Presentation on theme: "Islamic Studies Courses In Chabot, Ohlone, Mission, and De Anza Colleges Designed and Taught By Hafiz M. K. Siddiqi, Ph.D. Family Life: Selection of Spouse,"— Presentation transcript:
Islamic Studies Courses In Chabot, Ohlone, Mission, and De Anza Colleges Designed and Taught By Hafiz M. K. Siddiqi, Ph.D. Family Life: Selection of Spouse, Marriage Contract, Lessons from the Holy Qur’an and the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad pbuh, rights and duties of husband & wife and importance of other relationships
How to Search for a Spouse? Kafaa’ah: Compatibility in: 1. Education Kafaa’ah: Compatibility in: 1. Education 2. Religious value system 3. Moral and Ethical Value System. 2. Religious value system 3. Moral and Ethical Value System. Desirable and recommended: In other areas such as: 1. Cultural background Desirable and recommended: In other areas such as: 1. Cultural background 2. Hobbies and Interests, etc. 2. Hobbies and Interests, etc. Test of personality: 1. Anger 2. Ego Test of personality: 1. Anger 2. Ego 3. Selfishness 4. Conflict resolution 3. Selfishness 4. Conflict resolution
Marriage Contract Mehr/Sadaq: Financial responsibility Mehr/Sadaq: Financial responsibility Consultation with scholars/Counseling in case of difficulties or major differences of opinions Consultation with scholars/Counseling in case of difficulties or major differences of opinions Right to divorce and related issues Right to divorce and related issues Custody of children and related issues Custody of children and related issues Possibility of re-marriage in future Possibility of re-marriage in future Condition to prohibit marrying another wife Condition to prohibit marrying another wife Premarital Counseling Premarital Counseling
Qur’anic Teachings 4/1-23 Discussed the issues of: 1. Equality 2. Permissible relationship 3. Continuation of Human race 4. Witnesses 5. Arhaam: Wombs of mothers 6. Question of orphans, polygamy and Justice 7. Question of Inheritance 8. Perfection & Faults 9. Ma’roof 10. Divorce and return of gifts 11. Those who are forbidden to marry 12. Mithaqan Ghaldha.
2/187, (Garment) 2/221,(Pagans), 5/5 (Ahlul-Kitab) 2/231-233 (Taradin Wa Tashawur),2/237, (Al-Fadl), 3/102 (Taqwa), 33/70-71, Truthfulness…… 30/21, (Sukun, Mawaddah & Rahmah), 65/6 (Staying in husband’s home in ‘Iddah period). 66/1-2 (Story of honey), 43/70 (Families Enter the garden of Paradise), 13/38 ( the Prophets had families and children).
From the Prophetic Tradition “whoever can afford the marriage…….” “A woman is married for 4 reasons….” “ The whole world is a bounty of Allah…..” “ The marriage is one half of Faith….” “ The marriage is my way of life….” “Two important qualities: to follow the religion and moral Values ….”
Conditions for the marriage: I. Permission of guardian 2. Agreement of the bride 3. Two Witnesses 4. Proposal and acceptance 5. Financial responsibility, performance of the marriage to teach the couple the principles and foundations, the art of establishing the good relationship to attain mutual peace and happiness 6. W hat destroys the marriage.
Rights and Duties They share this with each other: 1. Mutual rights: Intimacy has to be with mutual agreement and with due mutual consideration.2. Change of status: the wife becomes unlawful to marry father, grand father…., sons, grand sons great grand sons…and other branches of her husband. The husband becomes unlawful to Marry wife’s mother, grandmother……daughter Grand daughter…and branches.
3. Right to inheritance: as soon as marriage vows Are done, they will inherit each other if one of them Dies even if the marriage was not consummated. 4. Legitimacy of child: any children born in this Wedlock will be lawful. 5. Mutual treatment on the basis of Ma’roof (equitable terms):A. Mutual mercifulness B. Mutual Tenderheartedness C. Mutual consultation D. Mutual agreement E. Mutual use of beautiful Words in addressing each other
Social: 1. Mutual consideration to avoid socializing With individuals and groups who are undesirable to one or the other spouse 2. No friendship with Opposite sex 3. Do not invite in to your house the opposite sex guests or visitors when your spouse is not home. 4. Do not socialize with bad individuals and groups 5. Do not socialize with non-practicing individuals or groups unless you intend to help them practice the religious and moral values.
The rights of wife are the duties of husband: 1.Religious and Financial: A. Sadaq/Mehr: Compulsory marriage gift negotiated by the wife and given by the husband as a true financial Commitment. B. A promise to provide financial safety and security for the wife, in case of divorce. C. Total responsibility of household expenditure: food, shelter, clothes, medical treatment and other Necessities of life, according to husband’s capacity. D. Companionship and friendship here and in the hereafter.
2. Ethical: A. Dignity and respect B. Address with beautifully selected words C. Prohibition of any kind of harm: mental, physical, verbal, implicit or Explicit D. Hiding the faults and short comings E. Speaking about the brighter aspects of her Character F. Adjust, accommodate and modify your behavior according to the changing conditions G. Tolerance, forgiveness, and Generosity in daily interactions. H. Absolutely no Communication with anger, selfishness, and ego.
3. Emotional: A. Spending quality time with her B. Fulfilling her needs of intimacy C. Allowing her to say no to your needs of intimacy if she is not feeling well or not in mood. D. Allow her to maintain a decent level of relationship with her blood relatives and be generous with your in-laws. E. Do not spy on her F. Do not mistrust her G. Trust Her H. Protect her I. Do not mistreat, insult, Disrespect, or cause any harm to her blood relatives J. Treat her as you want her to treat you.
The rights of Husband are the duties of wife: Religious and financial: A. Protect his money from misuse, abuse, and waste B. Save and help him save in food, shelter, clothes, necessities of life, whenever it is possible C. Don’t encourage him to have an extravagant life style D. Never buy any thing if you can not afford it. Have the habit of purchasing the necessities of life if only you can afford them. E. Make a budget with your husband and save a percentage of his income for a rainy day, education of your children, their weddings, and for vacations F. Keep away From credit cards, loans etc.
G. Obey him as long as he does not ask you to disobey Allah swt H. Wear make-up and beautify yourself for meeting with your husband. The Holy Qur’an has recommended that righteous women Reserve their beauty and ornaments to display in front of their husbands. I. Do not speak about your Intimacy with your husband to any of your friends, Nor inform your husband about the hidden beauties of your female friends.
J. Please him whenever he looks at you K. Fulfill his demands if they are not disobedience to Allah swt L. Protect his interest in yourself and his wealth and trusts M. Obey Allah in everything that you do. 2. Ethical: A. Dignity and respect B. Address with beautifully selected words C. Prohibition of any kind of harm: mental, physical, verbal, implicit or Explicit. D. Hiding the faults and short comings. E. Speaking about the brighter aspects of his Character. F. Adjust, accommodate and modify your behavior according to the changing conditions
3. Emotional: A. Spending quality time with him B. Fulfilling his needs of intimacy C. Allowing him to say no to your needs of intimacy if he is not feeling well or not in mood. D. Encourage him to maintain a decent level of relationship with his blood relatives and be generous with them. E. Do not spy on him F. Do not mistrust him G. Trust him H. Protect him I. Do not mistreat, insult, Disrespect, or cause any harm to his blood relatives J. Treat him as you want him to treat you.
1.Relationship with parents must be on the basis of number one priority, generosity, and utmost care. It is beautifully described in 17/23-24. 2. Relationship with the children has to be one of providing guidance, practical role model, the best of physical, intellectual, and spiritual education and Training. 3. Relationship with relatives has to be one of maintaining decency by exchanging visits and gifts and generously treating with financial help the poor ones of them, in a respectful manner.
The relationship with the people of scriptures (Jews and Christians has to be one of respect, dignity and recognition the Holy Qur’an is full of connections with the people of scripture. A Muslim is required to maintain decent relationship with them. The rest of the humankind will also be treated with love and kindness and justice and fairness as mentioned in 60/8. So, the basic principle to be followed as regard to all categories of relationship, with Muslims and none Muslims is Birr and Qist.