Can be constructive when it... Leads to open dialogue, deeper understanding, and a better "fit" between desires and reality Can be destructive when... It involves accusations and threats One issue snowballs into many What was about self-concern is now about getting even Others get dragged into the dispute Sooner Later 4 Conflict …
Speaking Up Use “I” Statements to communicate what you want Benefit: –Clearer –More direct –Less residue –Increases likelihood of understanding
Examples Instead of: You never have anything to say. You always come to meetings unprepared. Try: I am concerned when you don’t participate because I think you have a lot to contribute. I feel frustrated when you aren’t prepared for the meeting because we need your information.
Cooperation Seek FIRST to understand, then to be understood Active Listening –Relies on the “Listening Check” –Paraphrase of the speaker’s verbal AND emotional content (NOT “parroting”)
Active Listening Re-statement of the speaker’s message Used to verify understanding and communicate care/interest Examples –“Let me make sure I understand...” –“It sounds to me like...” –“If I understand you correctly, you... “
Distinguish Interests From Positions Position – the stance you take; what you want to happen Interest – the desire behind your position; why you want what you want. -- Adapted from Fisher and Ury’s Getting to Yes 1978
Events You Don’t Want to Miss On the radio: –Next week: Call Center Customer Service –Conflict Management, part 2: Conflict Management Process or How to Fight Fair Open Enrollment Trouble Shooting Logic Workshops –February 17-19, 2009 –March 23-25, 2009 Open Enrollment Experiential Expertise T3 –May 27-31, 2009