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Editing From the works of Joseph M. Williams, John R. Trimble, and Richard Lanham Dr. Theresa Thompson.

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Presentation on theme: "Editing From the works of Joseph M. Williams, John R. Trimble, and Richard Lanham Dr. Theresa Thompson."— Presentation transcript:

1 Editing From the works of Joseph M. Williams, John R. Trimble, and Richard Lanham Dr. Theresa Thompson

2 To be precise, make (good) choices.  Be precise: use “vigorous” verbs and SVO. –The president commands the Military, so soldiers listen when he speaks.  Surprise readers: avoid overused phrases (clichés)clichés  Be concise: readability depends on quality of words, not quantity. –Get to the subject quickly, then get to the verb and its object quickly: “Vincent being an ‘in-valid’ and Irene being a valid you would think a love so strong could not form.” –Avoid long subject phrases. Revise a long subject into an introductory subordinate clause: “Irene caring for him and helping Vincent to conceal his identity from the police was essential because his arrest would have resulted in a failure of the mission.” –Avoid sprawling subordination; reduce number of subordinate clauses: “Liz made it very clear to Gorgon that she would never betray him, which was broken when she went to his apartment, but he knew the truth and made a smart remark by telling her that he would tell her whenever he was about to leave.”

3 Use only the words you need to say what you mean. 1. Delete words that mean little or nothing. It is easy to further suspect that Alec draws greater resolve form the fact that because his work is completely unknown by the common person their dependence is that much more important. 2. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words. "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."—Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005propaganda 3. Delete words implied by other words. "Those who enter the country illegally violate the law." —George W. Bush, Tucson, Ariz., Nov. 28, 2005 4. Replace a phrase with one word when possible. A multiple of times = many times; in regards to = about 5. To Avoid Obvious Mistakes, change negatives to affirmatives. “I don't want to run the risk of ruining what is a lovely recession” —George H.W. Bush

4 Reduce metadiscourse: DO NOT BELABOR THE OBVIOUS. AVOID STATING:  writer’s intentions: I will argue that, to sum up, I believe, –I will argue that Vincent is a martyr.  The writer’s confidence: may, perhaps, certainly, must –I believe Leamus and Liz shared true love.  directions to the reader: note that, consider now, as you see –Do keep in mind, however, that a similar case could movingly be made on her behalf. –You can see the deceit in the novel….  structure of text: firstly, first, finally, therefore, however,as I have said,…

5 Paramedic Method: Seven Easy Steps 1. Circle the prepositions. 2. Underline the “is” forms. 3. Ask: “Where’s the action?” “Who’s the character?” “Who’s kickin’ whom?” 4. Put the verb in a simple (not a compound) form. 5. A diagram to help understand flow. 6. Start fast--no slow windups. 7. Read the passage aloud with emphasis & feeling.

6  Circle the Prepositions. –Leamas seemed to have a way with people even though he did not speak much; because Leamas seemed to have a coercive nature he was able to convince certain people to believe things even he himself did not understand, in doing this Leamas betrayed himself, his country, and was also betrayed by many people.  Underline the “is” forms (am, are, is, was, were, been, be, being); put verb in simple form. –An argument that many people make is that if Leamas knew what the real assignment was he might not have done such a good job at deceiving the person they were really trying to get to which is Comrade Fiedler.  Ask “Who’s kickin’ whom?” Who’s the actor? –A love so deep for your country that you would sacrifice yourself is known as patriotism.

7 A Diagram Helps FIFTY-FOUR Words and FIVE Prepositional Phrases??? The British Secret Service goes 1. by the name 2. of Control 3. which is all part 4. of an an effective elaborate scheme to discredit an effective East German spymaster named Fiedler who is a communist spy and protect his friend Mundt who is a British agent but who is actually 5. in the East German secret service.  Ask: WHO’S KICKIN’ WHOM? –Identify the actor and the main action.  Eliminate unnecessary nominalizations.  Reduce prepositional phrases.  Break sentences when necessary.  Use simple verb forms.  DIAGRAM AGAIN…?

8 The B. S. Introduction B.S. = lots of generic statements with no direct connection to topic or thesis. As a child we are loved by many. Our family and friends show us how to be loved and how to love. We are thought also about love for the unseen. In some households this love could be for God or Buddha, while in others this love could be for ones country. A love so deep for your country that you would sacrifice yourself is known as patriotism. During certain times our love for someone or our country can be put to the test. Whether it’s trust during a relationship or loyalty during war, our true and innermost feelings are reviled. One essentially decides which his true love is; the love for country or the love for intimacy during these times. Some can enjoy both, while other must make a sacrifice. Alec Leamas, the main character from the book The Spy Who Came in from the Cold by John Le Carré, had to choose between the love of his country and the love of his beloved Liz. Ultimately Leamas choice resulted in his death.

9 To determine “flow,” use a flow chart….  “Flow” refers to how smoothly a reader moves through paragraphs.  Vary the lengths and patterns. Every group expects its members to show that they accept its values by adopting its voice and vocabulary…(p. 69) Chart sentence lengths.

10 Start fast--no slow windups. Just do it… Eliminate “blah blah is that” metadiscourse:  My contention is that…  What I want to make clear is that…  The first is that…  The point I wish to make is that…  My opinion is that…  The fact of the matter is that… Eliminate slow-mo openers.  There is…  There are…  The reason why is…  The reason I did this is because…  As I already stated…

11 Edit? You DO need to edit.  Because that is what Victorian Society bred into the minds of men, young and old, plus society could have warped his intentions beyond that of a loving husband and more into what one must do to maintain face? [Huh?]  Another example is the way control lies about not knowing about the death of Riemeck when it was control who had planned it to help keep Mundt a secret because. [Huh?]  Sentence-clarity matters.

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