Presentation on theme: "Welcome to Magic 1-2-3 Please take a packet and the handouts on the table. Help yourself to refreshments. Please answer the parent questions. Meet other."— Presentation transcript:
Welcome to Magic Please take a packet and the handouts on the table. Help yourself to refreshments. Please answer the parent questions. Meet other parents who share your concerns.
Behavior Magic 1, 2, 3 Caley Elementary School Mrs. Barbara Micucci School Counselor
Agenda Parent Questions Video of “Little Adult Assumption” Introduce premise of Magic Show video segment using Magic Common concerns and special circumstances “Start” behaviors Circle of Support Questions Evaluation
Parent Questions 1. What techniques for discipline did your parents use? Were they effective? 2. What is the most difficult behavior for you to manage with your child? 3. What do you do to manage that behavior? Is it effective? 4. What would you like to walk away with today? 5. What do you enjoy about your child/ children?
Parent Concerns Procrastination – having to tell my child more than once to do things Doing jobs independently and accepting consequences for poorly done jobs Getting my children to listen to me Fighting with each other Talking back and saying “No” Being so negative Bedtime Ignoring me when I speak to him/her Completing a task
Parent Concerns Tantrums and whining Getting him up in the morning Getting them to do daily chores Bedtime Dinner time takes forever for them to eat Getting her to sleep in her own bed through the night Arguing over everything Cleaning up after themselves Finding time to spend with her Doing homework in a timely fashion
2 Types of Behaviors: Stop and Start There are behaviors that you want to “STOP.” These include the frequent minor everyday behaviors such as: Whining Arguing Yelling Temper tantrums Fighting Sibling rivalry With STOP behaviors you will want to use Magic and use counting followed by a time-out.
Start Behaviors Start behaviors include positive activities like: Cleaning their room Doing homework Practicing an instrument Getting up and out in the morning Going to bed Eating With START behaviors you would use one of the following techniques to get your child to do the behavior: praise, simple requests, kitchen timers, the docking system, natural consequences, charting or a version of the
Premise Behind Magic One explanation No talking – No emotion – the power is in the silence Authority is not negotiable Punishment is short – 1 minute time out for each year of life As kids get older there is more democracy
Testing and Manipulation Badgering: Why, why, please, please Intimidation: Yelling, screaming Threatening:“I’ll never talk to you again” Martyrdom:Crying, pouting Butter Up:Do something to make you feel good Physical:Attacking you or running away These are all tactics to get what they want because they are frustrated. DON‘T GIVE IN!
Time Out Alternatives Earlier bedtime Loss of TV for evening Loss of a toy – for the rest of the day Small chore Monetary fine Write a paragraph Loss of Gameboy – 2 hours Removal of CD or DVD player No dessert or treat No use of phone Larger chore – weed yard No conversation – 15 mins. No friend over Reduced computer time For those times where time-out might not be possible when a child reaches a count of 3, here is a list of some alternatives:
Time-Out Alternatives Groundings, fines, chores and losses like these can be very useful as consequences. Remember to keep the punishment fair and reasonable. Your goal is to teach the child something, not to be cruel or get revenge.
Special Circumstances Sibling Rivalry: If both children are fighting both kids get counted Never ask “Who started it?” or “What happened?” except if someone is bleeding Never expect the older child to be more mature when they are fighting (Older one may get longer time out) If you don’t see it, don’t count it Don’t send 2 fighting kids to the same room Temper Tantrums: Time out does not start until tantrum is over Pouting: You can count pouting
Tactics for Starting Behaviors Praise / Positive Reinforcement (Should exceed your counting 4 times to 1). Use intermittent reinforcement as well as praising in front of someone else. Simple requests: Avoid “should” thinking Add rewards and consequences (Dock child if they don’t do it) Kitchen timers - Play beat the clock Docking System Natural consequences – natural effects take over Charting – stickers or number ratings. Could just use these or add a reward onto it. Magic
Start Behaviors Cleaning their Room or Picking Up Close the door and don’t look method Weekly clean up routine Use a kitchen timer and docking system Eating Dinner Could use natural consequences with older kids Use a timer – give small portions if they finish they get dessert Eating can be considered a start/stop behavior if they are playing around count them Bedtime Pick a time, ½ hour before have them get ready
Start Behaviors Up and Out in the Morning 8 years old and younger use a chart and list what they need to do Use kitchen timer Use lots of praise 9 years old and older natural consequences Give them an alarm clock if they are late they suffer consequences Homework Use kitchen timer Break into segments Use as assignment sheet to see what they have Use a 5 point charting system – 1 point for each of the following: neatness, thorough, correct, no complaining, and starting on your own without being reminded. If you get a 5 you get a reward or bonus
Possible Reinforcers A trip for ice-cream Brightly colored tokens A small toy Renting a special game Money Staying up past bedtime Renting a special movie A grab-bag surprise Outing with a parent Shopping trip Sleepover Playing a game with parent A “No Chore” voucher Camping out in backyard Card for a collection Snack of choice Breakfast in bed Comic book or magazine Friend over for dinner Choice of three reinforcers Sleeping with pet Reading a story with parent Helping make and eat cookies
Parent References 1 – 2 – 3 Magic – Effective Discipline for Children 2 – 12 by Dr. Thomas Phelan 9 (2nd and 3rd edition) 1 – 2 – 3 Magic Video by Dr. Thomas Phelan More 1 – 2 – 3 Magic Video by Dr. Thomas Phelan No More Misbehavin’ by Michele Borba - 38 difficult behaviors and how to stop them Parents Do Make a Difference by Michele Borba – How to Raise Kids with Solid Character, Strong Minds, and Caring Hearts Go To Your Room! – Consequences that Teach by Shari Steelsmith Rewards for Kids! by Dr.Virginia Shiller and Meg Schneider – charts and activities for positive parenting Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Kurcinka How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too! By Sal Severe Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking by Jerry Wyckoff and Barbara Unell
A Final Thought… If you let your children do anything they please, Eventually you won’t be pleased by anything they do.