Chapter Objectives 2 Describe the six types of interpersonal conflict Discuss the five communication styles that people use to manage conflict Describe how face is negotiated during conflicts Describe destructive conflict patterns that damage relationships Discuss the guidelines for effective conflict management Discuss how to repair relationships that have been damaged by conflict
Interpersonal Conflict 3 A disagreement between two interdependent people who perceive that they have incompatible goals
Conflict is: 4 Natural Neither good nor bad Inevitable Potentially constructive Culturally based
Types of Conflict 5 Pseudo – conflict that is apparent, not real Fact – information one person presents is disputed by the other Value – deep-seated beliefs about what is good or bad, worthwhile or worthless, desirable or undesirable, moral or immoral Policy – disagreement over a plan, course of action, or behavior Ego – “winning” is the primary goal Meta – disagreements about how to disagree
Styles of Managing Conflict 6 Withdrawing – physically or psychologically removing oneself from the conflict Accommodating – satisfying others’ needs while neglecting your own Forcing – attempting to satisfy your own needs with no concern for the other or harm done to the relationship
Styles of Conflict Management (continued) 7 Compromising – attempting to resolve conflict by mutually agreeing to provide at least some satisfaction for both parties Collaborating – trying to solve the problem by arriving at a solution that meets the needs and interests of both parties in the conflict
Conflict Styles 8 High concern for self High concern for other Accommodating Collaborating Compromising Withdrawing Forcing
Approaches to Conflict 9 Win/LoseOne party gets satisfaction Lose/WinThe other party gets satisfaction Lose/LoseNeither party gets satisfaction Win/WinBoth parties feel satisfied
Which approach to conflict management creates a win/win situation? 10 Collaboration
Collaborative Problem-Solving 11 Define the problem. Analyze the problem. Develop mutually acceptable criteria for judging solutions. Generate solution alternatives. Select the solution that best meets the criteria identified.
Face Negotiation 12 Face negotiation theory: we prefer conflict styles consistent with our cultural frame and the resulting face orientations
Western Hemisphere Eastern and Southern Individualistic and low context Self-face orientation: uphold and protect self- image in interactions with others Collectivist and high context Other-face orientation: uphold and protect the self-images of partners even at the risk of our own face Mutual-face orientation: uphold and protect others’ self-images and our own 13 Cultural Variations of Face
Destructive Behaviors in Conflicts 14 Serial arguing: arguing about the same issue Counterblaming: moves focus away from self by blaming the other person Cross-complaining: trading unrelated criticisms, leaving the initial issue unresolved Demand-withdrawal: one partner demands while the other withdraws Mutual hostility: both partners trade increasingly negative and/or hostile remarks
Guidelines for Conflict Management 15 Avoid negative start-ups. Manage anger. De-escalate the conflict: Identify the trigger. Calm your partner and yourself. Take a break from the conversation. Inject humor (but not at your partner).
Collaborative Conflict Conversation Mentally rehearse. 2. Recognize and state ownership of the conflict. 3. Describe the conflict in terms of behavior, consequences, and feelings. 4. Avoid blaming or ascribing motives. 5. Keep it short. 6. Be sure the other person understands your problem. 7. Phrase your preferred solution in a way that focuses on common ground.
Responding to Conflict Put your shields up. Listen impartially. 2. Respond empathically with genuine interest and concern. 3. Ask questions and paraphrase your understanding of the problem. 4. Seek common ground. 5. Ask the initiator to suggest alternative solutions.
Mediator 18 A neutral and impartial guide, structuring an interaction that enables the conflicting parties to find a mutually acceptable solution to their problems
Mediating Conflict Make sure that the people having the conflict agree to work with you. 2. Establish ground rules. 3. Probe until you identify the real conflict. 4. Remain neutral. 5. Keep the discussion focused on the issues rather than on personalities. 6. Work to ensure equal talk time. 7. Establish an action plan and follow-up procedure.
Recovering from Conflict 20 Forgiveness: communication process that allows you and your partner to overcome the damage done because of a transgression
7 Steps to Forgiveness Confession 2. Venting 3. Understanding 4. Apology 5. Forgive 6. Set conditions 7. Monitor
The Dark Side of Digital Communication 22 Compulsive or excessive Internet use Disable your smartphone’s ability to push messages to you. Leave your social media devices behind when you plan to study. Ask your friends to help you. Seek professional help if necessary.
Inappropriate Self-Disclosure Online 23 SIDE Model: Characteristics of social media, such as anonymity, influence online behavior. Sexting: sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between smartphones via text messaging Anonymous web-cam conferencing
Flaming Flame wars erupt when friendly and productive digital discussions give way to insults and aggression. Recommendations: Respond privately. Ignore the flame. Ask an authority to intervene. 24 Microsoft Word 2012 image
Cyberstalking 25 Cyberstalking: repeatedly using social media to stalk or harass others Cyberbullying: abusive attacks carried out through social media
Homework Observe and Analyze p373 Breaking Destructive Conflict Patterns Think of a recent conflict you experiences in which a destructive pattern developed. Analyze what happened using the concepts from this chapter. What type of conflict was it? What conflict management style did you adopt? What was the other person’s style? What triggered the pattern of negative reciprocity that developed? How might you change what happened if you could redo this conflict episode? 26