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Intimacy Chapter 10.

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Presentation on theme: "Intimacy Chapter 10."— Presentation transcript:

1 Intimacy Chapter 10

2 What do we mean by intimacy?
What defines intimacy in your relationships today? Despite this video, Intimacy does not have a physical or sexual connotation.

3 Intimacy as an Adolescent Issue
Not until adolescence do truly intimate relationships first emerge Characteristics of true intimacy openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust Intimacy becomes an important concern due to changes of puberty cognitive changes social changes Can think of it as Caring Daring to talk about sensitive topoics Sharing personal information Children’s friendships are characterized by activities, like games Puberty: changes in sexual impulses during puberty provoke interest in sexual relationships and although they are not always emotionally intimate, they often are. Also, puberty evokes intimate discussions like sex, romantic partners, etc. Cognitive Changes: advances in thinking; They have more sophisticated conceptions of social relationships. Allows them to have more mature and meaningful relationships themselves. Preadolescents cannot look at something from someone else’s POV, making intimate interpersonal relationships cognitively impossible so this specific change, allows for intimacy to become very important. What do adolescents want to do most of all? Hang with their friends. This extra time leads to intimate relationships. Social Roles: They may simply have more alone time with their friends This would allow for intimate talks that could lead to relationships

4 Theoretical Perspectives
Sullivan’s Developmental progression of needs: need for contact and for tenderness need for adult participation need for peers and peer acceptance Preadolescence Need for intimacy Adolescence Need for sexual contact and intimacy with opposite-sex peer Need for integration into adult society So there are a few theoretical perspectives on adolescent intimacy Progression of needs contact and for tenderness - infancy adult participation - early childhood peers and peer acceptance - middle childhood Not a biological view and suggested that psychological development can be best understood when looking through interpersonal relations. the need for intimacy emerges in preadolescence typically satisfied through same-sex friendships. During adolescence need is integrated with sexual impulses and desires, focus of the adolescent’s interpersonal concerns are redirected toward romantic relationships with peers. Need for integration into adult society as they get older

5 Theoretical Perspectives
Erikson’s View of Intimacy Crisis: Intimacy vs. Isolation In a truly intimate relationship, two individuals’ identities fuse Another view is Erikson Erikson says that Adolescents must establish their own identity before they have have an intimate relationship Ever heard of people who say you can never be happy in a relationship unless you’re happy with yourself? Opinions? For example: A couple has its own goals, life, and future But each individual has his and her own identity

6 Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the Nature of Friendship As we get older, friendship type changes Companionship appears before adolescence Intimacy emerges later Early adolescence Self-disclosure and trust emerge as dimensions of friendship The development of intimacy is very important to look at when looking at adolescents As we get older, are friendships change and become more intimate Association= “he calls me all the time” Prosocial= “she helps me do things” Intimacy= “ I can tell her secrets” Loyal support= “he will stick up for me” Association and prosocial occur at all age groups But, loyalty and intimacy are absent with kindergarteners but increase drastically between 3rd and 6th grade.

7 Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the Nature of Friendship Conflicts that adolescents have with friends Older adolescents typically have conflicts over private matters Younger adolescents typically have conflicts over public disrespect Can seee this based on cognitive growth and growth of interpersonal relationships

8 Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the Display of Intimacy Adolescents become more knowledgeable about their friends Adolescents become more responsive to close friends and less controlling Friends become more interpersonally sensitive and show more empathy Friends resolve conflicts more frequently by negotiation or disengagement, not coercion So, not only is the nature of intimate relationships, but they way they are displayed changes as well. What they are proud of or what they worry about This is an increased capacity for intimacy They show more empathy and social understanding This is more common between romantic partners and close friends with high intimacy than acquaintances with low intimacy.

9 Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Sex Differences in Intimacy Girls’ relationships are more intimate than boys’ across many different indicators Girls disclose more to their friends Girls are more sensitive and empathic to friends Girls are more concerned about trust and loyalty There is also a sex difference in the development and display of intimacy girls express greater interest in their close friendships than boys They tend to talk in more intimate terms They are also more likely to make a distinction in the way they treat their intimate and non intimate friends than boys

10 Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the “Targets” of Intimacy Sullivan hypothesized that intimacy with peers replaces intimacy with parents Intimacy with peers of the opposite sex replaces intimacy with same-sex friends Actually new targets of intimacy are added to old ones Peers become more important but parents do not become unimportant. Thus, parents are not replaced Think, when you were 13, 14, 15, who was your most intimate relationship with?

11 Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the “Targets” of Intimacy Different types of intimate relationships with parents and peers Parent-adolescent relationships Imbalance of power, teens receive advice Adolescent peer relationships Mutual, balanced, equal exchanges Different types of intimate relationships From early adolescence describe their relationships with their best friends and romantic partners were more intimate than with their parents Parent-adolescent relationships Parents are nurturing, advice givers Go to them for their experience and expertise Adolescent peer relationships Mutual, balanced, and more likely to provide them with opportunities to express alternative views and engage in equal exchange of feelings and beliefs.

12 Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Friendships with the Other Sex Little is known about the nature or significance or nonromantic relationships with opposite-sex peers Boys may profit more from these relationships than do girls So as we can see, peer relationships begin to have more significance, but what about friendships with the opposite sex? Class, who has more friends of the opposite sex than friends of the same sex? Opposite sex friends are not really important until late adolescence Preadolescence: Boys rarely report friendships with girls, and vice versa Low level of cross-sex friendships in early adolescents At this age, contact with opposite sex may be interpreted as romantic involvement Class, do you think girls and guys can be “just friends?” Boys report that friendships with girls are more rewarding than with other boys Why do you think this is true?

13 Dating and Romantic Relationships

14 Class Activity Recall your first date… Letting your child date…
How old were you? How did you approach the boy/girl you liked? Where did you go? Alone or in a group? How did it go? Letting your child date… At what age would you allow? Any rules or limitations? Do you think dating is beneficial? Advantages or disadvantages? Now that you can look back on your first date, As a parent, would you be ok with the way you and your friends were dating?

15 Dating and Romantic Relationships
High school dating no longer has the function of mate selection Romantic relationships are very common, in the past 18 months 25% of 12-years-olds reported having one 50% of 15-year-olds reported having one 70% of 18-year-olds reported having one But! Good news… However, 1/5 of adolescents 14 and younger 1/3 of year olds And more than 50% of year olds Who are in a relationship, have been dating their significant other for at least 11 months.

16 Dating and Romantic Relationships
The Development of Dating Relationships Dating serves many purposes, besides developing intimacy Establishing emotional and behavioral autonomy from parents Furthering development of gender identity Learning about oneself as a romantic partner Establishing/maintaining status and popularity in peer group So if dating is not for chosing a mate anymore, what is the purpose? Establishing status: May mean that younger adolescents who date may chose to date/ chose their dating partners based on how they will be seen by others

17 Dating and Romantic Relationships
The Development of Dating Relationships Four Phases of Adolescent Romance Infatuation Status Intimate Bonding May not apply to sexual- minority youth, those who are not exclusively heterosexual This relates to the conception of romance and as adolescents develop, so does their conception of romance, ranging from infatuation to bonding. First discover an interest in socializing with potential romantic and sexual partners focus on learning about themselves and seeing themselves as a potential romantic partner romantic relationships based on infatuation tend to be short lived and based on superficial infatuations 2. Main purpose is establishing, improving, or maintaining peer groups and status dating the wrong person can SERIOUSLY hurt your reputation 3. Begin establishing true and meaningful attachments to romantic partners are now sufficiently involved in the emotional side of romance relationships become a source of passion and preoccupation 4. Concerns about commitment begin to become important adolescents begin to think about the long-term survival and growth of their romantic attachments Sexual-minority youth may be because these adolescents feel, due to social pressure, that they cannot date in the open and feel that they have the freedom to publically display their romantic and sexual interests. "If you're a bird I'm a bird"

18 Dating and Romantic Relationships
Impact of Dating on Adolescent Development Early and intensive dating before age 15 Stunting effect on psychosocial development Adolescent girls who do not date at all Retarded social development, excessive dependency on parents, feelings of insecurity Moderate degree of dating Potentially most valuable pattern so it’s interesting to look at relationships and adolescence and like I said before, how relationships based on infatuation, tend not to last and are based on superficial things. So maybe that correlates with age and dating like: Before age 15 associated with Increased alcohol use, delinquency, and sexual activity Generally more so for girls they are less socially mature, less imaginative, less achievement oriented, less satisfied with themselves and their looks, more depressed, and more superficial Those adolescent girls who DO date have a stronger self image and report greater acceptance by their friends Is this the case or do you think it is how they perceive themselves?

19 Intimacy and Adolescent Psychosocial Development
Individuals with satisfying close friendships do better than those without them, in adolescence and in adulthood Psychologically healthy adolescents are better able to make and maintain close relationships with others Remember, intimate relationships are not just dating, so friendships can be very important to one’s overall psychosocial growth. Satisfying close relationships higher levels of self esteem

20 Intimacy and Adolescent Psychosocial Development
Negative effects can occur as well Frequent conversations about personal problems can lead to too much introspection and self-consciousness “Corumination” between friends can make each of the friends depressed so even though most dating and intimate relationships are beneficial, some negative effects can occur as well. Corumination talking about and focusing on problems, negative feelings, revisiting problems

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