3 What creates stress in the IEP process? What emotional reality does the parent deal with on a daily basis? How does the IEP process increase or decrease the emotions the parent brings to the meeting? What is the relationship between the stress and grieving states that are brought to the IEP process?
5 Stress Relaxation Recognizing Grief Don’t Surrender To Stress!
6 STRESS That Confusion Created When the Mind Overrides the Body’s Desire to Choke the Living #@$% Out of Some *?#$%# Who Desperately Needs It!
7 Once the immediate threat is gone, you let go. You feel weak and tired as the stress hormones begin to recede, and you body eventually returns to its normal state of equilibrium. STRESS STRESSOR (Threat) Perceived by BRAIN Which activates ADRENAL GLANDS Which releases adrenaline-related hormones Into BLOODSTREAM
10 Relaxation Sit up in your chair Feet relaxed and flat to the floor Back straight against the chair Shoulders pulled back Head centered over your body No parts of your body should be crossed Close your eyes Focus on your breathing
11 It Is Up To You … PRESSURE VS PATIENCE STRESS VS POISE INTIMIDATION VS CONFIDENCE Tolerance
12 Recognizing Grief How do parents feel when they get the news about their child’s disability/disabilities? The reaction can by compared to the states of the grieving process.
13 Symptoms Associated with a Loss of Expectation Disbelief Over-sensitivity Fantasy about situation Frustration Blaming Anger Need for relief Nervousness Depression Guilt Hopelessness Restlessness
14 Positive Outcomes of States of Grief Denial: Provides a chance to put support system into place; a chance to rest emotionally Anxiety: Is a time to get things done Anger: When facilitated, can be an opportunity to examine the fear or other underlying feelings Fear: When expressed, lessens the feeling of isolation Guilt: Provides an opportunity to work through the experience Depression: Normal response; is a chance to slow down/regroup Isolation: Motivation to link with others & move towards healing Attachment: Identifying new dreams and direction in life! Empowerment: Healing sense of growth, feeling capable, competent, and confident in the ability to adapt
15 How Can We Help The Parents And Students? Know the facts regarding their child Let parents talk about the situation and their grief Provide information about the disability Help parents find support groups Help parents identify feelings and concerns Encourage confidence Identify counseling resources Explore possibilities And remember to deal with your own issues!
16 Guidelines For Sharing Grief 1. Always be aware of the dynamics of grieving; it is easy to forget the process of grief when faced with intense emotion. 2. Review your own personal strengths and weaknesses around grieving past significant losses of your own. 3. Clarify and practice focusing on the differences between a feeling and an action. Many actions can be immoral, illegal, unethical, insensitive and inhumane; feelings are part of being human, crucial to dealing with loss and, therefore, should not be judged or criticized.
17 Guidelines For Sharing Grief 4. Try to avoid answering direct questions that are of a general or predictive nature, because parents are usually more interested in having their concerns heard than in getting answers. 5. Try to remember you are not totally responsible for correcting the child’s disability, nor for the trauma that the disability brings to the family. Limit your concerns to the areas that fall within your professional role.
18 Guidelines For Sharing Grief 6. Try to separate the factual statements from the feeling statements that are both received and sent by you. It helps to maintain consistency in the types of communication between parents and school people. 7. During all your interactions do not ignore or abandon your professional convictions, recommendations or program guidelines; the direct educational services offered to the child are always the first priority.
20 Presenting Yourself First Impressions Happen Only Once! Mind Face Body Voice
21 Manage Day To Day Communication 1. Enlighten 2. Explain 3. Converse 4. Talk 5. Speak Calmly 6. Be Positive 7. Be Friendly 8. Be Confident
22 Recognize The Internal & External Forces Which Color Our Response To Conflict Responding is a product of our Cultural View … Personal View … Perceptual View of who we are defending The education process creates external forces (Nation, State, Community, Parent) Schools create internal forces (Students, Teachers, Administrators)
23 Handling Complaints One:Listen to the complaint Two:Repeat and acknowledge Three:Apologize if appropriate or express regret Four:Acknowledge the person’s feelings Five:Explain what action you will take Six:Thank the person for the communication
24 Emotional Outcomes Of Communication Failure Trust is lost as communication breaks down. Moves toward “polite” conversation that is edged with bitterness. Parties start looking for evidence that they are right …. Selective Attention. Because of above, the issue moves to Self-fulfilling Prophecy Mode. Then you get what you expect.
25 ? What Makes a Parent Angry? Failure to communicate Defensiveness Stonewalling and Do-Nothingness Overreacting Stereotyping Breaking Promises Lingo Mania Unwillingness to Apologize and Admit Mistakes
26 Prevent The Angry Parent Syndrome Set an example of Parent/Educator collaboration Model high expectations for all students, educators, and parents Insist that administrators and teachers keep up to date on research, best practices, educational programming, and legal issues Become actively involved in resolving conflicts before they get out of hand Establish guidelines for content, process, and conduct at the outset. Keep the focus.
27 Build A Reservoir Of Trust And Good Faith Prepare well for meetings Help parent feel you are personally looking after their child Constantly remind parents of the reasons for confidentiality Treat parents fairly and be consistent.
28 Education Is A Team Sport There is just one side: The Student’s Use and respect parents’ opinions Treat parents as equal participants Explain how the district’s position relates to improved outcomes for the student Understand the difference between a position and an interest Learn how to disagree respectfully Respond promptly to parent calls Keep promises and explain delays
29 Positive Strategies Be truly welcoming Think about seating arrangements Set agenda and time limits at the outset Listen and ask questions Welcome constructive criticism and apologize when appropriate Redirect the conversation to keep it on track Take your time Focus on interests, not positions, problems, or personalities When possible, give options to parents Lower the volume of your voice
30 Things To Avoid Interrupting Thinking ahead while others are speaking (Working on your response until you have the floor) Worrying about things you are powerless to change Committing others to a course of action without consulting them Promising what you cannot deliver Reacting without thinking Being intimidated Fudging or failing to deliver bad news
31 Managing Conflict Communications 1. Talk directly to the individual or direct others to the individual “Have you talked to…?” 2. Schedule a meeting with the individual 3. Acknowledge with the individual that there is a conflict 4. Use “I” statements to avoid accusations and make sure the other person uses “I” statements too. “I feel ….” 5. Repeat what you are being told – Confirm what you hear 6. State what each of you want as an outcome 7. Agree to work toward a resolution and follow-up on problem solving
32 Avoid Escalating The Conflict Avoid Making Moral Judgments Keep Commitments Respond to Contacts Try To Empathize Don’t Put Problems On The Back Burner If Solutions Aren’t Obvious Set Ground Rules If Necessary
33 Study The Problem … Use Good Listening Techniques (Do More Listening Than Talking) See The Total Situation Ask Questions To Know The Meaning Of Words Gather Information From Other Sources Sincerely Consider Proposals
34 Stay Focused – Remember “The Golden Rule” Remember your purpose De-personalize language directed at you You don’t need to defend Bring the elephant into the room Seek first to understand Demonstrate integrity and respect Remain child focused
35 Working With Staff And Parents Be Professional Use The Chain Of Command Make Personal Connections Use Power Appropriately Empower Others With Your Knowledge And Skill Recognize Roles And Responsibilities
36 Work On Solutions Release Personal Issues Use Process Provide Leadership Use Collaborative Problem Solving Develop Commitment
37 What characteristics would you like in an ideal parent?
38 Ideally The Parent Would … Be knowledgeable, seek expertise, and share information about their child’s disability Be open to the expertise of professionals Keep and share medical and educational history Dutifully attend meetings Review all reports and information prior to the meeting Prepare and contribute statements about expectations, goals, and concerns Suggest options for intervention Participate at home and at school in supporting the child and implementing interventions
39 Every parent wants to be an ideal parent for their child. Every educator wants to be an ideal advocate for their students.
40 Working With Cultural Differences Cultural Diversity Equality Anger
41 Cultural Diversity Looking at differences between groups of people, and valuing, celebrating these differences United States Of America ? Melting Pot or Mosaic ?
42 Differences That Could Become Barriers Language Differences Mistrust of “Outsiders” Orientation to Time Definition of “Family” Dealing With the Unknown Previous Experience and Relationship With Agencies, Groups, Government Outreach, Assistance in Eliminating Barriers to Help Role of Other Helpers: Religious, Personal, Family, Friends Value Systems Regarding “Asking for Help”
43 Characteristics Of Equality Mutual Respect Mutual Trust Mutual Concern and Caring Empathy A Desire to Listen to One Another Commitment to Cooperation and Equal Participation in Resolving Conflicts Sharing of Thoughts and Feelings Rather Than Hiding Them Mutual Commitment to Common Goals With Freedom to Pursue Independent Goals Support for and Acceptance of One Another As Imperfect People in the Process of Growing
44 Sources Of Communication Differences Words Tone Rapidity of Speech and Directness of Exchange Silence Laughter Facial Expressions and Eye Contact The Face Gestures Touch Dress Spatial Relationships Informal Rules
45 Roadblocks To Communication Judging Preaching Praising Reassuring Criticizing Blaming Ridiculing Diagnosing Humoring Interrogating Instructing Disagreeing
46 Anger In the mainstream dominant culture, expression of anger is not an acceptable norm. We are not supposed to get angry. Anger is one of the scariest emotions for men and women to express. Usually anger is expressed by: Holding Anger In Flying Off the Handle Displacing Anger
47 Anger Is Usually A Reaction To: Fear Embarrassment Insults Injustice Unfairness
48 Techniques For Dealing With Anger Gather yourself Own the anger Diagnose the threat Clearly state your feelings Acknowledge the other’s feelings Acknowledge your own feelings Clarify and diagnose Negotiate the relationship
49 Diffusing Anger 1. Restate/reframe what the person says she/he is angry about 2. Ask what specifically about this situation makes the person angry 3. Agreeing with a person’s right to feel angry 4. Acknowledging the anger in the tone of the person’s statements even if she/he does not say she’s/he’s angry 5. Gestures and body use to diffuse and/or contain anger 6. Last resort statements
50 How To Handle Your Own Anger Recognize the Anger (Internally) Identify the Anger – Label It Don’t make it worse Take the time necessary Figure it out Set limits Frame It Claim It Tame It
51 Small Groups Working With Cultural Differences How were you raised to deal with…? Conflict Stress Anger Other
52 Working Together Collaboration Is … A voluntary relationship A joint responsibility An attempt to reach consensus and commitment A learning experience An ongoing relationship
54 Qualities Of A Collaborator 1. Is self-confident...about interpersonal skills...about competence in his or her own discipline. 2. Values self-awareness and growth as a continuous process. 3. Is open to other perspectives... other disciplines... other cultures... other personalities... other ways of achieving a goal. 4. Has a clear set of values and is assertive in expressing them. 5. Is self-directed or interdependent, as appropriate. 6. Has a systems perspective on the family, the community, and society...and sees self as part of these.
55 Qualities Of A Collaborator 7. Is able to tolerate ambiguous situations. 8. Is flexible. 9. Is able to negotiate in conflict situations. 10. Has good observation skills...concerning both self and others. 11. Has good helping and communication skills. 12. Understands group processes and dynamics.
57 Standards Of Neutral Conduct For Staff Five Personal Performance Criteria
58 Standards 1. Believe in self determination by the parties 2. Be impartial 3. Identify and avoid any potential conflict of interest 4. Maintain confidentiality 5. Continuously improve your qualifications
59 1. Self-Determination By The Parties Fundamental principle of process Relies on the ability of the parties to reach a voluntary, uncoerced agreement Any party may withdraw from process at any time The role is to facilitate a voluntary resolution of a dispute
60 2. Impartiality Must remain impartial and evenhanded Must avoid appearance of partiality Must guard against bias Must depend on process not personal knowledge, expertise, and experience Must be committed to self-determination by the parties
61 3. Conflict of Interest A dealing or relationship that might create an impression of possible bias Disclose all actual and potential conflicts of interest reasonably known Includes conduct before, during, and after All parties must agree to continue after being informed Raises legitimate questions about the integrity of the process
62 4. Confidentiality Shall not disclose any matter that either party expects will remain confidential unless given permission by all parties or unless required by law or other public policy A “third” party to the written agreement for confidentiality Does not limit or prohibit the monitoring, research, or evaluation of process
63 5. Qualified Training Experience Competency Vested in Process
64 Quality Of Performance Fair Diligent Nurturing mutual respect Structuring procedural fairness Sharing of information Encouraging participation Committed to the activity
65 Must Withdraw When … Incapable of serving Unable to remain impartial Process being used to further illegal conduct A party is unable to participate due to drug, alcohol, or other physical or mental incapacity Their behavior is guided by an unreasonable desire for a settlement or other factors that you can not tolerate Re-direct the Individual or Assign the Case to another who can remain impartial, neutral, unbiased, etc.
66 Site Reflections How do we re-direct when these difficulties arise?
67 Be Proactive!!! 1. Return phone calls 2. Respond to email 3. Provide information 4. Keep commitments 5. Implement agreements 6. Delegate staff and hold them accountable 7. Accept responsibility
68 Conflict Conflict = The Consequence Of Difference
69 Conflict: A Definition Conflict is a state of Antagonism Heightened Competition Struggle
70 Caused By … Information Interest Structure Values Perceptions Perspectives Assumptions Personal bias comes from your unique experiences and your set of perceptions, perspectives, and assumptions
71 Style Of Conflict Avoidance Accommodation Compromise Competition Collaboration
72 Dyads: I Deal With Conflict By … When things are not going well between me and others, I tend to …. The most difficult thing for me about conflict is …. When someone challenges me or criticizes my work I might …. When conflict occurs in a group, I want to …. My personal style is….
73 Resolution Models Compete (Win/Lose) Avoid (Lose/Lose) Collaborate (Win/Win) Accommodate (Lose/Win) Compromise Attention on Your Needs Attention on the Other’s Needs LowHigh Adapted from The Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument by Thomas, K>W., and Kilmann, R.H. Tuxedo, N.Y.: Xicom, 1974.
74 Work On Solutions Release Personal Issues Use Process Provide Leadership Use Collaborative Problem Solving Develop Commitment
75 Finding Win – Win Solutions “Win-win is a belief in the Third Alternative. It’s not your way or my way: it’s a better way.” - Stephen R. Covey
76 Site Reflections How do we promote positive commu- nication at our site?
77 Facilitation Skills “How To Make Meetings Work”
78 Site Reflections What goes wrong at our meetings? Are our roles defined? What one thing could we improve at our meetings.
79 What Goes Wrong At Meetings? Parliamentary Procedure Blind Leading The Blind Multi-Headed Animal Syndrome One Item At A Time Group Attack Saying What The Boss Wants To Hear Every Meeting Needs A Traffic Cop! Chapter 2 Page 19
80 The Functions Of A Meeting Participation Process Management Information Management Decision Making
81 Four Well Defined Roles Facilitator Recorder Group Member Manager/Chairperson/Director
82 Separating “What” From “How” The “What” Content Problem The “How” Process The “What” Content Solution
83 Shared Responsibility For Success Facilitated IEP Process An Interaction Method Strategic Thinking Collaborative Attitude Facilitative Behaviors Chapter 5 Page 83
85 Group Process: Enter The Facilitator Neutral Servant Of The Group Not Involved In Content Detached – Unbiased Recommends Process Monitors Process Monitors Behavior – Protects Group Members Monitors Agreements - Progress Chapter 6 Page 88
86 Group Memory: Enter The Recorder Also A Neutral, Non-evaluative Servant Of the Group Writes Down Basic Ideas Not An Editor Or Paraphraser Preserves Words And Ideas Of Group Does Not Slow The Group Assures The Member Has Been Heard And Their Ideas Preserved Chapter 7 Page 125
87 Group Member Active Participant Responsible To Keep The Facilitator And Recorder Neutral Determines The Course Of The Meeting Devotes Total Energies To The Task Agrees To Keep Ground Rules Chapter 8 Page 143
88 Manager/Chairperson/Director Under Ground Rules Becomes A Group Member Establishes Parameters Before The Meeting Maintains All Other Powers And Responsibilities Encourages Group Members To Take Responsibility For Tasks And Deadlines Can Regain Control Of The Meeting If Progress Is Not Satisfactory
89 Desired Outcomes What They Are: What They Are: The expected result of a meeting; What we will walk out with (Products or Knowledge) What They Look Like: What They Look Like: brief, written statements, specific and measurable, written from the perspective of the participant, nouns not verbs
90 Desired Outcomes Parents’ District’s Write As One List Of Outcomes Products Lists Plans Decisions Agreements Knowledge Awareness of … So That … (we can do something) Understanding of … So That … (we can do something)
92 Elements Of A Collaborative Attitude Maintain positive or win/win attitude Focus on underlying interests Listen as an ally Remember there is no one right way Honor the possibility of consensus
93 More Questions 1. How can I help focus the thinking of the group? 2. How can I help enhance the physical and emotional energy of the group? 3. In a difficult situation, how can I help the group take greater responsibility for its success?
95 Stages Of Discussion Commit To Group Agree To Task/Problem/Outcome Gather Information Organize The Information Select The Best Approach Reach Agreement On Solution Create An Action Plan
96 Finding Solutions In A Group Brainstorm Clarify List Make A Proposal Combine Duplicates Advantages/ Disadvantages Advocate Negative Pole Build Up/Eliminate Straw Poll Both/And Consensus Collaborative Win – Win Vote
97 Strategic Opportunities A Point In A Discussion Or Group Process When The Group Is Faced With A Choice About What To Do Next And How To Do It When The Group Is Stuck When People Are Talking About Different Subjects Or Using A Different Process When The Group Has Reached A Key Agreement
98 The Questions 1. Where Are We? 2. Where Do We Want To Go? 3. How Do We Get There?
99 Action Planning Action Plans transform Agreements into next steps. They help ensure that decisions are implemented and provide a record of what will be done, by whom, and by when. Identify what is expected Assign responsibility to an individual Specify startup dates Includes progress check
100 Site Reflections How do we assure follow through after an IEP meeting?
102 Facilitative Behaviors Facilitative Behaviors are actions anyone can take to make meetings run smoothly Desired Outcomes Preventions Interventions
103 How To Be A Good Facilitator Get The Group To Focus On A Common Problem and Common Process Protect Group Members And Ensure Everyone Participates Remain Neutral And Build Trust Seek To Identify The Group’s Solutions Remember There Is No One “Right” Way To Facilitate
104 Preventions Share Your Expectations Define Roles Agree To Ground Rules Clarify “Content” And “Process” Build An Agenda Agree To Process (For Decision-Making) Chapter 16 Page 212
105 Preventions Suggest How The Group Could Proceed Ask For A Process Agreement Educate The Group About A Process Ask Open-Ended Questions To Generate Participation Request That People Reserve Judgment
106 Interventions Boomerang Regain Focus Ask Questions Enforce Process Agreements/Ground Rules Suggest A Break Accept/Legitimize/Deal With Or Defer Use Body Language Use Humor
107 Agreement Ask For Proposals Check For Understanding Check For Agreement
Facilitated IEPs An IEP led by a specifically trained facilitator Using a collaborative process where members share responsibility for the process and results Decision-making is managed through the use of facilitation process 108
Facilitated IEPs Training (24 Hours) Self-Assessment The Interaction Method Facilitative Behaviors Setting Up For Success Listening As An Ally Follow Through 109
Facilitation For IEP Meetings Enables the team to: Build and improve strong relationships among team members Reach true consensus Focus the IEP content and process on the needs of the student Exercise and efficient, guided meeting process where the effective communication and reflective listening are practiced 110
112 Difficult Behavior At one point or another, everyone behaves in a manner that others find difficult or disruptive. These too are Strategic Opportunities. The facilitator must: 1. Meet The Underlying Needs of The “Difficult” Group Member 2. Help the Group Stay On Track 3. Use appropriate interventions
113 A Leveling System 1. Do Nothing 2. Make Eye Contact 3. Stand Up 4. Walk Halfway 5. Walk By Them, Make Eye Contact 6. Ask – “What Do You Think?” 7. Touch And Talk Directly 8. Feedback – On A Break 9. Feedback – Before the Whole Group 10. Slap ‘em Silly
114 Form And Void FORM Facilitators create FORM by providing a focus or structure within which the group can work. VOID Facilitator create VOID by stepping back and allowing the group to provide its own focus or structure.
115 Interventions To Create Form Suggest A Process Ask A Specific Question Suggest A Thought Framework Model Supportive Body Language (Move Toward Participants As They Speak) To Create Void Don’t Speak When There Is Silence Ask A Very Open- Ended Question Move Away From The Group Memory Sit Down Away From The Group
117 Reflection On The Demonstration What was comfortable/ uncomfortable for you? How were people’s emotions and feelings understood/resolved using the process? How was this process different than other processes?
119 In Appendix: Facilitation Tools Desired Outcomes Agenda Ground Rules (with examples) Weighing The Options Action Plan Example Agreement Other Tools
120 Debrief With Group Plus Delta Check Satisfaction
121 Facilitator Feedback And Support Meeting Evaluation Acknowledgement Debriefing Mentoring Additional Training Support Materials Sharing Of Experiences Build Capacity In Your Community Facilitation Try It! You’ll Like It!
122 Remember … Success does not depend on you You are a neutral, servant of the group You do what the group members want you to do The group makes the decisions It is their meeting Your success will be measured by your ability to fill the role of facilitator Acknowledgement of others will lead to a stronger sense of trust, accomplishment and relationship with you