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WELCOME Communicating Effectively. OVERVIEW: COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY Self Assessment Communication Basics Five Axioms Communication Influencers Forms.

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Presentation on theme: "WELCOME Communicating Effectively. OVERVIEW: COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY Self Assessment Communication Basics Five Axioms Communication Influencers Forms."— Presentation transcript:

1 WELCOME Communicating Effectively

2 OVERVIEW: COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY Self Assessment Communication Basics Five Axioms Communication Influencers Forms of Talk Emotional Intelligence Listen, Observe, Confront Practice Review and Reflect

3 GET SET: ASSESS YOURSELF Rate Yourself on a 1-5 scale (1 is low, 5 is high)12345Sum Rate your effectiveness in communicating with family. Rate your perceived effectiveness in communication with colleagues at work. Rate your effectiveness when communicating with your supervisor. Rate your effectiveness when communicating in a conflict situation. Rate your overall effectiveness. Total ScoreMAX 25

4 DID YOU KNOW? Study by the American Communication Association revealed that globally: On average, in developed nations we speak some 16,000 words per day; some of us as many as 47,000 words. 62% of us feel as if we are communicating effectively to friends and family. 57% feel we communicate effectively with our boss. Video

5 CONFLICT CAUSES AT HOME/WORK REASONS WE DIVORCE Growing apart Unable to talk to each other Money Spouse’s personal problems Not enough attention Michele Weiner-Davis Author, Relationship Expert REASONS WE DISAGREE Communication styles Role ambiguity Management/leadership style Business etiquette Disrespectful behavior or biases University of Oklahoma Communication is often the root cause of problems both at home and at work.

6 COMMUNICATION BASICS Why do we communicate? Discover ourselves Build relationships Influence others Survive and thrive What does GOOD communication look like? Relevant Truthful Clear Consistent Respectful

7 MESSAGE MECHANICS “Meaning is found in people, not in words.” David Berlo Video

8 FIVE AXIOMS OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION In face-to-face interactions: 1.Communication is inevitable; we can’t NOT communicate. 2.Communication always involves words and nonverbals. 3.Communication is always about content and relationship. 4.Communication is either symmetrical or complementary. 5.Communication is punctuated differently by each participant. Pragmatics of Human Communication Watzlawick, Bavelas, Jackson, 2011 ed.

9 EXAMINING THE FIVE AXIOMS Pragmatics of Human Communication Watzlawick, Bavelas, Jackson

10 COMMUNICATION INFLUENCERS Culture o Beliefs/values o Norms Geography o Where you’re from Experiences o What works/doesn’t o Positive/negative Video

11 GENDER AND GENERATIONAL COMMUNICATION GenderGenerational She focuses on relationship; he focuses on the task. Traditionalists 1925-63 Face to face communication Formal, typed, or hand-written letters She makes eye contact; he glances about. Baby Boomers 1946-64 Telephone; Face to face; Fax; E-mail (and a lot of it!); cell for calling more than text She asks questions—it’s conversation; he feels threatened by anything NOT related to the point. GEN-X 1965-78 Let “me” choose my communication and how often I do it; they know and understand technology and want to use it. She focuses on feelings; he the task. GEN-Y/ Millennials 1979-97 Text; Online social networks; E-mail (but only for work or school); Instant message She interrupts to show concern; he to control the conversation.

12 THREE FORMS OF TALK Connect—may be about nothing in particular, but in all cases, it’s a bid for attention to us. Hi, how are you? Please pass the butter. Control—commonly used when we have a problem to solve (demand or command), beyond that which may be commonly addressed by connect talk. We need to get our coats on now before we get a cold. Dialogue—Used to solve problems, address issues that require positive engagement of others to resolve. We have an issue to resolve, I need your help.

13 EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Identifying emotions Using emotions Understanding emotions Managing emotions E.I. is our ability to acquire and apply knowledge from our emotions and the emotions of others in order to solve problems and live a more successful, fulfilling life.

14 FOUR DOMAINS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Personal Competence (Intrapersonal): How we manage ourselves Domain 1: Self-awareness Domain 2: Self-management Social Competence (Interpersonal): How we manage relationships Domain 3: Social-awareness Domain 4: Relationship management

15 PERSONAL COMPETENCE: SELF-AWARENESS Emotional self-awareness Accurate self-assessment Realistic self-confidence

16 PERSONAL COMPETENCE: SELF-MANAGEMENT Emotional self-control Transparency Optimism Adaptability Innovation Achievement

17 SOCIAL COMPETENCE: SOCIAL AWARENESS Empathy Organizational awareness Service

18 SOCIAL COMPETENCE: RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT Inspiration Influence Developing others Change catalyst Conflict management Teamwork and collaboration

19 EQ AT WORK Contribution to our success at work: IQ: 20% EQ: 80% “Experts now acknowledge that emotional intelligence (EI) is perhaps the most crucial determinant of success in the workplace. And unlike IQ or other traditional measures of intelligence, EI can be developed and dramatically increased.” Dr. Hendrie Weisinger, 2000, Emotional Intelligence at Work

20 SURVEY TIME Hendrie Weisinger, Emotional Intelligence at Work Emotional Intelligence at Work For each of the following items, rate how well you are able to display the ability described. Before responding, think of actual situations in which you have had the opportunity to use the ability. 1 = Very Slight Ability 3 = Moderate Ability 5 = Great Ability 1. Associate different internal physiological cues with different emotions. 1 LO2345 HI 2. Relax when under pressure in situations. 12345 3. Gear up at will for a task. 12345 4. Know the impact that your behavior will have on others. 12345 5. Initiate successful resolution of conflict with others. 12345 … 25. Accurately reflect people’s feelings back to them. 12345

21 ASSESSING YOUR RESULTS Components:Sum Questions:Your Score:If you score: Self-awareness1, 6, 11, 16, 21 ≤ 25 >100, HIGH EQ 50 to 100 Good EQ < 50 Rated below average on EQ For each of the five components of EQ a score above 20 is considered high, while a score below 10 is low. Managing Emotions2, 7, 12, 17, 22 ≤ 25 Motivating Yourself3, 8, 13, 18, 23 ≤ 25 Empathy4, 9, 14, 19, 24 ≤ 25 Social Skill5, 10, 15, 20, 25 ≤ 25 Total ≤ 125

22 WORKPLACE COMMUNICATION Learn to listen Focus on the issue(s) Respect others Be aware of the emotional subtext (yours/others) Remember the 5 Axioms— they still apply. Communication in the workplace is a constant challenge. The pressures to perform and the chaos of constant change often create an environment which makes a “meeting of the minds” seem like an oxymoron.

23 BE A BETTER LISTENER Face the speaker and maintain eye contact. Be attentive, yet relaxed. Keep an open mind to the speaker’s message – try to feel what the speaker is feeling. Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying. Do not interrupt and do not impose your "solutions." Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions - ask questions only to ensure understanding of something that has been said (avoiding questions that disrupt the speaker's train of thought). Give the speaker regular feedback, e.g., summarize, reflect feelings, or simply say "uh huh." Pay attention to nonverbal cues - to feelings, tone of voice, inflection, facial expressions, gestures, posture. Be aware of potential barriers that impact your ability to listen effectively. Video

24 MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AT WORK Frustration/irritation Worry/nervousness Anger/aggravation Dislike Disappointment Unhappiness USEFUL STRATEGIES Relax Reframe Respect Refocus Regenerate Review “Everything can be taken from a man but the last of human freedoms – the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances, to choose one's way.” Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning


26 IMPACT OF GOOD COMMUNICATION OBJECTIVE: Ascertain whether the quality of physician-patient communication makes a significant difference to patient health outcomes. STUDY SELECTION: Randomized controlled trials and analytic studies of physician-patient communication in which patient health was an outcome variable. CONCLUSIONS: The outcomes affected were, in descending order of frequency, emotional health, symptom resolution, function, physiologic measures (i.e., blood pressure and blood sugar level) and pain control. National Institute of Health

27 CONFLICT Conflict refers to a disagreement; opposing points of view. Conflict occurs when two or more people perceive their goals are mutually exclusive. Conflict may be interpersonal or intrapersonal. Conflict is inevitable in life; we may encounter it both personally and professionally. “Anyone can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not easy.” Aristotle

28 THE MINDFUL APPROACH Five steps: Reframe Recognize Rehearse Respond Reflect

29 COMPASSIONATE CONFRONTATION REFRAME Adopt an appreciative mindset Value the other (Behavioral Style, etc.) Seek to make things better, not worse RECOGNIZE What’s the issue? What’s at stake? How might you engage constructively? REHEARSE Structured dialogue Have a plan; map out key points Organize your thoughts RESPOND Choose a safe place and time Seek to understand more than blame Focus on the issue(s); be patient but persistent! Don’t absorb negative energy Work toward a solution; summarize key points REFLECT and REVIEW Follow up!

30 REFRAME Adopt an appreciative mindset. Value the other. Seek options to make things better.

31 RECOGNIZE Core issues Conflict styles Emotional responses DiSC styles Conflict traps



34 REHEARSE Plan ahead Organize thoughts Practice Structured dialogue o AID o GROW Minimal effective response Relationship reminders

35 USEFUL TOOLS AID: Action: What happened and when and what might it mean? Impact: What’s the consequence of the action, why does it matter, and to whom? Do: What might be done to resolve the issue or concern—what does success look like? GROW: Goal: What needs to be done/achieved? Reality: What necessitates action? Options/Obstacles: What might be done and when? Will/Way Forward: How will we measure success?

36 PRACTICE TIME Think of a situation that required or requires compassionate confrontation. Pick one of the two tools (AID/GROW) and think about how you would apply it. Pick a partner and practice then review and critique the process.

37 RESPOND Be proactive Remember Axioms Use effective dialogue communication skills Be aware of emotions Stay focused Be authentic Be appreciative

38 GIVING FEEDBACK Be constructive. Focus on behavior rather than personality. Consider the needs of the listener; be helpful, not vindictive. Concentrate on the issue(s) over which the recipient has control. Engage in sharing of ideas and information. Address problems/issues as early as possible. Consider the amount of information the receiver can actually use. Don’t overload people with information. Be concerned with what and how things are said and done. Be real, authentic, sincere! DON’T apologize for the need to engage in a crucial conversation. Review expectations.

39 MINIMAL EFFECTIVE RESPONSE DON’T expect to do it all in one session. Decide on one or two challenging issues and deal with them, building trust and confidence in the process with the parties involved.

40 REFLECT Was I mindful? Did I attempt to reframe? Did I recognize core issues, conflict styles, and traps? Did I respond effectively? What lessons have I learned as I reflect on managing conflict productively?

41 ONE MORE TOOL Crucial Conversations Start with heart. Ask yourself what you really want. Learn to look. Engage in dialogue talk. Make it safe. Create a comfortable situation. Master your story. Think through your emotions. State your path. Share your facts. Explore others’ paths. Look for areas of agreement. Move to action. Decide what will happen, document, and follow up.

42 SOCIAL MEDIA The rules of social media: Have a say Meaningful dialogue Be engaged and involved in the process Personal interactions with others Be listened to Help shape what they find useful Connect with others engaged in similar activities Plain talk

43 REMEMBER THE AXIOMS We WILL communicate Content and relationship Verbal and nonverbal Symmetry and complementary Punctuation

44 XXXXX Communication is an essential part of life at home, work, and play. Good communication practices may be observed and learned. The consequences of failing to apply good communication practices may be significant. Good communication requires effort and diligence, but the payoff is judged to be worth it.

45 BUILD A PERSONAL ALIGNMENT PLAN (PAP) PlanResponses Core Purpose/Mission Identity Values/Beliefs Capabilities/Strengths Behaviors/DiSC Style Constraints Hopes/Dreams/ Expectations What is the object of your desire regarding Complex Role? MeasuresHow will you document your progress?


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