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Working with Parents Welcome - Day Two. Aims of this training To understand key principles and skills of working in partnership with parents To understand.

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Presentation on theme: "Working with Parents Welcome - Day Two. Aims of this training To understand key principles and skills of working in partnership with parents To understand."— Presentation transcript:

1 Working with Parents Welcome - Day Two

2 Aims of this training To understand key principles and skills of working in partnership with parents To understand key influences on the parent/child relationship To understand how parents can support the needs of children and young people Essential element in becoming a Care for the Family Licensed Facilitator

3 What we’ve done so far Reflective practice Values, beliefs and attitudes Identifying parents’ needs to set goals Diversity and parenting Early influences on the parent – child relationship Helping improve communication skills

4 Programme for today Managing and expressing feelings Parenting styles Coffee Supporting families to manage conflict Lunch Promoting positive behaviour Parenting across childhood Tea Reviewing goals to support progress Endings

5 5.2 Managing and expressing feelings Learner handbook p 54

6 5.2 Assessment criterion Explain strategies that will enable parents and children to express and manage feelings Reflective log

7 Whoever we are and whatever age we are, we all have emotional needs When our emotional needs are not met it is hard to cope with life effectively Emotional Needs

8 When our needs are met we feel GOOD! When our needs are not met we feel BAD! Relationship needs

9 Acceptance Show that you love me even when I get it wrong Forgive my difficult moods or behaviour Don’t compare me with other people Don’t try to change me

10 Affection Hug me Smile at me Cuddle me Tickle my back Playful fight

11 Approval Show that you are proud of me and what I do by telling me Speak highly of me to others Tell me how hard I have tried Let me know when I get things right

12 Attention Take an interest in my life Spend time with me Follow my interests Listen to me Share enjoyable activities with me Know and share my friends

13 Comfort Notice when things are tough for me Be ready with a word or a hug Listen to and share my sadness or upset Soothe hurt through listening and supporting Do practical things that show you care Look after me

14 Encouragement Be the person who believes in me and is my number one fan Encourage and motivate me when the going gets tough Tell me about the best of me Say “I know you will ……..I know you can”

15 Respect Listen to me Show you have heard my opinion or view Be prepared to work things out Respect my right to some privacy Allow me to hold different views to you

16 Security Be consistent Support me Be loyal Be there for me Look after me Set fair boundaries and limits

17 Support Be there when my life is difficult Offer to help Be prepared to go that extra mile for me Listen to my troubles Help me to be the person I want to be

18 Emotional Literacy When emotional needs are not met appropriately, feelings such as sadness, anger and frustration arise. We need to be able to express these feelings in ways that mean relationships are built up rather than pulled down.

19 Emotional Literacy It helps us understand that our emotions are linked to our thoughts and our experience. A parent can help a child understand, for example, that her anger is linked to her sadness when her pet has died.

20 Naming feelings It doesn’t come naturally! Parents can help children recognise their feelings by noticing and naming their own feelings.

21 Understanding their world

22 Expressing feelings: ‘I’ messages When you… I feel… because… What could we do next time…? Learner handbook p 56

23 Love Languages Physical touch Words of affirmation Quality time Receiving gifts Acts of service Learner handbook p 57

24 5.2 Portfolio evidence Reflective log (200 words) What is the value of parents and children expressing feelings appropriately? What strategies could be discussed or used with parents? How will this affect your work with parents in the future? Learner handbook p 58

25 5.3 Parenting Styles Learner handbook p 58

26 5.3 Assessment criterion Analyse the different parenting styles in relation to child development Completed worksheets Learner handbook p Reflective log

27 Attachment Parenting styles Social learning Three key factors affecting the parent /child relationship Stephen Scott (2004) Social Learning theory Social Learning theory Parenting Styles Parenting Styles Attachment

28 Parenting Styles Parenting style theory is based upon the observations and research of Diana Baumrind (1967) She identified two key aspects of parental behaviour which she called: ‘Responsiveness’(nurturing) ‘Demandingness’(discipline)

29 Two aspects of parental behaviour Responsiveness warmth acceptance suppor t Demandingness expectations on behaviour structure

30 Parenting Styles The accepted styles are: Authoritarian Permissive Authoritative (Assertive) Uninvolved (Indifferent) Maccoby & Martin (1983)

31 Authoritarian “ Do as you’re told and don’t argue ” What is an authoritarian parent like?

32 An authoritarian parent... Can be domineering and controlling Values obedience as a virtue Favours punitive methods Instils attitudes such as respect for authority, work, preservation of order and traditional structure Does not listen to or respect child’s views Believes child should accept their word for what is right

33 Permissive “Do what you want but don’t get into trouble” What is a permissive parent like?

34 A permissive parent... Makes few demands in terms of behaviour or chores Does not believe in their own parental authority or responsibility May see themselves as laid-back or child’s friend Attempts to use reason but not overt power May think this is a child-centred approach to parenting May be afraid or unclear what to do when confronted with bad behaviour

35 Authoritative (Assertive) “Freedom within limits” What is an assertive parent like?

36 An authoritative parent... Warm and structured Encourages verbal give and take Shares with child the reasoning behind decisions Can exert firm control where differences arise Recognizes own rights as an adult as well as child’s individual interests and special ways Values the child’s qualities as they are now, but also sets expectations on future conduct Uses reasoning as well as power to achieve their objectives Realises that they sometimes get it wrong and need to apologise

37 Authoritative parenting... and Structured

38 An uninvolved parent... Maccoby & Martin (1983) No rules Unresponsive to needs of child Uncaring, neglectful Critical Abusive Life centred around the adult’s needs May be involved with substance/alcohol abuse What is an uninvolved parent like?

39 Parenting styles Parents typically have a main parenting style However, when parents are under stress they tend to be more authoritarian or inconsistent These styles have been shown to have a long term impact on the growing child

40 Parenting style and ethnicity Research suggests that the authoritative (assertive) approach to parenting protects children and teens from adverse outcomes irrespective of culture or ethnicity there are also important differences in parenting styles between different ethnic groups. Learner handbook p 59

41 Parenting styles and context Parents adapt how they raise their children according to the environment they are in For example Parents from another country adapt the way they parent to suit the new country they’re living in (Kotchick and Forehand 2002)

42 Reflective practice: What’s your style? For your reflective log: What style were your parents? What style are you?

43 Coffee Please be back ready to start in 15 minutes

44 Parenting styles in action In groups of 3 Each person takes a turn to be a Parent Child Observer Each time act out the same situation but use a different parenting style Learner handbook p

45 Group work Each group uses one situation: A 2 year old has a tantrum in a supermarket A 6 year old keeps popping in and out of bed after bedtime An 11 year old spends hours on the computer and isn’t getting their homework done A 15 year old comes home much later than agreed

46 Feedback For each parenting style focus on Parent’s behaviour and feelings during and afterwards Child’s behaviour and feelings during and afterwards Remember In your own time you will need to complete the Uninvolved section

47 5.3 Portfolio evidence Worksheets x 4 and Reflective log (200 words) Complete the worksheets in sentence form for both parent and child. For your reflective log: What parenting style(s) did your parents have? What is your parenting style? How will your understanding of your own parenting style equip you to work with parents who have a different style to your own? Learner handbook p 61 & 88-91

48 5.4 Supporting families to manage conflict constructively Learner handbook p 61

49 5.4 Assessment criterion Explain how families can manage conflict constructively Reflective log Flip chart notes - photos

50 Conflict Conflict is normal!

51 Conflict Some common reactions to conflict: FightFlightFreeze Outcomes for children depending on how conflict is handled: Destructivelypoor Conflict accepted but not resolvedok Constructively - resolution modelledgood and restored acceptance and warmth

52 Bull in a China Shop

53 Anything for a Quiet Life

54 The Silent Seether

55 Arguments and resolution What are some common arguments that happen between parents and children? What might help to resolve some of these arguments?

56 Unhelpful ways of responding STOP bad habits Four habits that people regularly fall into during times of conflict Knowing about them: Helps parents have a more positive relationship with their partner, family and friends. Helps children develop skills for life

57 STOP - bad habits S – scoring points Something is said that sounds critical and feels like an attack. “You forgot to feed the hamster again.” The first response is to fight back. “You can talk! You always forget to clean out his cage.” Stop! This is scoring points

58 STOP - bad habits T – thinking the worst One person unexpectedly buys another a present. The recipient thinks: “What have they done?” “What do they want?” Someone makes a cup of tea for themselves and not for their colleague. The colleague thinks: “What have I done to upset them?” Stop! This is thinking the worst.

59 STOP - bad habits O – opting out A conversation is getting difficult or seems to be going around in circles. One person decides they’ve had enough and walks away. They might think: “That’s it! I can’t deal with this right now.” Stop! This is opting out.

60 STOP - bad habits P – putting down One person can’t believe someone else has just made the same “mistake” again. They might say: “You’re so stupid” “Don’t be childish” Or maybe they roll their eyes or shake their head? Stop! This is putting someone down.

61 Helpful ways of responding Stay calm Don’t take it personally Take time out to calm down BUT return to the issue Notice when conflict happens and which issues cause an especially angry reaction Try to make life less stressful Enjoy time together as a family

62 The aim of negotiation Parent’s needs and wishes Young person’s needs and wishes win

63 1. Stick to the main issue – don’t bring in other issues 2. Try to understand the issue from the child’s point of view 3. Say how you feel about the issue and what you would like to happen 4. Find out how they see the issue and what they would like to happen 5. Discuss the options and negotiate a win-win solution How to negotiate

64 Choose your battles Acknowledge their feelings Discuss the issue Talk through options Negotiate sanctions Be clear with expectations Set a time to review Problem solving: Parent and teenager

65 5.4 Portfolio evidence Reflective log (200 words) and photos of flip chart notes What is your experience of conflict within a family? How easy will it be to talk with parents about conflict? Learner handbook p 64

66 Lunch Please be back ready to start on time

67 6.1 Promoting positive behaviour Learner handbook p 65

68 6.1 Assessment criterion Analyse a range of behaviour management techniques to promote positive behaviour Report Write about 5 different techniques 1000 wordsand your experience of them

69 Discipline is positive! Discipline means TRAINING Loving discipline is about training children to choose to do the right thing in a situation and to be responsible for their own decisions and actions Children need boundaries to feel secure as it shows them that their parents care about them

70 Childish irresponsibility or defiance?

71 Why do children misbehave? In small groups Each group looking at one of the following age groups: Pre schoolers Primary / Junior Preteens and teens

72 Learned behaviour? Bandura’s (1977) Social Learning Theory proposes that social learning occurs through four stages of imitation: close contact imitation of superiors understanding of concepts role model behaviour

73 Learned behaviour? The theory outlines three requirements for people to learn and model behaviour: remembering what was observed the ability to copy the behaviour a good reason to want to adopt the behaviour

74 Social Learning Theory Bandura proposed that all behaviour is learned, and therefore can be “unlearned”. Children learn that they can often get what they want by pestering and arguing If parents want their child’s behaviour to change, they need to start by changing their own

75 Social Learning Theory MORE Undesirable behaviour and attitudes (more tantrums) Desirable behaviour and attitudes (more cooperation in future with tidying away their toys) REWARDING Undesirable behaviour and attitudes (giving in to a tantrum) Desirable behaviour and attitudes (praising a child for picking up their toys)

76 NOT REWARDING Undesirable behaviour (ignoring tantrums) LESS Undesirable behaviour (fewer tantrums) Social Learning Theory

77 Setting loving limits Without a reasonable relationship no discipline works well. “Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.” Josh McDowell `1`11

78 Consistency – a united front A key issue when parenting Different parental temperament and parenting styles may lead to inconsistency If parents don’t give the same message, children manipulate and the adult relationship suffers

79 Keys to positive parenting We offer a toolkit of strategies and techniques in our core parenting courses so that parents can choose which one will best suit their own family in their current situation

80 Clear expectations When we get home please put your shoes away.

81 Routines Allow children to anticipate what will happen next and bring security and a sense of control Help reduce conflict as children understand what is expected for daily tasks like eating or going to bed Teach children how to obey instructions Social routines such as greetings, good-byes, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ give children skills for making good relationships

82 As far as children are concerned love is spelt T I M E ! One-to-one time

83 The emotional bank account (or Love Tank) We use this to help parents understand that children need to have constant positive inputs

84 Self-esteem can be damaged I wish I didn’t have kids! You stupid boy! Stop that or I’ll smack you! If you speak to me like that again I’ll…

85 Communication How parents talk and how they listen greatly affects the quality of the parent-child relationship Parents need to remember to ask themselves, “Would I like to be spoken to like this?” Covered in detail earlier in section 5.1

86 Choose your battles By choosing to fight some battles and leave others parents will: Avoid on-going conflict and poor relationships Encourage trust and warmth in the relationship Teach responsibility and accountability Avoid feeling more worn out

87 Choices – a limited choice! It helps to avoid battles and power struggles It encourages children to take responsibility for their actions Children who are involved in decision making are likely to feel valued and respected Strong-willed children and teenagers tend to be more cooperative if they are given some “space” and legitimate control. Which socks would you like to wear?

88 Encouraging good behaviour - Star charts Useful for helping pre-school and primary children to develop practical routine skills. It is important to make the ‘task’ achievable and measurable. Buy or create a chart with specific tasks on it Give a sticker/star as tasks are done. A certain amount of stickers/stars awarded might provide a special treat!

89 Rewards Rewards are a good motivator for most of us. They encourage children to swap bad habits for new good ones. Choose a specific behaviour to reward A reward doesn’t have to be money or something you pay for Consider alternatives such as one-to-one special time with mum or dad

90 Descriptive praise Descriptive praise is when a parent notices and comments on specific behaviour or attitudes. Praising children is a good motivator for them to carry on behaving well. Children love to feel that they are being helpful, valued or noticed for being well behaved. “Well done for sharing your toys with your little sister”.

91 Counting one, two three The aim of counting is to give the child a chance to think about whether they will be obedient or not. Make sure parents follow through to three if necessary Don’t count 1, 2, 2, 2, 2 …! If they do as asked, praise them.

92 Discouraging poor behaviour - Removal This involves taking away something, i.e. the child or the thing that is causing the problem. For example: If two children are fighting over a toy, explain that they either play nicely together or you will take the toy away, and then follow through! Use your voice in a firm but gentle manner.

93 Distraction When a child is doing something they are not supposed to or is unsafe, this allows a parent to give their child something more positive to focus on.

94 Planned ignoring This is a helpful response when children are whining or arguing attention seeking having a tantrum squabbling with a sibling Issues such as a child’s safety should never be ignored

95 Time out Sometimes called the ‘thinking chair’ This can be useful for helping a child to calm down and reflect on their behaviour. Withdraw them from a situation Help them understand that their behaviour was inappropriate Restore the relationship afterwards

96 Taking away privileges When used as a consequence this can help clarify and reinforce boundaries. However, withdrawing a child from the only activity they enjoy and benefit from might prove unhelpful. For this strategy to work the ‘object’ removed has to be something the child cares about, otherwise there is no motivation to behave differently.

97 Choices and consequences This can teach a child or young person to take responsibility for their actions as they learn that all choices have consequences. A natural consequence is what will happen if the parent does not intervene to stop the child’s action or its result A logical consequence is one designed by a parent

98 Discipline has the parent – child relationship at its centre. It includes restoring the relationship with forgiveness and reassurance. Restoring the relationship

99 6.1 Portfolio evidence Report (1000 words) Write about 5 different techniques to promote positive behaviour. How have you seen these techniques used? How will this affect your work with parents in the future? Learner handbook p 70

100 4.2 Parenting across childhood Learner handbook p 45

101 4.2Assessment criterion Analyse the interdependent parent-child relationship during different stages of childhood development Written essay 1000 words

102 As children grow and change… When children are babies and toddlers parents need to do so much for them As they grow and develop parents need to do fewer things for them Some things need to stay the same and others need to change The parent role changes from controller to consultant


104 SPICES Areas of child development SSocial PPhysical IIntellectual CCommunication EEmotional SSpiritual

105 Ages and stages Parents will find it helpful to Recognise the changes that take place as their children grow Have realistic expectations of what their child might do at each stage of development Know what their child might be moving on to next Understand what can be done to help a child recover from experiences that have affected development

106 Ages and Stages In small groups One group per age group: 0 years - 2 years 3 years - 5 years 6 years - 9 years 10 years - 13 years 14 years - 18 years What is a child likely to be able to do and think in your age group? What development is taking place? What can parents do to help?

107 Parenting Role Some key elements: Parenting Style Knowledge of child development Discipline strategies that are appropriate to the child’s age and development

108 4.2 Portfolio evidence Essay (1000 words) Why is it helpful for parents to have an understanding of child development? What changes do parents need to make as children grow older and develop? What needs to stay the same? How will this affect your work with parents in the future? Learner handbook p 50

109 Tea Please be back ready to start in 15 minutes

110 2.2 Reviewing goals to enable parents to progress Learner handbook p 31

111 2.2 Assessment criterion Explain how to review goals with parents to support and enable progress Reflective log

112 Reviewing parents’ progress Some parents will already have the skills and confidence to be able to work out if family life is changing for the better However, life can be busy and challenging and sometimes in the helter-skelter of family life there may not be time to stop and reflect.

113 Allow room for parents to tell their story and be heard. Encourage them to talk about their own emotions. Recognise and empathise with what may be painful and difficult feelings. 1. Hear the story

114 Helping a parent to be specific can bring a clearer perspective on the problem and offer hope that the problem is manageable. Questions that will help this process include: What is actually happening? What is the child doing? What is the parent doing? When and where? How often? How does each react to what’s happening? 2. Identify the specific problem

115 Parent/ child/ school? Some problems are more of an issue for the parent than the child – identifying this helps a parent choose their battles or see who has the motivation to change the situation. Is the issue worth the arguments? 3. Who is it a problem for?

116 Try to help parents identify why the behaviour is happening. Is it learned behaviour, a cry for help or an unmet need or something else? Discuss what need the child is trying to have met through this behaviour. 4. Look for reasons for the behaviour

117 Hidden goals behind behaviour Revenge Seeking attention Seeking attention Excitement Thrill Excitement Thrill Pity Approval Power and control

118 You may need to reassure the parent that they did the best they could with the resources and information they had available at the time. Confidence to tackle problem behaviour can be low when a parent is faced with on-going difficulties. 5. Reassure

119 What would they like to see the child doing? This may seem obvious But being specific helps set achievable and realistic goals with a greater chance of success. 6. Identify the new behaviour the parent would like to see

120 7. Suggest a range of strategies Choices and consequences Spending time together Distraction Praise

121 Talk through how and when they will put the strategy in place Act out the situation (role play) with them Tone of voice and words used matter 8. Practise the strategy

122 Has it worked? What factors affected the outcome? Does the strategy need altering? Do you need to form another plan? 9. Review and if necessary update the strategy

123 Would the parent benefit from help from more specifically experienced or trained practitioners or organisation? What is available? Keep an up to date file of resources, leaflet and useful websites. 10. Identify other help and support

124 11. Talk through future approaches Parents can explain to their child how they can avoid getting into trouble again It was your behaviour that I didn’t like, but I still love you. It was your behaviour that I didn’t like, but I still love you. Sorry

125 2.2 Portfolio evidence Reflective log (200 words) How have you/will you review goals with parents in a way which supports and enables their progress? How might you do this when working in a group? Would you do anything differently if working with an individual parent or family? Why? How will this affect your work with parents in the future? Learner handbook p 33

126 Review of today Expressing and managing feelings Parenting Styles Supporting families to manage conflict constructively Promoting positive behaviour Parenting across childhood Reviewing goals to enable parents to progress

127 Portfolio evidence Reflective logs2.2, 5.2, 5.3, 5.4 Essay4.2 Parenting across childhood Worksheets5.3 Parenting styles Report6.1 Promoting positive behaviour Flip chart notes5.4 (photos)

128 Evaluation Learner handbook p

129 Goodbyes What will you take away from these two days of training?

130 We’d love to hear from you Please let us know how you are getting on. If you have any queries or questions please call or us: 1 2

131 Mid course sample Write ONE Reflective log – 200 words to: We need to receive this by: Day and date here(next week)

132 Accreditation OCN Portfolio checklist Learner handbook p 77 Specification sheets Learner handbook p Tracking sheets Learner handbook p Fill in page numbers AFTER you have completed ALL the work Write in your sign it and date it on p 82 Learner Comments Learner guidance See notes at end of each section

133 Accreditation Any Questions? Portfolio submission date Day and date here Send to our Birmingham Office

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