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Dating and Marriage. Journal 10/12 What do you consider dating? At what age do you think someone should be allowed to date? What should the dates consist.

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Presentation on theme: "Dating and Marriage. Journal 10/12 What do you consider dating? At what age do you think someone should be allowed to date? What should the dates consist."— Presentation transcript:

1 Dating and Marriage

2 Journal 10/12 What do you consider dating? At what age do you think someone should be allowed to date? What should the dates consist of?

3 What is dating to you? – Write on your paper Now in groups of 4- use each persons definition to come up with a general definition of dating. Groups will designate one person to share to the class. Are the definitions similar in idea?

4 Dating Dating is a form of courtship, and may include any social activity undertaken by, typically, two people with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity. Traditional dating activities include entertainment or a meal.

5 Dating When two people are attracted to each other- they might begin to spend time together to get to know each other. A date can be anything from going to the football game on Friday night together, or going out to a movie and dinner. These days, even friends can have a “date” night

6 Dating through history Ancient Courtship In ancient times, many of the first marriages were by capture, not choice - men raided other villages for wives. Frequently the tribe from which a warrior stole a bride would come looking for her, and it was necessary for the warrior and his new wife to go into hiding to avoid being discovered. Arranged marriages were the norm

7 Medieval Chivalry During medieval times, the importance of love in a relationship emerged as a reaction to arranged marriages. Suitors wooed their intended with serenades and flowery poetry, following the lead of lovelorn characters on stage and in verse. Chastity and honor were highly regarded virtues. In 1228, women first gained the right to propose marriage in Scotland, a legal right that then slowly spread through Europe.

8 Chastity Belt

9 Courtship Customs & Tokens of Love In Norway when a girl came of age, her father let it be known that she was available for marriage. The girl would wear an empty sheath on her belt. If a suitor liked the girl, he would put a knife in the sheath, which the girl now wore as a sign that she was betrothed. The custom of bundling, found in many parts of 16th and 17th century Europe and America, allowed courting couples to share a bed, fully clothed, and often with a "bundling board" between them or bolster cover tied over the girls legs. The idea was to allow the couple to talk and get to know each other but in the safe (and warm) confines of the girl's house.

10 Courtship from Colonial Times to 1830 In Colonial times, marriage was clearly encouraged. In fact, bachelor's were many times harassed, fined or run out of town. The ability to support a wife and family was very important. It was seen as the single most important basis for the timing of marriage. Similar social standing and family approval were also important. Love was something that developed after the marriage, not before, as a natural outgrowth of the commitment to marriage. Young people spent nearly a decade choosing a marriage partner. They would meet in church, the neighborhood and at home. Young people got together in mixed-sex groups, young couples could spend time alone walking, riding, or in the parlor.

11 During the 19th Century, the idea of the "separate spheres" of men and women began to take control. A woman's nature was virtuous and angelic; she was the moral superior to the man. This separation also limited the ability of adolescent boys and girls to get to know one another. At puberty, girls entered the "female world" and boys in the "male world." Permission to marry was sought many times after the engagement Courtship from

12 Victorian Formality During the Victorian Era ( ), romantic love became viewed as the primary requirement for marriage and courting became even more formal - almost an art form among the upper classes. An interested gentleman could not simply walk up to a young lady and begin a conversation. Even after being introduced, it was still some time before it was considered appropriate for a man to speak to a lady or for a couple to be seen together. Once they had been formally introduced, if the gentleman wished to escort the lady home he would present his card to her.

13 At the end of the evening the lady would look over her options and chose who would be her escort. She would notify the lucky gentleman by giving him her own card requesting that he escort her home. Almost all courting took place in the girl's home, always under the eye of watchful parents. If the courting progressed, the couple might advance to the front porch. Smitten couples rarely saw each other without the presence of a chaperone, and marriage proposals were frequently written.

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15 Dating around the world In Australia, girls often ask boys out on dates and pay for everything. In European countries, teenagers often go out on group dates. Dating is actually forbidden in Iran and also very rare in Afghanistan. Boys and girls are kept separate until they are ready to be married and then their parents do the introductions. Japanese and Korean individuals usually do not begin dating until they are in college. In Brazil, group dates are not common at all. People tend to date much longer before they get married. In China, dating usually does not begin until an individual is in their twenties. Chinese singles usually only date one or two people before they get married. There are also still instances of arranged marriages.

16 In most Asian countries it is customary for young people to remain at home until they are married and often a newlywed couple will live with one set of parents for awhile after they are married. In Kiev, women do not like to shake hands. They think that it is not feminine. A woman will hold onto a man’s arm when they are out on a date instead of holding his hand. Relationships and marriage are important in all cultures, but the actual act of dating varies greatly depending on where you live.

17 Exit Task Think of activities that would be considered “appropriate” on a first date. List 5 things

18 Journal Who is your perfect “person”? What are 5 physical qualities that you would want someone you date to have? Are there certain physical things that you can not date someone with? What?

19 Activity You will be creating your perfect person!! You will get a sheet of butcher paper and actually “draw” your person. You are not being graded on ability or talent- but you are graded on your actually representation and attempt to draw them. 10 inside traits & 10 outside traits

20 WHAT IS ATTRACTIVENESS? Another theory on partner selection is that people choose others of equal physical attractiveness. This theory is a combination of the homogamy and social exchange theories. It indicates that people who believe they are “unattractive” will seek those who are equally “unattractive,” and beautiful women and handsome men will end up together. Think about the theory of attractiveness as you answer the questions below. 1. To what extent do you think physical attractiveness should enter into a person’s choice of a partner? 2. How might a person’s self-confidence and self-worth influence his or her attitude about the attractiveness of a partner? 3. What inner qualities do you think enhance a person’s physical attractiveness? Journal - 10/14

21 Journal 10/19 Different relationships in our lives may have different components Intimacy Passion Commitment For your journal: –Write what you think the definition is of these words Be ready to discuss why you feel this way – Do you feel a good relationships can exist with out all 3 of them? Why? –Can relationships have just one? Explain

22 Components of Relationships Intimacy –Feeling close or connected to another person –It can include physical, emotional or intellectual connections –It can be shared by close friends, family and dating partners Passion –Involves the physical arousal that occurs between individuals –When two people are deeply attracted to one another, the desire to be with that person leads to strong feelings of desire.

23 Commitment –The conscious decision made by two people to stay invested in the relationship –It allows the relationships to grow and mature with the security of stability –The level of commitment will determine the difference between short term and long term.

24 Individuals will find themselves attracted to different types of relationships based on various needs. How well a relationship meets the needs of the individuals will often determine the strength of the relationship. Because relationships do not remain the same over time, the components of the relationships may also change. Relationships can contain some, all or none of the components. Components continued…

25 The Components Nonlove –Is best described as the relationship we have with casual friends or acquaintances. –None of the components are present and the relationship is distant. Friendship –Is based on intimacy and is the connection we feel with close friends or family members who know or understand us well.

26 Infatuation –Involves the physical attraction of passion, an intense need to be with the other person –Initially this type of relationship is very exciting but tends to fade over time without the presence of the other components. Empty Love –Exist when two people remain in a relationship that has become a habit. –They no longer experience the connection of intimacy, or excitement of passion.

27 Romantic Love –Is characterized by the connection of intimacy as well as the physical arousal of passion experienced by both people. –While both partners may be swept along with emotions, neither partner is committed to the other. –The security of commitment is missing when the partners are free to leave the relationships.

28 Fantasy Love –May be experienced by individuals who are attracted physically to one another and decide too quickly to get married. –When the excitement of passion wears off, no real intimacy has been established. –They find themselves committed to someone they truly don’t know.

29 Companion Love –is a relationship based on the connectedness of intimacy and the security of commitment but there is no real passion between the individuals.

30 Complete Love –Is when all three components: intimacy, passion, and commitments exist within the relationship. –No one can guarantee that this type of relationship will last, but it has the greatest potential for satisfaction and survival is both individuals are willing to work hard at maintaining the relationship.

31 WARM UP 11/18 Think back to yesterday’s discussion What type of love would two friends have? What type of love would a new relationship have? What about a couple married for 50 years? What type of love would be “best” for someone in high school?

32 Assignment Create a poster with all of the triangles… Create what the triangle would look like for Nonlove, Friendship, Infatuation and Empty Love Turn in before you leave

33 What is love? In your own words: –Tell me what you think love truly is? –Have you ever been in love? –How did you know this? –If you haven't- what do you think it might feel like? TURN IN YOUR TRIANGLES ON MY DESK

34 What is Love? Its important to know the difference between genuine love that nurtures the development of a healthy relationship and imitation varieties of love that stifle growth. Imitation love is not fulfilling and leaves the individual feeling unsettled and “empty” inside. With help, you can determine the difference between unhealthy patterns and healthy ones.

35 Imitation Love can be: Over controlling: –This type of love doesn’t provide personal growth –You are not allowed to think or make decisions on your own. –The controlling partner decides what’s “best” for them

36 Conditional Love –Love that is based on meeting a standard of performance –You have to DO something or BE something in order to EARN the love –You have to meet the expectations first Physical Arousal –This love is based on excitement –As love deepens, the original intensity lessens. –Some think this means the love is fading so the move on the someone else –Happens when people get “bored” in relationships

37 Genuine Love This type of love leaves you feeling content and secure within the relationship Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect for the desires and opinions of both people It allows for the personal growth of both partners with a feeling of security

38 Genuine Love is… Nurturing –This love allows for personal growth –You are free to explore ALL that you are in a safe and encouraging environment –Both partners can be who they truly are without holding back –They support each others goals and ideas

39 Genuine Love is… Unconditional –You feel valued and cherished by your partner just because you are You –You know you are loved despite your flaws, imperfections or inabilities –There is no fear that the love will be taken away if they do not live up to the expectations

40 Genuine Love is… Generous –Less importance is placed on what individuals are getting from the relationship and more emphasis is places on what they are giving to it. –The desire for each partner to be happy is the main focus “I just want you to be happy” –Both partners are committed to each other’s needs –The relationship is fulfilling and satisfying

41 Making THE Decision Marriage is a fulfilling experience for those who have chosen their mate wisely. Marriage is intended to provide a loving and secure environment for people who are committed to one another and are working towards common goals. When these things come together for the partners, marriage is happy and satisfying. Unfortunately 55% of first marriages end in divorce, 60% of second marriages

42 Think of people with whom you feel you have a good relationship. On your paper: Think of 2 good relationships – 1 Paragraph for each When I am with ……… I feel…… We have ______ love because… For me, these are good relationships because……… Now: Think of a difficult relationship My relationship with ____________ is difficult because……………………. INCLUDE: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO TO IMPROVE THESE RELATIONSHIPS?


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