1. Zombies vs. Mutants A Practical How-To Guide

2. Zombies (Homo Mortis) Dead Shamble Inarticulate Groans Brains Hungry See Brains Rotting

3. Mutants (Homo Novis) Alive Scramble Often with Non- Human Outlines Lumps Tumors Lack of Hair Third Hands Sometimes Glowing

4. The Haitian Zombie (Homo Voudon) Indigenous to the Caribbean and Southern Coastal United States Not An Actual Zombie Not Dead Mimicry Shut up

5. Observing Zombies Native Habitat Graveyards Mortuaries Tombs Ancient Burial Sites Shopping Malls Tools of the Trade Binoculars Shovel Shotgun/Boomstick Dangers Dangerous when provoked Evil Curses Books of Evil Lore The Police Benefits Plumage Forgotten Artifacts

6. Observing Mutants Native Habitat Dystopian Futures Mad Scientists’ Laboratories The Sewers Nuclear Power Plants Tools of the Trade Geiger Counter Sunglasses Automatic Weapons Dangers Dangerous when provoked Radioactivity Intelligence Minions Benefits Photo Opportunities Futuristic Pseudo- scientific Stuff

7. Reproductive Behaviors of Zombies Reproduce Asexually Similar to the Central European Werewolf Beware Mating Season Starting early October until they reach a frenzy on the 31 st

8. Reproductive Behaviors of Mutants Reproduce Sexually Vast array of possibilities. May have strange or unknown reproductive organs Often prefer privacy Sometimes are rendered sterile and require the kidnapping of nubile young women – or rugged young men – to reproduce with them and continue their genetic line. Warning: They may devour their mates.

9. Defeating Zombies They Move Slow Tend to be tough and take several hits. Use Ranged Weapons Aim for the head. If you cannot aim for the head for some reason, aim for the chest and when they’re down, shoot them in the head. Destroy the head; it’s very important.

10. Defeating Mutants They Move Fast Tend to be weaker, but with bizarre weirdo abilities, with an incredible variety. Shoot first, but have a backup close weapon just in case. Aim for the head. If you cannot aim for the head for some reason, aim for the chest and when they’re down, shoot them in the head. Destroy the head; it’s very important.

11. Summary and Questions Zombies are dead. Mutants are alive. If they are dead and a mutant, then they are a zombie. Zombies are dead. Got it?