hand, everyone else raises their hand and stops talking. At times, teachers use a special object (of interest) that is passed around – a person can only speak if he/she is holding the object. At each class meeting, introduce a positive sentence they must finish: “One thing I like about our classroom is…” “I’m grateful that…” “One good thing that happened to me recently is…” “ I wish…” …. “ I hope that….” 11. Requests to students are issued using the words "Please" and "Thank you.” and most requests do not start with the word “You”…instead “I” or “We”._____ 12. Limits are set in a calm and predictable manner.____ 13. Teachers regularly use and promote humor (not sarcasm) with their students._____

122 Teachers regularly circulate throughout the classroom.____ 15. Student accomplishments are trumpeted and/or displayed.____ 16. Teachers call parents when a challenging student has had a good day!____ 17. In elementary school classrooms, a weekly Chore Chart can add structure and be both an empowering and self-esteem building vehicle. A great chore to create: "The Class Comedian!“____ 18. Teachers enthusiastically welcome students when they enter the classroom.____ 19. Requests are specific vs. general____ Yes: “Please do problems 1-4.” No: “Get your math done.” 20. Assign tasks in a sequential manner. Break down all the long-range assignments and projects. Give shorter time frames._____ 21. Teachers make it a priority to explore and know the strengths of their students. ____ Examples: A student who excels in sports could have certain academic principles explained using sports metaphors. Students with hands-on strengths could learn by “doing” vs. listening_____. 22. Each class has its own routines and traditions that help make it special. _____ For example: Oldest student writes and reads a note of “thanks” on Thanksgiving; write a funny poem for students on their birthdays; have a special class greeting or rap, etc. 23. Teachers stay calm as students grow more agitated (i.e. Use the Affect Scale)____ 24. Teachers often utilize positive, strength-based verbal interventions._____ 25. Teachers talk about the future in positive terms (positive predicting)?_____ 26. Teachers are cognizant of the body messages they send (e.g. knowing when to give students proper distance, when to get lower, how to angle themselves, etc.)_____ Add your own:______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________

123 123 Review Quiz #1: Strength-Based Practice True or False 1.Solution-Focused work begins with the notion that students must assume responsibility for their negative actions before moving on_____. 2. A teacher should always be honest with his/her students_____ 3. The snowball metaphor is appropriate to use with students who have endured a traumatic event_____. 4. “Is there a 1% chance that some of your actions today are due to the testing you’ll have tomorrow?”…is an example of The Millimeter Acknowledgement_____. 5. A well-functioning, strength-based environment adheres to the notion of “Believing is Seeing”_____. 6. Strength-based education is primarily about Attitude and Accountability_____. 7. Synaptic plasticity can adversely affect the effectiveness of cueing_____. 8. There are three major components with respect to the success of cueing: humor, rhythm, and repetition_____. 9. Strength-based practice assumes change is inevitable not uncertain_____. 10. Reframing involves finding the positive aspects of a seemingly negative behavior_____. 11. Students should not be positively reinforced unless they have accomplished a measurable endeavor_____. 12. Behavior is always a message_____. 13. Strength-based practice is all about attitude and actions_____. 14. Students with emotional and behavioral issues are often success deprived_____. 15. The most important aspect of an individualized incentive plan is to reward improvement_____

124 124 Review Quiz #2: Managing Number One and Developmental Psych. True or False: 1. Self-esteem injuries are typical in a school setting. ____ 2. Having high self-esteem prevents one from incurring self-esteem injuries. ____ 3. Some feelings are inappropriate to harbor towards a child or youth. ____ 4.An observing ego helps adults monitor the actions of others. ____ 5.It is never okay to yell at a student. ____ 6.Lack of support leads to punitive actions. ____ 7.Staff members should assume that a troubled student who is given extra attention by an educator should be appreciative and will not misbehave afterwards. ____ 8. All of the following represent forms of support to a teacher: praise, encouragement, breaks during a day, shorter work hours, more pay, asking his/her advice (empowering), using more para-professionals, improving staff-to-student ratios. ____ 9. It ’ s better if a school staff member with a good observing ego makes a mistake with a youth. ____ 10. Use the Force, Luke is a self-management tool that reminds adults to read science fiction. ____ 11. Filling vs. Talking is consistent with the phrase: actions speak louder than words. ____ 12. Stress and the pathology of the students often cause problematic splitting in a school or child welfare setting. ____ 13. A good talk with a kid puts in a brick that will stay with him/her forever. ____ 14. A holding environment is any place a kid has total environmental provision. ____ 15. Deficits are analogous to problems, as conflicts are to symptoms. ____

125 125 Review Quiz #3: Communicating Principles and Techniques Answer True or False: 1. All verbal communication has only one content and one message ____. 2. Content refers to the actual information being relayed. ____ 3. Youth care workers are always aware of the message(s) they are sending when communication with kids. ____ 4. Controlled anger at the choice a student makes is acceptable. ____ 5. Counter-phobic behavior is a kid’s way of gaining control of an anxiety-reducing situation___. 6.The affect scale calls for an inverse relationship between an adult’s and youth’s control of a affect/emotion. ____ 7. In general, a hard working and compassionate staff member needs to worry less about the messages he/she is sending. ____ 8.The more agitated a kid appears, the more important it is to speak with him/her from a position of authority and control (i.e. in an elevated position). ____ 9. Pattern identification involves detecting predictable speech anomalies. ____ 10. When using pattern identification, the first step after identifying an ongoing, predictable behavior issue is to determine the adult’s role in contributing to the problem(s). ____

126 126 Review Quiz #4: Behavior Management True or False 1. The theories and techniques from Ross Greene’s book The Explosive Child would not work well with students who are neurologically impaired._____ 2. Only one supportive intervention should be given prior to issuing a logical consequence._____ 3. Limit setting progresses in five stages._____ 4. A consequence is related to the behavior in question; a punishment isn’t._____ 5. Immediate and delayed consequences are equally effective._____ 6. When issuing a break/time-out, it’s best not to say “Could you please take a break” since it is in question form and will confuse the child _____ 7.Time-outs or breaks always have a prescribed amount of time to serve._____ 8.If a teacher enters a room and hears a youth swear, and asks the child to take a break, she is incorrectly starting the limit setting stage progression with a logical consequence._____ 9.It is generally essential to create a limit setting progression in every setting._____ 10. Distraction is a very effective supportive intervention._____

127 127 1.F, 2. F., 3. T, 4. T, 5. F, 6. T, 7. F, 8. F, 9. T, 10. T, 11. F, 12. F, 13. T, 14. T, 15. T Quiz #2 1. T, 2. F., 3. F, 4. F, 5. T, 6. T, 7. F, 8. T, 9. T, 10. F, 11. T, 12. T, 13. T, 14. T, 15. T Quiz Answers Quiz #1 Quiz #3 1.F, 2. T., 3. F, 4. T, 5. T, 6. T, 7. T, 8. F, 9. F, 10. T Quiz #4 1. F, 2. F., 3. T, 4. T, 5. F, 6. F, 7. F, 8. T or F, 9. T, 10. T

128 128 Teacher Feedback Form 1.Did you greet your students with a great attitude today?___________ 2.Give an example where you responded instead of reacted to a student or group? (Practiced the golden rule; used the affect scale, etc.) ___________________________________________________________________ __ ______________________________________________________________________ 3.Cite times where you used your observing ego today? (Ex: Thought - "It's an injury and it will heal; lack of support equals punitive actions,” etc.) _____________________________________________________________________ 4.Describe how you managed a transition time today (e.g., Escorting students to and from specials, lunchtime, etc.). For instance, did you have the students re-trace their steps, sit quietly before exiting, did you review expectations, positively reinforce good transitions, etc.? ______________________________________________________________________ 5. Did you reframe a troublesome behavior today? If yes, what did you say? ______________________________________________________________________ 6. Did you use any metaphors today to inspire your students? If yes, which ones? ____________________________________________________________ Name:____________________ Date:_________

129 Did you keep your classroom neat today? (including student desks, lockers, hallways, etc.) ____________________________________________________ 8. Did you use humor in an appropriate manner today? If yes, how? (Did anyone laugh?) ____________________________________________________ 9. What was your best moment of the day? ____________________________________________________ 10.Did you take any risks today (i.e. try a new intervention? Stretch your comfort zone?) Explain: ___________________________________________________ 11. Any situations you felt you could have handled more appropriately? Discuss :______________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ 12. Did you apologize at any time to a student or the group today? ____________________________________________________

130 Are you taking good care of yourself? Are you content with the results of your eco-map as it is today? Are there some steps you can take to raise the your level of support (i.e. support quotient)? (Keep these answers to yourself). 19. What are you doing really well as a teacher? ______________________________________________________________ 20. Do all of your students wake up thinking that you think they are all terrific? (If the answer is no - why?) ______________________________________________________________ 21.How well did you set limits today? Were you creative in the supportive stage? ______________________________________________________________ 22. Discuss a limit-setting situation that was difficult. What alternative approaches could you have tried? ____________________________________________________ Comments/Questions: _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________

131 131 Feedback Form: Other Questions What are other questions you would want a your staff members to answer after a day of teaching? 1.___________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 2.___________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 3.___________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 4.___________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 5.___________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 6.___________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________

132 132 My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal Date:____________ Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Comments___________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________

133 133 My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal Date:____________ Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Comments___________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________

134 134 My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal Date:____________ Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Comments___________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________

135 135 My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal Date:____________ Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Comments___________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________


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