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Relationships Feldman 12-3/13-1/13-3 ..

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Presentation on theme: "Relationships Feldman 12-3/13-1/13-3 .."— Presentation transcript:

1 Relationships Feldman 12-3/13-1/13-3 .

2 FORMING RELATIONSHIPS: Factors in Attraction
Similarity Proximity & Familiarity Physical Attractiveness (Personality Traits)

3 Similarity Similarity is when someone else’s attitudes and behavior are similar to ours. It provides: Consensual validation – support for our own attitudes and behavior Comfort – lack of conflict and a feeling of shared understanding between the individuals the people we like most are usually similar to us.

4 Familiarity and Similarity
Familiarity is necessary for a close relationship to develop Moreland and Beach (1992) found students said they liked women who attended class more often, even though the targets didn’t interact with anyone Familiarity happens with repeated exposure. The “mere exposure effect” says that the more we are exposed to a person or object, the more positive our feelings about it become. Proximity or geographical nearness leads to repeated opportunities for exposure and allows familiarity to develop.

5 Physical Attractiveness
In the process of selecting new people to get to know, we tend to judge them to some extent by their physical attractiveness. Some qualities, such as good grooming, may indicate desirable personality traits.

6 Physical Attractiveness
Men may be more affected by physical attractiveness than are women. Heterosexual men rate as important in women: good looks cooking skills frugality And women know and respond to this: Buss (1988) found that women use tactics that alter their appearance (wear make-up, keep well-groomed, wear stylish clothes, wear jewelry).

7 Physical Attractiveness
And women have different criteria. When seeking an intimate partner, heterosexual women rate as important in men: Considerateness Honesty Dependability Kindness Understanding Buss (1988) found that men use tactics that involve resource possession and display (brag about cars and money, display strength) to impress women.

8 Physical Attractiveness
The Matching Hypotheses says that although most people would like to go out with 10’s, when it comes down to it, most of us select people whom we believe match our own level of attractiveness.

9 Personality Traits Anderson (1968) found we are attracted to people with personality traits such as being: sincere honest understanding loyal truthful trustworthy intelligent dependable

10 Social Network – Social Support
Aging and the Social World Social Network – Social Support Social Convoy model of social relations — go through life embedded in personal network of individuals that give social support Helps those of all ages cope Improves mental and physical health Linked to reduced symptoms of disease Linked to longevity Emotionally positive contact lowers depression The composition (people) of the convoy changes, but it does not go away.

11 Peer Relations in Childhood and Adolescence
Peer Group Functions Peers — individuals about the same age or maturity level Peer groups provide source of information and comparison about world outside the family Peer influences and evaluations can be negative or positive and can influence our self-concept, self-esteem, and/or behavior.

12 Six Functions of Friendship
Companionship Stimulation Physical support Ego support Social comparison Intimacy/affection intimacy in friendship — self-disclosure and sharing of private thoughts

13 Strategies for Making Friends
Friendship Strategies for Making Friends Appropriate Initiate interaction Be nice Behave prosocially Show respect Give social support Inappropriate Be psychologically aggressive Present oneself negatively Behave antisocially

14 Social or Relationship Skills
Probably start in the home, perhaps as early as infancy. Develop as a person grows. In pre-school years are developed through play.

15 Childhood Functions of play Health Affiliation with peers
Play and Leisure Childhood Functions of play Health Affiliation with peers Cognitive development Exploration Tension release, master anxiety and conflicts Play therapy

16 Parten’s Classic Study of Play
Play and Leisure Parten’s Classic Study of Play Onlooker Parallel Solitary Unoccupied Child not engaging in play as commonly understood; might stand in one spot Associative Cooperative Child watches other children play Child plays separately from others, but in manner that mimics their play Play that involves social interaction with little or no organization Play that involves social interaction in group with sense of organized activity Child plays alone, independently of others

17 Types of Play Pretense/ Symbolic Social Practice Sensorimotor
Play and Leisure Types of Play Pretense/ Symbolic Social Practice Sensorimotor Infants derive pleasure from exercising their sensorimotor schemes Games Repetition of behavior when new skills are being learned Activities engaged in for pleasure; include rules Occurs when child transforms physical environment into symbol Involves social interactions with peers

18 Developmental Changes
Peer Relations in Childhood and Adolescence Developmental Changes Early Childhood Frequency of peer interaction increases Middle/Late Childhood Children spend increasing time in peer interaction Average time spent 10% of time spent with peers at age 2 20% of time spent with peers at age 4 40% of time spent with peers during ages 7-11

19 Peer Relations in Childhood and Adolescence
Peer Statuses Frequently nominated as a best friend; rarely disliked by peers Popular Receive average number of positive and negative nominations from peers Average Infrequently nominated as a best friend but not disliked by peers Neglected Infrequently nominated as a best friend; actively disliked by peers Rejected Frequently nominated as someone's best friend and as being disliked Controversial

20 Friendship during Childhood
Children use friends as cognitive and social resources Not all friends and friendships are equal Supportive friendships advantageous Coercive, conflict-ridden friendships not Friends generally similar — age, sex, ethnicity, and many other factors

21 The Nature of Friendship Changes During Childhood
Damon & Hart (1988) found that friendships are for: 4-7 year olds – opportunities for interaction, liking and sharing 8-10 year olds – appreciation of personal qualities and mutual trust 11-15 year olds – psychological closeness, intimacy and loyalty

22 Friendship during Adolescence
Need for intimacy intensifies Quality of friendship more strongly linked to feelings of well-being Important sources of support Friends are active partners in building a sense of identity

23 Friendship during Adolescence
Friendships in adolescence and adulthood tend to be intimate relationships involving trust, acceptance, liking and mutual understanding. The benefits include: reducing loneliness being a source of self-esteem providing emotional support providing information and social comparison fulfilling the need to be accepted or to belong

24 The Strategies for Keeping Friends . .
Are much the same as those for getting them initially 1. Be nice, kind, and considerate 2. Be honest and trustworthy 3. Respect others 4. Provide emotional support

25 Gender and Friendship In childhood, boys and girls remain voluntarily gender segregated. Boys play with boys and girls with girls. Boys’ play tends to involve rough-and-tumble activity, larger play groups, and the tendency to establish a hierarchy of who has the most status. Girls play involves smaller groups, equal status, and social scenarios involving negotiation and compromise (and often some drama).

26 Gender and Friendship In friendships between women, women
have close friends are likely to listen and be sympathetic share their thoughts and feelings use rapport talk In friendships between men, men are more likely to engage in activities, show competition and use report talk. In friendships between women and men, problems can arise because of different expectations of romantic involvement.

27 And sometimes we are temporarily without friends.
Loneliness can occur with life transitions, such as: moving divorce death of friend or family member first year of college At the beginning of college life, 75% said they felt lonely at least part of the time

28 Relationships at Midlife
Sometimes family obligations can diminish opportunities for interactions with friends. At midlife, many people find themselves in the “sandwich” generation, providing support to aging parents and adult children. Part of this may be due to the “boomerang generation” of adult children who are returning home for such reasons as divorce, financial problems, difficulty finding jobs or need for more education.

29 Friendship in Late Adulthood
Important role; tend to narrow social network Choose close friends over new friends Friends replace distant family Gender differences Women: more depressed without a best friend; no change in desire for friends Men: decreased desire for new and close friends in older adulthood

30 Chapter 12 Sexuality

31 What is sexuality? Sexuality is not a personality characteristic.
Sexuality is not a level of biological drive. Sexuality is a choice of behaviors.

32 Heterosexual Choices 90% of people have had sexual intercourse by age 22 National Health & Social Life Survey (1994) to 59 year olds Partners are alike in age, ethnicity, education & religion 71% have only one sex partner per year 1/3 have sex up to twice a week; 1/3 a few times a month; 1/3 a few times a year

33 Heterosexual Behavior
Married people have the most frequent sex & most satisfying sex lives Most popular activities intercourse, watching partner undress 75% men, 85% women not unfaithful Men think about sex more Michael & others, 1994

34 Sexuality - Adulthood Sexual activity increases through the 20s and declines in the 30s. 80% of adults in committed relationships , and 88% in marriages report begin “extremely physically and emotionally satisfied.” Only a few report persistent sexual problems

35 Sex and Relationships “Sex is a socially significant act.”
Self-concept Future partners Parents Possible children The need to belong Best in truly intimate relationships

36 Why is sex best in an intimate relationship?
Physical and psychological intimacy influence each other. Commitment is a safeguard. A caring rather than a using partner. Identity/relationship issues are important.

37 Unregulated Sexual Behavior
Unregulated sexual behavior is a problem for any society. The problem is age/stage-related, in adolescence & young adulthood Adolescents have the highest rates of STD’s all age groups, 1 in 6 per year

38 STD’s (The Short List) National Center for Health Statistics, 2004
1 of 6 Americans has one. Bacterial Viral Syphilis Genital herpes Gonorrhea HPV Chlamydia AIDS

39 Cochran & Mays (1990) 20 % of men 4% of women
Indicated that they would lie to a potential sex partner about the results of a positive HIV test.

40 Adolescent Pregnancy U.S. adolescent pregnancy rate is higher than that of most industrialized countries 40-45% of these end in abortion 75% to unmarried females Increased social acceptance Belief that a baby will fill a void in life

41 Teenage Mothers Likely to be poor
High percentage are low-income, minorities Tend to have limited education, poor school performance, etc.

42 Effects of the Child on Circumstances
Reduces likelihood of educational attainment Reduces the chance of marriage Increases the chances of economic disadvantage and welfare

43 Why so much irresponsible sex?
Irresponsible Mindset Lack of clear cultural standards religion, morality, social acceptability no longer reasons to say no Social acceptability: Substantial numbers of people believe it is OK Most high school seniors are no longer virgins Internal conflict – ambivalent feelings; guilt 20% use no contraception

44 Irresponsible Mindset
Lack of communication about birth control/sex Alcohol & other drugs “Romantic fog”

45 Why so much irresponsible sex?
Pressure Media/TV – spontaneous passion should be acted upon; the 40-year-old Virgin Subculture factors – to be “normal” Peer pressure – to be acceptable Date pressure – to be loved

46 We live in a sexually coercive society.
12% of American girls and 5% of boys say they were forced to have intercourse Among those who had sex voluntarily, 25% said they really did not want to do so

47 Sexual Coercion Estimated 13% of women have endured rape, legally defined as intercourse by force, by threat of harm, or when the victim is incapable of consent by reason of mental retardation, mental illness, or intoxication. 1998 college survey, 44% of women had experienced sexual coercion; 19% of men had obtained sex through force

48 Why is date rape a problem?
Because too many people think it isn’t. Taking sex too lightly – no big deal Pornography/Myths about women Beliefs that women enjoy rape Misreading friendliness Assuming that refusal is part of the game

49 Sexual Coercion: The Cost
Psychological reactions to rape resemble those of trauma survivors Shock Confusion Withdrawal Chronic fatigue Tension Disturbed sleep Depression/Suicidal thoughts

50 Homosexuals 2.7% men, 1.3% women No real evidence of biological basis
No clear indications of social, environmental correlates May be an interaction of the two (nature-nurture question) Factors in explanation Biological plasticity Social tolerance

51 Sexual Orientation: Not Genetically Determined
Identical twin concordance rate is about 50% Inconsistency of preference 18% heterosexual boys, 6% girls report engaging in at least one homosexual act Prisoners Bisexuality Other conditions of changing lifestyles

52 New Statement from APA “There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay or lesbian orientation. Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors. Many think that nature and nurture both play complex roles. . . “ American Psychological Association

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