Presentation on theme: "Positive Discipline & Guidance"— Presentation transcript:
1Positive Discipline & Guidance The keys to well-behaved children.
2Tough Love vs. SpankingMost of America’s population thinks it is improper to spank children. I recently heard from a friend who has tried other methods to control their kids when they have one of “those moments”.One that she found very effective was to just take the child for a car ride and talk.They usually calmed down and stopped misbehaving after their little outing together.Here is the photo of one of those sessions with my friend’s son in case you would like to try this technique.
4Spanking? *__________________________________* Spanking is effective I don’t believe in spankingMark where you stand on the above line and list reasons for your stance on this issue.
5WHAT ABOUT SPANKING?It is a poor form of discipline and it does not work.Although it sometimes changes the behavior for a short time, it does little to change the long-term behaviorIt often creates feelings of hatred, revenge, and resentment rather than self-disciplineIt teaches that violence and aggression are the ways to deal with lifeIt gives the child the message that if you are bigger, it is OK to hit someone smaller or that being physical (hitting) is the way to deal with problems.It escalates.If you spank for little things when children are young, you have to spank harder for more serious problems when they are older. What do you do when the kids get bigger than you?Spanking does not teach what you want them to do, only what you want them not to do.It can lead to child abuse.More than a couple of swats or a swat that leaves a mark can be abuse. It is a physical assault on a child.
6Punishment A penalty for a wrong doing. Severe treatment. Use as a last resortForces child to obey.Child learns to obey out of fear.Child Learns:RESENTMENTREVENGERETREATLow self esteemSneaky
7Discipline To bring to order through teaching & training. Fair & consistent.Child learns to obey and be responsible for their actions.Self-control is the goal.Use as often as needed, variety of methods.
8Guidance To give advice, counsel or help. Child learns what is expected of them.Learn by example.A parent’s daily job!!
9SELF-DISCIPLINE The ability to control one’s own behavior. The goal of guidance and discipline
10Reasons for Misbehavior Normal for the age.Natural curiosity.Don’t know better.For attention.Unfulfilled needsFor power.For revenge.Feel inadequate.To feel they belong.EnvironmentA misbehaving child is a discouraged child Why?
11MISBEHAVIOR:Is based on a child’s mistaken interpretation of how to find BELONGING & SIGNIFICANCE!Most common reasons for why children misbehave
12Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make a child do better, first we have to make them feel worse?Children do better when they feel better!
13Solution to All Misbehavior: Spend special timeWith the child each Day!ALSO>>>>>>>Believe that children are GOOD!Share your feelingsFind a solution togetherCorrect Timing - calm downGet into the child’s world show understandingChildren will listen to you after they feel listened to.
14Solution to Attention Problems: Ignore if possibleGive attention when goodRedirectLogical consequencesChoices
15Solution to Power Problems: WithdrawCool off,Problem solve togetherWin cooperationAct
164 Steps for Winning Cooperation: Get into child’s worldCheck it outShow understandingShare your feelingsFind a solution together
17Solution to Revenge Problems: Withdraw from revenge cycleWin child overSolve the problemTake away items they could destroyApologize if needed
18Solution to Inadequacy Problems: Avoid pityEncourage & trainCreate small successesDon’t give up
19Why is this child misbehaving? Write the reason for their misbehaviorJane, 3 year old, goes into Mom’s bedroom and uses lipstick to draw on Mom’s bedspread.Mom asks David (5) to set the table and he yells, “I don’t want to”Mary is building a tower and soon begins throwing them in anger.
20Types of Parenting Styles and Outcomes Most parent can be classified into three main types by the style in which they guide their children. As you look at each, think about where your own parents fits most appropriately. Do each of your parents use the same style? Do you fit the outcome?
21Authoritarian: Limits without Freedom. Parents’ word is law, parents have absolute control.Misconduct is punishedAffection and praise are rarely giveParents try to control children's’ behavior and attitudesThey value unquestioned obedienceChildren are told what to do, how to do it, and where to do it, and when to do it.
22Outcomes of Authoritarian Style ObedientDistrustfulDiscontentWithdrawnUnhappyHostileNot High AchieversOften RebelChildren from authoritarian homes are so strictly controlled, either by punishment or guilt, that they are often prevented from making a conscious choice about particular behavior because they are overly concerned about what their parents will do.
23Permissive: Freedom without limits. Parents allow their children to do their own thing.Little respect for order and routine.Parents make few demands on children.Impatience is hidden.Discipline is laxParents are resources rather than standard makersRarely punishNon controlling, non-demandingUsually warmChildren walk all over the parents
24Outcome of Permissive Parenting AggressiveLeast self—reliantLeast self-controlledLeast exploratoryMost unhappyChildren from permissive homes receive so little guidance that they often become uncertain and anxious about whether they are doing the right thing.
25Democratic: Freedom within limits. Stress freedom along with rights of othersand responsibilities of allParents set limits and enforce rulesWilling to listen receptively to child’s requests and questions.Gives both love and limit to childrenChildren contribute to discussion of issues and make some of their own decisionsExert firm control when necessary, but explain reasoning behind it.Respect children’s interest, opinions, unique personalities.Loving, consistent, demandingCombine control with encouragementReasonable expectations and realistic standards.
26Outcomes of Democratic Style HappyMostly self-reliantMostly self-controlledContent, friendly, generousCooperativeHigh-achiever’Less likely to be seriously disruptive or delinquentChildren whose parents expect them to perform well, to fulfill commitments, and to participate actively in family duties, as well as family fun, learn how to formulate goals. They also experience the satisfaction that comes from meeting responsibilities and achieving success.
27Click to listen to the song MOM SONGClick to listen to the song
28Discipline Techniques Each child is different and different things will work for each child.
29Positive StatementsTelling a child what they CAN do, rather than what they CAN’T do.Instructions are more clear.Children feel good.Works for: all ages!“Please walk” instead of“Don’t run”
30Practice – Positive Statements What would you say? Don’t hit your sister again!Don’t forget your lunch!Don’t slam the door!Don’t climb up the slide!Don’t listen to that kind of music!
31Redirect AttentionIf a child is doing something you do not want them to do….give them something else to do.Distract them with another optionWorks for: young children months to 10 years
32Reverse AttentionIgnore inappropriate behavior and deal with problem when child is no longer seeking attention.Only works if child is trying to get attention.Works for: older childrenages 7-18.
33Time OutGives children an opportunity to re-gain control of their emotions.One minute for each year.Quiet spot, tell them why they are there, re-state the rule, have them apologize at end.Works for: young childrenages 2 – 9.
34Loss of Privilege Remove a privilege if behavior is inappropriate. Lots of different privileges can be removed.Be consistent! Follow through.Threats are no good…stick to it.Works for: older childrenages 5 – 18.
35Setting Limits Children need limits on their behavior. They want to know what is acceptable and allowed.Rules should be fair, consistently enforced and help children learn responsibility and self-controlWorks for: all ages!
36Limited Choices 2 or 3 options. Gives child a sense of power and control.Offer only real possibilities.Can help reduce temper tantrums.Works for: 2 and up.
37Natural & Logical Consequences Things that naturally happen without parental interference.Logical: 4 rules to followRelated to misbehaviorNot done in angerShort durationUnpleasantWorks for:older childrenages
38Write a natural and logical consequence for each misbehavior. 2 children fight over whose turn it is to play video games.A child is not ready for school on time.A child does not come home on time from a friends house for dinner.
39Make sure the message of LOVE always gets through:
40CLASSROOM DISCIPLINE: Have rules and remind them oftenKEEP RULES SHORT & SIMPLEBe nice to teacher and classmatesRaise hand to speakWalk in halls
41DISCIPLINE STEPS: Redirect Check it out Speak to the child about the problemGive choicesUse logical or natural consequencesUse time out if still out of control
42CLASSROOM DISCIPLINE cont’d Sometimes it helps to whisper to the childResist giving attention to the disruptor“Someone is disturbing the class”Move closer, place hand on shoulderInvolve themTalk privately“What can I do to get your help?”
43FORBIDDEN DISCIPLINE ACTIONS: SPANKINGSLAPPINGHITTINGSHAKINGPULLINGPINCHINGNO TEASINGNO HUMILIATIONNO INSULTSNO THREATENINGNO FRIGHTENINGNO LAUGHING ATConfirmed incidents will be grounds for immediatedismissal from a childcare job.
44ALWAYS REMEMBER: MISTAKES R WUNDERFULL OPPERTUNITEEZ 2 LERN! Recognize your mistakeReconcile “I’m sorry”Resolve: Focus on solutions rather than blame.
45Appropriate Behavior Child Care Management Techniques (as found in the state test guide) If one area of the classroom creates physical aggression try changing the room arrangementLocate a child with a short attention span next to the teacherInvite and gently take the child’s hand and walk when a child will not come out of an areaGive children the opportunity to make limited choicesGive positive reinforcement when a child tells the truth
46Explain/how to use toys appropriately and redirect with appropriate items Call attention to a child that is participating correctlyGive a time limit when they need to change when a child doesn’t want to take turnsPut away the distracting influence and involve him/her in helping with the activity when a child does not seem to be paying attentionMinimize blame, have child clean up, assist as needed when children not cleaning up
47MORE REMINDERS:Cleaning up can be made into a game encourages a good attitude toward work by having the children helpRemind them of rules and encourage problem solving when children are arguingGiving a few minutes warning helps children get ready to come insideTell them to use their inside voices (positive statement) when a child is squealing, yelling shoutingTry using a positive statement to correct disruptive behavior (i.e. tell the child “you shared something now you need to listen”)Have child who has distracting toys put them awayStop and ask all the children to return to their places; children ease their way from their places
48Acknowledge and bring them back t the activity when a child interrupts with personal stories, etc. Calmly keep the child from running away, hold him/her if the child runs away from youTell child you will listen to her when she can talk in a calm voice if they are whining, crying, etc.Remove the child from the environment if the child is aggressive, fighting, etc.Ignore temper tantrums if the behavior is for attention and no one is in danger of harmExplain that tantrums are not acceptable
49ASSIGNMENT:Complete the positive guidance practice sheet about ANNIE AND THE TERRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD WEEK.