Presentation on theme: "Etiquette in the BDSM Lifestyle BDSM 103. What is Etiquette? What is Protocol? Why should this be important to me? Who wrote the Protocol Manual for the."— Presentation transcript:
Etiquette in the BDSM Lifestyle BDSM 103
What is Etiquette? What is Protocol? Why should this be important to me? Who wrote the Protocol Manual for the BDSM community? Levels of Protocol What are some typical protocols? Communication Protocols Behavioral Protocols Postural Protocols
I use the terms Dominant and submissive throughout this presentation for simplicity. You may substitute terms appropriate for your relationship. I generally use male pronouns out of habit. Substitute whatever pronouns you prefer.
The customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group. -- Google Definitions The conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life -- Merriam-Webster Dictionary
A system of rules that explain the correct conduct and procedures to be followed in formal situations. -- Merriam-Webster Dictionary The formal etiquette and code of behavior, precedence, and procedure for state and diplomatic ceremonies. -- World English Dictionary A code of ritualized formal etiquette that provides rules for behavior, interaction and precedence within the community. -- Master Shack’s Ultimate BDSM Lexicon
Protocol (Etiquette) tells you how you are expected to behave within a particular society, community, or group. Protocol acknowledges orders of precedence within the community. Common protocols provide order and discipline among different groups within the community Would you rather be considered rude and disrespectful?
Many of our protocols are based on military protocols. Some protocols are based on societal norms. Some protocols are based on popular fiction.
High Formal. Rigid postures. Medium Informal. Relaxed postures. Low Relaxed. Intended to not draw attention.
There is no definitive Protocol Manual for the BDSM or Leather communities. There are some commonly accepted protocols, although these do have variations between communities, between organizations, between families, etc. These common protocols include Communication Protocols Behavioral Protocols Postural Protocols
How we speak to each other
Dominants should be addressed by title or as “Sir” or “Ma’am”. Ask if in doubt. Submissives should be addressed by title or name depending on how they were introduced. Ask if in doubt. If you don’t know the person and their protocol, ask before starting a conversation. ◦ Dominants ask if the submissive has permission to talk. ◦ Submissives ask if they may speak to the Dominant. Introductions: ◦ Mention the name of the higher ranked/older person first, then introduce the lower ranked/younger person.
Some submissives are allowed the use of personal pronouns when referring to themselves. Listen to how they speak or ask. ◦ “Sir, may I …” ◦ “Sir, may this slave/it …” ◦ “Sir, do You wish me to …” ◦ “Sir, do You wish this slave/it to …” Dominants and submissives may discuss any matter at all, at the Dominant’s discretion, but they do not debate!
General rules of good behavior
Behavioral protocols are generally designed to show respect. They also demonstrate strength of character, confidence, and etiquette. Protocols are executed with grace and poise and quietly. Proper execution of the common protocols gives credit to the trainer and the submissive.
DO NOT TOUCH without permission! ◦ Clothing, including collars or cuffs ◦ Toys ◦ Any part of a person’s body! Unless you are in a relationship with the other person or in an active scene with them, you are equals. A submissive normally walks to the left and about one step behind a Dominant unless instructed otherwise. If your Dominant puts something on you it stays on until He takes it off or directs you to take it off.
A submissive will always act and respond in such a way as to make the Dominant’s orders look “right.” A submissive will never give the appearance that he thinks a Dominant has made a mistake, whether by facial expression, body language, or verbal challenge. If the submissive feels that he has information the Dominant is lacking, or sees a better possibility that the Dominant has not considered, the submissive asks whether the Dominant wishes him to convey such information.
Party/Play space Protocols ◦ Be respectful and courteous. ◦ Learn the rules of the venue as soon as possible. ◦ The play space is for play, not for socializing. ◦ Clean up after yourself. ◦ Don’t make assumptions. When in doubt, ask. ◦ Do not interrupt a scene. Keep a safe distance away. ◦ If you don’t like what is going on, don’t watch. ◦ Leave the drama at home. ◦ Don’t gossip. If you want to discuss something that happened, don’t use names or locations.
Showing pride in our roles
We all should take pride in our respective roles in the community, that includes slaves! ◦ Stand/sit erect with your back straight and shoulders squared. ◦ Submissives can show their status by keeping their heads bowed slightly. The key to performing these positions properly is to be able to hold them without wavering and to move between them smoothly.
When assuming these position take a moment to clear your thoughts and “be present” to your status. Presenting – Primary position used for greeting and showing respect ◦ Standing Present ◦ Full Present ◦ Honor Present Special purpose ◦ Inspection ◦ Plead/Punishment
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