# Georgia Writing Assessment Training Grade 8 Writing Assessment.

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Georgia Writing Assessment Training Grade 8 Writing Assessment

How the Grade 8 Writing Assessment is Scored ANALYTIC Scoring Four domain of writing are scored –Ideas –Organization –Style –Conventions Papers receive a score of 1-5 in each domain. Domains scores are weighted and added together to determine the raw score. The raw score is converted to a scale score which is reported to the school/student. 3

Introduction: Scoring Information4 Weighting of Domains Weighting means that the scores in some writing domains will be given more weight than others in determining the total score that a student receives. Scoring Domain Domain Weight% of total score Ideas2 x raters’ scores40% Organization1 x raters’ scores20% Style1 x raters’ scores20% Conventions1 x raters’ scores20%

Introduction: Scoring Information5 Domain Score to Total Weighted Raw Score Conversion Domain Scores Total Weighted Raw Score Ideas (x 2) Org. (x 1) Style (x 1) Conv. (x 1) Rater 1 Rater 2 1111 1111 1111 1111 10 Rater 1 Rater 2 2222 2222 2222 2222 20 Rater 1 Rater 2 3333 3333 3333 3333 30 Rater 1 Rater 2 4444 4444 4444 4444 40 Rater 1 Rater 2 5555 5555 5555 5555 50 The following table indicates the total weighted raw scores for several domain score combinations. Two raters score each student paper, assigning a score of 1-5 in each of the four domains. The range of total weighted raw scores is 10 – 50.

6 Raw Score RangeProjected Performance Level 10 – 22Does Not Meet the Standard (N) 23 – 26Borderline Meets (N/M) 27 – 40Meets the Standard (M) 41 – 43Borderline Exceeds (M/E) 44 – 50Exceeds the Standard (E) Supplemental Performance Levels The table indicates the performance level that corresponds to the raw scores. There are two borderline levels to indicate papers that received raw scores close to the line between two performance levels.

7 RaterIdeasOrg.StyleConv.Total R13 (*2)3226+3+2+2=13 R23 (*2)2226+2+2+2=12 Total13+12=25

Scoring Combinations Ideas Domain is KEY! 8 RaterIdeasOrg.StyleConv.Total R15 (*2)34310+3+4+3=20 R25 (*2)43410+4+3+4=21 Total20+21=41 RaterIdeasOrg.StyleConv.Total R14(*2)4448+3+4+3=20 R24(*2)4448+4+3+4=20 Total20+20=40 RaterIdeasOrg.StyleConv.Total R13(*2)4456+4+4+5=19 R23(*2)4546+4+5+4=19 Total18+19=38

9 Raw Score and Scale Score Ranges Raw ScoresScale Scores 10100 50350

10 Raw Score and Scale Score Ranges Raw ScoresScale Scores 10100 199 X200 249 X250 50350 Does Not Meet Meets the Standard Exceeds the Standard

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13 Genres of Writing 2 Genres are assessed in Grade 8 –Persuasive –Expository

Genres: Expository Writing14 Defining Expository Writing Expository Writing: Writing that enhances the reader’s understanding of a topic by instructing, explaining, clarifying, describing, or examining a subject or concept. Method Provides facts, statistics, descriptive details, comparison, contrast, analysis, evaluation, definition, humor, and personal anecdotes.

Just the Facts *Keep in mind that for the statewide writing assessment accuracy (in terms of factual content) is not evaluated given that students are not given time to research, revise, of access to reference materials. Writing is being evaluated…not subject matter knowledge.

16 What an effective expository writer does Puts himself in the place of the reader Anticipates and defines terms the reader may not know Incorporates personal experiences that may be relevant to the topic Uses vivid descriptive language to help the reader visualize the subject Tries to compare the topic to something the reader is already familiar with

Genres: Persuasive Writing17 Defining Persuasive Writing Persuasive Writing: Writing that has as its purpose convincing others to accept the writer’s position as valid, adopt a certain point of view, or take some action. Method: Provides logical appeals, emotional appeals, facts, statistics, narrative anecdotes, humor, and/or the writer’s personal experiences and knowledge.

18 What An Effective Persuasive Writer Does Describes the benefits of his/her point of view Acknowledges other points of view on the topic and tries to anticipate the reader’s questions and concerns about the topic Directly addresses the audience: “You might think …but…”

Features are the attributes that physically describe your idea (or product, or service). Benefits describe how an idea (or product, or service) will actually help solve a problem or meet specific needs. In other words, what’s in it for me? Take gadgets for instance, “cool” features may get our attention, but it is the benefits – what’s it do for me – that persuade us! Features vs Benefits

Features Apple iPhone: World phone UMTS/HSDPA/HSUPA (850, 900, 1900, 2100 MHz); GSM/EDGE (850, 900, 1800, 1900 MHz) CDMA EV-DO Rev. A (800, 1900 MHz) 4 802.11b/g/n Wi-Fi (802.11n 2.4GHz only) Bluetooth 4.0 wireless technology Nitro JavaScript engine in iOS 5 HTML5 and CSS3 capable Safari - the most advanced Web browser ever on a portable device

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Common persuasive techniques often used in advertising Bandwagon Testimonial Emotional Appeal Expert Opinion

Bandwagon A statement suggesting that everyone is using a specific product, so you should too

Testimonial A well-known person supports a product or service

Name Dropping 26 I don’t like dropping names but Will Smith gave me this shirt

Emotional Appeal A person is made to have strong feelings about a situation or product

Expert opinion Experts approve this product, so you should use it

Aristotle in the Classroom Logos, Pathos, Ethos 29 http://www.eric.ed.gov/PDFS/ED458624.pdf

Logos Facts, numbers, and information can be very convincing.

Pathos Example: Your donation might just get this puppy off the street and into a good home. Getting people to feel happy, sad, or angry can help your argument.

Ethos Example: Believe me! I’ve been there before. I’m just like you. If people believe and trust in you, you’re more likely to persuade them.

A Helpful Visual Aid % Logos Pathos Ethos Thanks to: Nicole Nolasco

Student Sample (Before) I think we need less class time and more outside activities because people need exercise more than normal. P.S. We need more sports like dodgeball and ping pong. Thanks to: Nicole Nolasco

Student Sample (After) I think if you make less class time and more outside activities that 5% of students might go to class more often. People need more exercise today than then. Some sports that are good for students are dodgeball and ping pong. If students have less class time and more outside activities or sports, they might be more happy because they are not thinking about personal problems or drugs. Students will go to class refreshed if they have more play time than class time. I was like that once, but not the drugs part, but personal problems and I used to be alone and now since I started playing sports I don’t think about personal problems that much. One day my coach told me that one day I might go to the major leagues, and that inspired me to work harder in school so I could stay on the baseball team. (Logos) (Pathos) (Ethos) Thanks to: Nicole Nolasco

37 Arguments from the Heart: Emotional Appeals Embarrass readers into contributing to a good cause: “Change a child’s life for the price of a pizza.” Make readers feel the impact of their gift: “Imagine the smile on that little child’s face.” (compassion) Tell readers a moving story: “In a tiny village in Central America…” Use guilt: “Because of this, you owe it to them.” Use patriotism: “All good Americans do this…” Use greed: “There’s a payoff in this for you too!” Use pride/ego: “You’re the only one who could do this for us.” From Everything’s an Argument by Andrea Lunsford

38 A celebrity role model? Ridiculous. You want to like someone just because of how they may act on television or Vanity Affairs? These people are actors, not real people…yes they may act normal and seem to represent the common working man, but they don’t even know what real work is. If you are going to look up to someone shouldn’t it be someone worthwhile? I don’t know how about a member of the United States Military? You know the ones putting his life on the line everyday to keep you free to worship your snobby toothpick thin actress or whiney chemically enhanced athlete that are not here to help anyone but themselves. The next time you see a proud American war veteran bearing the scars of a younger day I hope you stop and rethink your whole concept of what a role model should be.

39 Arguments Based on Values Typically compare what is and what ought to be. –A person or group does not live up to current values –Past values were better or nobler than current ones. –Future values can be better or worse than current ones. From Everything’s an Argument by Andrea Lunsford

Back in the day our parents had special people like “Superman” to look up to. All me and my fellow students have are these action hero “clowns” that teach us that “the higher it blows up the better”. I hope the contrast is obvious. Superman stood for good, justice, and integrity. But if me and my classmates are only introduced to characters such as Vin Diesle, who teaches us to admire drugs, alcohol, and partying, Won’t our priorities reflect his? Give me an Action Hero and I’ll show you a drop out. Give me a model, I’ll show you a corporate puppet. As a nation we are taking giant steps toward a dimmer and dimmer future, and certainly do not need guides like Paris Hilton to hold our hand along the way. 40

41 A good value argument is an argument based on values that your audience, opposition, and you would in general have in common. Some examples are murder is wrong, children dying is bad, and our freedoms being denied is bad. You then use these common values to develop an argument. Show how your argument falls in line with these values or how your opposition's doesn't http://goodwin.public.iastate.edu/spcom322/montoya.pdf Arguments Based on Values “good, justice, and integrity”“drugs, alcohol, and partying”

42 Arguments Based on Character Establish authority by drawing on personal experience Be honest about who you are and what you do or do not know Acknowledge other perspectives or point of view on the topic Presenting your ideas clearly and fairly will improve your credibility. Making people laugh will make them like you. From Everything’s an Argument by Andrea Lunsford

43 When I was small I wanted to be large like a John Cena type hero WWF wrestler on TV more than anything. So I could defend the weak from the bad guys, sort of an unsung hero to kids smaller than me. Well, I did get bigger and stronger. When I saw I could push people around, becoming a wedgy giving villain was much easier than a pacifist hero. I was sent to the office 5 or 6 times for hitting little boys in their faces. I had hurt one kid, hospital bad, and felt terrible. The principal told me “You may be stronger than the ones you think are weak but that doesn’t mean you are better”. It’s funny how that is true. If I was hurting anyone how was I better? I started to look for better people, not stronger ones. I can’t tell anyone who their role model should be, and I can’t tell you what my mama’s taught me with just words, or how my step father has taught me to be a better man when I grow up. All I can say is that these celebrity idols are just as sturdy as cardboard walls. If you lean on them they will fall down. Choose a good role model. That teacher who stays after school to help you understand hard math problems. The coach who makes his players follow the rules and be good sports. These role models show you how to be a man, somebody real, not a cardboard idol.

44 Arguments Based on Facts and Reason Furnishing detailed evidence for every claim made in an argument Facts make strong arguments May employ the writer’s personal experiences From Everything’s an Argument by Andrea Lunsford

While not all celebrities make good role models many do. Take Oprah Winfrey for example. She inspires her fans every day. She overcame poverty and a single parent household in Alabama and worked hard to get where she is. She went from working in radio in high school making 35 cents an hour to owning her own show. Just a little show that is watched by 17 million people a day and worth over \$100 million dollars. In addition to helping people on her show and watching her show by solving problems or paying for their therapy or rehab is she also is very giving. Her audience regularly gets brand new cars or fabulous trips. But that’s not all. She encourages other people to give to great causes through her charity, Oprah’s Angel Network. With that she has spent \$48 million and established many schools in South Africa for underprivileged girls. 45

46 Combination Arguments Arguments don’t have to follow a single pattern. Writers may use a combination of all types of arguments. By making students aware of these four types, you provide them with: – More possibilities for generating supporting ideas during the test. –A deeper understanding of how the persuasive writer can interact with his/her audience.

47 Genres of Writing There’s more than one way to get there. Think of Genre in terms of a purpose rather than a format. –Persuading the reader –Informing the reader

Genre Considerations 48 Students are expected to write a response that is appropriate to the assigned genre. Genre is thought of in terms of the purpose rather than the format of the response. When deciding whether a sample is appropriate to the assigned genre the extent to which the writer addresses the informational or persuasive purpose of the prompt is considered, rather than simply the format in which it is written.

Genre 49 A response to an Informational Topic may tell a story about a time a student learned how to play chess. Even though this response may be in a narrative format, the details in the story may very well inform the reader about the game of chess. A response to a persuasive topic may contain extensive factual information about an item to help the reader understand why it is desirable. Even if parts of the paper read like an information piece, the details about the item serve as support for the writers position. Likewise, the writer could include an extended narrative to illustrate what life is like without the item. The details in the story may reveal why the item is so important. Therefore the response does address the persuasive purpose in that the story contains compelling evidence to convince the reader that the item is important. Genre is thought of in terms of purpose rather than format.

Writing Topics “Because I enjoyed writing on this topic, see you next time in 11 th grade if I make it there.”

Writing Topics51 Sample Grade 8 Writing Topic Sample Expository Writing Topic Writing Situation Your class has been given the opportunity to design a brand new television show for children. It could be a news show, a talk show, a game show, a cartoon, or any kind of show you want for children. Directions for Writing Write a report to be read to your class in which you explain your idea for the new children’s television show. Be sure to include specific details so that your classmates will understand what the new show will be like.

Writing Topics52 Warning ! Focusing suggestions may be ahead! Sample Expository Writing Topic Writing Situation Your class has been given the opportunity to design a brand new television show for children. It could be a news show, a talk show, a game show, a cartoon, or any kind of show you want for children. Focusing suggestions are meant to help students think about different classes of (television shows), realize that they do know enough about the topic to write, and then to focus their individual responses. NOT to write about all of the suggestions!

2012 Persuasive Writing Topic 8115 Writing Situation A family in your town has decided to donate a large amount of money to a person, charity, or cause. Choose a person, a group, or a charity that you think deserves the money. Directions for Writing Write a letter to convince the family that your choice should receive the money. Include details about how the person, the group, or the charity would use the donation. 53

Response Trends to Prompt 115 Commonly cited recipients of a family’s large donation of money Victims of natural disasters Charities such as The Red Cross, the Salvation Army, or The American Cancer Society Make-a-Wish Foundation St. Jude’s Hospital Homeless people/shelters Habitat for Humanity Museums Commonly cited reasons to donate Disaster relief/rebuilding ravaged communities Help fund an organization that helps people in any disaster Fund research to end suffering/disease Provide food and shelter for the homeless Help families relocate or reunite Preserve artifacts or art 55

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2012 Expository Writing Topic 8215 Writing Situation A family has decided to donate a large amount of money to your community. The money can be spent for a single project or it can be spent on several projects. Directions for Writing Think about the ways the money could be used in your community. Write a letter to the family who is donating the money. Explain how the money could be used for one large project or several smaller projects. 57

Many writers discuss local community projects, as noted in the prompt, but it is acceptable for writers to focus on national or international concerns as well (e.g., helping communities in Alabama ravaged by tornadoes or assisting Japan with tsunami relief). Moreover, we interpret the term “project” to include anything the writer believes would benefit from the funding (e.g., cancer research, political campaigns, scholarship programs, poverty alleviation, etc.). 59

Response Trends to Prompt 215 Commonly cited “large projects” in need of funding Natural disaster relief Rebuilding/expanding schools Making community improvements, like adding parks, swimming pools, and community centers Fighting poverty and homelessness Helping those with AIDS, cancer, and other illnesses, diseases, or conditions Political/economic causes (e.g., addressing unemployment) Commonly cited “small projects” in need of funding Improving community aesthetics (e.g., planting flowers and landscaping) Improving community infrastructure (e.g., repairing potholes) Improving the safety of the community (e.g., by installing speed-bumps or starting a community watch program). Boosting extra-curricular financing (e.g., for athletics, the arts, and after- school clubs) Adding more technology, books, and supplies within schools. 60

61 Format Specified in the Writing Topic Although the 2012 prompt specifies a letter format, students are not penalized if they fail to frame their responses as letters. This assessment is not designed to measure the student’s ability to format a letter appropriately. It is designed to measure a student’s writing achievement. The writing topic may specify a format - such as a letter, speech, or a newspaper article - to give students a writing task that is similar to real world writing situations. The students’ writing ability is being evaluated, not their knowledge of formatting letters, speeches, or newspaper articles. For example, if students are asked to write a letter, they will not be penalized if they fail to address the letter to the person named in the prompt or sign their name at the end of the letter. Adhering to the conventions of a particular format is not evaluated on the state writing assessment. Likewise, it is not necessary for students to write their responses in two columns to simulate a newspaper article. Regardless of the specified format, students should have a clear controlling idea that is well developed with relevant details and examples.

Dear Mr. Principal, I want you to please consider putting in a new playgro March 7, 2010 123 Oak St. Athens, Ga 30605 March 7, 2010 Principal Jones Hogwarts Elementary 768 River St. Athens, GA 30605 Dear Mr. Principal I want you to please consider putting in a new playground

Narrative Responses There were some narrative responses to Prompt 115. In evaluating these, the question to ask is to what extent does the writer include relevant details that would persuade the donors that the suggested recipient is, in fact, deserving? When it comes to narrative responses to Prompt 215, the question to consider is to what extent does the writer include details—within the narrative— about how the money could be used? 64

Using the Released State Prompts Print out all the released prompts for 8 th grade from the GaDOE website These will show you what types of topics are used for Informational and Persuasive Writing on the state writing assessment Help your students know what to expect regardless of which genre they receive on the test. Some students write a narrative for either genre. –This is difficult to do well. 65

66 Grade 8 Writing Assessment Scoring Rubrics Please refer to the Grade 8 Writing Rubrics during this section.

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Rubrics68 Overview of Score Points 1-5 Five Levels of Competence Score: 1 Lack of Control (of the elements of the domain) Score: 2 Minimal Control (of the elements of the domain) Score: 3 Sufficient Control (of the elements of the domain) Score: 4 Consistent Control (of the elements of the domain) Score: 5 Full Command (of the elements of the domain) GREEN = The degree to which the writer demonstrates control of the components.

Five Levels of Competence in Text 1.Lack of control: the writer demonstrates control of the components in less than 50% of the paper. 2.Minimal Control: The writer demonstrates control of the components in approximately 50% of the paper. 3.Sufficient control: The writer demonstrates control of the components in approximately 65%-75% (2/3) of the paper. 4.Consistent Control: The writer demonstrates control of the components in approximately 80% of the paper. 5.Full Command: The writer demonstrates control of every element of the components in approximately 90% or more of the paper. The degree of control is also determined by the length of a paper. A paper may demonstrate strengths in the components, but not contain enough instances of those strengths to earn more than minimal competence. 69

Ideas70 Domain 1: Ideas IDEAS Controlling Idea Supporting Ideas Relevance of Detail Depth of Development Sense of Completeness Awareness of Genre Ideas: The degree to which the writer establishes a controlling idea and elaborates the main points with examples, illustrations, facts, or details that are appropriate to the assigned genre.

Key Questions in Ideas Is the paper focused on the topic? Is the paper focused on the purpose/genre? Are specific examples and details used to elaborate each point?

72 Depth vs. Breadth of Development Some writers take a few supporting ideas and explore them in great depth. Some writers take many supporting ideas and explore each one only minimally. The first strategy is more effective for the Grade 8 Writing Assessment because depth is the single most important (and heavily weighted) component in the entire assessment and because time for planning is limited.

Ideas73 Depth of Development Controlling Idea Supporting Ideas Major Details Specific Examples And Elaboration

Depth of Development 215 74

General Topic Context for the Topic Format, purpose, audience, & task Writing Situation In some countries, students are responsible for the basic cleaning of their school buildings. Fifteen minutes is set aside each day for all students to sweep, dust, and clean their classrooms and hallways. Think about how you would feel if students were responsible for cleaning your school. Directions for Writing Write a letter to your teacher in which you convince the teacher that students should or should not be required to clean your school. Defend your position with specific reasons and detailed examples. Grade 8 2010 Writing Assessment

Example of DoD in a Paragraph Sample Body Paragraph For one thing students are in the classroom all morning and afternoon working hard. All of our class are so demanding. History and Science classes, which take us back in time, drag on and on until we start to think “man, now I know what a glacier feels like!” Oh, now don’t forget English and reading because in there we learn a copious supply of grammar and literature, and you can never go wrong with that. These are prime examples of how hard we really work; then our reward is cleaning the school? Supporting Idea Major Detail Specific Details and Examples Controlling Idea: Students should not clean the school.

General Topic Context for the Topic Format, purpose, audience, & task Writing Situation Celebrities are often considered role models simply because they are famous. Many younger students in your school admire entertainers and athletes. Think about the qualities you look for in a role model. Directions for Writing In a letter to a younger student, explain what makes a good role model. Include specific details that a younger student would understand. 2011 Expository

Example of DoD in a Paragraph Sample Body Paragraph At school everyday, from small children to seniors, I see imitations of rappers.. These imitations are disturbing.. Children five years old are using perverted language and inappropriate words because they saw there favorite rapper do it on television.. Students even get in trouble for showing gang signs that they see their role model make.. The dangerous thing is that these signs can get the students hurt because they don’t know the meaning of them.. Supporting Idea General Detail Specific Details and Elaboration Controlling Idea: So kids, if you want to have a role model, that’s cool. Look for good characteristics in the person you look up to though.

Common Ways Students Achieve DoD Appeal to Facts/Information Appeal to Emotion Personal Experience

Appeal to Facts/Information I took a survey at our school to find out how many students looked up to celebrities. The numbers speak for themselves. Over 90% of students said they looked up to a singer, actor, or comedian. The question is: is this a problem? Well, it depends on the celebrity.

Appeal to Emotion Some celebrities have way too much influence on teens. Many times, this influence is negative. Teens are told that they need to be paper thin and have the clearest skin, or they amount to nothing. No wonder so many kids struggle with self-esteem.

Personal Experience Secondly, many of us have extracurricular activities. Some of us students don’t even go home after school. We have to stay after for sports, band, orchestra, and chorus. Then there is the ones that go home but have activities that evening like church, lessons, and other practices. We can hardly juggle all of this let alone having to clean the school.

10-minute IDEAS exercise # 1: GEN/SPEC It’s tough to do your best when you have to worry about cleaning toilets. We have more important things to do.  What kinds of “more important things?” Specific Details We have to get our projects ready for the Science fair next month. Each week we have 25 verbs to learn in Spanish. ??? General Details There is a lot of work to do in Science. Spanish takes a lot of time and practice. Did I mention after-school activities?

10-minute IDEAS exercise # 2: ELABORATE It’s tough to do your best when you have to worry about cleaning toilets. We have more important things to do. For example, each week we have 25 verbs to learn in Spanish.  Elaborate on this detail with an appeal, a personal experience, or humor. For example… Elaboration through personal experience: Last week, we had –ir verbs. Sounds easy right? Wrong. Not only did we have to know the verbs. We also had to learn how to conjugate them, and –ir verbs are tricky to conjugate. With all this, who has time to clean?

10-minute IDEAS exercise # 3: Little Help From My Friends Students come to school to learn, not clean. Mr. Campbell, you are always telling us, “when you’re here, do your absolute best.” It’s tough to do your best when you have to worry about cleaning toilets. We have more important things to do. Each week, we have 25 verbs to learn in Spanish. Last week, we had –ir verbs. Sounds easy right? Wrong. Not only did we have to know the verbs. We also had to learn how to conjugate them, and –ir verbs can be tricky to conjugate. With all this, who has time to clean? Any place you’d encourage your partner to:?

86 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 1 I would like to recommend that we have a class for the boys. The name of this class is Talkin’ to Girls. This class will help prepare young men to be able to talk to females. We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. The problem now is that boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. This class would help boys feel more confident. Plus, this class won’t require a lot. So lots of boys will take it.

87 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 2 I would like to recommend that we have a class for the boys. The name of this class is Talkin’ to Girls. This class will help prepare young men to be able to talk to females. We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you talk to girls, you should tell them a little about yourself. Try to make up a good topic to talk on. The problem now is that boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. This class would help boys feel more confident. It will have lots of lessons that are hands-on that put boys in real-life situations talking to girls. This class won’t require a lot. All you have to do is sign up for it and bring a few basic supplies. The class will require lots of reading and studying, which will help boys succeed. In no time, you will be confident enough to go talk to the girl of your dreams.

88 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 3 I would like to recommend that we have a class for the boys. The name of this class is Talkin’ to Girls. This class will help prepare young men to be able to talk to females. The reason why we need this class is so that we can prepare the boys for all of the emotions they are going to experience. We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you approach a female you don’t just say “Can I have your phone number.” You should tell them a little about yourself. Try to make up a good topic to talk on. Be interested in what she likes and does. Always be confident and look your best. Girls like it when boys pay attention to them. The problem now is that boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. This class would help boys feel more confident. It will have lots of lessons that are hands-on that put boys in real-life situations talking to girls. Me, I have this stuff down pat. I just want to help some friends out. This class won’t require a lot. All you have to do is sign up for it and bring a few basic supplies, like a pencil and notebook. This class is open to all males. The class will require lots of reading and studying, but as I said, it also requires some participation. Boys will be able to practice by talking to a mannequin. In no time, you will be confident enough to go talk to the girl of your dreams.

Ideas: Score Point 1 I think a role model need to be a good looking person and be famous so some kids can admit her for their model. The role model also have to be smart, famous, Good looking person and she need to have a t.v. show everyday so that kids that admire her can watch her in the t.v. show. I think a role model can be both but I think it just a girl because in my school some girls thinks that a role model need to be cute. I think a role model need to give some money to help some poor people and when there is a hurricane she can go and help them so she can be a hero.

Ideas: Score Point 2 Celebrities are often considered role models simply because they are famous. Many younger students in your school admire entertainers and athletes. Think about the qualities you look for in a role model. A role model that we should look up to is a person that stays out of trouble and does the right thing when or whenever there’s nobody around. A role model shouldn’t set bad examples for young people.. Because they shouldn’t want us growing up doing the same thing they did getting in trouble.. A model that we could look up to is Michael Jordan because he shows us that if you have it rough you can still live your dreams.. He is good because now he is helping the cancer program, sponsoring a basketball team, and helping people who are in need. So he would be a good role model for the young people. And because we followed our role model we are now going to try our best and grow up and do the best we can.. Then we could grow up and live out our dreams.. Then the kids would try to live out their dreams because they had good role models to look up to when they were young. So that is what a good role model is to me. The writer develops the supporting ideas with few details.

Ideas: Score Point 3 What makes a good role model? There are many good qualities for a good role model. They are smart, nice, and funny. They are doing something with their lives. And they are going to teach you right from wrong. First, you need a role model who is smart, nice, and funny. When you go up to ask them a question on how to do your homework, they would not know.. You don’t need a role model who is so mean.. You wouldn’t be able to have fun because your role model does not know how to have a good time.. And you definetly do not need a role model who’s serious all the time.. If you try to joke around with them, they would tell you to hush.. You have to laugh sometimes.. Second, you need a role model who does something with their life.. Some people are too lazy to get out and work.. They will find the easiest way to get out of work and they won’t go. Some people work hard their entire life and still can’t provide for their family. But I would prefer having a role model that works hard over a role model that doesn’t work at all. Third, you need a role model that is going to teach you right from wrong.. If you see a person telling a child the wrong thing to do, they don’t need to be a role model.. A child needs to be told the right thing to do.. Because if you don’t have a person telling you right from wrong, you will grow up with the wrong ideas.. In conclusion, there are many qualities for a good role model. You need someone who is smart, nice, and funny, does something with their lives, and who is going to teach you right from wrong. But I think there is only one role model for me, and that is my mom. This writer develops the supporting ideas with more details than the previous writer did.

Ideas: Score Point 4 Celebrities are often considered role models because they are well known. Some can fall into that category because of their true character, but not many do. There is much more to a good role model than just being famous. They have to be caring. A role model sets an example for younger and older people alike. Young people often pick up on the activities of older influences. That is why we should be models for them to look upon. They should be able to think things through rather than to decide on an impulse. Role models should have a healthy lifestyle. It’s not good to be lying around idle, wasting away your muscles and valuable time. To keep healthy, you need to exercise. They should also eat sensibly. We want them to support other people, just not the junk food industry. Role models should encourage people to take up a hobby. They should have fun. Not so much a good time that they get out of control, but fun. Maybe a Saturday shopping with a friend or going for a movie would be okay. Role models must have a nice, clean cut look, too. We can’t have the next generation running around half naked in little scraps of fabric passed off as clothing. That is inacceptable! Young ladies should not want layers of gunk smeared on their faces that makes them “prettier.” A light coating of cosmetics that hints at your features is better. You also don’t want to go trotting around in four inch heels that cause pain and damage to you feet. Girls do not need a whole armful of silver dangling from their wrist, either. You do not need earrings that hang all the way to your shoulders or multiple necklaces strung around your throat. Think about the people you look up to. Do they have any of the previously mentioned qualities? If they don’t, you might need to talk to them or find someone else. It’s always been a monkey-see-monkey-do concept.

Ideas: Score Point 5 For many years, children have idolized a certain athlete, actor, singer, or comedian. These children often refer to the celebrity as his or her role model. These role models may think that some of the things they do are appropriate; however, they don’t realize that children all over the world are watching and imitating their actions. While at a youth football game, I noticed a nine-year-old boy return a kick.. It was clear the young athlete had a touchdown, outrunning all the defenders.. As the boy approached the inzone, however, he for no reason dove into it.. As I watched the referees throw a flag, I couldn’t help but think of how many times I had seen NFL players do the same dive.. At school everyday, from small children to seniors, I see imitations of rappers.. Children five years old are using perverted language and inappropriate words because they saw there favorite rapper do it on television.. Students even get in trouble for showing gang signs that they see their role model make.. The dangerous thing is that these signs can get the students hurt because they don’t know the meaning of them.. The reason I’ve given these examples is because children, it’s completely fine to have someone to look up to; just be careful.. Many of your athletes are wonderful at what they do, but when you copy a Terrel Owens’ dance or copy Randy Moss acting as if he is mooning the crowd, you’re taking a great deal of respect and discipline out of the game.. When some of you kids act like Snoop Dog and cuss and make gang signs, you’re offending people.. If you want a truly great role model, look for an athlete who performs well, then gives credit to his team, and doesn’t keep it to himself.. Look for an actor or a singer who watches their language at award shows.. Look for a celebrity who has earned the respect of others by doing his or her job, not making scenes or starting fights.. So kids, if you want to have a role model, that’s cool. Look for good characteristics in the person you look up to though. Choose somebody you would be proud to act like when you’re an adult, somebody others would respect and look up to. The writer develops the supporting ideas with relevant specific details and elaboration.

Mistakes Writers Make in Ideas 96 Doesn’t read the entire writing topic and therefore misunderstands the assigned task Writes too little Doesn’t develop supporting ideas with examples and details Repeats the same idea throughout the paper Includes irrelevant information

Organization97 Domain 2: Organization ORGANIZATION Overall Plan Introduction Body Conclusion Sequence Of Ideas Grouping Of Ideas Genre Specific Strategies Transitions Organization: The degree to which a writer’s ideas are arranged in a clear order and the overall structure of the response is consistent with the assigned genre.

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Key Questions in Organization Does the paper have a beginning/middle and end? (introduction, body, conclusion) Non-narrative:Are related ideas grouped together?

Connecting parts of the BIG Picture: More effective introductions Sequencing Transitions More effective conclusions

Sequencing of Ideas Sequencing: The way the writer orders the ideas of the paper to implement the overall plan. Clear sequencing helps the reader understand the writer’s ideas. Effective sequencing: Ideas build logically on one another and lead the reader through the paper. Ineffective sequencing: The ideas may have little relationship to one another and could be presented in any order. 101

Ineffective Sequencing Technology is important in our lives. Technology is important in our education. To succeed in the future, we need to learn more about technology. We use technology to communicate. In the U.S. today, technology is used in nearly every job. Technology is super cool. Don’t be dumb, use technology. 102

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Transitions Transitions lead the reader through the paper by linking parts of the paper and connecting ideas within paragraphs. Transitions are used between sentences, between paragraphs, and within sentences and within paragraphs May be explicit or implicit –May be a single word, a pronoun, a phrase, or a logical linking of ideas –Explicit transitional words: for instance, consequently –Implicit transitional devices: synonym and pronoun substitution, moving from general to specific or from specific to general 106

Effective Transitions However For example Moreover Therefore

These seven were in addition to the other 15!

However  When you want to show contrast between ideas “Celebrities might seem like good role models. When you think about it, however, many of them are really a big mess.”

For example  When you want to set up a SPECIFIC example “You don’t need a role model who is so mean. For example, a good role model does not make fun of people for the clothes they wear. ”

Moreover  When you want to discuss a new but related idea in the same paragraph “The best part of Lindsay Lohan’s day is deciding what she’ll wear to court. Moreover, she has checked into rehab more often than salesman checks into a Holiday Inn. In short, not the best choice for a role model.”

Therefore  When you want to show how one thing leads to another. “Celebrities make millions and have smoking hot girlfriends. Therefore, I think it’s obvious that they make the best role models on the planet.”

More Effective Intros Thought-provoking Questions Setting the stage for the body of the paper Directly Addressing the Reader Addressing the counterpoint Compelling Statement

More Effective Conclusions Questions for the Reader to Consider Summary of Key Points Without Repetition Reminder of Personal Connections the Reader Has to the Topic New but Related Issue to Consider Compelling Statement Call to Action

Characteristics of Formulaic Writing The writer announces his or her thesis and three supporting ideas in the opening paragraph The writer restates one of the supporting ideas to begin each of the three body paragraphs The writer repeats or restates his/her controlling idea and supporting points in the final paragraph. Entire sentences may be copied verbatim from the introduction, used as topic sentences in each of the body paragraphs, and repeated in the conclusion. 115

Organization116 Sample of Formulaic Writing I am writing to let you know that you should not have cancelled my favorite TV show. The first reason you should put my favorite show back on TV is because it is entertaining. The second reason you should bring back my show is because it teaches kids how to do the right thing. The third reason you should bring back my show is because lots of people love this show. The first reason you should put my favorite show back on TV is because it is entertaining. It is one of the funniest shows on TV, and it is has a lot of excitement. It is really entertaining. The second reason you should bring back my show is because it teaches kids how to do the right thing. There are kids my age on the show and they go through the same things I do. So it teaches us to do the right thing. The third reason you should bring back my show is because lots of people love this show. It will make lots of people happy if they could watch the show again. I know if you put the show back on, lot’s of people will watch it. So in conclusion, I have told you three reasons why you should bring back my favorite show. It is entertaining, it teaches kids to do the right thing, and lots of people want to watch the show.

Organization117 Sample of Formulaic Writing (Repetition is Highlighted) I am writing to let you know that you should not have cancelled my favorite TV show. The first reason you should put my favorite show back on TV is because it is entertaining. The second reason you should bring back my show is because it teaches kids how to do the right thing. The third reason you should bring back my show is because lots of people love this show. The first reason you should put my favorite show back on TV is because it is entertaining. It is one of the funniest shows on TV, and it is has a lot of excitement. It is really entertaining. The second reason you should bring back my show is because it teaches kids how to do the right thing. There are kids my age on the show and they go through the same things I do. So it teaches us to do the right thing. The third reason you should bring back my show is because lots of people love this show. It will make lots of people happy if they could watch the show again. I know if you put the show back on, lot’s of people will watch it. So in conclusion, I have told you three reasons why you should bring back my favorite show. It is entertaining, it teaches kids to do the right thing, and lots of people want to watch the show.

Organization118 Sample of Formulaic Writing (Repeated Ideas are removed) I am writing to let you know that you should not have cancelled my favorite TV show. The first reason you should put my favorite show back on TV is because it is entertaining. The second reason you should bring back my show is because it teaches kids how to do the right thing. The third reason you should bring back my show is because lots of people love this show. It is one of the funniest shows on TV, and it is has a lot of excitement. There are kids my age on the show and they go through the same things I do. It will make lots of people happy if they could watch the show again. So in conclusion, I have told you three reasons why you should bring back my favorite show.

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Mistake Writers Make in Organization Writes a draft without prewriting Repeats the same information in the introduction, body, and conclusion of the paper. Does not group related ideas. Begins the paper with no introduction and/or ends with no conclusion. Does not use transitions to link ideas within paragraphs and across paragraphs. Uses the same transitional device throughout the paper. 123

How to improve Organization Include an engaging introduction and a conclusion that doesn’t repeat information presented earlier in the paper Use transitions between paragraphs Don’t announce all the supporting ideas and the thesis in the first sentence. 124

Style125 Domain 3: Style STYLE Word Choice Audience Awareness Voice Sentence Variety Genre Appropriate Strategies Style: The degree to which the writer controls language to engage the reader.

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Key Questions in Style Is the writer using interesting language in the paper? Is the writer using strategies to reach out and engage the reader? –Questions –Directly addressing reader –Trying to make the reader laugh?

Word Choice Effective word choice is determined on the basis of subject matter (topic), audience, and purpose. –In informational writing: clarifies the topic for the reader –In persuasive writing: strengthens the writer’s position on an issue Word choice establishes the tone of a piece of writing. Effective word choice “shows” rather than “tells” the reader about the subject or topic. Word choice involves more than the “correct” dictionary meaning of a word. Word choice goes beyond precision to include the connotations of words. Style128

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Zeroing in: Style Effective word choice Varying sentence structure

Descriptive Word Choice  Gives the reader a much clearer sense of your ideas…works well with appeals to facts/information Simple You don’t need a role model who is so mean. Descriptive Good role models do not scream obscenities at police officers or bully the weak.

Figurative Word Choice  Allows you to emphasize a point in a humorous way. Simple Some celebrities act like babies. Figurative There are too many drama queens in Hollywood who cry their eyes out so people give them attention.

Technical Word Choice  Works well with appeals to facts/information, especially in math, science, and social studies essays. Simple Celebrities have a lot of eating problems. Technical Celebrities suffer from anorexia and bollemia.

Audience Awareness and Tone Audience Awareness refers to the ways a writer can make an impression on or engage the reader. –Because a piece of writing is created to be read, an effective writer attempts to create a relationship with his or her audience. –The effective writer anticipates what the audience will find interesting or engaging. Tone refers to the attitude a writer expresses toward the reader, the subject, and sometimes himself/herself. It reveals how the writer feels about what he or she is saying. –To be effective, tone must be consistent with the writer’s purpose. –Tone is established through choice of words and details. –Some of the techniques used to engage the audience vary by genre, but all pieces of writing have a tone. Style135

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Grade 3 Sample – Audience Awareness!

Voice A paper that demonstrates voice conveys a strong sense of the person behind the words and the person’s attitude toward the topic. The writer’s voice should be appropriate for the topic, genre, and audience. Voice gives the reader the sense that the writer is directly addressing the reader. Ralph Fletcher: “Voice is the most important the most magical and powerful element of writing.” “Voice makes the reader trust the writer, makes the reader feel an individual relationship with the writer.” Style139

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Style144 Sentence Variety How Sentences Vary: 1.Length The number of words Word length 2.Structure Simple Complex Compound Compound-complex 3.Type Declarative Interrogative Imperative

Sentence Variety and Style Avoid too many simple sentences. Avoid similar sentence beginnings. Aim for control.

Avoid too many simple sentences Too many: You do not need a role model who is so mean. You do not need a role role model who doesn’t have a good time. You do not need a role model who’s serious all the time. Better: You don’t need a role model who is so mean or doesn’t have a good time. Who wants to be so serious always?

Avoid similar sentence beginnings Repetitious: You do not need a role model who is so mean. You do not need a role role model who doesn’t have a good time. You do not need a role model who’s serious all the time. Better: You don’t need a role model who is so mean or doesn’t have a good time. Who wants to be so serious always?

152 Mistakes Writers Make in Style Uses language that is simple and ordinary Repeats the same words and sentence patterns Does not craft language to engage the reader or reveal his/her own attitude toward the topic to the audience. Does not address the reader anywhere in the paper

153 How to improve Style Make sure your enthusiasm for the topic and your voice is consistently demonstrated. Directly address the reader. Reveal your reactions and opinions about the topic and events. Use engaging language in every paragraph.

Conventions154 Domain 4: Conventions CONVENTIONS Sentence Formation Correctness, Clarity of Meaning, Complexity, End Punctuation Usage Subject/Verb Agreement, Standard Word Forms, Possessives, Contractions Mechanics Internal Punctuation, Spelling, Paragraph Breaks, Capitalization Domain Components Elements

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Conventions156 Overview of Score Points 1-5 Levels of Competence in Conventions Score: 1 Lack of Control Score: 2 Minimal Control Score: 3 Sufficient Control Score: 4 Consistent Control Score: 5 Full Command GREEN = The degree to which the writer demonstrates control of the components of Conventions.

Balancing Strengths/Weaknesses in Conventions Score Point 5 Correct and varied in all elements of Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics Score Point 4 Correct in most elements of Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics Some elements may be weak, missing, or lack variety Score Point 3 Correct in majority of elements of Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics, but there may be some errors in each element. Correct in two components but one component may be weak. Score Point 2 Minimal control in all three components or one component may be strong while the other two are weak Score Point 1 Overall lack of control in all three components although some elements may demonstrate strengths Conventions157

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Zeroing in: Conventions Identify/Eliminate Major Editing Errors: Comma splice Fused sentence Fragment Agreement errors

Conventions Breakdown Major Editing Errors Comma splice Fused sentence Fragment Agreement errors

Comma Splice  Happens when you try to join two sentences with a comma. Fault: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school, therefore students don’t need to help clean. Fix 1: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school. Therefore students don’t need to help clean. Fix 2: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school; therefore students don’t need to help clean.

Fused Sentence  Happens when you try to join two sentences without any punctuation. Fault: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school therefore students don’t need to help clean. Fix 1: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school. Therefore students don’t need to help clean. Fix 2: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school; therefore students don’t need to help clean.

Fragment  Happens when a sentence is missing a subject or predicate. Fault: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school. Like cleaning hallways. They sure get them shiny. Fix: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school. For example, they clean hallways. They sure get them shiny. Exception—functional fragment: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school. They shine the floors with great effectiveness, and they seem to enjoy it. No whining. No complaining. You would definitely get that from the students.

Agreement/Word Form Errors Agreement Errors Fault 1—Subject/Verb Disagreement: Janitors already does a great job cleaning the school. Fix: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school. Fault 2—Pronoun/Antecedent Disagreement (often related to number): If a student wants to clean the school, I think we should let them. Fix: If a student wants to clean the school, I think we should let him or her. Fault 3—Incorrect Word Forms: Janitors already clean all the bathroom in the school. Fix: Janitors already clean all the bathrooms in the school.

Instructional Resources “The sun is a resource that will never run out, except at nighttime.”

Using the A&I Guide Writing Samples in the Classroom The writing samples cover the entire range of student competence in Ideas, Organization, Style, and Conventions. It would be useful to print and laminate a set of models for students to review in the classroom. Each student paper contains multiple mini-lessons of what to do and what NOT to do in persuasive writing. It is important for students to see the range of writing from actual students in their own state. Use the writing samples to teach Ideas, Organization, Style, and Conventions. By using the writing samples, you can discuss student writing strengths and challenges without putting the students in your classroom on the spot. 174

Creating a school manual of writing samples with scores and annotations Models for lessons in the classroom –Examples of what to do and what not to do in every component of every domain of writing and every genre Models to train Grade 8 teachers to use the scoring rubrics Models to clarify the expectations of the Grade 8 Writing Assessment –in every domain of writing and every genre

Contact Information Georgia Center for Assessment Mark Patterson, mpatters@uga.edu Jeremy Granade, jgranade@uga.edujgranade@uga.edu Candace Langford, clangfor@uga.educlangfor@uga.edu Kevin Raczynski, kraczyns@uga.edukraczyns@uga.edu Toll Free: 888-392-8977 176