Book by Susan Scott Diane Hubona, IU 8 PIIC Mentor Nancy Neusbaum, IU 15 PIIC Mentor
What do you mean, FIERCE conversation? FIERCE robust intense strong powerful eager cruel menacing barbarous threatening raised voices blood on the floor A fierce conversation is one in which we come out from behind ourselves into the conversation and make it real. Description What it is notWhat it is
Seven Principles 1. Master the courage to interrogate reality. 2. Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real. 3. Be here, prepared to be nowhere else. 4. Tackle your toughest challenge today. 5. Obey your instincts. 6. Take responsibility for your emotional wake. 7. Let silence do the heavy lifting.
Soft Eyes and Ears Soft eyes and ears allow a partner to come to you, to communicate to you. Make contact. or
Eight Common Mistakes Do you have any experiences with these eight common mistakes? Use your index care to indicate a mistake you don’t make, as well as one that you do. Share later.
Common Mistake #1 Doing most of the talking Really ask. Really listen. If it gets quiet, take a deep breath and wait. As long as you are talking, you’re not learning anything you didn’t already know.
Common Mistake #2 Taking the problem away from someone If someone asks for your opinion, say, “I’ll share my thoughts with you before we end our conversation, but right now, let’s keep exploring yours.”
Common Mistake #3 Not inquiring about feelings If you fail to inquire about emotions, you’ll notice that nothing much changes as a result of your conversation.
Common Mistake #4 Delivering unclear messages, unclear coaching, and unclear instructions If you have something to add, do it clearly and succinctly. If you have a request, make sure it is heard and understood.
Common Mistake #5 Canceling the meeting You said these meetings are important. Your actions will tell the story.
Common Mistake #6 Allowing interruptions Turn off your cell phone and your email alert. You cannot ‘be here’, prepared to be nowhere else, when you are interrupted by beeps, buzzes, and bells.
Common Mistake #7 Running out of time Every conversation concludes with clarity about the next most important step. The conversation hasn’t ended just because the conversation has ended. The conversation is ongoing.
Common Mistake #8 Assuming your one-on-ones are effective. Make sure by eliciting feedback and doing something with it.
What did you pick? Share your index card notes with a partner.
The “Debrief” How to debrief yourself after each conversation (reflective thought): Was I genuinely curious about this person and his/her reality? Did I work to understand what color the beach ball is from where he/she stands? Did feelings get expressed, as well as issues and solutions? What parts of me failed to show up? Who did most of the talking? “Me” is the wrong answer.
Three Quotes 1. Choose the one that most closely mirrors your thoughts. 2. Write your reaction to the quote and why you chose it. 3. Go to designated table with ‘kindred spirits’. 4. Share. 5. Create powerpoint slide to summarize your discussion. 6. Share out!
A Secret Rule The practice of taking the conversation away from other people and making it about ourselves goes on all day, every day, and is a huge relationship killer and a waste of time. Nothing useful happens here. Even if your story is riveting, don’t tell it until your companion has answered the question, “What do you see as the next most potent step you need to take?” by which time you may conclude that the story you wanted to tell is not relevant.
The Point The point here is to draw others out with good questions and incredible listening on your part. If you can’t do this, you may fail to build deep relationships. So leave your expert, storyteller, fix-it hat at the door. Come into the conversation with empty hands. Bring nothing but yourself.
Summarizer The Important Thing.. The important thing about a fierce conversation is…… But the MOST IMPORTANT THING about a fierce conversation is…..