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Beginning Again Presented by Robin Fry Real Voices – Real Choices 2014 Tan-Tar-A, August 17-19 Coping Skills for Grieving and Loss.

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Presentation on theme: "Beginning Again Presented by Robin Fry Real Voices – Real Choices 2014 Tan-Tar-A, August 17-19 Coping Skills for Grieving and Loss."— Presentation transcript:

1 Beginning Again Presented by Robin Fry Real Voices – Real Choices 2014 Tan-Tar-A, August Coping Skills for Grieving and Loss

2 Beginning Again…. What is grief? What is grief? How do we experience grief? How do we experience grief? Stages of Grief (Elisabeth Kübler Ross) Other Experiences of Grief Emotions Associated with Grieving Secondary Losses Emotions Experienced with Grief Quotes to Ponder How do we move forward? How do we move forward?

3 What is grief? As defined in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary: Grief—(n.) 1) a deep or poignant stress caused by or as if by bereavement. 2) a cause of such suffering. 3) an unfortunate outcome; (syn.) disaster. Bereaved—(adj.) suffering the death of a loved one. (With that said, bereavement is the experiencing of loss.)

4 Stages of Grief Denial/Isolation Denial/Isolation Anger Anger Bargaining Bargaining Depression Depression Acceptance Acceptance Elisabeth Kübler Ross

5 Other Experiences of Grief  Loss of a job – layoff, termination, downsizing, or being asked/forced to resign  Natural disasters/catastrophic events – loss of shelter and/or property, loved ones  Traumatic and/or violent events – Domestic abuse, abduction, accidents/injuries resulting in a disability, bullying, molestation, rape, sexual assault, etc.  Relationships – Separation, divorce, losing a friend, and betrayal of trust  Life – Medical diagnosis, time, aging process, moving/relocation, major surgery, miscarriage, recovery from addiction, and other “winds of change” Emotions Associated with Grieving  Shock/denial and anger  Sense of being violated  Guilt (esp. “survivor guilt”)  Numbness  Despair  Isolation  Fear and/or anxiety  Blaming self/others  Overwhelmed

6 A word about secondary losses…. Examples of secondary losses Loss of financial security, home, and even independence Loss of financial security, home, and even independence Loss of roles and status, changes in relationships Loss of roles and status, changes in relationships “Third wheel” syndrome and other changes occurring with the loss of a spouse/partner “Third wheel” syndrome and other changes occurring with the loss of a spouse/partner Miscommunication, stress, enablement, and other challenges are common. Communication is key. Secondary losses are other changes that occur after the loss of a loved one. Do not overlook secondary losses, as these are significant and unique to each person’s grief process. This is particularly true for caregivers, persons with disabilities, and those in recovery.

7 Beginning Again—Quotes to Ponder “The only way to get to the other side is to go through the door.” ~Helen Keller “The only way to get to the other side is to go through the door.” ~Helen Keller “He who has no time to mourn, has no time to mend.” ~John Dunne “He who has no time to mourn, has no time to mend.” ~John Dunne “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.” ~C.S. Lewis “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.” ~C.S. Lewis “You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” ~ Anne Lamott “You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” ~ Anne Lamott “The darker the night, the brighter the stars, The deeper the grief, the closer is God!” ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment “The darker the night, the brighter the stars, The deeper the grief, the closer is God!” ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment “And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure... And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, 'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!' And they will think you are crazy. It will be a very shabby trick that I shall have played on you...” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince “And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure... And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, 'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!' And they will think you are crazy. It will be a very shabby trick that I shall have played on you...” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

8 How do I move forward and begin again? Find ways to relax. Find ways to relax. Pay attention to your spiritual needs. Pay attention to your spiritual needs. Include your support system network. Include your support system network. Seek professional help when necessary. Seek professional help when necessary. Be good to yourself. Be good to yourself.

9 Find ways to relax.

10 Pay attention to your spiritual needs. Don’t overlook your belief system. Don’t overlook your belief system. Set up a time and routine for tuning in to your inner self. Visit your “special place/sanctuary” often. Set up a time and routine for tuning in to your inner self. Visit your “special place/sanctuary” often. Make time for worship each week (e.g.— church, mosque, & temple attendance; prayer; and meditation). Make time for worship each week (e.g.— church, mosque, & temple attendance; prayer; and meditation).

11 Include your support system network. Who’s in your network? Who’s in your network? Trusted friends and family Health care professionals Clergy, life coaches, etc. Those who provide assistance and services Companion pets/service animals

12 Seek professional help if necessary. Respite Care Respite Care Hospice Care (also known as palliative care) Hospice Care (also known as palliative care) Counseling/life coaching Counseling/life coaching Help with everyday or household tasks Help with everyday or household tasks Medical attention and treatment Medical attention and treatment Referrals to support groups and informational websites—sometimes, encouragement and moral support are all that’s needed. Referrals to support groups and informational websites—sometimes, encouragement and moral support are all that’s needed. Remember, there is nothing wrong with asking for help, especially for medical attention. The life you save may be your own!

13 Be good to yourself. Learn to say “no”. Prioritize and draw the line! Learn to say “no”. Prioritize and draw the line! Set healthy boundaries and respect others’ boundaries. The Golden Rule is a timeless and practical guideline. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Take timeouts—time for favorite activities, “you” time, family time, time with friends, etc. Take timeouts—time for favorite activities, “you” time, family time, time with friends, etc. Inhale/exhale. Let yourself cry. Talk about it. Communication helps you begin again. Inhale/exhale. Let yourself cry. Talk about it. Communication helps you begin again. Take extra care during the holidays. Realize that you may not be up to attending every event, and that you may experience specific memories of past holidays with loved ones. Pace yourself accordingly. Create new family and personal traditions. Write up a holiday letter in which you express your feelings and set healthy boundaries. People won’t know how to help or how to respect where you are if you don’t tell them. Take extra care during the holidays. Realize that you may not be up to attending every event, and that you may experience specific memories of past holidays with loved ones. Pace yourself accordingly. Create new family and personal traditions. Write up a holiday letter in which you express your feelings and set healthy boundaries. People won’t know how to help or how to respect where you are if you don’t tell them. Consistency is KEY! Consistency is KEY! There is only one YOU! There is only one YOU!

14 A note from the presenter…. Thank you for joining me in “Beginning Again”. If you have any questions that aren’t answered during the Q&A session, contact information will be available at the end of the presentation. Please fill out the evaluation sheet before you leave. Your comments help us keep the flame of hope alive for future conferences and attendees. ~~Robin


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