3Motivates us to take action/defend ourselves Anger is an energizer:Motivates us to take action/defend ourselvesProvides stamina (stick with it!) when the task is difficultSupplies energy for the struggleConverting anger into energy allows us to take charge and to work toward what we want.Can give a feeling of control.
4Anger helps express tension and communicates negative feelings Anger helps express tension and communicates negative feelings. If done in a productive way it helps resolve conflict in relationships.
5Anger gives us information: About people and situationsIt's a signal that it's time to deal with a problemIt tells us when something is wrong, frustrating, threatening or annoying
7Anger interferes with clear thinking!! Often causes us to act on impulseAnger sometimes is used to protect our pride, cover embarrassment or hurt.It seems easier to be angry than be anxiousAnger used like this prevents us from seeing our feelings and facing ourselves
8Anger can start or lead to aggression Anger can give negative impressions to othersIf much of anger is unjustified, it may be dangerous to your health
9Modeling Watching another person, and copying what they do We model after:parents,siblings,people in the media,people we admireanyone with which we spend time.The anger actions may be positive or negative
10Take out the yellow sheet As a Group:Determine which style of learning the anger action is in place.Use the key to indicate the correct answer
11Take out the Modeling and Operant Learning Signs Hold up the sign for what your group decided was the best answer
12Take out the “Anger…It’s All About You” Individually, complete the sheet.You will use the J U S E D later in the lessonAnswer the questions at the bottom
13Looking at section B…What are some of the physical signs?
14Looking at section CWhat are some anger actions you have observed?
15Justified Anger…You must be able to answer "yes" to all of these questions:Was it done intentionally?Would most other people be angry in this same situation?Does it do you any good to be angry?
16If you can answer "yes" to all three of these questions, it is justified anger, and deserves your attention.If you can't….then the anger is unjustified, and not worth the time and effort.
17Take out the Blue sheet Have a person read the situations Determine if the situations would cause justified or unjustified anger.
18REMEMBER… You must be able to answer "yes" to all of these questions: Was it done intentionally?Would most other people be angry in this same situation?Does it do you any good to be angry?
19Take out the Justified and Unjustified signs Hold up the sign for what your group decided was the best answer
20Find your “Anger - It’s all about You” sheet. Reading each situation, determine if it was justified or unjustified anger and circle the J or the U.
22DIRECT / ASSERTIVE A POSITIVE anger style Directing and being Assertive is only appropriate if the anger is justified.It is important to remember that you can't control what the other person thinks or does but you might help the situation.
23People who direct anger and are assertive: Feel more intimate and close in their relationshipsCommunicate betterGet their message acrossAre more likely to be heard.Generally feel they have made contract in a personal way.
24Characteristics of a directing situation: Voice level is not too loud.Uses good eye contactAvoids works like:Always, Never, Ought to, Should, YouUses "I" messages that center on feelingsDelivered at a time when the statement is likely to be heardStates the message in such a way that the other person is less likely to become defensive.
25The things included in directing / assertive statements are: What the person did that caused the anger.The feelingsThe impact (what it does to your life)What you would like them to do or change.
26Example:"It worries me when I don't get a phone call and we aren't going to leave when expected. Could you let me know when you are running late?"
27Stuffing - Passive Behavior A negative anger styleMoves away from confronting the person or situationHolds anger inside, trying not to show itDenies that they are angryOften says things that deny their feelings as importantDon't have to deal with the consequences of confrontation, reinforces the stuffing/passive behavior.
28Common reasons for Stuffing - Passive Behavior Fear of hurting the other personThink it is inappropriate to be angryThink they shouldn't be angry with that personFear of being rejectedNot able to cope with the emotional impact of interpersonal conflict.
29Stuffing - Passive Behavior is negative because: Stuffed anger does not get rid of the problemRelationships suffer if one or both of the people are stuffersStuffing gets in the way of closeness and intimacyStuffed anger is expressed anyhowIt's disguised as sarcasmIntentionally forgets to do something for the person at a later date.Holding back loveAvoiding the person in the future
30Stuffed anger can have harmful health effects: UlcersMigraine headachesOvereatingUnder-eatingDepression
31Examples "I love this person….I shouldn't be angry?" "If I let them know I'm angry they will not love me anymore.""Angry?…No. I'm OK…I'm not really angry.""They really don't mean to hurt me.”
32Escalating - Aggressive Behavior A negative anger styleEscalators begin their sentences with the word "you" in an accusing way.They blame other people for their angerUse name callingEscalators make the situations worse.
33May rant and rave or use accusatory questions Use "hard" words like: always, never, should, etc.Tell other people what they should or shouldn't do.
34Reasons for Escalating - Aggressive Behavior To gain control of the other personTo get their wayTo cover up low self esteemFor power
35Negatives Escalating - Aggressive Behavior Intense anger destroys relationshipsMay bring violence to relationshipsMay "get their way" in the short run, but usually the other person will get back at them somehow!Intense anger makes a person prone to high stress
36Examples: "Why did you do that?" "I can't believe you did that…what were you thinking!??"You make me sooooo mad!""You are such a loser.""Only a stupid person like you would do something like that!""You never listen.""You're always late."
37“Styles of Anger Chart” Complete using the directions at the top. Take out the“Styles of Anger Chart”Complete using the directions at the top.
38Take out the 2 white sheets: Color It ! & the colored pencils Following the directions, use the colored pencils and indicate the three anger styles:Assertive/DirectingPassive/StuffingAggressive/Escalating
39Take out the Instruction Papers Place in your notebook.
40Not Passive Not Manipulating Not Aggressive BEING ASSERTIVE…Not PassiveNot ManipulatingNot Aggressive
41Assertive - A Positive Communication Style Asking for what you want directlyGiving people an honest “no” to things you don’t wantNot using peopleNot letting yourself be used eitherI’m OK & You’re OKA Win Win situation
42Aggressive - A NEGATIVE style Taking what you wantThreatening or forcingSaying “no” in a way that puts the other person downPushes people away or makes them afraidMay violate the other person’s rightsI’m OK - You’re a loser (I win - You Lose)
43Passiveness - A negative style Not speaking up when you’d like somethingGiving in and saying “yes” when you don’t really want toDoes this to be liked or to not hurt the other person’s feelingsYou’re OK - I’m Not OK (You win - I Lose)
44Manipulation Can be used if the relationship isn’t important. Getting what you want in a dishonest wayDoing something so they’ll give you what you want“I’m tricky, you need to be fooled”Often considered passive/aggressive
45Find the 5 laminate strips There is a situation cards (1-8) and four reaction cardsDistribute the cards to the group.The person with the situation card reads it to the group.Each reaction strip and decide which type is represented. AGGRESSIVE, PASSIVE, MANIPULATION & ASSERTIVE
46AggressiveAssertive One group at a time:When indicated…each group will come up and stand beneath the sign for the communication type.One person will read the situation, the group will read in order from worst to best…AggressiveAssertive