There is no passion so much transports the sincerity of judgment as doth anger. -- Michel de Montaigne
Anger at God Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Judgment Loss of faith Falling away from organized religions Isolation
Heat and animosity, contest and conflict, may sharpen the wits, although they rarely do; they never strengthen the understanding, clear the perspicacity, guide the judgment, or improve the heart. -- Walter Savage Landor
Anger at Anyone and Everyone Lashing out Loosing control Can’t contain the anger Innocent bystander
Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than on anything on which it is poured. -- Seneca
Anger at Self Acknowledge Forgive
Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. -- Cindy Clabough
Anger and CD4 Count 130 sexually active gay and bisexual men 75 were HIV+ Given a battery of psychosocial questionnaires (including Anger Expression Scale, Hardiness Test, and Profile of Mood States) and had blood drawn for CD4 counts Levy E, Knapp P, Linde R, Mayer K, Stoddard A, McCusker J; Boston University School of Medicine, Boston, MA, USA Int Conf AIDS 1989 Jun 4-9; 5:810 (abstract no. D.713)
Anger and CD4 Counts Both anger-in and anger-out were associated with fewer CD4 cells in the HIV+ groups Levy E, Knapp P, Linde R, Mayer K, Stoddard A, McCusker J; Boston University School of Medicine, Boston, MA, USA Int Conf AIDS 1989 Jun 4-9; 5:810 (abstract no. D.713)
Hurt leads to bitterness, bitterness to anger, travel too far that road, and the way is lost. -- Terry Brooks
Emergency Measures A,B,C of Anger control D,E,F of Anger control Other suggestions
A,B,C of Anger Control A = Avoid loud speech. B = Breathe. Take a series of deep breaths. C = Curtail swearing.
D, E, F of Anger Control D = Drink a glass of cold water. E = Exercise. Burn off the anger. Run, walk, swim, bike, dance, etc. F = Find a friend and talk it out.
Other Measures Sit quietly and collect your thoughts Practice “buying time” Lie down until the anger passes Look in the mirror Beat on a pillow Roll up the windows and go for a “drive-and-scream”
Anger Toolkit How am I feeling right now? What happened to make you angry? Who are you angry at? How did the situation make me feel besides angry? What about this angers me the most? Now, what about this angers me the MOST?
Blowing out another's candle will not make yours shine brighter. -- Unknown
How am I Feeling Right Now? Anxious Worthless Hostile Depressed Mean/Evil Revengeful Bitchy
How am I Feeling Right Now? Bitter Rebellious Paranoid Victimized Numb Sarcastic Resentful
Sticks and stones may break your bones when there's anger to inpart. Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart. -- Unknown
How am I Feeling Right Now? Frustrated Destructive These are some of the names we give to feelings of anger. There is no cure for any of them First step is to identify is as anger
The thought manifests as the word. The word manifests as the deed. The deed develops into habit. And the habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care. And let it spring from love, born out of concern for all beings. -- Buddha
What Happened to Make you Angry If we can focus on the specific incidents which triggered the anger, it becomes more understandable and easier to manage
Who am I Angry At? My self? My partner/spouse? My boss? The kids? God? The Human Race? My life?
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor Roosevelt
Who am I Angry At? All men? All women? Other races? Miscellaneous?
Not respecting yourself, is the same as committing suicide at a slow rate. -- Unknown
Anger Involves 5 General Areas Our anger at others Others anger at us Our anger at ourselves Residual anger from the past Abstract anger
How did the situation make me feel besides angry? Sad? Stupid? Unappreciated? Unworthy? Powerless? Guilty? Inadequate? Many others…fill in the blank
The world is too dangerous for anything but truth and too small for anything but love. -- William Sloan Coffin
What about this angers me the most? Peel down to the next layer Put your anger in clearer perspective
Now, What about this angers me the MOST? Down to the bedrock; one word The fundamental issue which underlies all of the others It often turns out to be a feeling: stupid, worthless, helpless, inadequate, powerless We lose our self respect and hold ourselves in contempt
Replacing the “Feeling” Replacing the feeling of worthlessness Even unworthy of our own respect with the antidote The only antidote for self contempt is self respect
Ways to Deal with Anger Talk about your feelings with others, such as people in a support group, or with a counselor, friend, pastor or social worker. Try to get some exercise--like working out, walking, or dancing--to relieve some of the tension and angry feelings you may be experiencing. Avoid situations-- involving certain people, places, and events--that cause you to feel angry or stressed out.
Ways to Deal with Anger Why are some people more angry than others? Is it good to “let it all hang out?” Relaxation Cognitive restructuring Problem solving Better communication Using humor
Ways to Deal with Anger Changing your environment Easing up on yourself Assertive rather than aggressive
Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it. -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
In Conclusion You can’t eliminate anger In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger Life is filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others and events You cannot change that; but you CAN change the way you let such events affect you.