Be Your Brand “Enhancing your true charisma is an “inside” job and requires a serious commitment to your own personal development and growth.”
Module 2: Be Your Brand Do not underestimate the power of charisma in your life. Charisma is a personal magnetism that will give you – and your personal brand – a distinct advantage over others. Max Weber, the famous German sociologist, was the first to talk about “charisma” in nonreligious terms. He identified charisma as the third form of authority, after law and tradition! In Module 1: Build Your Brand, you learned how to articulate your brand promise. Now you are ready for Module 2: Be Your Brand, in which you learn how to emulate your brand. Module 1: Build Your Brand Module 2: Be Your Brand In Module 1, you learned to articulate your brand promise. In Module 2, you will learn to emulate your brand promise.
Charisma, “The It Factor” Many call charisma “The It Factor” – a quality that: Induces strong emotions in others Lets people know that they really matter Easily draws attention, trust and admiration Charisma is an elusive thing for most people. It’s hard to define, but we know “it” when we see “it.” The moment you show up, you energetically broadcast your personal brand. Signals you convey influence how others respond to you. People size each other up based on: facial expressions posture, gait, stance voice, tone all‐around energy impact When a charismatic person enters a room, people naturally gravitate to them because charismatic people have a natural “presence” and personal magnetism.
What is Charisma? We all know “It” when we see it…but what really is charisma? How can we get charisma and use it effectively? Are only a lucky few born with charisma, or can it be acquired? Many call charisma the “It Factor”—that elusive quality that induces strong emotion in others and lets people know they really matter. Charismatic Leaders easily attract supporters, trust and admiration. Charisma is an intangible energy that is one of the most powerful forms of persuasion and influence.
An Inside Job David Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D. (in his book, “Power Versus Force”) says: “In the company of a charismatic person, we feel the effect of the powerful attractor energy patterns that they’re aligned with and that they reflect.” Charismatic people capture the imagination of others by being themselves, because they’re extra-human, versus super-human. Charismatic leaders Expect and give acceptance Encourage people to be more real and vulnerable Know how to relate very personally Treat everyone as equally important and valuable Charisma is about becoming more of who you really are, instead of trying to emulate the qualities you admire in someone else. It’s an inside job that requires serious commitment to your personal and professional development.
Charismatic People From politics to entertainment, many people in public life possess charisma. However, we will be studying charisma as it relates to effective leadership and professional development. Authentically project a deep belief in their own value and their own unique abilities Possess an emotional sensitivity (to their own emotions and to those of others, too) Are not the least bit shy about “tooting their own horn” to share their gifts with others Possess a visceral vitality that energizes and inspires others Evoke powerful imagery Know how to make all of their communications more impactful, while staying true to themselves Use their unique gifts and talents to serve the greater good Win the election, get the promotion or makes the sale!
What makes them Charismatic? Oprah Winfrey connects emotionally with millions throughout the world, as she and her team of experts influenced them to “Live their best lives.” She has encouraged millions to read (“Oprah’s Book Club”), and she’s taught us to “pay it forward” (“Angel Network”). Steve Jobs, a true visionary, totally transformed technology, music and communication. His famous product launches inspired confidence and customer loyalty; and his magnetic personality attracted a world class team that brought together the best of technology and marketing in a revolutionary way. Princess Diana used charismatic influence to end human suffering (land mine removal programs, and loving support of AIDS patients). Feeling their pain and suffering, she related to all types of people in an extra- human way. And she made British Royalty more relevant to modern times. Martin Luther King Jr. evoked powerful imagery to influence a Nation with his eloquent “I Have a Dream” speech. He taught the benefits of non-violent opposition, which gave African- Americans equal rights. In doing so, he changed the world as we knew it. Adolf Hitler embodied Charismatic Influence Gone BAD. He preyed upon people’s fears, capturing the negative imagination of an entire Nation and terrifying the rest of the world. He used his artful communication skills to attract enthusiastic support for his vision of Genocide (“ethnically- cleansing” Europe).
Can Charisma Be Taught? Yes! Cultivating and projecting charisma can indeed be taught. Charismatic people know that real success begins in their own minds: They are treated as visionaries and leaders because they know how to consciously “manage” their impact and effect on others. They expect and give acceptance and relate personally to others. They treat others like they are the most important people in the room.
The Charisma Pre-Challenge Given the benefits of charisma for enhancing your personal brand, it’s important to learn how charismatic you currently are. The Charisma Pre‐Challenge is a survey consisting of 32 statements designed to give you insight about your current level of charisma. Click the button below and the survey will open in a new window. The Charisma Pre-Challenge
Back to The 8 Elements Back to The 8 Elements Qualities and Skills to Develop The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence onsciously Manage Your State of Mind ave Self-Awareness rtfully Communicate adiate Likeability and Empathy nspire Confidence erve as a Leader aintain Presence uthentically Project Your True Self C H A R I S M A The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you. Look through your Charisma Pre-challenge results to identify statements with low scores, and compare those to the qualities associated with The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence. Throughout this module, you will learn about each of The 8 Elements of Charisma, and how you can develop the qualities and skills from The Charisma Pre-Challenge. Click each of The 8 Elements at left for their related qualities and skills.
Back to The 8 Elements Back to The 8 Elements Qualities and Skills to Develop The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence onsciously Manage Your State of Mind ave Self-Awareness rtfully Communicate adiate Likeability and Empathy nspire Confidence erve as a Leader aintain Presence uthentically Project Your True Self C H A R I S M A Element 1: Consciously Manage Your State of Mind Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you. To consciously manage your state of mind: Be aware or your innermost feelings. Quickly turn around negative thinking. Focus on positive experiences. Trust your own intuitive wisdom.
Back to The 8 Elements Back to The 8 Elements Qualities and Skills to Develop The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence onsciously Manage Your State of Mind ave Self-Awareness rtfully Communicate adiate Likeability and Empathy nspire Confidence erve as a Leader aintain Presence uthentically Project Your True Self C H A R I S M A Element 2: Have Self-Awareness Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you. To increase your self-awareness: Recognize how your feelings affect your performance. Make others feel comfortable around you. Be aware of your impact on others. Match your non-verbal messages with your verbal messages.
Back to The 8 Elements Back to The 8 Elements Qualities and Skills to Develop The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence onsciously Manage Your State of Mind ave Self-Awareness rtfully Communicate adiate Likeability and Empathy nspire Confidence erve as a Leader aintain Presence uthentically Project Your True Self C H A R I S M A Element 3: Artfully Communicate Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you. To artfully communicate: Quickly build meaningful rapport with others. Engage others with thought-provoking questions. Tell compelling stories that illustrate your value. Intentionally listen to others without having pre-set expectations.
Back to The 8 Elements Back to The 8 Elements Qualities and Skills to Develop The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence onsciously Manage Your State of Mind ave Self-Awareness rtfully Communicate adiate Likeability and Empathy nspire Confidence erve as a Leader aintain Presence uthentically Project Your True Self C H A R I S M A Element 4: Radiate Likeability & Empathy Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you. To radiate likeability and empathy: Be a friendly person. Appreciate others for who they are. Be curious about other people’s life experiences. Take an active interest in the concerns of others.
Back to The 8 Elements Back to The 8 Elements Qualities and Skills to Develop The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence onsciously Manage Your State of Mind ave Self-Awareness rtfully Communicate adiate Likeability and Empathy nspire Confidence erve as a Leader aintain Presence uthentically Project Your True Self C H A R I S M A Element 5: Inspire Confidence Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you. To inspire confidence: Use your beliefs to support what you want to accomplish. Understand your own capabilities. Manage your thinking in times of self-doubt. Reassure yourself when you feel insecure.
Back to The 8 Elements Back to The 8 Elements Qualities and Skills to Develop The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence onsciously Manage Your State of Mind ave Self-Awareness rtfully Communicate adiate Likeability and Empathy nspire Confidence erve as a Leader aintain Presence uthentically Project Your True Self C H A R I S M A Element 6: Serve as a Leader Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you. To serve as a leader: Develop others’ attraction to you. Look for possibilities where others see none. Inspire others to support your cause. Manage your own emotional responses.
Back to The 8 Elements Back to The 8 Elements Qualities and Skills to Develop The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence onsciously Manage Your State of Mind ave Self-Awareness rtfully Communicate adiate Likeability and Empathy nspire Confidence erve as a Leader aintain Presence uthentically Project Your True Self C H A R I S M A Element 7: Maintain Presence Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you. To maintain presence: Bring your “whole self” to the interactions with others. Restrain your wandering mind while interacting with others. Focus on what’s happening in the moment. Make others feel seen.
Back to The 8 Elements Back to The 8 Elements Qualities and Skills to Develop The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence onsciously Manage Your State of Mind ave Self-Awareness rtfully Communicate adiate Likeability and Empathy nspire Confidence erve as a Leader aintain Presence uthentically Project Your True Self C H A R I S M A Element 8: Authentically Project Your True Self Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you. To authentically project yourself: Expose your true feelings. Understand what energizes you. Know what depletes your energy. Act in alignment with your own values.
C onsciously Manage Your State of Mind ave Self-Awareness H rtfully Communicate A adiate Likeability and Empathy R nspire Confidence I erve as a Leader S aintain Presence M uthentically Project Your True Self A Charismatic Influence The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence interrelate and work together as an inter-woven web of attributes that make up your Personal Brand. As you learn to incorporate The 8 Elements, you will enhance your charismatic influence on the people around you. C A R I S M A H Charismatic Influence
C A R I S M A H Throughout the remainder of this module, you will learn how each of The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence contribute to your charismatic influence, and how all of the Elements relate to each other. Clicking on the links along the way will allow you to to see how the Elements relate to each other to form an inter-connected web of charismatic influence. Navigation Note: If you like, you may click around to explore The 8 Elements and learn how they interconnect. Charismatic Influence The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence interrelate and work together as an inter-woven web of attributes that make up your Personal Brand. As you learn to incorporate The 8 Elements, you will enhance your charismatic influence on the people around you. C H A R
Element 1: Consciously Manage Your State of Mind You energetically broadcast how you are feeling within 7 seconds of entering a room, whether you are consciously aware of it, or not. An important key to managing your personal brand is to manage the “impact” you have on people. Therefore, Element 1 of Charismatic Influence instructs you to: Become conscious of your all-around energetic presence by maintaining a positive and “attractive” state of mind. Your state of mind is a critical tool for success in both business and life, as your thoughts and feelings influence everything! When you manage your state of mind, to project positive thoughts and exude charisma in the moment, your calm confidence will naturally attract people to you, and make them want to work with you. state of mindthoughts and feelingsin the momentcalm confidence I am aware of my innermost thoughts. I can quickly turn around my negative thinking. I focus on the positive experiences that have helped me grow. I trust my intuitive wisdom.
Your State of Mind Your state of mind is really nothing more than “where you’re at” in your head—your internal psychological environment or your inner climate. Your state of mind is instantly felt by others… …and insecurity is a state of mind that is easily felt and can negatively influence any business interaction. Managing your thinking and thus, your state of mind, is one of the most powerful tools used by successful business people. Andrew Carnegie, the famous early 20 th Century Industrialist, once admitted that the most important key to his success (and the most difficult skill for him to develop) was the ability to control his own thinking. You are her e. x
Thoughts, Feelings & Influence Of all of your sources of influence, your state of mind is the one instantly FELT by others; and it affects all other sources of influence. Your thoughts are directly linked to your moods and to the problems and stresses in your life. Because your own thinking causes your feelings, your feelings become a barometer, regarding how your thoughts are being utilized. Thoughts and feelings are expressed outwardly in words, tone, and non-verbal cues. Becoming aware of your innermost thoughtsBecoming aware of your innermost thoughts is the first way to turn around any negative thinking or insecurity. By focusing your thinking on more positive experiences, you will become more attractive to others. 55% Non-Verbal I wasn’t tired of that project. 7% Words 38% Voice Tone
In-the-Moment Thinking Your feelings allow you to know the quality of your state of mind in the moment; and the secret to managing your state of mind lies in the moment. When you are aware of your thoughts in the present moment, you have the power to shift your negative thinking towards more positive thoughts (that create better feelings for you). We are really not “victims of circumstance,” but rather we are “victims” of our own thinking! When you function more consciously and embrace and maintain present moment awareness (Element 7: Maintain Presence), you are much less likely to mindlessly react to circumstances.Element 7: Maintain Presence Confidence and insecurity are really just states of mind that can both change in an instant! Your own thinking shapes the way you see and experience life; and your personal reality is actually molded by your own thinking and state of mind. “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” --Wayne Dyer Your happiness depends much less on circumstances and much more on your own thinking, from moment-to-moment. now
Calm Influence When you are calm, centered, relaxed and truly living in the moment, you have the most “attractive” state of mind. People feel your personal brand, and your state of mind influence how others feel about you. Your state of mind influences how others experience your brand. Intuitive wisdom is innate intelligence and knowing, hidden only by fearful and misguided thinking. By living in the moment and calming your fears and insecurity, you will gain access to your higher wisdom (or intuition) and enhance your influence. When you are fully present with people and able to express a total belief in your own value and abilities, people will experience you as more confident and much more comfortable to be around.fully present When you are calm, people will open up and share more of themselves because of how comfortable your state of mind makes them feel. Calm Mind Intuitive Wisdom Calm Influence
Perceptions & Congruency External signals reveal how you feel about yourself and influence how others respond to you. What we deeply feel about ourselves broadcasts externally to the world on a very subtle (yet very persuasive) level. A whopping 55% of our influence comes from our body language Your potential clients, employers and all the people you want to influence, are constantly making emotional decisions about you, simply by the way you make them feel. You are being congruent when all of the following are in sync: Your words Your actions The way you make others feel Your overall energetic presence
I’m open to new ideas. Congruence Emotional connection is the most critical element for a successful personal brand; and in order to emotionally connect, your prospects need to feel certain that what you’re telling them is true. Saying one thing and feeling another is the quickest way to diminish your charismatic influence and destroy a prospect’s confidence in your personal brand. I’m open to new ideas. Congruence simply means that what you say verbally and non-verbally is a match (it’s when your words match your physiology). Saying one thing and feeling another is incongruent; and people will always feel distrustful of you when you are being that way. When you are acting congruent, it puts people at ease and causes them to open up. They feel like they know you and can easily trust you. Words = Physiology Congruence
Activity: Positive State of Mind A positive state of mind is never created by the external circumstances of your life, but external circumstances can be improved by positive thinking and a positive belief in yourself. To see how this operates in your life, download the Positive State of Mind attachment, and complete the activity. I am just not lucky like other people. I work hard, but can’t get ahead financially. I have all the resources and abilities I need to be financially successful.
Element 2: Have Self-Awareness Self‐awareness is the understanding of YOU…what you do and why you do it. "It is how you choose to see yourself, your character, that can actually determine your fate.“ Erin Brockovich According to Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence Expert and Author, self-awareness in combination with good people skills translates into Emotional Intelligence. Goleman’s Five Domains of Emotional Intelligence: 1.Knowing your emotions 2.Managing your own emotions 3.Motivating yourself 4.Recognizing and understanding other people’s emotions 5.Managing relationships (and the emotions of others) I recognize how my feelings affect my performance. I make others comfortable around me. I am aware of my impact on others. My verbal messages match my non ‐ verbal messages
Emotional Awareness Daniel Goleman’s analysis of 181 jobs, in 121 organizations, found that When you are self-aware, you do not REACT…but rather OBSERVE the situation objectively—leaving your own emotional reactivity out of the observation.REACTOBSERVE Charismatic leaders know how to “get real” with themselves, by knowing their own negative emotional patterns and being able to instantly take control over any reactivity they may be feeling in the moment from uncomfortable emotional “triggers” (which are the people and circumstances that really make people feel out of control and overly reactive). Emotional competencies were the best differentiators between star performers and typical performers.
Impact Awareness Self-awareness gives people the ability to recognize how their FEELINGS affect their performance. Emotional self- control happens in the present moment; and “emotional self-management” (as Goleman calls it) is the Hallmark of a Charismatic Leader.FEELINGSin the present moment Emotional Self‐Awareness (Who you are) + Emotional Self‐Management (What you do) = Emotional Intelligence (EI) When you have self-awareness and EI, you are more conscious of your IMPACT on others and of others’ perceptions of you. Charismatic Leaders can sense and feel the emotions of others and whether others are feeling comfortable around them. And if they are not, they know how to make the necessary adjustments to put people at ease. Who I Am What I Say “Emotional Intelligence is 2x more important in contributing to excellence than intellect and expertise alone.” Daniel Goleman
Self-Observation Charismatic leaders know that the way they do everything matters…and control of their emotional behavior, maintaining a positive state of mind and having a sense of self-accountability are the things that put other people at ease.positive state of mind Tony Robbins says that, “The way you make people feel influences their purchase decisions.” That’s because people will never buy into an uncomfortable situation. When you have self-awareness, you can: Sense when others are not comfortable with you (they might be feeling nervous, bored or distracted). Get others to drop their guard by getting curious about how they are feeling, and why...and by doing so, you become “disarming”…and that’s’ and important part of Charismatic Leadership. Instead of trying to get people to feel comfortable around you, work on becoming a person who’s comfortable to be with.
Activity: Dinner Party Observation Self-awareness and understanding your impact on others begins with the ability to observe yourself objectively. In this activity, you’ll picture a situation, and then consider how you are positioned in the scene. Later, you can use what you learn about your view of the situation to improve your own self-observation skills. Download the Dinner Party Observation attachment, and complete the activity.
Element 3: Artfully Communicate Left Brain: Rational, LogicalRight Brain: Creative, Emotional People want to experience a feeling before they listen to the facts…they need to like and trust you (in their right Brain), before they want to engage with the tangible facts (in their left brain). Remember from the “Build Your Brand” Module that: 1.All choices and buying decisions are first made EMOTIONALLY—we get a FEELING first, in the right brain. 2.Choices are JUSTIFIED logically in the left brain—we want the FACTS. I engage others with thought provoking questions. I tell compelling stories that illustrate my value. I intentionally listen to others without pre ‐ set expectations. I quickly build meaningful rapport with others. Tangible Benefits/Results Bulleted Facts Tangible Results Measurable Benefits Feelings and Emotions
Facts and Feelings Communicate FACTS The left brain is logical, wants tangible results and benefits, and always asks “What’s in it for me?” Communicate FEELINGS The right brain is emotional, thinks in pictures and is always in the present moment. People want to experience a feeling before they listen to the facts…they need to like and trust you (in their right Brain), before they want to engage with the tangible facts (in their left brain). Remember from the “Build Your Brand” Module that: 1.All choices and buying decisions are first made EMOTIONALLY—we get a FEELING first, in the right brain. 2.Choices are JUSTIFIED logically in the left brain—we want the FACTS. Left Brain: Rational, LogicalRight Brain: Creative, Emotional Communicate to both sides of the brain Get very good at telling stories that quickly illustrate the VALUE of your personal brand. Stories go directly to the right brain’s feeling center and cause people to like and to trust you!
Rapport Building Mindful communication, in general, builds trust and rapport…it puts people at ease and they open up to you. Story-telling puts the other person in the emotional position of feeling and sensing your value, because stories go directly into the right brain—their feeling center. They feel what it would be like if you were able to deliver to THEM, the same result you got for the person in your story. Your story increases their TRUST in your real value…and thus, it also improves rapport. To build meaningful rapport: Look for shared values Be disarming Be more interested (in others) than interesting (to others) “Truth is the best rapport builder.” Tony Robbins Trust To build trust: Become present Listen with an open mind (without any judgment) Charismatic Listening v. Conventional Listening When you are truly present, you do not compare what someone is telling you with what you already think you know about it! Facts Feelings Stories
Story-Telling “Stories have huge value in business because they look in the right direction—at people. You cannot tell a story without characters and emotion and sensory detail. Stories capture us faster than the most elaborately produced annual report.” Lovemarks: The Future Beyond Brand By Kevin Roberts, CEO Worldwide Saatchi & Saatchi Remember the Sound Bites from the “Build Your Brand” module? Speaking in Sound Bites moves people to action because they communicate to both sides of the brain. Great story‐telling illustrates the value of your personal brand with emotion and logic. When someone asks about what you do, share the experience of your value and the value of your experience in the form of a STORY. Problem Stories of Value & Experience Solution Instead of listing your accomplishments, tell stories that illustrate: Value you have brought to others The passion that guides your work With story-telling you illustrate the VALUE of the solutions you offer through a real-life situation. Typical selling involves demonstrating how your product or service would solve a problem.
Charismatic Listening Charismatic listening is about being present and hearing something new, without any judgment or analysis. It’s an inside job that empathetically echoes back to the other person, appealing to both their logic and emotion. When you are listening in the present moment, others feel heard and seen.
Listening in the Moment The same things that keep us from being present and in the moment can influence the quality of our listening: When you’re not present, people feel disconnected. When you are present, you can learn a lot about someone and gain a much better understanding of their unique personal reality. Bypassing our own busy thinking and listening to others with a sense of insatiable curiosity makes time stand still. When we become present, we gain access into our own intuitive wisdom and important insights into the other person’s version of reality. When you can reflect back an “empathetic echo” of what’s in someone’s head, they feel as if they were really heard and deeply valued by you. People can feel your presence and know when you’re really with them. Likewise, they can also tell when you are not present or when you have “checked out” of the conversation. Instead of TRYING to really listen to someone… …learn to recognize when you’re NOT listening fully.
Activity: Listening Comparison Listed below are characteristics of Charismatic Listening and Conventional listening. Download and complete the Listening Comparison attachment. Charismatic ListeningConventional Listening It feels connected People lose themselves in the moment There’s no self-consciousness It feels right Reflective and slow Focused Patient and validating No sense of time Disconnected due to judgments and interruptions Having expectations There’s something to “prove” It’s feels uncomfortable and overly analytical (the critical mind activates comparing, giving of advice, trying to fix things) A sense of urgency and desperation Scattered Rushing and feeling tense Time drags on and on
Element 4: Radiate Likeability & Empathy Let’s face it…we tend to vote for, hire, promote, buy from and choose people we like, over those we do not. From TV shows like “American Idol” to the Presidential elections, likeability really matters. It’s no coincidence that we call people we like and feel good about “attractive”…most “attractive” people are confident, positive, comfortable in their own skin, open, authentic and LIKEABLE. And the most important component to likeability is Empathy.Empathy Empathy: Being able to sense others feelings and take an active interest in their concerns. When people sense your empathy, they are more likely to: Feel comfortable Open up to you Like you Want to do business with you I take an active interest in the concerns of others. I am curious about other people’s life experiences. I appreciate others for who they are. Others consider me to be a friendly person.
Four Keys to Likeability Never underestimate the power of likeability… Mark McCormack, agent for celebrity athletes, says, “We don’t always judge people on their performance, instead, we judge performance based on how much we ‘like’ someone!” According to Tim Sanders, author of “The Likeability Factor,” the Four Keys to Likeability are: Friendliness: A feeling of liking for another person, enjoying their company Relevance: Pertinence or a connection to the matter at hand Empathy: The capacity to recognize and share feelings experienced by another person Realness: Being yourself, instead of trying to be someone you’re notBeing yourself If you possess all Four Keys, you’re much more likely to build instant trust and rapport with others.
Friendliness and Relevance Friendliness and relevance are closely related to two other Elements of Charismatic Influence. Friendliness comes directly from your self-awareness. It’s about understanding your IMPACT on others and making the necessary adjustments.IMPACT People listen more effectively when your message is RELEVANT and of interest to them, so it’s important to qualify people’s needs and to only express and communicate what is relevant to their situation.listen more effectively If you or what you have to offer isn’t relevant, there’s less chance of people taking the time to like you. People tend to give their attention to those who “fit” into their world or who have a “solution” to offer.
Empathy According to Daniel Goleman, empathy is sensing others’ feelings and perspectives and taking an active interest in their concerns. If you can, learn to appreciate all people for no special reason. Appreciate them just for who they are and the qualities they have, because you CARE about them and want to support them in their endeavors. The ability to feel empathy is directly related to your ability to acknowledge your own feelings, and be able to identify them. Because if you haven’t felt these feelings yourself, it will be very difficult to understand how someone else is feeling.acknowledge your own feelings Warmth radiates from charismatic people who have an ease with themselves. It’s an energetic by-product of empathy and compassion, and people can actually FEEL your warmth (or not).
Warmth Charisma is a rare combination of strength and warmth. Like empathy, warmth involves understanding the emotional state of an individual and seeing the best in them. Charisma is about emotionally connecting in a way that people “get” you and maybe even see something of themselves in you, too. Warm people generate more emotional sensitivity towards others, manifesting as an energy of unconditional acceptance, that feels very real, open, accessible and safe to be around. When feelings of warmth are created, people naturally open up more; making it easier to build immediate trust and rapport. Body language has a lot to do with projecting warmth; and a genuine smile and a positive intention (communicated through your eyes) makes the warmth believable. And just like charisma, warmth can never be faked. Warm people feel: authentic present extra-human
Activity: Likeability Assessment In this activity, you’ll consider situations where you experienced someone else’s likeability when deciding to do business with them. Then you’ll consider how others respond to you as a likeable, and identify ways to increase your likeability. Download the Likeability Assessment and complete the activity.
Element 5: Inspire Confidence Confident people inspire the confidence of others; and it’s impossible to be an effective Leader without it. People feel your confidence (or your lack of it)! You cannot fake confidence…real confidence comes from deep inside of you; it’s a way of BEING versus something that you DO. All four of the previous Elements build confidence; as it’s born out of self-awareness, realness, personal appreciation and self-understanding. Confidence is the #1 reason people choose or buy anything!
Attitude of Confidence “The emotion of confidence is a powerful thing... and people will do anything to avoid feelings of uncertainty or self-doubt.” Tony Robbins, NLP Expert When you are in a positive state of mind, you tend to project confidence. As a result, you inspire others around you.positive state of mind Self-confidence is an ATTITUDE which helps create a positive and realistic perception of your self and your abilities. And it is shown by: Even though confidence is based on how you see your own uniqueness and intrinsic value as a person, confident people are not focused on themselves. They are fully present and in the moment; and when you’re doing business with them, you feel like you are their most important client. “Persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks.” Daniel Goleman Assertiveness Independence Trust High self-belief Optimism Enthusiasm Emotional Maturity
Confidence: A Deal Maker Definition of Self‐Confidence: Sureness of one’s capabilities and self‐worth (Source: Goleman) Building competence, builds confidence… The more faith you have in your capabilities, the more you will be seen as confident. Being able to easily speak about your strengths and talents, will make others more confident in you. “Tooting your own horn” is a necessary skill in life (it’s important to understand your impact—and to know how loud and often you should toot it)! If you lack confidence and do not believe in yourself, how can you convince anyone else of your value? You cannot affirm your uniqueness and value (the keys to successful personal branding), if you don’t value yourself. To gain more confidence: 1.Start out by setting small goals. 2.Achieve the small goals, one-by-one. 3.Gradually build up to bigger goals.
Layers of Confidence Your verbal (and non-verbal) messages should reflect your own belief in what you do.verbal (and non-verbal) messages When you really believe in what you do and the value you offer, your inner beliefs and self‐assuredness radiate through your non‐verbal messages. Your Charismatic Personal Brand contains several layers of confidence: What you say: Your personal branding statement, sound bites, online professional profile, and website copy can demonstrate your self‐confidence in what you do and how it benefits others. What others see: When you exude confidence and people compare what you do to what you say, your self-confidence becomes an important aspect of your Charismatic Personal Brand. “The way you do one thing… …is the way you do everything.” ~ Anon
not good enough not valued not wanted worthless insignificant Self-Esteem, Self-Doubt Confidence as we learned earlier, is nothing more than a state-of-mind; and so is self-doubt or insecurity. Feelings of self-doubt and low self-esteem are driven by fear of: Not being good enough Not being valued or wanted Being worthless Being insignificant Your self-esteem is the opinion you have of yourself. Low self-esteem comes from the way we were treated in childhood or in important relationships; and through emotional exploration, compassion and self-education, we can heal the past and confidently move forward in life, leaving our emotional “baggage” from the past in the past. When you experience insecurity… realize that it’s only a state of mind; and you have bought into something about yourself that is not necessarily true. FEAR
Overcoming Insecurity Confident people can accurately assess their capabilities and they have a deep faith in the future. When you are feeling insecure: 1.Review your strengths and what others value about you (in Module 1). 2.Stay focused on your vision for the future and the positive things you want to accomplish. Insecurity and self‐doubt are the enemies of confidence.
Activity: Self-Confidence Assessment As you learned in Element 4: Radiate Likeability & Empathy, when people consider you likeable you can create instant trust and rapport. To keep and build that trust and rapport, it is important to show people you are confident in your abilities in the present moment. In this activity, you’ll take a closer look from the inside out at how you convey confidence, and identify areas where you can build more confidence. Download the Self-Confidence Assessment attachment, and complete the activity.
I manage my own emotional responses. I can see possibilities where others do not. People are naturally attracted to me. I am able to inspire others to support my cause. Element 6: Serve as a Leader Charismatic Leaders know how to effectively manage their impact on other people because they are extremely sensitive, re: their own emotions and the emotions and reactions of others. Charismatic Leaders possess a unique kind of people skills, which is more about having a “social sensitivity,” giving them the ability to emotionally read most people and situations. CEOs and Presidents are SEVEN times more likely NOT to be emotionally reactive.
People Skills According to the Portland Business Journal, people skills are often described as: understanding ourselves and moderating our responses talking effectively and EMPATHIZING accurately building relationships of trust, respect and productive interactionstrust, respect “People skills explain 85% of why we get, keep and move ahead in our careers; and only 15% is due to technical competency.” Technical Competence People Skills 15% 85%
Empathy in Leadership Charismatic Leaders are present and in the moment; and therefore they are extremely sensitive to their surroundings. They know that if they’re not in present moment awareness with people, that they’re not really in relationship with them.present and in the moment Their so-called “people skills” come from their sensitivity to the emotions and needs of others. Charismatic leaders are empathetic and they instantly FEEL important emotional info about someone and their situation. I understand why you are feeling this way. I can see how my comments must have made you feel. I understand why you are feeling this way. I can see how my comments must have made you feel. The ability to feel empathy is directly related to your ability to feel your own feelings and be able to identify them. Because if you haven’t felt these feelings yourself, it will be very difficult to understand how someone else is feeling. Therefore, the Leader who experiences the widest and most varied range of emotions in themselves (both positive and negative), is the one who is most able to empathize with others from all different walks of life. Emotions are the SAME in all human beings; and deep empathetic connection and emotional understanding transcend all cultural differences between people.
Emotions in Charge Daniel Goleman, PhD, analyzed 181 jobs in 121 organizations and found that emotional competencies were the best differentiators between star performers and typical performers. Emotions have the potential to get in the way of business relationships…and those who recognize the wounds and effect of their unhealed emotional “baggage” will no doubt make the most effective leaders. Am I a Leader “in charge”… Daniel Goleman claims that Emotional Intelligence is 2x more important in contributing to excellence than intellect and expertise alone! Emotional Intelligence: The ability to evaluate and manage your own emotions, and the emotions of the people around you. …or am I carrying a past “emotional charge” waiting for an emotional drama to be triggered?
In Charge of Emotions As adults, we have all developed elaborate defense mechanisms (in an attempt to block the pain from the unmet needs of our childhood). Charismatic Leaders are in touch with their own feelings; and they have resolved most of their past negative emotional patterns within themselves. When the present moment is being interrupted by a past and painful memory, Charismatic Leader know they are being “emotionally triggered” or a “button is being pushed” and they have a CHOICE of how to RESPOND (versus unconsciously REACTING defensively). Charismatic leaders embrace their own emotional challenges as the raw material required to reach their highest potential as leaders. They see challenging people and experiences as an opportunity for more emotional growth. So, in every moment, we have the opportunity to DETACH & OBSERVE and respond to life as it is unfolding right now, in the present moment… DETACH & OBSERVE People are attracted by your emotional stability and your genuine interest in others.
Unconscious Reaction OR: We can REACT unconsciously through interpretations and beliefs based on our past painful experiences. Charismatic Leaders are 7x more likely to respond appropriately, versus react defensively (as per Goleman’s chart of competencies of Leaders). Goleman’s chart of competencies of Leaders When you are in a state of unconscious reaction, most likely, you are not fully present. When you function more consciously and maintain present moment awareness, you are much less likely to react to uncomfortable circumstances or difficult people.function more consciouslypresent moment awareness When you react from your “blind spots” your own thinking is working against you…when we are caught up in our emotions, we do not see that those emotions are really coming from our own thoughts about the situation, versus the actual situation, itself. It’s like looking through eyeglasses with a scratch on the lenses; and thinking the same scratch that we are seeing over and over again in life, is reality (versus our own defensive interpretation of reality). You know you’re in a “blind spot” situation when: The same types of dramas are happening to you, over and over again You’re thinking negatively People are responding negatively to you Responsive Reactive
Emotional Intelligence Psychologists have found that self-control is strongly associated with what we label success: higher self-esteem, better interpersonal skills, better emotional responses and, perhaps surprisingly, few drawbacks at even very high levels of self-control (Tangney et al., 2004). Tangney et al., 2004 People who show the following EI Competencies became CEO’s or Presidents of companies: Source: Daniel Goleman
Activity: Emotions In Leadership Just one thought, positive or negative, can change your world for the better, or worse. In this activity, you will think of two past situations, one negative and one positive, involving people you work with. Using those situations, you will assess how emotions and the way you felt in the present moment influence the outcomes of the situations. Download the Emotions In Leadership attachment and complete the activity.
I restrain my wandering mind during interactions. I focus on what’s happening in the moment. I am able to make others feel seen. I bring my “whole self” to interactions with others. Element 7: Maintain Presence Charismatic people show up for life living in the moment and fully present. Presence is a state of BEING, versus something that you DO. It’s about living in the here and now—without obsessing about the future, or dwelling in the past. It’s about really “being” with yourself and other people, without the distractions of a busy, worrying or critical mind. It’s about “stopping to really see and smell the flowers.” Being present is not about feeling good or bad, but rather, it’s about feeling everything in general, in a much more sensitive, non-judgmental and centered way.living in the here and now Fully Present People See, Hear and Experience More Charismatic leaders have presence because they have cultivated and expanded awareness of their own emotions and those of others around them; and this opens them up to having more authentic relationships. Because when you are fully present and have quieted your own mind chatter, you FEEL and OBSERVE more of the world around you; and it becomes much easier to connect authentically with others. awareness of their own emotionsothers around them “We convince by our presence.” Walt Whitman
Personal Reality We give our thoughts meaning—but it’s just made up meaning, seen through our own “scratched” and distorted lens; and it’s often far from the truth of what’s really so. The way you internally think about your life circumstances creates an energy force around you that influences others. We give our thoughts meaning—but it’s just made up meaning. We see life through our own “scratched” and distorted lens, and that lens is often not the truth. In the moment, our emotions feel like the reality of the moment. If you’re focused on the past or on negative circumstances that have held you back, you will project negative feelings and create a negative reality. This projection will repel positive opportunities. Fact: The reason forgiveness is so powerful is that the act alone releases negative thinking, gets you unstuck from the past, and brings you to a happier present moment. We generate our personal reality in our heads, and people use thought very differently. Everyone is making up what they see, moment to moment, based on their own separate realities. Fear, insecurity and self‐doubt are merely symptoms of our state of mind…as are confidence, security, peacefulness and happiness. Fact: forgive ness = presence
Present Moment Awareness Present Moment Awareness* is feeling complete and whole in the following ways: Physically Present Mentally Clear Emotionally Balanced Spiritually Connected *Source: Michael Brown, Author of The Presence Process) To the extent that you are fully present, you’re able to take in your experiences on many levels. This observing part of you allows you to observe and let go of the habitual reactions of your personality, that have kept you trapped for so long.habitual reactions Present Clear Balanced Connected
Your mind judges everything, comparing one thing, person or experience to another, keeping you stuck in the past and drowning in your own limiting judgments of the way you think things are, versus the way they really are! Your mind races from one thought to another—in a perpetual inner dialogue of distraction from what is really happening NOW, in the present moment! Your mind is focused on precisely the things you do NOT want to happen...and those negative thoughts attract the things that you’re worrying about! Wandering Minds People who are not fully present find that their awareness is so completely taken up with their perpetually busy, worrying or critical mind, that they do not experience themselves as separate from their endless inner dialog. Three major things that keep us from being present and in the moment: Typically, we are more inclined to a particular style of not being present. Busy MindWorrying MindCritical Mind
Where am I NOT fully present in my life? Getting Fully Present Your charismatic presence makes people feel seen and heard in a way that erases all thoughts of doubt and uncertainty and creates instant trust and rapport.trust and rapport When you are quiet, calm and present in your body, you become most attractive to others and can more easily persuade or influence them. That’s because when you quiet your thinking, people can actually FEEL you and the presence of your higher self’s innate wisdom, with them in the present moment…and that’s irresistible! When you’re present, you gain access to your intuition, you feel like you’re “in the flow” and things start happening effortlessly. Am I living my life fully present, or is it living me? Six Practices for Becoming More Present
Activity: Being Present So what type of mindset keeps you from being present? And when does it take over? In this activity, you’ll answer these questions by reflecting on what most often gets in the way of your being present. You’ll reflect back on a situation of your choosing, whether friends, family or business, to assess what was going on around you and with your inner dialog. To complete the activity, download the Being Present attachment and complete the questions.
Element 8: Authentically Project Your True Self A Charismatic Leader can authentically connect with and inspire others because she has successfully completed her own emotional work; and she no longer need to hide behind a mask, pretending to be some idealized version of herself. The mask develops from thinking you are not enough just as you are…It comes from a lack of self- acceptance and a lack of self-appreciation. When you are in your mask self, you are focused on reacting, and thus cut off from your own inner source of power. Created in reaction to pain and rejection, the false self or mask is designed to: Try to please Fend off Control others I expose my true feelings. I know what energizes me. I know what depletes my energy. I act in alignment with my values.
Sense of Self-Protection Most people have tried to protect themselves and control their lives by putting on a false self or a “mask” between the outside world and their inner vulnerability. We think it protects us from getting hurt (the way we were as children, due to the “imperfect” parenting we all received); but all it really does is cut us off from our own inner source of real power— the authentic self-expression of our true self, out there and undefended. “We live most of our lives in a state of defense, building walls around our awareness as we attempt to keep ‘out there’ whatever we do not claim as part of ourselves.. On the one hand, we push away awareness of our simple flawed humanity, with its petty evils, frequent mistakes, common pain and intense vulnerability. And on the other hand, we deny our deepest spiritual core, where we are whole, magnificent expressions.” SOURCE: “The Undefended Self” By Susan Thesenga Having a mask that you think you need to constantly defend your own value and acceptability, creates the constant fear of being inadequate (or just not “perfect” enough)…and it certainly obliterates any feeling of confidence (yours in yourself or others’ in you)…and confidence is the #1 reason people buy or choose anything. If we expect rejection or disapproval being ourselves, we will continue to attract people that confirm our worst fears about ourselves.confidence is the #1 reason
Removing the Mask The danger of living with a false self or a mask, is that you can always be triggered when your self-esteem feels threatened: From a critical remark A cool reception An opposing opinion These things can expose us and make us vulnerable to buried pain from the past. And until the adult re- experiences and releases the original childhood hurts (preferably with a trained professional therapist), these painful wounds remain frozen in the personality and continue to be re-enacted in our present-day reality. A person’s willingness and preparedness to remove their mask and to expose their true feelings, vulnerabilities and thoughts makes them much more influential as a Leader. Vulnerability is the power of no protection.
Activity: Roles and Masks The ability to project your true self increases the trust and rapport your build with others, and wearing a mask to protect your true self actually destroys your self-confidence. In this activity, you will identify the characteristics of the roles you fill and the masks you wear in your business dealings. Download the Roles and Masks attachment to complete this activity.
The Charisma Challenge Congratulations, and welcome to The Charisma Challenge! This quick questionnaire will help you discover what charisma is and identify areas that you can develop to increase your charismatic influence. This self-assessment tool will help you examine your personal strengths and vulnerabilities as they relate to The Eight Elements of Charismatic Influence. Together these elements represent a comprehensive system for building your charisma. Click the button below and The Charisma Challenge will open in a new window. The Charisma Challenge
Charismatic Influence Debrief To impact your level of charisma immediately, look at those elements from The Charisma Challenge where you ranked yourself in the mid-range (3 or 4). Select one element to focus on (let your intuition guide you!). Now take some time to think about what you could do to develop that aspect of charisma. What are three actions you can take or practices you can put into place immediately? The “actions” you choose can fall under one of four categories: 1. Focus on how you can increase your self-awareness (recognizing your own thoughts, feelings or behavior patterns) 2. Work on your belief system; reframing how you think about yourself, others or how the world works. 3. Discover new ways to change your behavior (what you do and how you do it).
Conclusion or (Call to Action?)
Sources & Resources Daniel Goleman: Five Domains of Emotional Intelligence Study of 181 jobs in 121 organizations in Working with Emotional Intelligence Stanford Research Institute “The Undefended Self” By:, Susan Thesenga; Publisher: Pathwork Press, 1994
Feedback Survey As you learned in the Be Your Brand module, self-awareness and self- observation are important to your personal brand advantage. I appreciate you sharing some feedback on how well you feel you are prepared to promote your brand with the concepts learned through My Personal Brand Advantage. Please take a few minutes to complete this brief survey and send it to me attached to .