Presentation on theme: "Preventing & Managing Girl Bullying and Friendship Dramas"— Presentation transcript:
1Preventing & Managing Girl Bullying and Friendship Dramas SurvivingGirlhoodPreventing & Managing Girl Bullying and Friendship Dramas
2Aims & ObjectivesTo define bullying, and understand how female and male bullying may differTo explore Relational Aggression and understanding girl relationshipsTo define and explore the Drama Cycle as a conduit for peer pressureTo explore needs, beliefs, and values as foundations for behaviourTo explore the five key themes of Surviving Girlhood to build girl awareness and understandingTo explore and practice the Surviving Girlhood activities and resources
4About Full CircleOur mission is to reduce the barriers faced by children and young people, to support attainment, school attendance and aspirations.Our vision is to connect every child and young person to their limitless potential
5What We Do - Training for professionals - Consultancy services - Events- Products
6What We Do Working with vulnerable girls Community engagement and social action with young peopleTackling key issues affecting youth, such as homophobiaPreventing disengagement and promoting aspirations
8Why Girls? Why Bullying?Half of all births in the developing world are to adolescent girls75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative activities like cutting, bullying, smoking, drinking, or disordered eating.Teen girls that have a negative view of themselves are 4 times more likely to take part in activities with boys that they've ended up regretting later.7 in 10 girls believe that they are not good enough or don’t measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family members.
9Why Girls? Why Bullying?The UK has one of the highest rates of self-harm in Europe, at 400 per 100,000 population (Clinical Medicine, 2002), and studies estimate as many as 10% of the population may have self-harmed in the past or may injure themselves on a regular basisGirls were 15 times more likely than boys to contact ChildLine about self-harm1 in 10 children and young people aged suffer from a diagnosable mental health disorder - that is around three children in every classBullying is symptomatic of wider problems
10Meet Sophie…. Pressures Unmet Needs Conflicting Messages Physical & Parents divorced; both remarried quicklyTwo younger siblings, both boysNew to the schoolACTIVITY – Think of a girl you know and create a pen profile. What are her values, beliefs, needs etcPhysical &Hormonal Changes
11Understanding Bullying “Bullying is generally considered to be deliberate, hurtful behavior, repeated over a period of time, where a sense of powerlessness can make it difficult for the victim to defend him or herself. Bullying can occur in three main ways: physical, verbal or indirect.”Physical (e.g. hitting, kicking, theft)Verbal (e.g. name calling, racist remarks)Indirect (e.g. spreading rumors, excluding someone)Cyber Bullying (e.g. bullying by text message, , online)
12Girl BullyingThere is not much difference in the reported level of bullying by girls or boys, but the tactics they use are often differentGirls are more likely to utilise relational and emotional tactics, such as spreading rumours, giving dirty looks, ostracising someone, etc., than attacking physicallyGrowing rise in both boys and girls using technology to bully - cyber bullyingOften, incidents of girl bullying can go under the radar, unnoticed by adults as it appears to be girls “falling out” or dismissed as friendship issues
13The Escalation Model HIGH Confront Exclusions Escalate it further Agencies InvolvedAdult ResponseLevel of BehaviourIntenseBehaviourDeflect / IgnoreIneffective ResponsePay it ‘lip service’Adults contributing to the problemDisruptive BehaviourContinual disruption; physical violence; relationship breakdownAdults can reinforce and escalate the behaviour with ineffective and inappropriate responses; adult response can reinforce the negative thinking and behaviour of the young people involved without equipping them with the skills to manage future conflict.Avoid / InconsistentIgnore the behaviourMinimiseDismiss as a ‘one off’Low Level BehaviourHitting; gossip; friendship issues
15The Surviving Girlhood Background & Ethos Aimed at reducing girl bullying by preventing and responding to the friendship issues that escalate to cause bullyingAn “inside-out” ethos – starting with a girl’s inner developmentBuilding girls self awareness, self respect and relationship with herself, to enable better relationships with othersNot an overt focus on bullying
16Promoting Positive Relationships Focus on tackling bullying, punishing bullies and encouraging victims to speak outFocus on creating a positive relationship with self & others; creating an atmosphere of respect & safetyStopping BullyingPromoting Positive RelationshipsMany school programs aim to stop bullying, which is, of course, what we want to do.However, that what we give our attention to, grows. When you look for poor behaviour in your classroom, you see it. When you strive to notice children behaving well, you’ll see that too! Lets focus on what we want to see, not what we don’t want!Having a ‘war on bullying’ is incredibly counter-productive; we can’t fight fire with fire.Truly preventing bullying is achieved through the promotion of positive relationships, social skills, creating an atmosphere of citizenship and respect – where a reduction in bullying is a by-product.
17Relational Aggression Relational aggression is behaviour that is intended to harm someone by damaging or manipulating his or her relationships with others (Crick and Grotpeter, 1995).Two distinctions of relational aggression include proactive and reactive relational aggression:Proactive behaviours are a means for achieving a goal (e.g. may need to exclude someone to maintain your own social status) Example: A girl is mad at another girl for being “more popular” so she spreads a sexual rumour about her to ruin her reputation.Reactive relational aggression is a defensive response to provocation with intent to retaliate. Example: A child is being teased repeatedly in school and then becomes a teaser himself for protection.Crick and Grotpeter (1995) argue that girls are just as aggressive as boys if gender differeneces in the expression of aggressive behavior are recognized. Thus, although 27% of boys are aggressive versus 22% of girls (Crick & Grotpeter, 1995), girls tend to display this aggressive behavior through covert, relational acts (e.g., spreading rumors and excluding others from social groups) and boys through overt, physical acts (e.g., hitting or threatening to hit others).
18What does RA look like?Direct Control (i.e. “You can’t be my friend unless…”)Social Alienation (i.e. giving peers the silent treatment)Rejection (i.e. telling rumors or lies about a peer so that others in the group will reject him or her)Social Exclusion (i.e. excluding a peer from play or a social group) (Crick, Casas, & Nelson, as cited in Yoon, et al., 2004, p. 304)Negative Body Language or Facial Expressions (Simmons, 2002, p. 21)Newer research suggests that boys and girls may use RA and be on the receiving end of such behaviour, but girls perceive it as more hurtfulthan boys do” (Yoon, et al., 2004, p. 305).Social and emotional effects of relational victimization are greater for girls than boys” (Crick, Bigbee, & Howes; Paquette & Underwood, as cited in Yoon, etal., 2004, p. 305).
19Why do girls engage in RA? Power is found in relationships – popularity, having a wide social circle (in real life or online), having a romantic relationship - linked to statusGirls can lack the skills to sort out problems in a positive manner using languageSocialised to act feminine, not be aggressive or fight physically, and not to engage in open conflict/confrontationRelationally aggressive acts go under the radar of adults (Simmons, 2002)
21The Drama Triangle Drama Triangle Victim (Blameless) Rescuer The persecutor exerts their power over others physically or emotionally and may feel locked in this position, for fear of losing control or appearing vulnerable and a victim themselves.The victim may have a “poor me” attitude with a perception of themselves and their actions as without fault or blame. They may take little responsibility in resolving conflict.The rescuer may continually be the physical and emotional supporter of the victim; a role which can become a burden or lead to accepting the full weight of responsibility for the victim and a sense of martyrdom.The Drama TriangleVictim(Blameless)Rescuer(Acceptance )DramaTrianglePersecutor(Power)As girls move toward adolescence and teenage years, their social standing and friendship groups become increasingly important. There is a perceived sense of safety and prestige in being a part of a group, where reputation and social connections are key. The friendship group can become a powerful entity for manipulation and control to gain the all-important sense of “popularity”.Girl groups can quickly be overcome with drama and relational aggression, leading to bullying or the cycle of falling out and friendship that can exhaust parents, teachers and youth workers.The persecutor exerts their power over others physically or emotionally and may feel locked in this position, for fear of losing control or appearing vulnerable and a victim themselves.The victim may have a “poor me” attitude with a perception of themselves and their actions as without fault or blame. They may take little responsibility in resolving conflict.The rescuer may continually be the physical and emotional supporter of the victim; a role which can become a burden or lead to accepting the full weight of responsibility for the victim and a sense of martyrdom.Girls can quickly become embroiled in the drama cycle: the Triangle demonstrates the relationship of roles between the victim of the girl group, the perpetrator and the rescuer – the victim needs a perpetrator to perpetuate the role, as much as the rescuer needs a victim to save.
22Consequences of Relationship Dramas Inconsistent friendships in girl group; girls constantly making and breaking friendsLeads to prolonged relationally aggressive behaviour, girl group dramas and pervasive bullyingLeads to learnt behaviour and consistently inauthentic relationships & lack of social connectionsLeads to insecure, inauthentic and harmful romantic relationships (individuals)Creates a culture of disrespect, disharmony, conflict and disconnection (collective – school/community level)
24Girl RelationshipsAs girls reach adolescence, huge changes in their physical, emotional and social being take placeGirls become more self-conscious during adolescence - the safety of a group is paramountGirls’ brains are ‘hard-wired’ to care about one-on-one relationships while the brains of boys are more attuned to group dynamics and competition with other boys.At a time of great personal change and upheaval, being singled out to be ‘different’ is a danger. The friendship group represent safetyThe need for the safety of a friendship group becomes all the more crucial – friends are no longer simply playmates or those who share common interests, but a protection from being singled out and being seen to be different.Relate earlier: as early as infancy with eye contact;Acquire access to left brain earlier than boys – social and emotional skills have roots there;Ability to relate carries over into play – girls play is less competitive (there are no winners in hopscotch or jump rope)Emotional damage: Girls resort to rumor, gossip, exclusion and other forms of relational aggression, rather than using fists; girls use wordsBodies: earlier onset of puberty; cultural messages are critical – sexualized clothing, body size, eating disordersEqual but feminine: be strong women but still women (compassionate, nurturing)studies examining gender differences in adolescent reports of intimacy indicate that females (1) develop more intimate friendships, (2) stress the importance of maintaining intimacy, and (3) expect more intimacy in their friendships than do males (Clark & Ayers, 1993
25Boys… Have a greater need for physical activity Fight physically, not verbally, and then it’s over - anger manifests physically; better able to argue or fight it out and then move on – girls hold a grudgeForge friendships around interests rather than emotional connectionHave feelings, tooPhysical activity: Often in trouble more; more rambunctious; counter to what we want to see in school; need to build in opportunities to move, be physicalFighting: anger manifests physically; better able to argue or fight it out and then move on – girls hold a grudgeFriendships: connect through experiences, things outside themselves; social lives are more straightforwardFeelings: actually more emotionally sensitive and fragile early in life than girls – more separation anxiety, harder to soothe once upset; express themselves differently but feel no less feeling; other boys still tell boys that boys don’t cry or aren’t afraid (even if parents no longer say it);
26Function of Aggression in Girls Gain a reputation for toughnessPower!Social identify and statusBoyfriends are ‘emotional possessions’ – issues of ownership and controlRefuge – protection from abuse , male to female violenceGang - sense of belonging, family, safety
28Theme 1: Being Me Theme 1 builds girls’ understanding of themselves Explores needs, beliefs, and valuesLinking needs and beliefs as drivers for behaviourExploring whether our behaviour is in contrast to our values – does this create internal conflict?Building a better relationship with ourselves helps us to build better relationships with others
29Meeting NeedsEverything we do is a way for us to meet a need we have – whether we’re conscious of it or notPhysical, emotional, social needs are greater in adolescenceFriendships are a place for us to meet our needs, particularly if our key relationships are not stable or don’t provide us with what we needWhen our intrinsic needs are not met, we may seek to meet them in any way possible e.g. the need for attention being displayed as unruly and disruptive behaviour in the classroomUnmet needs lead to girl bullying and friendship issuesLooking to one person to meet a high proportion of our needs is risky – e.g. a best friendA young person who is unaware of what they need, and why, is likely to unconsciously meet her need through any means necessary, such as joining a bullying group of pupils for the safety of being in a group, even if it conflicts with her own values and her intrinsic needs for a more compassionate friendship.All behaviours are tools and strategies to meet our needs, some of which are more positive and resourceful than others.Girls with unmet needs for acceptance, attention, or even for love and support, will unconsciously seek to meet these needs in any way they can, such as trying to take centre stage in a social group by targeting another girl with bullying behaviour, gathering the group around her in support of her quest. Seeking to meet these intrinsic needs with destructive behaviour is unlikely to succeed for the long term, as is the effort of looking to others to meet individual needs – the group will never be able to consistently provide her with the support, love, and acceptance she truly seeks. So begins a spiral of low self-esteem as the resultant negative outcomes and feelings eventually surface, such as the group rebuking her behaviour and isolating her, further exasperating her unmet needs.
30Meeting Our Needs Low Self Esteem Unmet Needs Negative Outcome (Feelings, Behaviour, Actions of Others)Seeking to Meet Needs Unresource-fullyUnmet NeedsHaving crucial needs umet, such as a need for inclusion, love, support, or acknowledgement can lead people to try and meet these needs in unresourceful ways. This is particularly key during adolescence, when young people are redefining what it means to be them, and experiencing internal and external changes that leave them feeling vulnerable. Meeting our needs is often an unconscious process.Trying to meet our needs in unresourceful ways that are unlikely to produce sustained results will often lead to negative outcomes and ultimately a cycle of low self esteem.Identifying and living in alignment to our values is also crucial. When our values are in conflict, we feel conflicted.Our programs and the resources contained in our book, “Surviving Girlhood” start with a basis of exploring our relationship with ourselves, including our needs and values, which is contained in Theme 1 activities, “being me”
31Thoughts-Feelings-Behaviour Unbalanced, Pessimistic, CriticalFeelingsAnger, Fear, Distrust, AnxietyBehaviourDestructive, Avoidant, InappropriateThoughtsBalanced, Optimistic, Aware of AlternativesFeelingsHappy, Calm, Relaxed, At EaseBehaviourAppropriate, Measured, ConstructiveOur thoughts influence our feelings, which creates a behaviour response – whether we are aware of it, or notWe can recognise this link in girls’ perceptions – she thinks someone said something nasty about her, feels angry and retaliates – we need to challenge the validity of the original thought.T-F-B links to CBT work which can be hugely helpful when working with young people, exploring how to track their thoughts and feelings, test the accuracy and validity of thoughts and control unhelpful feelings.We have a choice in how we behave.Prolonged negative, pessimistic thinking creates a similar state of being.
32Needs–Beliefs-Values Our needs can drive our beliefs, which in turn create our valuesOur beliefs are wide-ranging, not just “I believe in something”, rather, our beliefs are often unconscious thoughts we hold true about every aspect our ourselves, our lives, the world around usOur beliefs create our perceptions – how we see the worldBeliefs form values: what we see is important. We can experience problems when our actions conflict with our values.E.g. We can hold beliefs that we are unworthy, we will fail, others are better than us, or that anything we try we will succeed at, the world is a safe place, there is so much opportunity for me....etcLinking back to why its important to start with the inner girl before working on whole relationship issues with others – her perceptions create her beliefs, which is informing how she lives her life and interacts with others. If she believes
33Who is your ‘Sophie’? Discuss your own ‘Sophie’ with a partner What needs may she have that could be going unmet? What needs does she seek to meet in negative or unresourceful ways?What is her belief system?What values have her key role models instilled in her? What’s important to her?
34“I’m not OK; You’re not OK” The ‘OK Corral’“I’m OK; You’re OK”“I’m OK; You’re not OK”“I’m not OK; You’re OK”“I’m not OK; You’re not OK”A model from the theory of Transactional Analysis, created by Eric Berne in the 1950’s highlights how ingrained beliefs about the self can create a damaging and destructive perception of all aspects of life. The ‘OK Corral’ (Berne, 1970) defines four stances from which to view the world:Children who regularly inhabit the roles of ‘I‘m not OK’, or ‘You’re not OK’ are in danger of accepting these self-loathing, fear-inducing positions for lifeThe girl group ‘leader’ who rules through manipulation and creates dramas to rival any soap opera storyline may well be acting from a position of ‘I’m OK; You’re not OK’, just as the girl who strives to fit in at any cost may view herself and others in terms of ‘I’m not OK; You’re OK’. Having an awareness of these roles and their impact can inform your classroom practice and day-to- day interactions with young people, as well as assisting them to build more positive perceptions of themselves and others
35The ‘OK Corral’ “I’m OK; You’re OK” Secure attachments High self esteemHigh sociabilityTrusting and accepting of othersPositive self imageOptimistic outlook“I’m OK; You’re not OK”Anxious attachmentsFearful; angry; boastfulExaggerated self imageInability to relate to othersLow trust in others“Dangerous world” and defensive mentalityHigher sociability“I’m not OK; You’re OK”Dismissive attachmentsLow self esteemLow confidence & sociabilityPoor self imageVictim mentalityNegative self perception; exaggerated positive perception of others“I’m not OK; You’re not OK”Fearful attachmentsLow sociabilityVictim – persecutor mentality (cycles of being both)Negative perception of self and worldPessimistic outlook
36The Interconnectedness of Relationships Leading on from the OK Corrall discuss how this spreads – how i relate to myself affects others.Single person: ie it starts with us; how do I relate to myself? Do I value myself? Am I meeting my needs? How do I expect to be treated? ---Affects ---Group of people; affects how i relate to others, the value I place on friendships and connections, how much energy I put into relationships, how I view relationships (are they used as a tool to gain power, popularity, for personal gain, or for connection, support, care, love, etc), – [linked to how this demonstrates why bystanders may not get involved in bullying cases]The school culture as a whole, the ethos and culture of the school, what is expected of all members of the school communityThe underpinning theme of all our work is that before we can learn to be in relationship with someone else, and therefore before we can tackle bullying, we have to learn to develop a healthy and successful relationship with ourselves. This is what we need to teach girls: we can’t solve bullying solely by focusing on it
37The Language of Conflict Resolution Providing girls with the language to resolve conflict‘I’ statementsExpressing feelingsUnderstanding needsRESTORATIVE APPROACHES
38Reporting and Recording Intervention and Support Best PracticePreventionReporting and RecordingIntervention and SupportMonitoringHaving a “bullying program” is not enough – there needs to be a coordinated, consistent approachGo ahead and discuss with someone near to you what you think are some good prevention tools, and some support mechanisms you might put in place for the children you work with.HALF WAY THROUGH.
39Creating the Right Ethos Set the tone in the school; communicate expectations; rule with authority and dominance or favor collaboration and connection. This is communicated to staff and parents.Principal, Senior StaffAll other staff; parentsPupilsCascade down the mindset and attitudes of senior staff and head teacher. Poor leadership from above becomes poor teaching and poor relationships with pupils. Parents support the school, or not, creating harmony or discordRegardless of what prevention techniques and strategies you put in place, the ethos and climate must be conducive to supporting harmony, peace, connectivity and a care for others.If staff have little pride in the school or don’t care about the welfare of children, children will not care about the welfare of one another.Task: What kind of values are evident, or missing, in your school or setting? What is being communicated to children and young people, and how? Individually or in small groups, look at the values sheet and determine what values are present, or need to be cultivated.Consciously and unconsciously act upon the attitudes of adults; poor leadership translates into poor behavior. A lack of pride, hope or belief from above translates into poor attendance, behavior and academic results.
40Prevention Ensure that policy reflects practice, and vice-versa Train staff to notice and respond to girl bullying and relationship issuesDiscuss friendship, conflict, and relational aggression tactics when exploring other forms of bullying (remember the escalation model!)Model positive behaviourThe Four C’s:ConsistentCo-ordinatedCohesiveCommunicatedExplore girl bullying and RA in the curriculum, and specifically with girls – highlight that tactics such as ignoring someone IS BULLYING if it is repeated and deliberate.It’s important for schools to take a line on responding to all issues of bullying and relationship breakdown, while also highlighting the role and responsibility young people have themselves to prevent and respond to their own issues.
41Intervention and Support A step-by-step approach.Speak to each individual separately, including bystandersWhat happened?What did you see? What happened next?Who was responsible?Create a written record; share with other staff as neededCreate a plan of actionValidate the stories and ensure the allegations are trueEnforce consequences for breaking the rulesInform parents (if necessary)Plan of action for the victim – what do they want to see happen next? (e.g. mediation, move to a different class)Monitor situationCohesive: The organization’s ethos and policies must be fed from the top-down and embodied by ALL staffCoordinated: One key person (or group) should coordinate all anti-bullying practices, curriculum, prevention strategies and support servicesConsistent: All staff are following the same protocols and using the same strategiesCommunicated: All staff should be aware of information pertaining to the organization’s policy, and relevant staff should be made aware of bullying and bullied children to ensure consistent monitoring and support