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Working with Parents Welcome - Day Two

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1 Working with Parents Welcome - Day Two
Start with an activity to help the group get to know each other better – did you ask a learner to volunteer to do this?? Welcome - Day Two

2 Aims of this training To understand key principles and skills of working in partnership with parents To understand key influences on the parent/child relationship To understand how parents can support the needs of children and young people Essential element in becoming a Care for the Family Licensed Facilitator LH 6

3 What we’ve done so far Reflective practice
Values, beliefs and attitudes Identifying parents’ needs to set goals Diversity and parenting Early influences on the parent – child relationship Helping improve communication skills LH 17

4 Programme for today 9.30 - 11.00 Managing and expressing feelings
Parenting styles Coffee Supporting families to manage conflict Lunch Promoting positive behaviour Parenting across childhood Tea Reviewing goals to support progress Endings LH 17

5 5.2 Managing and expressing feelings
Learner handbook p 54 LH 54

6 5.2 Assessment criterion Explain strategies that will enable parents and children to express and manage feelings Reflective log LH 58 6

7 Emotional Needs Whoever we are and whatever age we are, we all have emotional needs When our emotional needs are not met it is hard to cope with life effectively LH 7 7

8 Relationship needs When our needs are met we feel GOOD!
When our needs are not met we feel BAD! LH 54 8 8

9 Acceptance Show that you love me even when I get it wrong
Forgive my difficult moods or behaviour Don’t compare me with other people Don’t try to change me LH 54 9 9

10 Affection Hug me Smile at me Cuddle me Tickle my back Playful fight
LH 54 10 10

11 Approval Show that you are proud of me and what I do by telling me
Speak highly of me to others Tell me how hard I have tried Let me know when I get things right LH 54 11 11

12 Attention Take an interest in my life Spend time with me
Follow my interests Listen to me Share enjoyable activities with me Know and share my friends LH 54 12 12

13 Comfort Notice when things are tough for me
Be ready with a word or a hug Listen to and share my sadness or upset Soothe hurt through listening and supporting Do practical things that show you care Look after me LH 54 13 13

14 Encouragement Be the person who believes in me and is my number one fan Encourage and motivate me when the going gets tough Tell me about the best of me Say “I know you will ……..I know you can” LH 54 14 14

15 Respect Listen to me Show you have heard my opinion or view
Be prepared to work things out Respect my right to some privacy Allow me to hold different views to you LH 54 15 15

16 Security Be consistent Support me Be loyal Be there for me
Look after me Set fair boundaries and limits LH 54 16 16

17 Support Be there when my life is difficult Offer to help
Be prepared to go that extra mile for me Listen to my troubles Help me to be the person I want to be LH 54 17 17

18 Emotional Literacy When emotional needs are not met appropriately, feelings such as sadness, anger and frustration arise. We need to be able to express these feelings in ways that mean relationships are built up rather than pulled down. LH 56

19 Emotional Literacy It helps us understand that our emotions are linked to our thoughts and our experience. A parent can help a child understand, for example, that her anger is linked to her sadness when her pet has died. LH 56

20 Naming feelings It doesn’t come naturally!
Parents can help children recognise their feelings by noticing and naming their own feelings. LH 56

21 Understanding their world
Not in learner handbook It’s helpful for parents to recognise what is important to each child – ie playing or activities such as cinema, sport, art, ballet, etc There is an element of empathy to this and it helps to look at the wider world beyond family and school

22 Expressing feelings: ‘I’ messages
When you… I feel… because… What could we do next time…? LH 56 Think of an example to illustrate this Learner handbook p 56

23 Love Languages Physical touch Words of affirmation Quality time
Receiving gifts Acts of service LH 57 Learner handbook p 57

24 5.2 Portfolio evidence Reflective log (200 words)
What is the value of parents and children expressing feelings appropriately? What strategies could be discussed or used with parents? How will this affect your work with parents in the future? Learner handbook p 58 LH 58

25 5.3 Parenting Styles Learner handbook p 58 LH 58

26 5.3 Assessment criterion Analyse the different parenting styles in relation to child development Completed worksheets Learner handbook p Reflective log LH 61 & worksheets 26

27 Three key factors affecting the parent /child relationship
Attachment Attachment Parenting styles Social learning Parenting Styles Social Learning theory LH 37 This information was introduced in Attachment on Day 1 Stephen Scott (2004) 27

28 Parenting Styles Parenting style theory is based upon the observations and research of Diana Baumrind (1967) She identified two key aspects of parental behaviour which she called: ‘Responsiveness’ (nurturing) ‘Demandingness’ (discipline) LH 58 28

29 Two aspects of parental behaviour
Responsiveness warmth acceptance support Demandingness expectations on behaviour structure LH 58 29

30 Parenting Styles Authoritarian Permissive Authoritative (Assertive)
The accepted styles are: Authoritarian Permissive Authoritative (Assertive) Uninvolved (Indifferent) Maccoby & Martin (1983) LH 30

31 Authoritarian “Do as you’re told and don’t argue”
What is an authoritarian parent like? LH 58 The speech bubble comes in after 1 second The sheep represents a child – How might this child feel? These parenting style slides are taken from the core courses and Children with Special Needs You could ask the learners- What would this parent do or how they would react? Then bring up the next slide to show how this parent would react. 31

32 An authoritarian parent...
Can be domineering and controlling Values obedience as a virtue Favours punitive methods Instils attitudes such as respect for authority, work, preservation of order and traditional structure Does not listen to or respect child’s views Believes child should accept their word for what is right LH 58 32

33 Permissive “Do what you want but don’t get into trouble”
What is a permissive parent like? LH 59 The speech bubble comes in after 1 second 33

34 A permissive parent... Makes few demands in terms of behaviour or chores Does not believe in their own parental authority or responsibility May see themselves as laid-back or child’s friend Attempts to use reason but not overt power May think this is a child-centred approach to parenting May be afraid or unclear what to do when confronted with bad behaviour LH 59 34

35 Authoritative (Assertive) “Freedom within limits”
What is an assertive parent like? LH 59 The speech bubble comes in after 1 second 35

36 An authoritative parent ...
Warm and structured Encourages verbal give and take Shares with child the reasoning behind decisions Can exert firm control where differences arise Recognizes own rights as an adult as well as child’s individual interests and special ways Values the child’s qualities as they are now, but also sets expectations on future conduct Uses reasoning as well as power to achieve their objectives Realises that they sometimes get it wrong and need to apologise LH 59 36

37 Authoritative parenting ...
Warm and Structured LH 59

38 An uninvolved parent... Maccoby & Martin (1983)
No rules Unresponsive to needs of child Uncaring, neglectful Critical Abusive Life centred around the adult’s needs May be involved with substance/alcohol abuse What is an uninvolved parent like? LH 59 The speech bubble comes in after 1 second Then click when you want the bullet points to come up 38

39 Parenting styles Parents typically have a main parenting style
However, when parents are under stress they tend to be more authoritarian or inconsistent These styles have been shown to have a long term impact on the growing child LH 59 Parents have one main style Under stress parents tend to be more authoritarian or inconsistent – JRF (Joseph Rowntree Foundation) “The relationship between parenting and poverty” 2007 39

40 Parenting style and ethnicity
Research suggests that the authoritative (assertive) approach to parenting protects children and teens from adverse outcomes irrespective of culture or ethnicity there are also important differences in parenting styles between different ethnic groups. Learner handbook p 59 LH 59 40

41 Parenting styles and context
Parents adapt how they raise their children according to the environment they are in For example Parents from another country adapt the way they parent to suit the new country they’re living in (Kotchick and Forehand 2002) LH 60 Can also refer back to Bronfenbrenner’s ecological system 41

42 Reflective practice: What’s your style?
LH 60 This is a personal question for the learners to reflect on in their own time Some facilitators ask parents this and draw the line on a flipchart. They then ask the parents to put where they think they are during a break. For your reflective log: What style were your parents? What style are you?

43 Coffee Please be back ready to start in 15 minutes

44 Parenting styles in action
In groups of 3 Each person takes a turn to be a Parent Child Observer Each time act out the same situation but use a different parenting style Learner handbook p LH 88 – 91 worksheets (these can be downloaded from the Learner webpage) Activity Groups of minutes Only acting out the first 3 parenting styles Need to complete the 4th style in their own time They will feedback on each style 44

45 Group work Each group uses one situation:
A 2 year old has a tantrum in a supermarket A 6 year old keeps popping in and out of bed after bedtime An 11 year old spends hours on the computer and isn’t getting their homework done A 15 year old comes home much later than agreed LH 88 – 91 Each scenario is included on the appropriate age related worksheet 45

46 Feedback For each parenting style focus on
Parent’s behaviour and feelings during and afterwards Child’s behaviour and feelings during and afterwards Remember In your own time you will need to complete the Uninvolved section LH 88 – 91 One way to take feedback is to go through each parenting style, ie Authoritarian, through the age groups, ie 2 year old then 6 year old, etc. This can give an idea how each style gets reinforced as the child gets older We are looking for not only what happened during the scenario but also how this then influences how the parent and child will react in the future Remember The learners need to complete the Uninvolved section for each worksheet Use full sentences and no bullet points 46

47 5.3 Portfolio evidence Worksheets x 4 and Reflective log (200 words)
Complete the worksheets in sentence form for both parent and child. For your reflective log: What parenting style(s) did your parents have? What is your parenting style? How will your understanding of your own parenting style equip you to work with parents who have a different style to your own? Learner handbook p 61 & 88-91 LH 61 & 88 – 91 Remember to say – learners need to complete the Uninvolved section of all 4 worksheets Use full sentences – no bullet points

48 5.4 Supporting families to manage conflict constructively
Learner handbook p 61 LH 61

49 5.4 Assessment criterion Explain how families can manage conflict constructively Reflective log Flip chart notes - photos LH 64 49

50 Conflict Conflict is normal! LH 61 Slide taken from The Teenage Years

51 Conflict Some common reactions to conflict: Fight Flight Freeze
Outcomes for children depending on how conflict is handled: Destructively poor Conflict accepted but not resolved ok Constructively - resolution modelled good and restored acceptance and warmth LH 61 OnePlusOne (OPO) “When couples part” 2012

52 Bull in a China Shop LH 61 Either ask the group what they think this approach to conflict would look like Or run through the information in the Learner handbook These slides are taken from The Teenage Years

53 Anything for a Quiet Life
LH 61

54 The Silent Seether LH 62

55 Arguments and resolution
What are some common arguments that happen between parents and children? What might help to resolve some of these arguments? Activity Small groups 5 minutes Groups will need to flipchart the answers and feedback –– take photo of flipcharts to to the learners Split the groups so that half answer the first question and the other half answer the second question Take photos of the flipcharts to to learners Designed to help learners understand: Common topics that cause conflict in families Some strategies and approaches that will help resolve these arguments

56 Unhelpful ways of responding
STOP bad habits Four habits that people regularly fall into during times of conflict Knowing about them: Helps parents have a more positive relationship with their partner, family and friends. Helps children develop skills for life LH 61 – 62 Taken from Let’s Stick Together by Harry Benson – full details in the Useful books list

57 STOP - bad habits S – scoring points
Something is said that sounds critical and feels like an attack. “You forgot to feed the hamster again.” The first response is to fight back. “You can talk! You always forget to clean out his cage.” Stop! This is scoring points LH 61

58 STOP - bad habits T – thinking the worst
One person unexpectedly buys another a present. The recipient thinks: “What have they done?” “What do they want?” Someone makes a cup of tea for themselves and not for their colleague. The colleague thinks: “What have I done to upset them?” Stop! This is thinking the worst. LH 61

59 STOP - bad habits O – opting out
A conversation is getting difficult or seems to be going around in circles. One person decides they’ve had enough and walks away. They might think: “That’s it! I can’t deal with this right now.” Stop! This is opting out. LH 62

60 STOP - bad habits P – putting down
One person can’t believe someone else has just made the same “mistake” again. They might say: “You’re so stupid” “Don’t be childish” Or maybe they roll their eyes or shake their head? Stop! This is putting someone down. LH 62

61 Helpful ways of responding
Stay calm Don’t take it personally Take time out to calm down BUT return to the issue Notice when conflict happens and which issues cause an especially angry reaction Try to make life less stressful Enjoy time together as a family LH 63 This is an overall summary – note anything here that didn’t come out of the group activity earlier

62 Parent’s needs and wishes Young person’s needs and wishes
The aim of negotiation Parent’s needs and wishes Young person’s needs and wishes win LH 64 Slide taken from The Teenage Years

63 How to negotiate Stick to the main issue – don’t bring in other issues
Try to understand the issue from the child’s point of view Say how you feel about the issue and what you would like to happen Find out how they see the issue and what they would like to happen Discuss the options and negotiate a win-win solution LH 64

64 Problem solving: Parent and teenager
Choose your battles Acknowledge their feelings Discuss the issue Talk through options Negotiate sanctions Be clear with expectations Set a time to review LH 64 Summary of table Parent/Teenager Choose your battles – helpful to discuss this What can a parent ignore? What will happen if you don’t address the issue? Whose problem is it?

65 5.4 Portfolio evidence Reflective log (200 words) and photos of flip chart notes What is your experience of conflict within a family? How easy will it be to talk with parents about conflict? Learner handbook p 64 LH 64 First question can be either for a family they know or their own family Take photos of the flipcharts to to learners

66 Lunch Please be back ready to start on time

67 6.1 Promoting positive behaviour
Learner handbook p 65 LH 65

68 6.1 Assessment criterion Analyse a range of behaviour management techniques to promote positive behaviour Report Write about 5 different techniques 1000 words and your experience of them LH 70 68

69 Discipline is positive!
Discipline means TRAINING Loving discipline is about training children to choose to do the right thing in a situation and to be responsible for their own decisions and actions Children need boundaries to feel secure as it shows them that their parents care about them LH 65 Heading appears. Clearly we are looking to promote positive ideas to manage behaviour but…(ask the following) What would parents or others say what they thought ‘discipline’ meant to them? Click to bring up points 69

70 Childish irresponsibility or defiance?
Slide taken from The Early Years 70

71 Why do children misbehave?
In small groups Each group looking at one of the following age groups: Pre schoolers Primary / Junior Preteens and teens Small group activity – 5 minutes Groups will be asked to feedback – you can either take verbal feedback or flipchart the answers Designed to show common reasons why children misbehave – there is always a reason why they “misbehave” – link back to meeting emotional needs and anger 71

72 Learned behaviour? Bandura’s (1977) Social Learning Theory proposes that social learning occurs through four stages of imitation: close contact imitation of superiors understanding of concepts role model behaviour LH 65 72

73 Learned behaviour? The theory outlines three requirements for people to learn and model behaviour: remembering what was observed the ability to copy the behaviour a good reason to want to adopt the behaviour LH 65 73

74 Social Learning Theory
Bandura proposed that all behaviour is learned, and therefore can be “unlearned”. Children learn that they can often get what they want by pestering and arguing If parents want their child’s behaviour to change, they need to start by changing their own LH 65 74

75 Social Learning Theory
REWARDING Undesirable behaviour and attitudes (giving in to a tantrum) Desirable behaviour and attitudes (praising a child for picking up their toys) MORE Undesirable behaviour and attitudes (more tantrums) Desirable behaviour and attitudes (more cooperation in future with tidying away their toys) LH 65 Click to get the “Rewarding” box Click again to get the “More” box

76 Undesirable behaviour Undesirable behaviour
Social Learning Theory NOT REWARDING Undesirable behaviour (ignoring tantrums) LESS Undesirable behaviour (fewer tantrums) LH 65 Click to get the “Not Rewarding” box Click again to get the “Less” box

77 Setting loving limits “Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.”
Without a reasonable relationship no discipline works well. “Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.” Josh McDowell `1`11 LH 65 Josh Mcdowell is a writer and public speaker born in 1939 77

78 Consistency – a united front
A key issue when parenting Different parental temperament and parenting styles may lead to inconsistency If parents don’t give the same message, children manipulate and the adult relationship suffers LH 66 78

79 Keys to positive parenting
We offer a toolkit of strategies and techniques in our core parenting courses so that parents can choose which one will best suit their own family in their current situation LH 66 Activity Optional whole group 5 minutes Ask the group what strategies and techniques they have seen used You might flipchart these Designed to show the group that they know most of the common strategies that help to create and maintain positive behaviour and to minimise poor behaviour The following slides then look at the strategies used in the core courses and include when and why they are helpful. Notes in LH. 79

80 Clear expectations When we get home please put your shoes away. LH 66

81 Routines Allow children to anticipate what will happen next and bring security and a sense of control Help reduce conflict as children understand what is expected for daily tasks like eating or going to bed Teach children how to obey instructions Social routines such as greetings, good-byes, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ give children skills for making good relationships LH 66 81

82 One-to-one time As far as children are concerned love is spelt
LH 67 82

83 The emotional bank account (or Love Tank)
We use this to help parents understand that children need to have constant positive inputs LH 67 Original idea from "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey 1989 Activity whole group 2-3 minutes You can use pennies in a jar or plastic milk carton tops in a jar. Illustrate by having an empty jar – showing low or no self esteem. You might ask - Who is going to boost the child’s self esteem? Parents, other adults, peer group, gangs, media? How will parents boost their child’s self esteem? Refer back to the emotional needs from the start of Day 2 (See LH 54 – 55). Give out pennies/ milk carton tops to the learners and ask them to think of something they could do for their child based on the emotional needs. Go round the group asking them and get them to put the penny / milk top in jar. Rattle and show how the self esteem is being boosted. Small things but they add up. Next slide shows the effect of negative events - remove or tip out penny/ milk top from the jar. Such events might be falling and scaring their knee and nobody notices, being shouted at, struggling at school, sport, etc, moving school/ house, parents separate, bereavement. Even when parents are tired and/ or stressed and don’t feel they have been helping their children they can always go back to this and start again. 83

84 Self-esteem can be damaged
If you speak to me like that again I’ll… I wish I didn’t have kids! You stupid boy! Not in LH You could ask the group: “If words are only words – they don’t cause any harm really. Do you believe that?” Use with the previous slide to show negative effect on child’s self esteem Stop that or I’ll smack you! 84

85 Communication How parents talk and how they listen greatly affects the quality of the parent-child relationship Parents need to remember to ask themselves, “Would I like to be spoken to like this?” Covered in detail earlier in section 5.1 LH 67 85

86 Choose your battles By choosing to fight some battles and leave others parents will: Avoid on-going conflict and poor relationships Encourage trust and warmth in the relationship Teach responsibility and accountability Avoid feeling more worn out LH 67 86

87 Choices – a limited choice!
Which socks would you like to wear? It helps to avoid battles and power struggles It encourages children to take responsibility for their actions Children who are involved in decision making are likely to feel valued and respected Strong-willed children and teenagers tend to be more cooperative if they are given some “space” and legitimate control. LH 67 87

88 Encouraging good behaviour - Star charts
Useful for helping pre-school and primary children to develop practical routine skills. It is important to make the ‘task’ achievable and measurable. Buy or create a chart with specific tasks on it Give a sticker/star as tasks are done. A certain amount of stickers/stars awarded might provide a special treat! LH 67 Link this to Social Learning Theory 88

89 Rewards Rewards are a good motivator for most of us. They encourage children to swap bad habits for new good ones. Choose a specific behaviour to reward A reward doesn’t have to be money or something you pay for Consider alternatives such as one-to-one special time with mum or dad LH 67 89

90 “Well done for sharing your toys with your little sister”.
Descriptive praise Descriptive praise is when a parent notices and comments on specific behaviour or attitudes. Praising children is a good motivator for them to carry on behaving well. Children love to feel that they are being helpful, valued or noticed for being well behaved. “Well done for sharing your toys with your little sister”. LH 68 90

91 Counting one, two three The aim of counting is to give the child a chance to think about whether they will be obedient or not. Make sure parents follow through to three if necessary Don’t count 1, 2, 2 , 2 , 2 …! If they do as asked, praise them. LH 68 91

92 Discouraging poor behaviour - Removal
This involves taking away something, i.e. the child or the thing that is causing the problem. For example: If two children are fighting over a toy, explain that they either play nicely together or you will take the toy away, and then follow through! Use your voice in a firm but gentle manner. LH 68 You can link this to Social Learning Theory 92

93 Distraction When a child is doing something they are not supposed to or is unsafe, this allows a parent to give their child something more positive to focus on. LH 68 In the cartoon speech bubble, the mum is saying “Teddy could really do with a cuddle from Lucie Jane right now. He’s just told mummy he’s lonely…” 93

94 Planned ignoring This is a helpful response when children are
whining or arguing attention seeking having a tantrum squabbling with a sibling Issues such as a child’s safety should never be ignored LH 68 Notes give examples and unpack further. Remember the impact of this on children with RAD LH41 – need to be able to distinguish between attention seeking and attachment seeking 94

95 Time out Sometimes called the ‘thinking chair’
This can be useful for helping a child to calm down and reflect on their behaviour. Withdraw them from a situation Help them understand that their behaviour was inappropriate Restore the relationship afterwards LH 68 – 69 This strategy is not universally accepted. The Australian Association for Infant Mental Health says the use of time out is considered inappropriate, especially for children under three years of age as they may not have developed the mental capacity to grasp why they are being asked to do this. 95

96 Taking away privileges
When used as a consequence this can help clarify and reinforce boundaries. However, withdrawing a child from the only activity they enjoy and benefit from might prove unhelpful. For this strategy to work the ‘object’ removed has to be something the child cares about, otherwise there is no motivation to behave differently. LH 69 You might discuss what the group think would be appropriate at different ages and stages 96

97 Choices and consequences
This can teach a child or young person to take responsibility for their actions as they learn that all choices have consequences. A natural consequence is what will happen if the parent does not intervene to stop the child’s action or its result A logical consequence is one designed by a parent LH 69 Ask the group for examples of both types of consequence 97

98 Restoring the relationship
Discipline has the parent – child relationship at its centre. It includes restoring the relationship with forgiveness and reassurance. LH 70 98

99 6.1 Portfolio evidence Report (1000 words)
Write about 5 different techniques to promote positive behaviour. How have you seen these techniques used? How will this affect your work with parents in the future? Learner handbook p 70 LH 70

100 4.2 Parenting across childhood
Learner handbook p 45 LH 45

101 4.2 Assessment criterion Analyse the interdependent parent-child relationship during different stages of childhood development Written essay 1000 words LH 50 101

102 As children grow and change…
When children are babies and toddlers parents need to do so much for them As they grow and develop parents need to do fewer things for them Some things need to stay the same and others need to change The parent role changes from controller to consultant LH 45

ESTEEM NEEDS LH 45 This refers back to Maslow on Day one Slide taken from The Early Years

104 SPICES Areas of child development
S Social P Physical I Intellectual C Communication E Emotional S Spiritual LH 45 – 46 Spiritual is not the same as religious

105 Ages and stages Parents will find it helpful to
Recognise the changes that take place as their children grow Have realistic expectations of what their child might do at each stage of development Know what their child might be moving on to next Understand what can be done to help a child recover from experiences that have affected development LH 45 Changes can take place at different times and rates

106 Ages and Stages In small groups One group per age group:
0 years years 3 years years 6 years years 10 years - 13 years 14 years - 18 years What is a child likely to be able to do and think in your age group? What development is taking place? What can parents do to help? Activity Small groups Ask them not to look at LH 48 – 50 as there is information they can look at afterwards Click to get second question : What can parents do to help? This can be done as a Gallery walk: Write each age group on a separate piece of flipchart paper – top section for first question, bottom section for second question Place the flipcharts in age order on walls Ask the groups to pick one age group and spend 5 minutes on top section ONLY. Next get them to go round the other age groups and add in more comments Thirdly ask them the second question and to go round and add in to the bottom section Finally ask them what they had learnt from this activity. Were they surprised about how much or little they knew?

107 Parenting Role Some key elements: Parenting Style
Knowledge of child development Discipline strategies that are appropriate to the child’s age and development Not in LH Summary for this topic. Remind them of pages LH 48 – 50 on child development and helpful and unhelpful parent behaviour The booklist contains a few books on child development LH 47 looks at Eriksson’s theory of personality and mentions other child development theories

108 4.2 Portfolio evidence Essay (1000 words)
Why is it helpful for parents to have an understanding of child development? What changes do parents need to make as children grow older and develop? What needs to stay the same? How will this affect your work with parents in the future? Learner handbook p 50 LH 50

109 Tea Please be back ready to start in 15 minutes Take photo of learners

110 2.2 Reviewing goals to enable parents to progress
Learner handbook p 31

111 2.2 Assessment criterion Explain how to review goals with parents to support and enable progress Reflective log LH 33

112 Reviewing parents’ progress
Some parents will already have the skills and confidence to be able to work out if family life is changing for the better However, life can be busy and challenging and sometimes in the helter-skelter of family life there may not be time to stop and reflect. LH 31

113 1. Hear the story Allow room for parents to tell their story and be heard. Encourage them to talk about their own emotions. Recognise and empathise with what may be painful and difficult feelings. LH 32 113

114 2. Identify the specific problem
Helping a parent to be specific can bring a clearer perspective on the problem and offer hope that the problem is manageable. Questions that will help this process include: What is actually happening? What is the child doing? What is the parent doing? When and where? How often? How does each react to what’s happening? LH 32 114

115 3. Who is it a problem for? Parent/ child/ school?
Some problems are more of an issue for the parent than the child – identifying this helps a parent choose their battles or see who has the motivation to change the situation. Is the issue worth the arguments? LH 32 Ask group what examples they can think of

116 4. Look for reasons for the behaviour
Try to help parents identify why the behaviour is happening. Is it learned behaviour, a cry for help or an unmet need or something else? Discuss what need the child is trying to have met through this behaviour. LH 32 Ask group for examples of behaviour and their ideas of the underlying need. Have an example or two of your own ready. 116

117 Hidden goals behind behaviour
Excitement Thrill Approval Seeking attention Power and control Revenge LH 32 Pity 117

118 5. Reassure You may need to reassure the parent that they did the best they could with the resources and information they had available at the time. Confidence to tackle problem behaviour can be low when a parent is faced with on-going difficulties. LH 32 Remind learners of the Maya Angelou quotation: “I did then what I knew how to do. Now I know better, I do better” 118

119 6. Identify the new behaviour the parent would like to see
What would they like to see the child doing? This may seem obvious But being specific helps set achievable and realistic goals with a greater chance of success. LH 32 119

120 Spending time together Choices and consequences
7. Suggest a range of strategies Distraction Praise Spending time together Choices and consequences LH 32 120

121 8. Practise the strategy Talk through how and when they will put the strategy in place Act out the situation (role play) with them Tone of voice and words used matter LH 33 121

122 9. Review and if necessary update the strategy
Has it worked? What factors affected the outcome? Does the strategy need altering? Do you need to form another plan? LH 33 122

123 10. Identify other help and support
Would the parent benefit from help from more specifically experienced or trained practitioners or organisation? What is available? Keep an up to date file of resources, leaflet and useful websites. LH 33 123

124 11. Talk through future approaches
Parents can explain to their child how they can avoid getting into trouble again It was your behaviour that I didn’t like, but I still love you. Sorry LH 33 124

125 2.2 Portfolio evidence Reflective log (200 words)
How have you/will you review goals with parents in a way which supports and enables their progress? How might you do this when working in a group? Would you do anything differently if working with an individual parent or family? Why? How will this affect your work with parents in the future? Learner handbook p 33 LH 33

126 Review of today Expressing and managing feelings Parenting Styles
Supporting families to manage conflict constructively Promoting positive behaviour Parenting across childhood Reviewing goals to enable parents to progress LH 17

127 Portfolio evidence Reflective logs 2.2, 5.2, 5.3, 5.4
Essay Parenting across childhood Worksheets 5.3 Parenting styles Report Promoting positive behaviour Flip chart notes 5.4 (photos) LH Tracking sheet

128 Evaluation Learner handbook p LH

129 Goodbyes What will you take away from these two days of training?
This models the end of a parenting course Hand out the certificates of attendance

130 We’d love to hear from you
Please let us know how you are getting on. If you have any queries or questions please call or us: 1 2 Add trainer addresses Option to finish here for all learners and to ask those doing the accreditation to stay on for 10 minutes to run through the information 130

131 Mid course sample Write ONE Reflective log – 200 words to: We need to receive this by: Day and date here (next week) Add trainer addresses Add day and date for mid course sample to ed Reflective log can be up to 300 words if needed

132 OCN Portfolio checklist Learner handbook p 77
Accreditation OCN Portfolio checklist Learner handbook p 77 Specification sheets Learner handbook p Tracking sheets Learner handbook p Fill in page numbers AFTER you have completed ALL the work Write in your sign it and date it on p 82 Learner Comments Learner guidance See notes at end of each section This is the order of the opening paperwork in the portfolio The portfolio should be photocopied and one copy sent in a “Report file”

133 Accreditation Any Questions? Portfolio submission date
Day and date here Send to our Birmingham Office Add portfolio submission day and date Encourage the learners to ask any questions by 133

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