1. Socio-emotional Development in Early Adulthood
Chapter 14
Socio-emotional Development in Early Adulthood
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Temperament
Activity Level
Adjustment
Inhibition
Emotionality
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Activity Level
In one longitudinal study, children who were highly active at age 4 were likely to be very outgoing at 23, demonstrating continuity.
From adolescence into early adulthood, most individuals show fewer emotional mood swings, become more responsible, and engage in less risk-taking behaviour, which reflects discontinuity.
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Adjustment
In one longitudinal study, children who had an easy temperament at age 3–5 were likely to be well-adjusted as young adults.
Children who had a difficult temperament at age 3–5 were often not well-adjusted as young adults.
Boys with a difficult temperament in childhood were found to be less likely as adults to continue their formal education.
Girls with a difficult temperament in childhood were found to experience more marital conflict.
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Inhibition
Individuals with an inhibited temperament in childhood are less likely as adults to be assertive, experience social support, and to delay in entering a stable job track.
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Emotionality
In one longitudinal study, when 3-year-olds showed good control of their emotions and were resilient in the face of stress, they were likely to continue to handle emotions effectively as adults.
When 3-year-olds had low emotional control and were not very resilient, they were likely to show problems in these areas as young adults.
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Attachment
Securely Attached
Insecure-Dismissing
Insecure-Preoccupied
Attachment and Romantic Relationships
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Securely Attached
About 50–60% of adults are securely attached.
These individuals provide realistic, coherent descriptions of their childhood and appear to understand how past experiences affect their current lives as adults.
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Insecure-Dismissing
Approximately 25–30% of adults fall into this category of attachment.
They don’t want to discuss their relationships with their parents or do not seem invested in them.
Their memories often focus on negative experiences, such as being rejected or neglected.
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12. Insecure-Preoccupied
Approximately 15% of adults fall into this category of attachment.
They readily talk about their relationships but they tend to be incoherent and disorganized.
They appear to be unable to move beyond their childhood issues with parents and often express anger towards them or ongoing efforts to please them. –
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13. Attachment and Romantic Relationships
Romantic partners fulfill some of the same needs for adults as parents do for children.
Adults count on romantic partners to be a secure base to which they can return and obtain comfort and security in stressful times.
Studies show a link between the quality of childhood attachment relationships and the quality of adult romantic relationships.
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Attraction
Familiarity and Similarity
Physical Attraction
(Search for Intimacy: “Falling in Love”)
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16. Familiarity and Similarity
Familiarity is a condition that is necessary for a close relationship to develop.
We like to associate with people similar to us.
We tend to have similar:
Attitudes
Behaviour
Clothes
Characteristics
Intelligence
Personality
Values
Lifestyles
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17. Consensual Validation
Consensual validation provides an explanation of why people are attracted to others who are similar to them.
Our own attitudes and behaviour are supported when someone else’s attitudes and behaviour are similar to ours.
Similarity implies that we will enjoy doing the same things with the other person.
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Physical Attraction
Men and women across many cultures differ on the importance they place on good looks when they seek an intimate partner.
Women tend to rate considerateness, honesty, dependability, kindness, and understanding as most important.
Men tend to prefer good looks, cooking skills, and frugality.
The force of similarity operates at a physical level, as explained by the matching hypothesis.
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19. The Matching Hypothesis
The matching hypothesis states that while we may prefer a more attractive person in the abstract, in the real world we end up choosing someone who is close to our own level of attractiveness.
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The Faces of Love
Intimacy
Romantic Love
Affectionate Love
Consummate Love
Friendship
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Intimacy
Erikson’s Stage: Intimacy versus Isolation
The Role of Intimacy in Relationship Maturity
Intimacy and Independence
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22. Erikson’s Stage: Intimacy versus Isolation
Erikson believes that intimacy should come after individuals are well on their way to establishing stable and successful identities.
Erikson describes intimacy as finding oneself yet losing oneself in another person.
If intimacy is not developed in early adulthood, the individual may be left with what Erikson calls isolation.
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23. The Role of Intimacy in Relationship Maturity
The Self-Focused Level
The Role-Focused Level
The Individuated-Connected Level
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24. The Self-focused Level
The first level of relationship maturity, at which one’s perspective on another person or a relationship is concerned only with how it affects oneself.
The individual’s own wishes and plans overshadow those of others, and the individual shows little concern for others.
Intimate communication skills are in the early, experimental stages.
There is little understanding of mutuality or consideration of another’s sexual needs.
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25. The Role-focused Level
The intermediate level of relationship maturity, when one begins to perceive others as individuals in their own right.
At this level, the perspective is stereotypical and emphasizes social acceptability.
Commitment to an individual, rather than to the romantic partner role, is not articulated.
Generalizations about the importance of communication exist, but underlying this is a shallow understanding of commitment.
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26. Individuated-connected Level
The highest level of relationship maturity, when one begins to understand oneself, as well as to have consideration for others’ motivations and to anticipate their needs.
Concern and caring involve emotional support and individualized expression of interest.
Individuals understand the personal time and investment needed to make a committed relationship work.
This level is not likely reached until adulthood.
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Romantic Love
Also called passionate love or Eros.
It has strong components of sexuality and infatuation, and it often predominates in the early part of a love relationship.
In our culture, romantic love is the main reason we get married.
Romantic love is what we mean when we say that we are “in love.”
Romantic love involves a complex intermingling of different emotions.
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Affectionate Love
Affectionate love, also called companionate love, is the type of love that occurs when individuals desire to have the other person near and have a deep, caring affection for the person.
As love matures, passion gives way to affection.
With time, sexual attraction wanes, attachment anxieties either lessen or produce conflict and withdrawal, novelty is replaced with familiarity, and lovers either find themselves securely attached or distressed.
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Consummate Love
Triangular Theory of Love includes three main types:
Passion
Intimacy
Commitment
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Friendship
What is Friendship?
Female, Male, and Female-Male Friendship
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What is Friendship?
Friendship is a form of close relationship that involves:
Enjoyment
Acceptance
Trust
Respect
Mutual Assistance
Confiding
Understanding
Spontaneity
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32. Functions of Friendships
Companionship
Intimacy
Affection
Support
Source of Self-Esteem
Buffer from Stress
Source of Emotional Support
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33. Female, Male, and Female-Male Friendships
Women have more close friends and their friendships are more intimate.
Adult male friendships are more competitive.
Female friends tend to spend time talking.
Male friends spend time engaged in activities.
Male friends’ talk is more distant, less intimate.
Cross-sex friendships can provide both opportunities and problems.
Men are more likely to try to turn a platonic relationship into a sexual one.
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Loneliness
Among the reasons loneliness is common today are:
society’s emphasis on self-fulfillment and achievement
the importance we attach to commitment in relationships
a decline in stable, close relationships
Married individuals experience less loneliness.
Loneliness is extremely common among college freshmen.
Men are more likely to blame loneliness on themselves.
Women are more likely to blame external factors.
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35. Loneliness and Life’s Transitions
Loneliness is interwoven with how people pass through life transitions.
Lonely males and females attribute their loneliness to different sources, with men more likely to blame themselves and women are more likely to blame external factors.
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36. Loneliness and Technology
Technology is a contributing factor to loneliness.
People tend to isolate themselves with their computers.
The Internet may have also decreased the amount of time people interact with others.
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37. Strategies to Be Better Connected to Others
Participate in activities that you can do with others.
Be aware of the early warning signs of loneliness.
Draw a diagram of your social network.
Engage in positive behaviours when you meet new people.
See a counsellor or read a book on loneliness.
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The Family Life Cycle
Leaving Home and Becoming a Single Adult
The Joining of Families Through Marriage: The New Couple
Becoming Parents and a Family with Children
The Family with Adolescents
The Family at Midlife
The Family in Later Life
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40. Leaving Home and Becoming a Single Adult
This is the first stage in the family life cycle and involves launching.
Launching is the process in which youths move into adulthood and exit their family of origin.
Adequate completion of launching requires separating from the family without cutting off ties completely or fleeing in a reactive way to find some form of substitute emotional refuge.
It is a time for young people to sort out emotionally what they will take from the family of origin, what they will leave behind, and what they will make themselves into.
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41. The Joining of Families through Marriage: The New Couple
This is the second stage in the family life cycle, in which two individuals from separate families of origin unite to form a new family system.
This involves both the development of the marital system and the realignment with extended families and friends to include the spouse.
Marriage is actually not only the union of two individuals but the union of two entire family systems and the development of a new system.
Experts believe that marriage represents a completely different phenomenon for women and men.
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42. Becoming Parents and a Family with Children
This is the third stage in the family life cycle, and entering this stage requires that adults now move up a generation and become caregivers to the younger generation.
Success in this stage requires a commitment of time as a parent, understanding the roles of parents, and adapting to developmental changes in children.
Problems arise when a couple struggles with each other about taking responsibility, as well as refusal or inability to function as competent parents.
(Parenting, Families, and Work: “Transition to Parenting: Heterosexual Married Couple”)
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43. The Family with Adolescents
This represents the fourth stage of the family life cycle.
Adolescence is a period of development in which individuals push for autonomy and seek to develop their own identity.
Parents tend to adopt one of two strategies:
they clamp down and put more pressure on the adolescent to conform to parental values
they become more permissive and let the adolescent have extensive freedom
Neither is a wise overall strategy.
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The Family at Mid-Life
This is the fifth stage in the family life cycle, and it is a time of:
launching children
playing an important role in linking generations
adapting to midlife changes in development
Because of the lower birth rate and longer life of most adults, parents now launch their children about 20 years before retirement.
This frees many midlife parents to pursue other activities.
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45. The Family in Later Life
This is the sixth and final stage in the family life cycle.
Retirement alters a couple’s lifestyle, requiring adaptation.
Grandparenting also characterizes many families in this stage.
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Marriage
Marital Trends in Canada
Cultural Influences on Marriage
Marital Expectations and Myths
What Makes Marriages Work
Benefits of a Good Marriage
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47. Marital Trends in Canada
More adults are remaining single longer today.
The family unit is getting smaller with a growing proportion of childless couples.
We are 8th internationally for most number of divorces.
Canadians are waiting longer to get married and are staying married for longer.
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48. Cultural Influences on Marriage
Most Canadian marriages are of choice but in countries such as Asia and Africa, arranged marriages are common.
Cohabitation is common in Scandinavian countries.
In North America, personal attraction and passion dictate mate selection but that is not the case in other parts of the world.
Religion provides a model for marriage behaviour.
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Marital Expectations
One of the explanations of our nation’s high divorce rate is that we have such strong expectations of marriage.
In one study, unhappily married couples expressed unrealistic expectations about marriage.
Individuals who have highly romantic beliefs about marriage are likely to encounter disappointment as they realize that sustaining their romantic ideal is not possible.
Underlying unrealistic expectations about marriage are numerous myths about marriage.
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Myths about Marriage
Avoiding conflict will ruin your marriage.
Affairs are the main cause of divorce.
Men are not biologically made for marriage.
Men and women are from different “planets.”
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51. What Makes Marriages Work
Establishing Love Maps
Nurturing Fondness and Admiration
Turning Towards Each Other Instead of Away
Letting Your Partner Influence You
Solving Solvable Conflicts
Overcoming Gridlock
Creating Shared Meaning
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52. Benefits of a Good Marriage
An unhappy marriage increases an individual’s risk of getting sick by approximately one-third.
An unhappy marriage can even shorten a person’s life by an average of 4 years.
People in happy marriages feel less physically and emotionally stressed.
This can prevent numerous physical and psychological ailments.
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Gender and Emotion
Wives consistently disclose more to their partners than husbands do.
Women tend to express more tenderness, fear, and sadness than their partners.
Women complain that their husbands don’t care about their emotional lives and do not express their own feelings and thoughts.
Men respond that they don’t know what their wives want from them, and that no amount of talking is ever enough for their wives.
Women also want more warmth and affection.
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Parental Roles
Myths about Parenting
Trends
Other Advantages and Disadvantages
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Myths about Parenting
The birth of a child will save a failing marriage.
As a possession or extension of the parent, the child will think, feel, and behave like the parents did as children.
Children will take care of parents in old age.
Parents can expect respect and get obedience from their children.
Having a child means that the parents will always have someone who loves them.
Having a child gives parents a “second chance” to achieve what they should have achieved.
Parents can mold their children into what they want.
It’s the parents’ fault when children fail.
Mothers are naturally better parents than fathers.
Parenting is an instinct and requires no training.
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Trends
There is a current tendency to have fewer children.
Due to their interest in career development, women are having children later in life.
As a result of the increase in working women, there is less maternal investment in children’s development.
Men are now more apt to invest a greater amount of time in fathering.
Parental care in the home is often supplemented by institutional care.
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57. Other Advantages and Disadvantages
Advantages of having children early:
Physical energy
Mother is more likely to have fewer medical problems with pregnancy and childbirth
Parents are less likely to build up expectations for their children
Advantages of having children later in life:
Family and career goals are clearer
Parents are more mature
More financially stable
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Single Adults
There has been a dramatic rise in the number of single adults.
Problems of single life may include confronting loneliness and finding a niche in a society that is marriage-oriented.
Advantages include pursuing one’s own schedule and interests.
Once we reach the age of 30 there may be increasing pressure to settle down and get married.
This is the time when many single adults make a conscious decision to marry or remain single.
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Cohabitating Adults
Cohabiting refers to living together in a sexual relationship without being married.
There has been a significant increase in both the number of adults who cohabit and the acceptance of what was once unconventional.
Many couples view their cohabitation not as a precursor to marriage, but as an ongoing lifestyle.
Cohabitation relationships tend to be more equal than marital relationships
Researchers have not found that cohabitation leads to greater marital happiness and success.
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Divorced Adults
While divorce has increased for all socio-economic groups, those in disadvantaged groups have a higher incidence of divorce.
One study showed that half of women who were pregnant before marriage failed to live with the husband for more than 5 years.
Divorce usually takes place early in a marriage, peaking in the 5th to 10th years of marriage.
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62. Common Pathways out of Divorce
The enhancer
The good enoughs
The seekers
The libertines
The competent loners
The defeated
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63. Strategies for Divorced Adults
Look at divorce as an opportunity for personal growth.
Think carefully about decisions you make.
Focus more on the future than the past.
Capitalize on your strengths and the resources available to you.
Do not expect to be successful and happy in everything you do.
Remember that you are never trapped by one pathway.
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Remarried Adults
On average, divorced adults remarry within 4 years after their divorce, with men doing so sooner.
Regardless of their form and size, newly reconstituted families face some unique tasks.
Couples must define and strengthen their marriage while at the same time renegotiate the parent-child relationships (both biological and stepparent/child).
Due to the difficulties, only one-third of stepfamily couples stay married.
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Lone Parent Adults
Approximately 14.5% of Canadian families are lone parent families
Unmarried young teens
Widows and widowers
Divorced parents
Unwed women in their mid- to late 30s deciding to have a child on their own
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Gay and Lesbian Adults
Research has shown gay and lesbian relationships are similar to heterosexual relationships in their satisfactions, loves, joys, and conflicts.
Lesbian couples especially place a high priority on equality in their relationships.
The order of frequency of conflict in gay and lesbian relationships is: finances, driving style, affection and sex, being overly critical, and household tasks.
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Women’s Development
Women often try to interact with others in ways that will foster the other person’s development along many dimensions.
Experts believe it is important for women to not only maintain their competency in relationships but to be self-motivated.
Through increased self-determination, coupled with relationship skills, many women will gain greater power in the American culture.
Competent relationships are believed to involve both a separateness and an emotional connection.
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Men’s Development
According to Joseph Pleck’s role-strain view, male roles are contradictory and inconsistent.
Men not only experience stress when they violate men’s roles, they are harmed when they follow them.
To reconstruct their masculinity, Ron Levant believes every man should:
reexamine his beliefs about manhood
separate out the valuable aspects of the male role
eliminate the destructive parts of the masculine role
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