Presentation on theme: "Garrett Peterson DNP, RN, CRNA"— Presentation transcript:
1Garrett Peterson DNP, RN, CRNA Choosing CivilityGarrett Peterson DNP, RN, CRNA
2Civility Project Dr. P.M. Forni Johns Hopkins Professor Co-founder of “Johns Hopkins Civility Project”Assessing the significance of civility, manners, and politeness in contemport society.Now called “The Civility Initiative at Johns Hopkins” directed by Dr. ForniWrote “Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct” 2002
3Choosing CivilityCode of decency and behavior based on respect, restraint, and responsibility that we call “civility”We are not “flawlessly civil people”Measuring our success in life is the way we treat othersLessen the burden of living, refrain from adding to miseryWe develop thoughtfulness, foster effective self-expression and communicationThe concepts of civility are not newThey will help us enhance our commitment to valuesIf we are working on these concepts, we are open to changeIt should help you look at life in a new life changing wayAnd we know, times are always changing
4What is Civility?“To be fully human, we must be able to imagine others' hurt and relate it to the hurt we would experience if we were in their place” Dr. ForniLife is difficult, but not unbearableWe have the ability to manage our own actions and emotionLife is what our relationships make of itTo learn to be happy, we must learn to live well with others.
5What Civility means to you? Respect for othersConsiderationCourtesyTactDecencyFairnessMannersKindnessSelf-ControlConcernJusticeSelflessnessEtiquetteEqualityHonestyTrustworthinessModerationListeningWhat does civility mean to you?Tells us 4 thingsCivility is complexCivility is goodWhatever civility might be, it has to do with courtesy, politeness, and good mannersCivility belongs in the realm of ethicsBeing Civil means we are constantly aware of others and using restraint, respect and consideration into this awareness.It also involves active interest into the well being of our communities and concern for the health of the planet on which we live
6Respect in Action Respect of others can be difficult We can do it!!!Our ability to identify with others, and feel what they feelEMPATHYNO action of ours is with without consequences for othersNO action of ours is with without consequences for othersWe learn to act in a responsible and caring wayThe byproduct of doing justice to others is the enrichment of our own livesHarmonious and caring relationships foster a happy life.In order to build relationships we need the respect, consideration and kindness that we easily grant to and receive from our fellow humans when we are civil
7Happiness and the MindThe Happiness of your life depend upon the quality of your thoughts Marcus Aurelius
8Civility and Self-Expression Restraint offers a space between intention and actions and the opportunity to protect others from actions or reactions that should exist only in your imagination- Stephanie DowrickRudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength Eric HofferRestraint is an infusion of thinking - and thoughtfulness – into everything we do.We choose the behavior that, although it may not seem the most gratifying now, will makes us feel good five minutes from now, tomorrow, or next year.Restraint is the art of feeling good later. In fact, most of life’s wisdom is about choosing what will make us feel good laterPracticing civility may limit our immediate gratification. That’s why we are tempted to be rude.
9The Science of Love and Social Support When you feel loved, nurtured, cared for, supported, and intimate, you are much more likely to be happier and healthier. You have a much lower risk of getting sick and, if you do, a much greater chance of surviving – Dean Ornish
10About the RULESWe have a choice about how we behave, and that means we have the choice to opt for civility and grace- Dwight Currie
12#1 Pay Attention When we pay attention We are alert to the world We improve the quality of our responsesWe improve the quality of our livesWe improve the lives of those around usWhen we pay attention, we do justice to the presence of others in our livesWhen I show you are worthy of my attention, I am acknowledging and honoring your worth
13Acknowledge others existence Their importance to you Their feelings The things they do for youComes in many formsRemembering someones namePaying a thoughtful complementHolding a door open to let someone throughThanks or just saying hello to someoneThis is the most basic form of acknowledgementWithout telling you, it means that YOU EXIST, and this matters to me. If you practice this everyday, but then one day you do not do it, the other person may think what has happened that caused you to not say hello.Remember…….our greetings to each other may be more cheerful one day and less another, but it always performs a crucial jobDoing these things will acknowledge people as “persons”As we do this, it invites others to do the same, This is civilityAt times we are unavailable to other, sometimes we need to recharge, but don’t play the invisibility gave, pretending someone is not there.
14#3 Think the BEST It is a decent thing to do! When we approach others assuming they are good, honest, and sensitive, we often encourage them to be just thatIf you think the best of others, it will show them they are good human beings, interested in pursing knowledge and willingness to work hardWe might be as courteous to a man as we are to a picture, which we are willing to give the advantage of a good light- Ralph Waldo EmersonWe judge others unfairly when we have dissatisfaction with ourselvesIt may be difficult to think the best of others especially in new situations such as a change at work, new boss etc.Are you making someone threatening in your mind for no objective reasonNeed to evaluate the person apart from the situationGive him/her a fair chance..this would be benefit of the doubtIf you think the best of others, it will boost the quality of your lifeHelp you establish rapport with others that would often remain strangersBut be careful, it could make you vulnerableHaving a positive attitude doesn’t mean that you should trust just anybody with your lifeIf people let you down, don’t rush to judgement, but also don’t disregard what happened.You may decide to tell people who have dissappointed you about your discontent. Be FRANKIF you do, it gives the other person a chance to learn something about themselves
15#4 Listen Interested in their words and therefore their feelings We value the message and the messengerWhat prevents us from listening well?We are focusing on ourselves and our own needsThis is what we do when we interrupt“Seize the limelight”Rudely pushing others off-stage“Disregard and proceed pattern”Much of the conflict in our lives can be explained by one simple but unhappy fact: we don’t really listen to each other- Michael P. NicholsBy taking control over the conversational flow, it makes us feel that we have control over our partners in speech. Similar to narcissismDisregard and proceed pattern, common in the work place, among competitive people.When someone finishes a sentence or thought, you have no license to leave it unacknowledged as you rush to utter one of your own.Being a good listener can assist you in really understanding the person correctly and taking the time to ask a question if you need something clarified.
16#4 ListenWe are ineffective when we let our past experiences interfere with our attention we should be giving in the presentThree components of good listeningPlan your listeningShow that you are listeningBe a cooperative listenerWe often let what we know, or what we think we know alter the perception of what the other person is telling us at the momentBut we do not just listen with the past in mind but also the future.Instead of listening to the speaker, we are thinking on the outcome of our verbal exchange.Now we don’t have to disregard the past or future goals we have but as listeners we have an obligation to concentrate on just listening before doing anything else.Good listening 3 componentsPlan your listening (Your goal is to stay focused on the present)Say to yourself, I am going to listen nowThis is the time to just listenI am going to make time to listenSilence is a tool of choice.Show you are listeningEstablish eye contactMove your body to face the other personGive occassional nodsSay, yes, right, I understand, I know, I seeRestate what you have heardCooperative listening means separating what is important from what is notUse open ended questionsHow do you feel about thatWhat are the alternativesWhat do you think will helpWithhold your opinions and advice. voice them only if you have a clear sense that it is what the person expects you to do. Same rule applies to when you are giving advice.When we find the strength to be considerate when listening, we are in fact expressing ourselves…….at our best
17#5 Be Inclusive We want to be accepted by others We pleasure in the feeling of belonging to a groupPart of our identity is shaped by and within groupsWe find shelter, meaning and directionAttitudes and words that exclude rather than include are rarely funny, most often they hurtWe need to be careful never to engage in self serving, unfair and mean-spirited strategies of exclusionBeing inclusive = respectExample of high schollers and snubbing by others,Cliques in the workplace, although allegience to a team is important, you must be able to work with others outside the group
18#5 Be Inclusive Reevaluate your dislikes. Are they all warranted? Try speaking and listening to someone you never likedMake an effort to spend time with someone you have always found uninterestingSummarize the contents of an ongoing conversation for a newcomerMake a new neighbor feel welcome by just stopping by to say “Welcome”Develop an interest in cultures other than your own
19#6 Speak KindlySpeaking with consideration and kindness is at the heart of civil behaviorSpeaking in kindness improves those around youSpeak at an unhurried paceSpeak at a moderate volumeNO matter how much you disagree, others are entitled to sympathetic understandingSpeaking with consideration and kindness is at the heart of civil behaviorTo speak kindly, you need to constantly be aware that you are speaking to living, breathing, vulnerable human beingsSpeaking in kindness improves those around youIt can inspire others around youIt can lift the spirits and make their day more endurableSpeak at an unhurried pace so you are easily understoodTry to make your point as clearly as possible, AVOID getting off on a tangent.STOP when you have made your point so that others can speak in turnSolicit other input when you think it is appropriateSpeak at a moderate volume (people respond to the tone of your voice)No matter where you are, no matter whom you are speaking withLoud voices is easily annoyingNever yell at anybodyIf anger shows in the tone of your voice, explain the reasons for your feelings as rationally and sedately as possible.YOU CAN BECOME ANGRY…..but you can also be civil at the same time!!!
20#6 Speak KindlyCertain profanities do offend and sometimes are painfulLanguage containing curses and vulgar expression can be perceived as distasteful, hostile and abusiveDon’t embarrass, belittle or laugh at othersThis is demeaning and aggressiveBragging is a ladder to “build” oneself out of words >>> confession to low self-esteemThere is no such thing as bragging rightsWhen we brag, we emphasize how much better than others we think we are
21#7 Don’t Speak Ill What makes us speak ill of others? Unsure of our own worthWe don’t have what it takesCompetition with othersEasier to point out others problemsRevengePrivy to unflattering secretsStrengthening our connection with othersUnsure of our own worth: we project others as less than flattering image we have of ourselvesWe don’t have what it takes: Finding others faults we don’t think we haveCompetition with others: if others shine, we want to make them look badEasier to point out others problems: than try to solve our own problemsRevenge: those who have wronged usPrivy to unflattering secrets: try to raise our standing in a group, what we say can cause considerable damageStrengthening our connection with others: assume we are in the presence of good people and absent of the bad people
22#7 Don’t Speak Ill Why shouldn’t we speak ill of others? Hurts them and their reputationOthers may follow and do the sameCowardly to attack those not presentWe may be judged by those listening to usMakes others uncomfortable or angryThose being disparaged could retaliateCould even turn violent
23#7 Don’t Speak IllWhat should we do when someone speaks ill of others?LeaveRemain silentSay something positive about the victimOpenly communicate with the attacker that you are ill at ease i.e I am not comfortable speculating or I am not comfortable discussing this
24#8 Accept and Give Praise Praise to others does not come easilyWe feel we are giving up controlWhen we praise others, we feel goodWe can strengthen the bond with othersEncourages those doing great things to continue doing soCreate awareness in those who don’t feel they have wonderful giftsNurture others self-esteemThe U.S. Labor Department statistics show that feeling unappreciated at work is the leading cause of leaving a jobWillingness to praise and reward is an essential asset for leaders at any level of any organization
25#8 Accept and Give Praise When given a compliment…Acknowledge with a “thank you”Don’t add self-deprecating remarksOh, I am not sure that I was that goodNever solicit more praise than was given or expand on a complimentI was good, wasn’t IIf given a compliment that is not yours, give credit where credit is dueDon’t pay a compliment unless it is sincereDon’t refrain from paying a compliment thinking your feelings are already knownDon’t confuse complimenting with patronizingDon’t hasten to reciprocate a complimentBe specific on your complimentAppreciation and recognition are at the top of the lists employees rank as motivating factors in the workplace
26#9 Respect Even a Subtle “No” Someone who turns down an invitationNot taking no for an answer is a bad idea and bad formRespect the “no”Most basic form of respectRefrain from interrogationAsking why is intrusive and guilt-inducingSay…”I just want you to know that we would be glad if you were to make it”We live in a world that connects good manners to something bad (hiding of one’s real thoughts” and bad manners to something that is good (the expresssion of one’s real thoughts.)Think about this.If good manners were connected to restraint and self-control, rather than to concealmentIf Bad manners to intemperance and abuse, rather than to sincerityWe need more good manners in our life!!
27#9 Respect Even a Subtle “No” Why is it hard to take a “no” answer?The child in us wants his/her wayOften a self esteem problemInterpreted as rejectionEquate “no” as a threat to our self-image
28#10 Respect Others Opinions Respecting opinions of others leads to respect of the whole personRequires:Self-esteem, self-control, sensitivity, tolerance, fairness and generosityTwo ways of showing disrespect for othersTelling them their opinions are crazyAssuming what we think is what they thinkTwo ways of showing disrespect for othersTelling them their opinions are crazy, stupid, worthless and the likeOthers are entitled to look at the world differently and when they share their views with us, they can expect a fair hearingWhat we believe is what we are, we tend to perceive criticism direction at our opinions as rejectionAt this point, people become defensive and resentment sets in putting an end to a discussion
29#10 Respect Others Opinions Protocols of qualified disagreement“Yes, I agree that what you say may be true, but there are circumstances when…”“Indeed, that idea can be appealing; however…”“I don’t know, it doesn’t seem right, but perhaps there is more here than meets the eye”“Yes, but if you look at it from a different point of view”Qualified disagreement is preferable to absolute disagreement
30#10 Respect Others Opinions If the opinion is offensiveReject it outright“I’m sorry, I believe this is wrong”“I disagree and find this opinion offensive”“You know, this really goes against my principles”If someone dismisses our opinionIt is just plain “Rude”Make room for disagreementInvite feedbackWe may learn something if we just listen to opposing viewsWe may discover that our opinion is not as good as we thought. And that it is time to change, time to expand our horizons
31#11 Mind Your Body Shows respect to ourselves and others We can offend others with our bodiesHow we look, smell, and what we do with themCivility of body managementBegins with basic grooming habitsValidates who we areAppear our best on the stage of lifeWe often feel a sense of physical/psychological well-being
32#11 Mind Your Body Essentials to good grooming Clean, odor free bodyWashed hair, clean finger/toe nailsWell applied makeup, clean teeth and fresh breathThink of those around youPublic placesLong day at workVisiting your doctorFingers out of your nose use tissue/hankerchiefDislodging food from your teeth, don’t use fingers, use toothbrushDon’t stick a finger in your ear to collect anything real or imaginaryif you need care, use qtipsMouth closed when chewingDon’t make noise with your mouthNo slurping, audible chewing, smacking of the lipsCover your mouth when yawning, coughing or sneezingDon't sniffle, snort or make other unpleasant or annoying noises with your mouthHead for the bathroom when intestinal gas becomes a problemWash your hands when heading out of the bathroomNEVER spit!Wipe your mouth clean if you have buildup in th eocrnersDon’t scratch yourselfDon’t chew your fingernails
33#12 Be AgreeableMake an effort to complement our plans with those around usAgree once in awhile – doesn’t make you an agreeable personCultivate agreeabilityConsider you may be wrongAdmit you don’t knowWe are not expected to comply with the preferences of others in every situation of our lives. That is not civilIf you are wrong, have the strength to acknowledge it openly ( this will mark a crutial point in your relationships) (this will make you more accepting of othersDon’t show resentment to the other person who happens to be right
34#12 Be Agreeable Listen to learn – rather than react Less likely to attack the other personLook for possibilities of agreementYou don’t have to agree with everything !!Expressing your differencesNeeded to strengthen our identities and show independenceSometimes we need to do thisMost of the time, we don’tKeeping an open mind is a good starting point for the building of a meaningful connectionFight only those that need to be fought, steer clear of all others.
35#13 Keep It Down (Rediscover Silence) NoiseMost frustrating source of annoyanceManagement of noise is a mustPeople don’t seem to see that it is a problemTurn off cell phone: meetings, churches, libraries, theaters, restaurantsIf you intervene, take a deep breath and remain clearheadedSometimes we need noise but it can make it difficult to think during times when performance is crucial
36#14 Respect Other People’s Time Other peoples time is valuablePunctuality is nonnegotiableArriving on time is considerate behaviorIf you will be more than 5 minutes late: CallDon’t cancel appointments at the last minuteEvery appointment is a commitmentKeep phone call short if you sense the other person is busyIf you expect a lengthy call, ask if it is a good time to talk
37#14 Respect Other People’s Time Call waitingUse infrequently or with an emergencyReturn to current caller quickly and apologizeRespect deadlines at workDon’t hold your friends hostageGet their reaction or advice then move onDon’t cut meetings short because it is convenient for youSchedule meetings when you know you will be free
38#15 Respect Others People’s Space Stand at an appropriate distance from others so that they won’t feel uncomfortable or intimidatedPay attention to others’ reactions during conversationKeep physical contact at work to a minimumRespect people’s “territory”Pay attention to others’ reactions during conversation. If they step back or cross their arms, they may be letting you know that you are standing too close.Keep physical contact at work to a minimum. To many people, being touched feels like a violation. Pay attention to others’ reactions to your touching and stop at the first sign of uneasiness.Respect people’s “territory”. In the anesthesia workroom, respect people’s workspace. Be mindful when reaching between people to use the phone, be considerate when moving about in the oversized chairs (armrests knocking into people). Keep your voice low, shouting is intrusive and annoying. In the lunch room, respect other people’s space (newspaper and lunch items In your own space). Clean up after yourself. Throw away your garbage.
39#16 Apologize EarnestlyWhen we apologize, we acknowledge that we did something wrong and work at repairing the damage.Apologies should be thoughtfully conceived, clearly stated and heartfelt.We often see pseudo-apologies.“I’m sorry I yelled at you, but I am under a lot of stress these days”Expressions like “I know how you feel”, “I’m sorry you feel that way” are another form of pseudo-apologies. Apologies should be thoughtfully conceived, clearly stated and heartfelt. They need not be long and elaborate, but should convey that we know exactly what we did that was wrong, that we understand the effects of our actions, and that we are not looking for excuses.We often see pseudo-apologies. An example of a pseudo-apology sounds like “I’m sorry I yelled at you, but I am under a lot of stress these days”. A real apology simply states that you are sorry with no excuses attached.Expressions like “I know how you feel”, “I’m sorry you feel that way” are another form of pseudo-apologies. They are frequently used in place of real apologies by those who refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
40#17 Assert YourselfAssertiveness is part of a quiet but powerful interactive skill of civilityAt times, we find that we are unable to willing to express itExample: Being invited to an event that we really don’t want to attendWe feel guilty if we reject othersThey might not like us anymoreWhen we don’t assert ourselves, it adds to needless frustration in our lives
41#17 Assert YourselfSaying “NO” to something is saying “YES” to ourselvesWe are entitled to choose saying noAllows control over our time and energyIt isn’t taking away something from others but keeping something that is oursSaying a firm, solid YES or a powerful NO, we experience elationFinding strength to be assertive is rewarding. It will leave you at peace with yourself and increase the health of all your relationships
42#17 Assert Yourself Arguments with friends, spouse etc Take some time to really think how you want to respond if given a halfhearted apologySometimes you will be bullied to “let it go” or that “it isn’t that big of a deal”3 elements of assertiveness1. State the description of the behavior you find objectionable2. The disclosure of the feelings stirred in you by the behavior3. Naming of the behavior’s effectStick to these three elements of assertion. Stay away from counteraccusations and don’t start debating other issues, such as your personality and attitudesState you want to focus on the present concern and nother else
43#17 Assert Yourself Nonassertive behavior is a health risk Research has documents that self-neglect and overcompliance can compromise the functioning of the immune systemWhat about being told that you blow things out of proportion or to “lighten up” or “chill out”?Here is how Dr. Forni would respond“”No, I am not going to chill out, and I’m telling you why. By telling me to chill out, you are saying that I’m overreacting, which is like saying that I shouldn’t feel the way I feel. I hope you’ll allow me to have my feelings and to express them the way I choose. Since I happen to feel strongly about this issue, there is no reason I should look the other way. I suggest that instead of making me feel bad about my reaction, you come to terms with the seriousness of your actions”
44#18 Avoid Personal Questions Getting into others peoples businessMost curiosities have to do with religion, politics, money, personal relationships, health, and physical appearance.Questions that some people may perceive as intrusive.Do you believe in God? Do you go to church? Is your child baptized?Are you liberal, conservative, who did you vote for?How much do you make? How much did it cost? What is your net worth?
45#18 Avoid Personal Questions How old are you? Are you married? Are you pregnant? Did you have an affair?What are you seeing the doctor for? What kind of surgery did you have? Why are you so pale? Etc etc etcHow do you respond? With civility of courseI don’t feel comfortable talking about thisNow is not the right time to discuss thisLet’s not talk about money, if you don’t mindI prefer not to discuss personal mattersI’m sorry, but I don’t see why you need to know
46#19 Care for Your GuestsStrive to make your guest have the best and most comfortable time when staying with youGuests shouldn’t feel that they have to earn your hospitalityDinner guest are under no obligation to help in the kitchen either before or after a mealWhat about guest that stay a week or more?You can expect some help from themIf you let them help, they will feel more at home and not imposing on you
47#19 Care for Your Guests But make time for yourself! You don’t have to be entertaining them every secondFeel free to claim time for yourselfSometimes you need a break from being the host, allowing you to recharge
48#20 Be a Considerate Guest Arrive and leave on timeDon’t overstay your welcomeDon’t bring surprise guestsDon’t bring children if not invitedNEVER assume that Fido or Boots are welcomeAllergiesDamage to the house
49#20 Be a Considerate Guest Respect your friends houseDon’t move furniture aroundMake your bed each morningDon’t linger in the bathroom if it is shared and leave it clean and tidyKeep TV or music volume lowDon’t wander through the houseCuriosity is not a good reason to appear uninvited in your hosts’ bedrooms, study, basement, or attic. OFF LIMITS!!Return anything that you borrowWhen you leave, don’t take anything that doesn’t belong to youKeep a pleasant disposition and show appreciation for your hosts’ efforts even if it isn’t what you expected.Send them a thank you note when you return homeNever mention any inconvenience that you experiencedSpeak kindly of your hosts to othersHotels and when you stay there
50#21 Think Twice Before Asking for Favors Asking for favors can be an impositionAlways try to be the solver of our own problemsKeep requests reasonableThe system of favors works until someone ends up doing most of the asking and someone else most of the grantingRefraining from favors is difficult, but not as difficult as saying “No, thank you”We are so used to relying on favors that we often forget to look for the alternative, and forget that doing work ourselves in the long run is more gratifying and satisfying
51#21 Think Twice Before Asking for Favors What about friends and favors?Occasional exchange of favors occurs in any friendshipFriendship is about how one fells with friends, not about what on can get from themNo real friendship is based on the expectation that our friends be providers of favors
52#21 Think Twice Before Asking for Favors Questions to ponder before asking for favorsDo I need to ask for this favor or am I looking for an easy solutionIs what I’m asking for ethical and legalIs it fair and reasonable to ask this of this person? Would I be comfortable granting this favor?Who else, other than me, is this going to effect?If I grant this favor, how is this going to affect my relationship with this personWhat if I am denied the favor?
53#22 Refrain from Idle Complaints Some complaints are warrantedIncompetent salesclerk, hostile cabdriver, disruptive child, unreasonable boss etcOne complains in these situations to address the current problem, but also to help those deal with the problem maker in the futureContinuous or recurrent complaining is unwarranted spreading of miseryIt shows helplessness rather than assertivenessIt is more interested in assigning blame than in finding solutionsRooted in the feeling that life is unfairComplaining projects our own dissatisfaction with how we are handling our own livesThis causes us to avoid recognition of our weaknesses and mistakes and while missing the chance to bring about positive change to our lives
54#22 Refrain from Idle Complaints Idle complainingthe focus is on the problems rather than solutionLeads to a pessimistic outlook on lifeIt spreads pessimism to othersThere are definitely problems in the world but there are also many solutions!!Think about your recurring complaintsWork to eliminate them by refocusing on problem solvingIt will take time but you can do it
55#23 Accept and Give Constructive Criticism Giving constructive criticism when circumstances suggest is the right thing to doIntent is to help with a problem!!Not to humiliate, manipulate, or get revenge
56#23 Accept and Give Constructive Criticism Effective criticismIdentify an issue rather than launching an attackPoint out specific incidentDescribe what you have observed rather than uttering accusations or engage in name callingShow that you understand how the other person may feelSuggest a solution if the time is rightRemain calm, kind, and empatheticIdentify an issue rather than launching an attackPoint out specific incidentDescribe what you have observed rather than uttering accusations or engage in name callingShow that you understand how the other person may feel“The same thing happened to me more than once” The focus in not on past similar situations but on the presentSuggest a solution if the time is right.“if you want, we can look together for ways to present our side of the story againRemain calm, kind, and empathetic. End on a positive note“This is not the end of the world, just something to take care of”
57#23 Accept and Give Constructive Criticism Receiving CriticismNot all criticism is good, but it is not all badIf we reject it, we miss out on a source of knowledge and wisdomBe open mindedIf you are too busy building defenses, you will not be able to listenAsk is this criticism valid?Don’t argue, rather start thinking of the changes that you will makeThank them for their honest opinionCriticism makes us learn what we are unable or unwilling to learn by ourselvesIf the criticism is valid, accept itDon’t waste time and energy denying, or questioning your critics motivesIf the criticism is unwarranted, answer with “I’m afraid I can’t agree with that” or I don’t recognize myself in your characterizationDon’t make your response a counterattackBe assertive, not abusive
58#24 Respect the Environment and Be Gentle to Animals Don’t litterDon’t use products that are harmful to the environmentRecycle!!!Purchase recycled productsConserve water, electricity, and fuelWashing clothes – when you have a full loadTurn lights off when you don’t need themTurn furnace down air off when not at homeMake one trip to do all errandsRide a bike
59#24 Respect the Environment and Be Gentle to Animals Animals (how we treat animals is a measure of our character)Never neglect animals. Never use brutal forceIf you are not prepared to care for an animal 365 days a year……DON’T GET ONE!!Don’t give or accept animals as gifts unthinkinglyAbandoning a family animal is NEVER an optionKeep your animals safeBe kind to your animals
60#25 Don’t Shift Responsibility and Blame People will try to minimize his or her responsibility by blaming someone elseOften the wrong partyWe blame family, friends, co-workers, spouses and strangers. We blame inanimate objects, God, nature and government. Parents blame educators. Educators blame parents.As long as we can adequately shift responsibility we can avoid being accountable. However, shifting blame hinders relationships, focuses our lives on negativity and stunts our personal growth.
61#25 Don’t Shift Responsibility and Blame You are accountable for your actions and your responses to other people’s action. When you fully appreciate that you will stop blaming others“When you can stop placing blame on others you will be on your way to improved psychological, physical and emotional health and well-being.” He says the first step is to take personal responsibility for your life and your decisions and appreciate the fact that you are in control of your destiny. - Dr. Neil Farber