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FRIENDSHIPS Nature Development Pressures Guidelines.

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Presentation on theme: "FRIENDSHIPS Nature Development Pressures Guidelines."— Presentation transcript:

1 FRIENDSHIPS Nature Development Pressures Guidelines

2 Nature of Friendships  Friendship is voluntary where the people involved like each other & enjoy each other’s company.  Willing to invest  Time  Effort  Thoughts  Feelings

3 Nature cont.  Emotional closeness-intimacy, a state of “close union, contact, association or acquaintance”  Physical-hugs, holding, FWB  Dialogue/Intellectual Sharing-women  Emotional-create feelings of closeness- women  Shared activities/Doing-men

4 Gender speech community  Feminine Speech Community  Focuses on talking & listening to know inner selves  Large & small  Responsive & Supportive  Nonverbal for emotional responses & feedback  Acceptance

5 Gender cont.  Masculine socialization  Shared activities & doing are primary emphasis + helping activities  Negotiate activities, common goals, sense of camaraderie  Team sports  Soldiers  Grow on one another, feelings of interdependence, appreciation, mutual liking

6 Nature cont.  Acceptance  Unconditional  Accept as we change over time  Homosexuals-big dependence on friends b/c they substitute for families  Additionally, computer & internet relied upon

7 Nature cont.  Trust  Dependability  Emotional reliability  Develops based on  Individual histories  Family scripts  Willingness to take risks

8 Nature cont.  Support  Expressing & listening  Availability  Women-more verbal support, increase depth  Men-covert intimacy by grabbing shoulder, punching arm. More instrumental support by solving problems, assisting. Diversions

9 Cultural influences  Individualistic- American  Understanding  Respect  Sincerity  Similar in age & ethnicity  Collectivism- Japanese  Togetherness  Trust  Warmth  Similar in age & ethnicity

10 Cultural influences cont. Priorities for friendships  European – Americans  Sincerity  Freedom to express  African-Americans  Problem solving  Respect for ethnicity Priorities for friendships  Asian-Americans  Courtesy  Restraint  Respect for families  Latina/Latinos  Relationship support  Emotional expressiveness

11 Exercise-Male & Female Friends

12 Development of Friendships  Role-limited interaction  Standard social rules  Scripts  Stereotypes  Can be awkward/feelings of uncertainty

13 Develop Friendships  Friendly relations  Each discover common ground/shared interests

14 “Harry Met Sally”

15 Develop Friendships  Moving Toward Friendship  Personalizing  Outside contexts  Self-disclosure  Limited disclosure & investment may stabilize relationship at this stage

16 Develop Friendship  Nascent Friendship  Embryonic  Increased interaction  More self-disclosing/sharing values, feelings, concerns, interests, etc.  Private rules

17 Develop Friendships  Stabilized Friendship  Continuity  Future interaction taken for granted  Mutual high level of trust  Interned discussions are increasingly popular  Relationship rules for regulating interaction

18 “Swingers”

19 Last stage-develop friends  Waning Friendship  Drift apart  One or more stop investing  Boring  Run natural course  Pulled apart due to other demands  Violation of trust  Decreased quantity or quality of communication

20 Pressures-Internal Tensions Relational Dialectics 1st Dialectical Tension  Independent-Dependent  The tension between wanting freedom to pursue individual activities & depending on someone for help and support

21 2nd Dialectical Tension  Expressive-Protection  The tension between wanting to disclose personal information & not disclosing too much for potential criticism and/or rejection

22 3rdDialectical Tension  Judgment-Acceptance  Being able to accept a friend for who s/he is & feeling free to offer criticism and advice

23 4thDialectical Tension  Affection-Instrumentality  Whether friends focus more on feelings of warmth or on instrumental tasks

24 5thDialectical Tension  Public-Private  How the relationship is negotiated in public versus private

25 6thDialectic Tension  Ideal-Real  What the friendship “ought to be” and what the relationship “really is”

26 Baxter’s Dialectics Theory  “Every relationship experiences ups & downs, no relationship stays the same from start to finish. The dialectical perspective captures the dynamic nature of relationships and describes some of the common tensions, or ups & downs, that relational partners experience.”  “We have to juggle our need for dependence with our need to be independent; wanting to be completely open vs. wanting to protect ourselves by not revealing everything; wanting to have a lot in common, but not so much that the relationship feels boring and predictable.”

27 3 Major Dialectical tensions: Integration-Separation Stability-Change Expression-Privacy  Each has both an internal & external manifestation  Internal Manifestation: tensions experienced between relational partners, including how they communicated with one another  External Manifestation: tensions between a couple and other dyads or society, including how the couple present themselves to others

28 Integration-Separation: tension b/t social integration & social division  Internal Manifestation: Connection-Autonomy Tension-the desire to be close & the desire to be independent  More freedom/don’t smother vs. more attention/affection  External Manifestation: Inclusion-Seclusion Tension-the amount of time partners spend w/ other people in their social network (inclusion) & the amount of time they spend doing things only w/ each other (seclusion)  Couple move to new city for new job following graduation

29 Stability-Change: desire to want security/continuity vs. excitement/discontinuity  Internal Manifestation: Predictability-Novelty Tension-desire some routine/rules and desire some excitement/spontaneity  Boredom is one to the top reasons couples give for breaking up suggesting excitement is vital  External Manifestation: Conventionality- Uniqueness Tension-desire to be accepted by society in acceptable ways & the need to be special  American dream w/ house, job, & NO Kids  Celebrate holidays-decorate cactus rather than tree

30 Expression-Privacy: need to be heard by others & need to keep some info private  Internal Manifestation: Open-Closed Tension- push/pull regarding how much info should be disclosed to one another  How much of background/relationships should you reveal  External Manifestation: Revelation- Concealment Tension-what partners tell other people about their relationship  Do you tell your best friend about the fight you had w/ partner last night?

31 More internal pressures  Diverse Communication Styles  Sexual Attraction

32 External Pressures  Competing demands  Personal Changes  Geographic Distance  Friends of the heart  Particularly strong liking & shared history  Friends of the road

33 Maintaining Friendships: Abide by Friendship Rules  Show support  Seek support  Respect Privacy  Keep confidences  Defend your friends  Avoid public criticism  Make your friends happy  Manage jealousy  Share humor  Maintain equity

34 Final Thoughts  Engage in Dual perspective  Communicate honestly  Grow from differences  Don’t sweat the small stuff

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