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EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY SPIRITUALITY: SLOWING DOWN TO BE WITH GOD Pete Scazzero North Central District Evangelical Free www.emotionallyhealthy.org April 19-20,

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Presentation on theme: "EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY SPIRITUALITY: SLOWING DOWN TO BE WITH GOD Pete Scazzero North Central District Evangelical Free www.emotionallyhealthy.org April 19-20,"— Presentation transcript:

1 EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY SPIRITUALITY: SLOWING DOWN TO BE WITH GOD Pete Scazzero North Central District Evangelical Free April 19-20, 2010

2 SESSION 1 INTRODUCTION AND LEADERSHIP IN THE NEW FAMILY OF JESUS

3 I. Our Journey of Four Conversions

4 Becoming a Christian - Our Story

5 Iceberg Model What Lies Beneath The Surface

6

7

8 B. Emotional Health: Conversion Two Emotional HealthSpiritual Maturity Emotional Health and Spiritual Maturity Inseparable are Inseparable It is not possible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.

9 Different Parts/Components of Who We Are

10 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.“ (Luke 10:38-42) C. Contemplative Spirituality: Conversion Three

11 Balancing Activity and Contemplation Martha – Active, working for Jesus, but missing Him. Mary – Sitting at the Lord’s feet in contemplation Knowing Jesus, being with Jesus.

12 Contemplation (Being w/ God) Activity Your Life

13 Contemplation (Being w/ God) Activity Your Life

14 D. Slowing Down to Lead with Integrity: Conversion Four

15 Hard Lessons Learned Integrity: With God With Yourself With Your Marriage With Your Leadership

16 Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Components EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY MARRIAGES (AND SEXUALITY) EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY SKILLS EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY DISCIPLESHIP (SLOW DOWN TO BE WITH GOD) CONTEMPLATIVE SPIRITUALITY EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY LEADERSHIP

17 SESSION 2 GOING BACK IN ORDER TO GO FORWARD

18 Joseph’s Family Tree Name meaning “fruitful in land of suffering” Name meaning “fruitful in land of suffering”

19 Two Biblical Principles A. The Blessing and Sins of Our Families Have Impact Lasting for at Least Three to Four Generations.

20 Ex. 34:6-8 Moses asks to see God’s glory “And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The Lord, The Lord, the compassionate and gracious God…Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation. Ex. 20:4-6 You shall not make for yourself an idol… for I am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. 2 Kings. 10:30 Because you have done well in accomplishing what is right in my eyes…, your descendents will sit on my throne in Israel to the fourth generation (Jehu). 2 Sam. 12:10 (Bathsheba) Now therefore the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.

21 Two Biblical Principles A. The Blessing and Sins of Our Families Have Impact Lasting for at Least Three to Four Generations. B. Becoming a Christian is to be Birthed into a New Family and a New Culture; Discipleship is the Process of Putting off our Sinful Patterns of our Family of Origin.

22 God’s Family Scazzero’s Ariola’s

23 Narcissistic, Emotionally Abusive Clinically depressed “Take care of Me” Womanizer Abusive Italian Immigrants Love of Music Love of Education Dominant Passive Driven Physically Abusive Absent DIED YOUNG Conflicted Marriage No Intimacy Inferiority complex Wasted lives Trapped Emotionally ABANDONED Emotionally Abandoned, Inferiority Complex Trapped Fear of Abandonment “Take care of Others” Driven Conflicted No intimacy Stable Earthquake Events Cousin with Down Syndrome Cousin killed in Vietnam 1968 Brother joins Unification Church (declared dead) _________________ Themes Abandonments Cut-offs Overworking Unhappy Marriages ______________

24 Joe Frances AUNT UNCLE © Pete and Geri Scazzero - February, 2010 Earthquake Events Themes

25 Workaholic Physically Abusive Love for Music & Education Conflicted ~ Stable ~ No Intimacy ___________ © Pete and Geri Scazzero - February, 2010 Earthquake Events Themes ___________

26 © Pete and Geri Scazzero - February, 2010

27 Workaholic Physically Abusive Love for Music & Education Conflicted ~ Stable ~ No Intimacy © Pete and Geri Scazzero - February, 2010 ___________ Earthquake Events Themes ___________

28 Workaholic Physically Abusive Love for Music & Education Conflicted ~ Stable ~ No Intimacy © Pete and Geri Scazzero - February, 2010 ___________ Earthquake Events Themes ___________

29 Workaholic Physically Abusive Love for Music & Education Conflicted ~ Stable ~ No Intimacy © Pete and Geri Scazzero - February, 2010 ___________ Earthquake Events Themes ___________

30 Workaholic Physically Abusive Love for Music & Education Conflicted ~ Stable ~ No Intimacy © Pete and Geri Scazzero - February, 2010 ___________ Earthquake Events Themes ___________

31 Workaholic Physically Abusive Love for Music & Education Conflicted ~ Stable ~ No Intimacy © Pete and Geri Scazzero - February, 2010 ___________ Earthquake Events Themes ___________ Abandonments Cut-offs Overworking Unhappy Marriages ______________ Cousin with Down Syndrome Cousin killed in Vietnam 1968 Brother joins Unification Church (declared dead) _________________

32 Groups of 2-3 Answer questions 8 and 9 (on page 6) from constructing your genogram sheet.

33

34 Applications: Going Back to Go Forward 1. Become Aware of Your Family Commandments Are you living in your “father’s” house or your “Father’s” house?

35 Applications: Going Back to Go Forward 1. Awareness of Your Family Commandments 2. Experience the Transforming Power of the Gospel

36 Gospel 1. We believe 2. Christ accepts us totally, absolutely 3. We obey Gospel vs. Legalism Works Righteousness 1. We believe 2. We obey 3. Christ accepts us totally, absolutely

37 God treats you as if you have done everything Jesus has done God loves you the way He loves Jesus God is the same today, yesterday, and 100 million years from now Gospel is to rely on Christ’s record for your relationship with God The Gospel

38 Sample Scripts from Our Family of Origin Don’t be you. You’ll never amount to anything. Don’t make mistakes. Be quiet and obey. Don’t assert yourself. Don’t ask for what you want or need. Don’t feel. Don’t trust. Don’t be weak or vulnerable.

39 God’s New Script for Us It is good that you exist. You are loveable. You are good enough. You are a joy. You have nothing left to prove. Your needs are a delight. You are allowed to make mistakes.

40 Applications: Going Back to Go Forward 3. The Process of Going Back to Go Forward Never Ends.

41 Applications: Going Back to Go Forward 4. New Skills are Needed to Create Healthy Church Community

42 Applications: Going Back to Go Forward 5. Be Aware of Emotional Triggers and Allergies An emotional allergy is a reaction to something in the present that reminds us of something similar to the past.

43 5a Your Church and Denomination has a Genogram

44 6. Differentiation and Personal Integrity A. Working Definition: Remaining connected to people and yet not having your reaction or behavior determined by them. My primary task, like Jesus, is to calmly differentiate my “true self” from the demands and voices around me, discerning the desires, vision, pace, and mission the Father has given me.

45 B. Differentiation Scale 0…….…25……...…50…….….75…..…..100

46 C. Four Qualities of Differentiation Clear sense of self in close proximity to others Self-regulate anxiety and self-soothe hurts Non-reactive to others’ anxieties Tolerate discomfort for growth

47 Applications of Differentiation 1.Good Leadership – Thinking Clearly, Value Driven 2. Anxiety/Need for “Other Validation” = No Leadership

48 Applications of Differentiation 1.Good Leadership – Thinking Clearly, Value Driven 2. Anxiety/Need for “Other Validation” = No Leadership 3. Differentiation at Home and at Church are Closely Related

49 SESSION 3 CONTEMPLATIVE SPIRITUALITY: SLOWING DOWN TO BE WITH GOD

50 Present Day Reality of Many in Our Churches: Living off others’ spirituality (no time) Life on the run Scattered, fragmented, un-centered, overloaded, distracted Mostly head not heart experience of Jesus A one-inch-deep spirituality Not really praying very much Not very intentional in pursuing Jesus State of partial inattention Exhausted Marked by Frenzied Busyness

51 Contemplation (Being w/ God) Activity Your Life

52 Contemplation (Being w/ God) Activity Your Life

53 ONE HOLY CATHOLIC AND APOSTOLIC CHURCH Roman Catholic Church Orthodox Church 33 Pentecost st Ecumenical Council and the Nicene Creed 1054 Great Schism Of East and West New Testament Era Seven Ecumenical Councils Martin Luther’s Reformation Begins 1517 Church of England 1529 Protestant Churches Adapted from “Becoming Orthodox: A Journey to the Ancient Christian Faith, Gillepsie

54 2. The Desert Fathers for Today

55 1. The Daily Office (Fixed Hour Prayer) OFFICES (opus) = work of God -- My work in life first is to seek God. Ps. 27:4

56 David Seven times a day do I praise you. Ps. 119:164 It is good to praise the Lord… To proclaim your love in the morning, And your faithfulness at night. Ps. 92:2 Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress And he hears my voice. Ps. 55:17

57 Daniel “Daniel went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to God, just as he had done before.” Dan. 6:10

58 2.Sabbath = to stop for a 24-hour period each week

59 Ten Commandments (Ex.20) 1. You shall have no other gods before me 2. You shall not make for yourself an idol. 3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God. 4. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord our God. On it you shall not do any work,... For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy” 5. Honor your father and your mother. 6. You shall not murder 7. You shall not commit adultery. 8. You shall not steal. 9. You shall not give false witness. 10. You shall not covet.

60 Receive the Gift of Sabbath Sabbath – ( Hebrew: SHABAT) stop rest delight contemplate for a 24-hour period each week.

61 4 Qualities to Biblical Sabbath: 1.Stop 2.Rest

62

63 4 Qualities to Biblical Sabbath: work hurry multitasking anxiety/worry catching up errands “have to’s” and “shoulds” Stopping Resting from:

64 4 Qualities to Biblical Sabbath: 1.Stop 2.Rest 3.Delight

65 4 Qualities to Biblical Sabbath: 1.Stop 2.Rest 3.Delight 4.Contemplate

66

67 Small Groups 1.What questions am I holding? 2.Decide on a possible 24-hour period each week. 3.Reflect on the following questions: a.What do I need to stop that relates to my work—paid and unpaid? b.What activities create rest and delight for me? c.How can I structure a Sabbath to help me see God’s goodness and miracles all around me?

68 FAQ’s How do I go about deciding what specific activities are acceptable and unacceptable on the Sabbath? Isn’t Jesus our Sabbath-rest? Is this another works- righteousness? How do I cease from the work of parenting? What do I about my children who aren’t interested in Sabbath? What about sports and extra-curricular activities your children may be involved in? What do I do about my tendency to perfectionism?

69 Developing Your Own Personal Rule of Life

70 “RULE” of LIFE from Greek word “TRELLIS” a framework or structure to help enable us continually to pay attention to God

71 RULE OF LIFE

72 PRAYER e.g. Sabbath Church Retreats Offices (Major and Minor Offices)

73 THE BLIZZARD…..

74 PRAYER Scripture Silence and Solitude Daily Office Study REST Sabbath Simplicity Play and Recreation ACTIVITY Service and Mission Care for the Physical Body RELATIONSHIPS Emotional Health Family Community (companions for your journey)

75 Complete the following…. As a result of our time together, I am beginning to realize….

76 D. Final Applications 1.Pastoral Staff Rule of Life 2.New Life Fellowship Rule of Life 3.Adjusting to Make Space for God, Ourselves and Our Marriages

77 SESSION 4 EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY SKILLS TO CREATE NEW CULTURE

78 Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Components EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY MARRIAGES (AND SEXUALITY) EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY SKILLS EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY FORMATION (SLOW DOWN TO BE WITH GOD) CONTEMPLATIVE SPIRITUALITY EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY LEADERSHIP

79

80 Stop Mind Reading 1.Reflect on something you suspect the other person thinks or feels but hasn’t told you, 2.Ask permission: “Do I have permission to read your mind?” 3.“I think you think….” “Is this correct?” 4.Listener responds 5.Closure

81 Expectations for a Pastor 1.Preach great sermons every Sunday 2.Be a great administrator 3.Visit the sick and needy 4.Should know about every person’s hardship in church 5.Have a great marriage and children who love Jesus 6.Competent in handling money, pastoring, teaching, counseling, administration, buildings, etc. 7.Be a visionary leader 8.Identifies, equips, and leads a growing staff in a growing church 9.Be perfect (e.g., strong but tender) 10.Live on less money than the rest of the church 11.Never get depressed or angry or struggle with doubts. 12.Be accessible a lot 13.Have spouse that is super-supportive 14.Return every phone call and 15.Attend members’ families’ important events (funerals, parties, etc.)

82 Problem 1.Un realistic 2.Un conscious 3.Un spoken 4.Un “agreed upon”

83 Expectations Must Be: 1. Realistic 2. Conscious 3. Spoken 4. “Agreed upon” Expectations are Only Valid When They Have Been Mutually Agreed Upon

84 SESSION 5 EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY LEADERSHIP

85 Emotionally Healthy Leadership A.Dual Relationships B.Hiring/Firing C.Strategic Planning and Waiting on God D.Preaching/Teaching and Integrity

86 Emotionally Healthy Leadership E. Leadership and the Marriage Vow F. Social Media and Remaining Rooted in the Ancient Church G. The Gift of Limits H. Growing Beyond our Tradition to Learn from Others in the Family

87 ONE HOLY CATHOLIC AND APOSTOLIC CHURCH Roman Catholic Church Orthodox Church 33 Pentecost st Ecumenical Council and the Nicene Creed 1054 Great Schism Of East and West New Testament Era Seven Ecumenical Councils Martin Luther’s Reformation Begins 1517 Church of England 1529 Protestant Churches Adapted from “Becoming Orthodox: A Journey to the Ancient Christian Faith, Gillepsie

88 The Critical Issue of Integrity Critical Issues Your Integrity 1. With God 2. With Yourself 3. With Your Marriage (if applicable)

89 The Critical Issue of Integrity Critical Issues Your Integrity 1. With God 2. With Yourself 3. With Your Marriage (if applicable) 4. With Your Leadership

90 Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Components EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY MARRIAGES (AND SEXUALITY) EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY SKILLS EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY FORMATION (SLOW DOWN TO BE WITH GOD) CONTEMPLATIVE SPIRITUALITY EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY LEADERSHIP

91 Next Steps 1.Begin the Journey and Engage the Message 2. Process with Others in Small Group (DVD and Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Workbook) 3. Invite the Wider Church to Begin the Journey (Church-Wide Initiative) 4. Visit the website - further resources: Join the mailing list/blog

92 Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Pastor/Leader Life Cycle Begin the Journey Read EHC, EHS I Quit Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Small Group w/ Leaders Slower Healthier Life/ New Skills ( Begin the Journey) Church-wide Initiative Deeper Integration of EHS/ Rule of Life into the Church

93

94 RULE OF LIFE

95 PRAYER Sabbath Church Retreats Offices (Major and Minor Offices) MAJOR OFFICE


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