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“Dog Days of Summer” Proposal To Radio and TV Networks. I offer a humorous program for your listeners and viewers this summer as therapy during the 20-40.

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Presentation on theme: "“Dog Days of Summer” Proposal To Radio and TV Networks. I offer a humorous program for your listeners and viewers this summer as therapy during the 20-40."— Presentation transcript:

1 “Dog Days of Summer” Proposal To Radio and TV Networks. I offer a humorous program for your listeners and viewers this summer as therapy during the days of extreme high temperatures and humidity they will endure. I offer a humorous program for your listeners and viewers this summer as therapy during the days of extreme high temperatures and humidity they will endure. My Sam McGee persona knows Bitter Cold and offers a refreshing psychological break and subliminal reminder of the freezing cold we all experienced just 6 months ago. My Sam McGee persona knows Bitter Cold and offers a refreshing psychological break and subliminal reminder of the freezing cold we all experienced just 6 months ago. My program contains 3 short stories and 150 jokes about Bitter Cold and can be tailored to any country, state, region or province. I work directly with your production engineer. My program contains 3 short stories and 150 jokes about Bitter Cold and can be tailored to any country, state, region or province. I work directly with your production engineer. The material can be edited into 1-2 minute bites over a 3 hour talk show slot; or played in 4-5 minute segments over daytime news or music slots; or played in succession for late night audiences. The material can be edited into 1-2 minute bites over a 3 hour talk show slot; or played in 4-5 minute segments over daytime news or music slots; or played in succession for late night audiences. 1

2 2 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015 All the material is in my Trilogy book available online at

3 The Trilogy contacts: Sam McGee / Hong Bai Lan / Abdul Abulbul Amir Author: Denis Braun of Zug Switzerland Internetwww.SamMcGee2010.com Phone Skype: Megazebo. China: Kuala Lumpur: Author / Concept:Denis Braun of Zug Switzerland A Swiss-Canadian businessman living in Asia Sam Character:Costume: Fur coat, hat, & boots. Theme: Bitter Cold jokes Published by:Purgatory Press. KL Malaysia 3

4 Excerpts: Tale #1 Sam McGee is Bitter Cold Sam McGee knows Biter Cold is a 1905 tale of friendship between 2 trappers while dog sledding on the Dawson Trail in Yukon Canada. It is Christmas week during the record cold December of 1905 remembered across the North as the Year of the Deep Freeze. Sam McGee falls ill and makes a last request to his best friend Cap. Sam is always cold and always complains of the cold penetrating his whole body. The poem can give you goose pimples in the middle of summer!! Hence I believe I can bring relief and a smile to your listeners suffering through the Dog Days. The Complete poem is in the Appendix Sam McGee knows Biter Cold is a 1905 tale of friendship between 2 trappers while dog sledding on the Dawson Trail in Yukon Canada. It is Christmas week during the record cold December of 1905 remembered across the North as the Year of the Deep Freeze. Sam McGee falls ill and makes a last request to his best friend Cap. Sam is always cold and always complains of the cold penetrating his whole body. The poem can give you goose pimples in the middle of summer!! Hence I believe I can bring relief and a smile to your listeners suffering through the Dog Days. The Complete poem is in the Appendix 2. Now, Sam McGee was from Tennessee Where the cotton blooms and blows. Why he left his home in the south to roam Around the world, God only knows. He was always cold, but the land of gold Seemed to hold him like a spell, Though he'd often say, in his homely way, That he'd rather live in hell. 2. Now, Sam McGee was from Tennessee Where the cotton blooms and blows. Why he left his home in the south to roam Around the world, God only knows. He was always cold, but the land of gold Seemed to hold him like a spell, Though he'd often say, in his homely way, That he'd rather live in hell. 4

5 12. Then I took a hike, for I didn't like To hear him sizzle so. And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, And the winds began to blow. It was Bitter Cold, but the hot sweat rolled Down my cheeks, and I don't know why, And Sam’s greasy smoke in an inky cloak Went streaking down the sky. 13. I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear. But the stars came out, and they danced about Until again I ventured near. I was sick with dread, but I bravely said, "I'll just take a peek inside. I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked", And the door I opened wide. 12. Then I took a hike, for I didn't like To hear him sizzle so. And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, And the winds began to blow. It was Bitter Cold, but the hot sweat rolled Down my cheeks, and I don't know why, And Sam’s greasy smoke in an inky cloak Went streaking down the sky. 13. I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear. But the stars came out, and they danced about Until again I ventured near. I was sick with dread, but I bravely said, "I'll just take a peek inside. I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked", And the door I opened wide. 14. And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm In the heart of the furnace roar. And he wore a smile you could see a mile, But he said, "Please close the door. You see it's fine in here, but I greatly fear You'll let in the cold and the storm. Since I left Peachtree down in Tennessee It's the first time I've been warm." 14. And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm In the heart of the furnace roar. And he wore a smile you could see a mile, But he said, "Please close the door. You see it's fine in here, but I greatly fear You'll let in the cold and the storm. Since I left Peachtree down in Tennessee It's the first time I've been warm." 5 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

6 Sam McGee, Cap, & Robert Service Whitehorse Hotel Lobby April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015 Writer Robert Service Cap the Trapper Sam and his trophy black bear skin

7 Origin of the word “Cool” We applaud Robert Service as the first writer in history to coin term “Cool” in it’s modern context. (Appendix Stanza 14 line #1): “And there sat Sam looking cool and calm in the heart of the furnace roar.” for the reader, it is the perfect mental image of Sam looking composed, detached, indestructible, philosophical, assured, coolheaded, placid, impassive, quiet, low key, and nonchalant. Robert Service is the original and sole inventor of “COOL” We applaud Robert Service as the first writer in history to coin term “Cool” in it’s modern context. (Appendix Stanza 14 line #1): “And there sat Sam looking cool and calm in the heart of the furnace roar.” for the reader, it is the perfect mental image of Sam looking composed, detached, indestructible, philosophical, assured, coolheaded, placid, impassive, quiet, low key, and nonchalant. Robert Service is the original and sole inventor of “COOL” In 1907, who could have known Cool would become an icon in global verbal communication. To verify this discovery, I invite you to listen to In 1907, who could have known Cool would become an icon in global verbal communication. To verify this discovery, I invite you to listen to Robert Service himself reciting his own poem in a 75 year old CBC audio tape at Search Sam McGee Robert Service himself reciting his own poem in a 75 year old CBC audio tape at Search Sam McGeewww.YouTube.com It’s my honor to expose this literary milestone and now I challenge literary historians to prove otherwise. It’s my honor to expose this literary milestone and now I challenge literary historians to prove otherwise. As for Friendship? Well it appears to be the simple key cornerstone of human society. It results from a majority of people adopting stern codes in their behavior, performance, and expectations. Cool. As for Friendship? Well it appears to be the simple key cornerstone of human society. It results from a majority of people adopting stern codes in their behavior, performance, and expectations. Cool. 7 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

8 Inside the Cabin was Sam’s “Man Room” Leather furniture, plank floors, saddle seat bar, moose head, log fireplace, barber chair, bunk bed, poker table, antler coat rack, and his lead Husky. 8 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

9 Last photos of Sam taken by Cap December 1905 on the Dawson Trail before he stuffed him into the boiler fire of the wrecked fishing boat the “Alice May”. He preserved Sam’s coat. 9 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

10 Northerners see climate change as an irreversible reality 10 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015 The band between 20 and 50 degrees North latitude is home to 95% of the 4,500,000,000 new people added to the Earth’s population since Each needs an average of 400 tons of “support stuff”. No wonder we drifting off our axis around the sun. Appendix.

11 11 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015 Life is not all work in the North Seal on the BBQ (Barbie in Australian) Sorry Pamela

12 Cultural Hook. Northerners (people living above or below 40 degrees latitude) have many things in common and some differences. But they ALL know the feeling and sensation of Bitter Cold. Cultural Hook. Northerners (people living above or below 40 degrees latitude) have many things in common and some differences. But they ALL know the feeling and sensation of Bitter Cold. Moral Hook. There are 2 moral messages in the Trilogy. Moral Hook. There are 2 moral messages in the Trilogy. 1. A friend’s last need is a thing to heed. 1. A friend’s last need is a thing to heed.and 2. A promise made is a debt unpaid. 2. A promise made is a debt unpaid. 12 The Culture of the North

13 Cool Sunglasses 13 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015 They are expensive fashion items for trendy Southern people. Sunglasses are critical protection for people above the Arctic Circles to defend against intense ice glare in summer.

14 Northern Art and Sculpture 14 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

15 Excerpts: Tale #2. Hong Bai Lan from Chang Bai Shan Hong Bai Lan from Chang Bai Shan is a 1910 parallel tale of friendship between 2 adventuresome Chinese from the North who escape the bitter cold of Winter for the sand beaches, palm trees, warm winds, evening breezes, and miniskirts in the South of China. It is a tale of endurance and ingenuity in a quest to fulfill Lan’s dying request. Hong Bai Lan from Chang Bai Shan is a 1910 parallel tale of friendship between 2 adventuresome Chinese from the North who escape the bitter cold of Winter for the sand beaches, palm trees, warm winds, evening breezes, and miniskirts in the South of China. It is a tale of endurance and ingenuity in a quest to fulfill Lan’s dying request. 4. In Canton, the Western name for Guangzhou, they both quickly made small fortunes; Dong as an export trader in Kangxi porcelain; and Lan designing and building small house boats that plied the Pearl River. Both had a common friend and client …. a medical doctor and political activist who had just returned from Japan. His name? Sun Yat Sen. Lan built him a custom river craft, and Dong catered to his hobby of collecting Qing dynasty porcelain. Every month or two, Dr. Sun would cruise up to Guangzhou from his home in Xiangshan (later Zhongshan 80km south of Guangzhou) and happy times would prevail. 4. In Canton, the Western name for Guangzhou, they both quickly made small fortunes; Dong as an export trader in Kangxi porcelain; and Lan designing and building small house boats that plied the Pearl River. Both had a common friend and client …. a medical doctor and political activist who had just returned from Japan. His name? Sun Yat Sen. Lan built him a custom river craft, and Dong catered to his hobby of collecting Qing dynasty porcelain. Every month or two, Dr. Sun would cruise up to Guangzhou from his home in Xiangshan (later Zhongshan 80km south of Guangzhou) and happy times would prevail. 11. Upon arrival in Harbin, Dong buys a horse cart; finds an ice factory; and buys 2 huge rectangular blocks of clear ice (clear ice is made from distilled water just as it is today to carve magnificent ice statues during the annual Harbin Ice Festival). Then he chisels out the core; sandwiches Lan between the two blocks; and wraps the entire ice coffin with layers of straw mats from the local wheat fields. 11. Upon arrival in Harbin, Dong buys a horse cart; finds an ice factory; and buys 2 huge rectangular blocks of clear ice (clear ice is made from distilled water just as it is today to carve magnificent ice statues during the annual Harbin Ice Festival). Then he chisels out the core; sandwiches Lan between the two blocks; and wraps the entire ice coffin with layers of straw mats from the local wheat fields. 15 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

16 Lan and Dong with Sun Yat Sen 16 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015 The exquisite vase on the table stayed in Yang Dong’s family for years until his great grandson had it sold at auction in England in The winning bid was $83,000,000 US Dollars

17 Polar Swim: A New Years Day Tradition 17 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015 Northerners are tough. From Solo divers in Siberia Russia, to massive revelers on Coney Island New York, Harbin China, and Vancouver Canada.

18 Cultural Hooks in the Tales All Northerners know bitter cold no matter what their race, culture, language, diet, skin color, or ethnic group. All Northerners know bitter cold no matter what their race, culture, language, diet, skin color, or ethnic group. Each Fall and Winter, we all spend countless hours dreaming about how to escape the cold and go “South” Each Fall and Winter, we all spend countless hours dreaming about how to escape the cold and go “South” Combating cold is an integral part of Northern culture. Nature can be life-threatening. Combating cold is an integral part of Northern culture. Nature can be life-threatening. Hope and expectation surround each of the 4 seasons. Hope and expectation surround each of the 4 seasons. Temperature extremes mean a daily consciousness of clothing options; and the weather is the opening topic in most casual conversations. Temperature extremes mean a daily consciousness of clothing options; and the weather is the opening topic in most casual conversations. For 4 winter months a year, white and grey are the predominant outdoor colors. That’s why the Northern Lights are so revered. Its like going to a drive-in movie theatre every night without the hassle of a car !!! For 4 winter months a year, white and grey are the predominant outdoor colors. That’s why the Northern Lights are so revered. Its like going to a drive-in movie theatre every night without the hassle of a car !!! 18 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

19 Excerpt from Tale #3: Abdul Abulbul Amir 19 Abdul Abulbul Amir is a tale of a very awkward friendship between 2 veteran legendary warriors of the 1854 Russian-Turk Crimean War. 25. "Well, you think I'm a coward?" said Ivan Skavar "Step forth and I'll slice off your ear" "Oh, son of a cat, you'll never do that" Scowled Abdul Abulbul Amir. 26. So once more they battled and fought as before As the multitudes returned from afar And lauded with cheers these bold buccaneers This Turk, and this Russian Hussar 15. And still today a Muscovite maiden her lone vigil keeps, Beneath the light of the cold Northern star, And the name that she murmurs in vain as she weeps, Is Ivan Slavinsky Skavar.

20 20 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015 Russia Turkey Russia – Turkey War in The Black Sea divided their land mass.

21 Russian Hussars 21 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

22 Last photos of Abdul Abulbul Amir and Ivan Slavinsky Skavar 22 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

23 Excerpts from track #4. Sam telling 150 jokes about Bitter Cold Excerpts from track #4. Sam telling 150 jokes about Bitter Cold 23 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015 Sam McGee, How cold does it get in Edmonton ? It is so cold that when you turn on the taps for your morning shower; it starts to hail !!! Sam McGee, How cold does it get in Berlin ? It is so cold that the Four Seasons hotel is just known as “Winter”. Sam McGee, How cold does it get in Toronto ? It is so cold that pet stores only sell penguins and baby seals. !!! Sam McGee, How cold does it get in New York ? It is so cold that the Port Authority reconfigures the Statue of Liberty so that she is holding the torch under her robes. Sam McGee, How cold does it get in Sapporo ? It is so cold that sushi is placed into round dough, folded, crimped, and boiled as dumplings !!

24 Sam’s Dog Days Promotion Personal visits by Sam McGee in full costume to client networks and stations during the Dog Days. 24 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015 A Tale of 3 Friendships: The Trilogy Event_____________________ Date_____________________ Time_____________________ Interview or appearnce10-40 minutes Sam McGee Bitter Cold. Recite and Discuss Jokes and Northern culture. Recite Hong Bai Lan. Recite and Discuss Abdul Abulbul Amir. Recite and Discuss

25 Appendix: Complete track texts minutes each 25 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

26 Track #1 “Sam McGee knows Bitter Cold” © Braun CH 2009 edited version from the Robert Service original. 1. There are strange things done in the midnight sun 1. There are strange things done in the midnight sun By the men who toil for gold; The Arctic trails have their secret tales That would make your blood run cold; The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, But the queerest they ever did see Was that night on the marge of Lac Labarge I cremated Sam McGee. 2. Now, Sam McGee was from Tennessee Where the cotton blooms and blows. Why he left his home in the south to roam Around the world, God only knows. He was always cold, but the land of gold Seemed to hold him like a spell, Though he'd often say, in his homely way, That he'd rather live in hell. 2. Now, Sam McGee was from Tennessee Where the cotton blooms and blows. Why he left his home in the south to roam Around the world, God only knows. He was always cold, but the land of gold Seemed to hold him like a spell, Though he'd often say, in his homely way, That he'd rather live in hell. 26 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

27 3. On a Christmas day we were mushing our way Over the Dawson Trail. Talk of your cold --- through the parka's fold It stabbed like a driven nail. If our eyes we'd close, then the lashes froze Until sometimes we couldn't see. It wasn't much fun, but the only one To whimper was Sam McGee. 4. And that very night as we lay packed tight Against the dogs beneath the snow, We all were fed, and the stars overhead Were dancing heel and toe, Sam turned to me, and "Cap", says he, "I'll cash in this trip, I guess, And if I do, I'm asking that you Won't refuse my last request." 3. On a Christmas day we were mushing our way Over the Dawson Trail. Talk of your cold --- through the parka's fold It stabbed like a driven nail. If our eyes we'd close, then the lashes froze Until sometimes we couldn't see. It wasn't much fun, but the only one To whimper was Sam McGee. 4. And that very night as we lay packed tight Against the dogs beneath the snow, We all were fed, and the stars overhead Were dancing heel and toe, Sam turned to me, and "Cap", says he, "I'll cash in this trip, I guess, And if I do, I'm asking that you Won't refuse my last request." 5. Well, Sam seemed so low that I couldn't say no, And he says with a sort of moan, "It's that cursed cold, and it's got right hold Until I'm chilled clean through to the bone. Yet not being dead, it's my awful dread Of the ice cold grave that pains, So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, You'll cremate my last remains." 5. Well, Sam seemed so low that I couldn't say no, And he says with a sort of moan, "It's that cursed cold, and it's got right hold Until I'm chilled clean through to the bone. Yet not being dead, it's my awful dread Of the ice cold grave that pains, So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, You'll cremate my last remains." 27 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

28 6. Well a pal's last need is a thing to heed, And I swore that I would not fail. So we started on at the streak of dawn, But, God, he looked ghastly pale. He crouched on his sleigh, and he raved all day Of his home in Tennessee, And before nightfall, a corpse was all That remained of Sam McGee. 7. There wasn't a breath in that land of death As I hurried, horror driven, With a corpse half hid that I couldn't get rid Because of a promise given. It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say, "You may tax your braun and your brains, But you promised true, and it's up to you To cremate these last remains." 8. Now, a promise made is a debt unpaid, And the trail has its own stern code. In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, In my heart, how I cursed that load. In the long, long night by the lone firelight While the huskies around in a ring Howled out their woes to the homeless snows Oh, God, how I loathed that thing. 6. Well a pal's last need is a thing to heed, And I swore that I would not fail. So we started on at the streak of dawn, But, God, he looked ghastly pale. He crouched on his sleigh, and he raved all day Of his home in Tennessee, And before nightfall, a corpse was all That remained of Sam McGee. 7. There wasn't a breath in that land of death As I hurried, horror driven, With a corpse half hid that I couldn't get rid Because of a promise given. It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say, "You may tax your braun and your brains, But you promised true, and it's up to you To cremate these last remains." 8. Now, a promise made is a debt unpaid, And the trail has its own stern code. In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, In my heart, how I cursed that load. In the long, long night by the lone firelight While the huskies around in a ring Howled out their woes to the homeless snows Oh, God, how I loathed that thing. 28 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

29 9. And every day that silent clay Seemed to heavier and heavier grow. And on I went, though the dogs were spent And the grub was running low. The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, But I swore I would not give in, And often I'd sing to that frozen thing, And it hearkened with a grin. 10. Until I came to the marge of Lac LaBarge, And a derelict there lay. It was jammed in the ice, and I saw in a trice It was called the "Alice May". And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, And I looked at my frozen chum, Then, "Here", said I, with a sudden cry, "Here Is my crem-a-tor-ium." 11. Some planks I tore from the cabin floor And lit the boiler fire. Some coal I found that was lying around And heaped the fuel higher. The flames just soared, and the furnace roared, Such a blaze you seldom see. Then I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal And I stuffed in Sam McGee. 9. And every day that silent clay Seemed to heavier and heavier grow. And on I went, though the dogs were spent And the grub was running low. The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, But I swore I would not give in, And often I'd sing to that frozen thing, And it hearkened with a grin. 10. Until I came to the marge of Lac LaBarge, And a derelict there lay. It was jammed in the ice, and I saw in a trice It was called the "Alice May". And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, And I looked at my frozen chum, Then, "Here", said I, with a sudden cry, "Here Is my crem-a-tor-ium." 11. Some planks I tore from the cabin floor And lit the boiler fire. Some coal I found that was lying around And heaped the fuel higher. The flames just soared, and the furnace roared, Such a blaze you seldom see. Then I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal And I stuffed in Sam McGee. 29 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

30 12. Then I took a hike, for I didn't like To hear him sizzle so. And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, And the winds began to blow. It was Bitter Cold, but the hot sweat rolled Down my cheeks, and I don't know why, And Sam’s greasy smoke in an inky cloak Went streaking down the sky. 13. I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear. But the stars came out, and they danced about Until again I ventured near. I was sick with dread, but I bravely said, "I'll just take a peek inside. I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked", And the door I opened wide. 12. Then I took a hike, for I didn't like To hear him sizzle so. And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, And the winds began to blow. It was Bitter Cold, but the hot sweat rolled Down my cheeks, and I don't know why, And Sam’s greasy smoke in an inky cloak Went streaking down the sky. 13. I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear. But the stars came out, and they danced about Until again I ventured near. I was sick with dread, but I bravely said, "I'll just take a peek inside. I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked", And the door I opened wide. 14. And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm In the heart of the furnace roar. And he wore a smile you could see a mile, But he said, "Please close the door. You see it's fine in here, but I greatly fear You'll let in the cold and the storm. Since I left Peachtree down in Tennessee It's the first time I've been warm." 14. And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm In the heart of the furnace roar. And he wore a smile you could see a mile, But he said, "Please close the door. You see it's fine in here, but I greatly fear You'll let in the cold and the storm. Since I left Peachtree down in Tennessee It's the first time I've been warm." 30 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

31 15. There are strange things done under the midnight sun By the men who toil for gold; The Arctic trails have their secret tales That would make your blood run cold; The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, But the queerest they ever did see Was that night on the marge of Lac Lebarge I cremated Sam McGee. 16. And even stranger things are done under the morning sun 16. And even stranger things are done under the morning sun By the men who Hunt for Seal; The Newfoundland trails have their secret tales That would make your gonads squeal; The California Lights have seen queer sights, But the queerest they ever did see Was that night in the Spa up in Snowbird Utah I exfoliated Miss Pamela Lee. Edited Version © Denis Braun CH 2009 Note : Exfoliate means sharing a hot steam bath and giving her a complete skin message with glycerin soap and a slightly abrasive cloth to clean the pores and remove all dead skin. This is the first step in the Sam McGee Total Solution to keeping northerners warm all winter. 31

32 Epilogue to Sam McGee knows Bitter Cold Cap raced back to Whitehorse and told his bank manager Robert Service the whole story. He continued trapping for a few more years Then assumed Sam’s identity and headed for California where he set up a road construction company. He later retired to Canada and in 1940 he died and was buried in Beiseker Alberta just north of Calgary. Cap raced back to Whitehorse and told his bank manager Robert Service the whole story. He continued trapping for a few more years Then assumed Sam’s identity and headed for California where he set up a road construction company. He later retired to Canada and in 1940 he died and was buried in Beiseker Alberta just north of Calgary. Sam McGee never made it past Saint Peters Gates of Heaven. There was a rumor circulating around Whitehorse during the Klondike gold rush that Christmas week was the best time to “cash-in”. God would be attending birthday parties all week and security would be slack. No such luck for Sam. At the Gate, God personally denounced Sam for using his last request so foolishly. Perhaps a plea for the forgiveness of his sins was more appropriate. He received a light sentence of 200 years in Purgatory and is currently on day parole back on Earth entertaining people and teaching them how to stay warm. Sam McGee never made it past Saint Peters Gates of Heaven. There was a rumor circulating around Whitehorse during the Klondike gold rush that Christmas week was the best time to “cash-in”. God would be attending birthday parties all week and security would be slack. No such luck for Sam. At the Gate, God personally denounced Sam for using his last request so foolishly. Perhaps a plea for the forgiveness of his sins was more appropriate. He received a light sentence of 200 years in Purgatory and is currently on day parole back on Earth entertaining people and teaching them how to stay warm. 32 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

33 Cool We applaud Robert Service as the first writer in history to coin term “Cool” in it’s modern context. (Stanza 14 line #1): “And there sat Sam looking cool and calm in the heart of the furnace roar.” for the reader, it is the perfect mental image of Sam looking composed, detached, indestructible, philosophical, assured, coolheaded, placid, impassive, quiet, low key, and nonchalant. Robert Service is the original and sole inventor of “COOL” We applaud Robert Service as the first writer in history to coin term “Cool” in it’s modern context. (Stanza 14 line #1): “And there sat Sam looking cool and calm in the heart of the furnace roar.” for the reader, it is the perfect mental image of Sam looking composed, detached, indestructible, philosophical, assured, coolheaded, placid, impassive, quiet, low key, and nonchalant. Robert Service is the original and sole inventor of “COOL” In 1907, who could have known Cool would become an icon in global verbal communication. To verify this discovery, I invite you to listen to In 1907, who could have known Cool would become an icon in global verbal communication. To verify this discovery, I invite you to listen to Robert Service himself reciting his own poem in a 75 year old CBC audio tape at Search Sam McGee Robert Service himself reciting his own poem in a 75 year old CBC audio tape at Search Sam McGeewww.YouTube.com It’s my honor to expose this literary milestone and now I challenge literary historians to prove otherwise. It’s my honor to expose this literary milestone and now I challenge literary historians to prove otherwise. As for Friendship? Well it appears to be the simple key cornerstone of human society. It results from a majority of people adopting stern codes in their behavior, performance, and expectations. Cool. As for Friendship? Well it appears to be the simple key cornerstone of human society. It results from a majority of people adopting stern codes in their behavior, performance, and expectations. Cool. 33 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

34 Track #2 Hong Bai Lan Prologue Track #2 Hong Bai Lan Prologue Hong Bai Lan from Chang Bai Shan is a parallel tale of friendship between 2 adventuresome Chinese from the North who escape the bitter cold of Winter for the sand beaches, palm trees, warm winds, evening breezes, and miniskirts in the South of China. Hong Bai Lan from Chang Bai Shan is a parallel tale of friendship between 2 adventuresome Chinese from the North who escape the bitter cold of Winter for the sand beaches, palm trees, warm winds, evening breezes, and miniskirts in the South of China. Fortune is followed by bankruptcy; and they end up toiling in the hot steel mills in Wuhan where Lan falls ill and makes a last request to his best friend Yang Dong. It is a tale of endurance and ingenuity in a quest to fulfill Lan’s dying request. Like Sam’ McGee, the tale is not about the main character or about death. It is a story of the endurance and perseverance of a best friend to comply with a last request. Two tales of two true friendships. Fortune is followed by bankruptcy; and they end up toiling in the hot steel mills in Wuhan where Lan falls ill and makes a last request to his best friend Yang Dong. It is a tale of endurance and ingenuity in a quest to fulfill Lan’s dying request. Like Sam’ McGee, the tale is not about the main character or about death. It is a story of the endurance and perseverance of a best friend to comply with a last request. Two tales of two true friendships. The moral: A promise made is a debt unpaid. The moral: A promise made is a debt unpaid.

35 The Tale of Hong Bai Lan from Chang Bai Shan Sole Author Denis Braun aka Sam McGee. © CH In the early 1900’s within the beautiful Chang Bai Shan forest in Jilin Province China, roamed an adventuresome logger, ginseng farmer, hunter, and outdoor enthusiast named Hong Bai Lan. He cut the tall Korean pine, gathered ginseng, hunted wild boar, and photographed Siberian tigers. 2. Although rugged in character, Lan always complained of being too hot in Summer and too cold in Winter and dreamed of perpetual warmth and a deep desire to live to the South of China …. the land of palm trees, ocean breezes, loose cloths, sand beaches, endless summers, good jobs, and of course miniskirts. The seaside held Lan in a spell. 3. Lan shared a passion for snow skiing with his best friend Yang Dong; a cook and local restaurant owner. One bitter cold winter day, after hours on the rope tow on the western slopes of Heaven Lake; they conspired to finally embrace the Sun and leave the miserable cold North. That very night they stowed away on the “Iron Dragon” steaming south to Beijing, Tianjin, Jinan, Xuzhou, Nanjing, and Shanghai. There they got temporary jobs in the kitchen of the Astor House hotel until they had money to continue to Hangzhou and points south to Guangzhou in the Pearl River Delta.

36 4. In Canton, the Western name for Guangzhou, they both quickly made small fortunes; Dong as an export trader in Kangxi porcelain; and Lan designing and building small house boats that plied the Pearl River. Both had a common client …. a medical doctor and political activist who had just returned from Japan. His name was Sun Yat Sen Lan built him a custom river craft, and Dong catered to his hobby of collecting dynasty porcelain. Every month or two, Dr. Sun would cruise up to Guangzhou from his home in Xiangshan (later Zhongshan 80km south of Guangzhou) and happy times would prevail. 4. In Canton, the Western name for Guangzhou, they both quickly made small fortunes; Dong as an export trader in Kangxi porcelain; and Lan designing and building small house boats that plied the Pearl River. Both had a common client …. a medical doctor and political activist who had just returned from Japan. His name was Sun Yat Sen Lan built him a custom river craft, and Dong catered to his hobby of collecting dynasty porcelain. Every month or two, Dr. Sun would cruise up to Guangzhou from his home in Xiangshan (later Zhongshan 80km south of Guangzhou) and happy times would prevail. 5. Dong was so skilled with the abacus and so knowledgeable about porcelain that within minutes into price negotiations with his European buyers they were so confused they didn't know if they should scratch their watch or wind (adjust) their ass !!! But in time, all their money was stolen or evaporated as a result of gambling, drinking, playing Shweng Bao Tai, and carousing with loose women. Eventually, bankrupt and jobless, they wandered up to Wuhan …… the hottest City in central China …. where they got factory jobs in the local steel mill. 6. Everyone knows that it is extremely hot in Wuhan, widely referred to in Asia as the “furnace of China”. And Lan and Dong had the hottest job stoking 1400 degree billets as they emerged from the foundry furnaces. Lan hated extreme heat and constantly longed to return to his cool homeland in the North of China.

37 7. One stifling hot day during the afternoon shift, Lan informs Dong that he was feeling very sick and may soon die. If so, he asks Dong to promise just two things: First, that each year on his birthday Dong is to send sweets, scented tea, or flowers to Lan’s mother to express gratitude for his birth; and second, promise to never let his body go into the fire. In other words, make sure he is never cremated.! 7. One stifling hot day during the afternoon shift, Lan informs Dong that he was feeling very sick and may soon die. If so, he asks Dong to promise just two things: First, that each year on his birthday Dong is to send sweets, scented tea, or flowers to Lan’s mother to express gratitude for his birth; and second, promise to never let his body go into the fire. In other words, make sure he is never cremated.! 8. Instead he asks Dong to take his hot body up to Heilongjiang Province in the far north of China; encase him in a huge block of clear ice; and sink him into the frigid cold waters of the Heilongjiang (Amur) River ….. The same waters that flow north –west into Lake Baikal on the Trans Siberian Railroad …. Baikal being the oldest, coldest, largest, and deepest fresh water lake in the World. This way, Lan could be cool in Paradise and comfortable for all of eternity! 8. Instead he asks Dong to take his hot body up to Heilongjiang Province in the far north of China; encase him in a huge block of clear ice; and sink him into the frigid cold waters of the Heilongjiang (Amur) River ….. The same waters that flow north –west into Lake Baikal on the Trans Siberian Railroad …. Baikal being the oldest, coldest, largest, and deepest fresh water lake in the World. This way, Lan could be cool in Paradise and comfortable for all of eternity! 9. Now a friend’s last request in life must be taken seriously, so Dong agrees. But to his horror, the very next day Lan dies !!!! Suddenly, Dong has no idea what to do. You see, in all Northern countries, a promise made is like a debt unpaid. And each profession and each culture has it’s own stern code. In sparsely populated areas of the North, this unwritten code can save your life. 9. Now a friend’s last request in life must be taken seriously, so Dong agrees. But to his horror, the very next day Lan dies !!!! Suddenly, Dong has no idea what to do. You see, in all Northern countries, a promise made is like a debt unpaid. And each profession and each culture has it’s own stern code. In sparsely populated areas of the North, this unwritten code can save your life.

38 10. Suddenly Dong realizes that he made a big promise to his best friend Lan ….. a promise that he must now keep. So he buys a large steamer trunk; stuffs Lan inside; and sprinkles perfume and cinnamon spice over his body. He then treks to the Wuhan train station and buys a hard seat on the steam train bound for Harbin. For 6 days and nights the train chugs through Zhengzhou, Beijing, Shenyang, Changchun, and finally Harbin. And at every water stop Dong buys fresh flowers and tosses them into the trunk to keep Lan smelling fresh !!! 10. Suddenly Dong realizes that he made a big promise to his best friend Lan ….. a promise that he must now keep. So he buys a large steamer trunk; stuffs Lan inside; and sprinkles perfume and cinnamon spice over his body. He then treks to the Wuhan train station and buys a hard seat on the steam train bound for Harbin. For 6 days and nights the train chugs through Zhengzhou, Beijing, Shenyang, Changchun, and finally Harbin. And at every water stop Dong buys fresh flowers and tosses them into the trunk to keep Lan smelling fresh !!! 11. Upon arrival in Harbin, Dong buys a horse cart; finds an ice factory; and buys 2 huge rectangular blocks of clear ice (clear ice is made from distilled water just as it is today to carve magnificent ice statues during the annual Harbin Ice Festival). Then he chisels out the core; sandwiches Lan between the two blocks; and wraps the entire ice coffin with layers of straw mats from the local wheat fields. 11. Upon arrival in Harbin, Dong buys a horse cart; finds an ice factory; and buys 2 huge rectangular blocks of clear ice (clear ice is made from distilled water just as it is today to carve magnificent ice statues during the annual Harbin Ice Festival). Then he chisels out the core; sandwiches Lan between the two blocks; and wraps the entire ice coffin with layers of straw mats from the local wheat fields. 12. He proceeds to steer his horse cart north for 5 more days to the Russian boarder and the coldest part of the Heilongjiang River. He scouts the river bank and finds a shallow inlet and gently sinks Hong Bai Lan into the ice cold water. Dong, now in tears, quickly returns to the nearest village and gets enormously drunk on MaoTai (Baijiu) and Harbin beer. 12. He proceeds to steer his horse cart north for 5 more days to the Russian boarder and the coldest part of the Heilongjiang River. He scouts the river bank and finds a shallow inlet and gently sinks Hong Bai Lan into the ice cold water. Dong, now in tears, quickly returns to the nearest village and gets enormously drunk on MaoTai (Baijiu) and Harbin beer.

39 13. He awakes at noon the next day trembling with fear and decides to return to the inlet to see if Lan has moved. To his surprise, he finds Lan floating in the middle of the river on a raft he has assembled from the straw mats. Incredible. There lays Lan merrily basking in the afternoon sunshine and drinking cold beer from an open 10 pack. 13. He awakes at noon the next day trembling with fear and decides to return to the inlet to see if Lan has moved. To his surprise, he finds Lan floating in the middle of the river on a raft he has assembled from the straw mats. Incredible. There lays Lan merrily basking in the afternoon sunshine and drinking cold beer from an open 10 pack. 14. Dong is horrified but Lan shouts to his pal that he is fine. : “My friend Dong, you see, it’s fine out here but I greatly fear you’ll bring heat and dust to my pool. Since I left Wuhan via Chang Bai Shan; it’s the first time l have been cool. Thank you for honoring my last request Dong; and I hope I have the opportunity to return the favor in another life”. Dong smiles and thanks Lan for his trust. True friendship blooms. 15. Lan’s raft then drifts slowly away into the twilight around a bend in the river and we see it approaching a derelict fishing boat in flames on the shoreline. On board, is a robust and enthusiastic Sam McGee waving to Lan. A friendship is about to begin in Paradise between two spirits. One spirit from China and the other from North America. We are witness to both a Beginning and an End as Dong returns to the village, in silence, to search for a small shop that sells scented tea; and to look for a new job. To Be Continued. 14. Dong is horrified but Lan shouts to his pal that he is fine. : “My friend Dong, you see, it’s fine out here but I greatly fear you’ll bring heat and dust to my pool. Since I left Wuhan via Chang Bai Shan; it’s the first time l have been cool. Thank you for honoring my last request Dong; and I hope I have the opportunity to return the favor in another life”. Dong smiles and thanks Lan for his trust. True friendship blooms. 15. Lan’s raft then drifts slowly away into the twilight around a bend in the river and we see it approaching a derelict fishing boat in flames on the shoreline. On board, is a robust and enthusiastic Sam McGee waving to Lan. A friendship is about to begin in Paradise between two spirits. One spirit from China and the other from North America. We are witness to both a Beginning and an End as Dong returns to the village, in silence, to search for a small shop that sells scented tea; and to look for a new job. To Be Continued.

40 Epilogue Yang Dong went on to a very successful business career in China and became a legend in his time. His legacy continues and to this day for if you visit the departure lounge in any airport in China you will find groups of foreigners standing around chatting and scratching their watches. Dong retired to a villa on a small tea plantation in the green hills overlooking Xiamen. Yang Dong went on to a very successful business career in China and became a legend in his time. His legacy continues and to this day for if you visit the departure lounge in any airport in China you will find groups of foreigners standing around chatting and scratching their watches. Dong retired to a villa on a small tea plantation in the green hills overlooking Xiamen. As for Hong Bai Lan, every year around the middle of December his frozen straw raft surfaces on the Heilongjiang River with Lan still smiling and basking in his hard hat and jeans; and still drinking cold beer from a 10 pack. The entire ice coffin is taken to Harbin and lies in State in the main square for the annual Ice Festival. Tens of thousands of people walk by and rub the clear ice for good luck, bountiful fortune, and to renew their commitment to enjoy all 4 seasons in the North. As for Hong Bai Lan, every year around the middle of December his frozen straw raft surfaces on the Heilongjiang River with Lan still smiling and basking in his hard hat and jeans; and still drinking cold beer from a 10 pack. The entire ice coffin is taken to Harbin and lies in State in the main square for the annual Ice Festival. Tens of thousands of people walk by and rub the clear ice for good luck, bountiful fortune, and to renew their commitment to enjoy all 4 seasons in the North. 40 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

41 Abdul Abulbul Amir Prologue 41 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015 Abdul Abulbul Amir is a tale of a very awkward and latent friendship between 2 veteran legendary warriors of the 1854 Russian-Turkish War. After reincarnation, they meet on the street and one accidently steps on the toe of his foe. Each processes a latent desire for friendship but each is so ingrained with anger, hate, and revenge that true friendship simply never has a chance to surface. They cannot even agree on how to apologize to one another. Their immortality is wound up in a vortex of calm. confrontation, battle, death, reconciliation, (and a repeat of the same) calm, confrontation, battle, death, reconciliation, and calm again as the cycle becomes perpetual. Sound familiar to anyone ??

42 Track #3: Abdul Abulbul Amir 1.The sons of the Prophet are brave men and bold And quite unaccustomed to fear, But the bravest by far; a Son of Abubakar, Was Abdul Abulbul Amir. 2. If you wanted a man to encourage the van, Or harass the foe from the rear, There was never a doubt, you had only to shout For Abdul Abulbul Amir. 1.The sons of the Prophet are brave men and bold And quite unaccustomed to fear, But the bravest by far; a Son of Abubakar, Was Abdul Abulbul Amir. 2. If you wanted a man to encourage the van, Or harass the foe from the rear, There was never a doubt, you had only to shout For Abdul Abulbul Amir. 3. Now the heroes were plenty and well known to fame In the troops that were led by the Czar, And the bravest of these was a man by the name Of Ivan Slavinsky Skavar. 3. Now the heroes were plenty and well known to fame In the troops that were led by the Czar, And the bravest of these was a man by the name Of Ivan Slavinsky Skavar. 4. One day this bold Russian, he shouldered his gun And donned his most truculent sneer, Downtown he did go where he trod (stepped) on the toe Of Abdul Abulbul Amir. 5. Young man, said Abdul, has life grown so dull That you wish to end your career? Vile infidel, know, you have trod on the toe Of Abdul Abulbul Amir. 4. One day this bold Russian, he shouldered his gun And donned his most truculent sneer, Downtown he did go where he trod (stepped) on the toe Of Abdul Abulbul Amir. 5. Young man, said Abdul, has life grown so dull That you wish to end your career? Vile infidel, know, you have trod on the toe Of Abdul Abulbul Amir. 42 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

43 6. So take your last look at the sunshine and brook And send your regrets to the Czar For by this I imply, you are going to die, Count Ivan Slavinsky Skavar, 7. Then the bold Mameluke drew his trusty skibouk, Chanting, "Allah Allahu Akbar" And with murderous intent he ferociously went For Ivan Slavinsky Skavar. 8. They parried and thrust, they side-stepped and cussed, And their blood was spilled quite a lot The spectator blokes, who seldom crack jokes, Say that hash was first made on that spot. 9. They fought all that night beneath the pale yellow moon; The din, it was heard from afar, And huge multitudes came, so great was the fame, Of Abdul and Ivan Skavar. 10. As Abdul's long knife was extracting the life, In fact he was shouting, "Hussar!" He felt himself struck by that wily Calmuck, Count Ivan Slavinsky Skavar. 43 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

44 11.The Sultan drove by in his red-breasted fly, Expecting the victor to cheer, But he only drew nigh to hear the last sigh, Of Abdul Abulbul Amir. 12. Czar Petrovich too, in his spectacles blue, Rode up in his new crested car. He arrived just in time to exchange a last line, With Ivan Slavinsky Skavar. 13.There's a tomb rises up where the Blue Danube flows, And engraved there in characters clear, Reads, "Stranger, when passing, please pray for the soul Of Abdul Abulbul Amir." 14. A splash in the Black Sea one dark moonless night Caused ripples to spread wide and far, It was made by a sack fitting close to the back, Of Ivan Slavinsky Skavar. 15. And today a Muscovite maiden her lone vigil keeps, Beneath the light of the cold Northern star, And the name that she murmurs in vain as she weeps, Is Ivan Slavinsky Skavar. 44 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

45 And so ends this chapter in the aftermath of battle …. but wait 16. There is more is to be read of this battle we dread Much more to explain near and far It is long overdue; as this battle we renew Between Abdul and Ivan Skavar. And it all happened 17 By the shores of the Black Sea; where I wandered one night The moon it was shining quite clear For no reason at all I heard someone call For Abdul Abulbul Amir 18. Now Abdul Abulbul I knew to be dead The story had spread near and far How he lost his own life while plunging his knife Into Ivan Slavinsky Skavar 19. While I pondered …. the moonbeams descended quite low Casting shadows profusely, and then I discovered that I was standing right next to The tombs of both of these two famous men 20. In the shadows of one tomb there rose from a grave the form of a Russian Hussar And my skin nearly peeled, as he stood there revealed It was Ivan Slavinsky Skavar 45 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

46 21. It was he who was calling; I hardly dared breathe As my heart stopped beating from fear When out of the next grave, in need of a shave Arose Abdul Abulbul Amir 22. "Would you speak with me Ivan?" said Abdul quite low "I would" replied Ivan quite clear "That quarrel we had, it was all to the bad Friend Abdul Abulbul Amir“ 23. “ I've lain here for ages with that on my mind And that's why I called you tonight" "Well, I'm in the same state", said Abdul the great “It was foolish for the two of us to fight“ 24. "Oh friend, thou art blameless", cried Ivan in haste "The fault lies in my hands alone" But Abdul said "No, it was never that way The fault, it was clearly mine own“ 25. "Well, you think I'm a coward?" said Ivan Skavar "Step forth and I'll slice off your ear" "Oh, son of a cat, you'll never do that" Warned Abdul Abulbul Amir 46 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

47 26. So once more they battled and fought as before The multitudes returned from afar And lauded with cheers these bold buccaneers This Turk, and this Russian Hussar 27. The ghost of the Czar on a fiery black steed Came rushing to witness the fray While the Sultan sat there in his royal golden chair It was just like a scene from a play. 28. They dodged and they weaved without a reprieve Save to piss and take high tea at 2:00. Then return to the scrum with a swig of black rum Pick a winner? It was all up to you. 29. When just at that moment each sword found its mark And I heard a blood-curdling scream I opened my eyes and to my great surprise I discovered ……. it was only a dream. To be continued 47 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015

48 Epilogue to Abdul and Ivan 30. Epilogue: To this day, Abdul and Ivan continue to reincarnate every 10 to 15 years. Just imagine; these two fundamental orifices who can not even agree on a protocol to apologize to one another !!!! For these characters, latent friendship never will have a chance to surface. Around 1945, both finally said “enough was enough” and each independently decided to immigrate to Palestine !!!. However, the latest rumor is that both are moving on to battle on the Korean peninsula. 30. Epilogue: To this day, Abdul and Ivan continue to reincarnate every 10 to 15 years. Just imagine; these two fundamental orifices who can not even agree on a protocol to apologize to one another !!!! For these characters, latent friendship never will have a chance to surface. Around 1945, both finally said “enough was enough” and each independently decided to immigrate to Palestine !!!. However, the latest rumor is that both are moving on to battle on the Korean peninsula. 48 April 27, 2015April 27, 2015April 27, 2015


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