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Fathering Through Adolescence Amanda J. Rockinson.

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1 Fathering Through Adolescence Amanda J. Rockinson

2 Adolescents : General Characteristics 1. Forming identity: Who Am I? 2. Vulnerable, emotionally insecure, fear of rejection, mood swings. 3. Identification with admired adult. 4. Bodies are going through physical changes that affect personal appearance.

3 Adolescents: 10 Things Teens Want in their Parents ( Understanding Today’s Youth Culture, Walt Mueller) Don’t argue in front of them Treat each family member the same Honesty Tolerant of others Welcome their friends in their home Build a team spirit among their children Answer their questions Give punishment when needed, but not in front of others, especially friends Concentrate on strengths instead of weaknesses Consistency

4 Seven Things Teens Cry For (Gallup”Cries of Teen” Survey) Trust (92.7%) Love (92.2 %) Security (92.1%) Purpose (91.6 %) To be Heard/ Listened To (91.5%) To be Valued / Appreciated (88.25) Support (87.4 %)

5 Adolescents: Simple Ways to Say “You are Special” More than anything eles, an adolescents needs their parent’s affirmation. “I delight in you!” Pay attention! Show Up! Be available when you are home! Really Listen and help teens talk Share your values by example

6 5 Ways to Frustrate Your Adolescent Judge by appearance or by what media presents Sarcasm and put-downs Expecting teen to act like an adult because they look like an adult. Minimizing Feelings Assuming that what worked before ( as children)n will work now.

7 Adolescents:Making Discipline Work “Parents continue to treat their adolescents like they’re still children, which often doesn’t work. Then the parents wonder, ‘What happened?’” – Dr. Hofmann, a pediatrician

8 Adolescents: Making Discipline Work Establish boundaries/limits that communicate respect. Consequences

9 Adolescents: General Rules of Administering Discipline Never punish when you are angry. Never impose a penalty you are not prepared to carry out. Short-term consequences work best (hours or days depending on severity of crime) Don’t use guilt. Help adolescent learn from their mistake. Impose consistent discipline

10 Adolescents: Restoring Peace in Conflict and Anger Time-out for dad- gain composure; don’t loose temper Use “I” statement to reflects your feelings If you make an accusation, be specific (I.e.David, you forgot..” Not:”You never..) Explain why the behavior makes you upset or angry. Don’t bring up past events. Don't belittle feelings. Ask teens solution to the problem (Remember: Your goal is not to win, but to resolve conflict) You’re wrong? Admit it.

11 Adolescents: No Hitting Below the Belt Don’t overgeneralize, using “always” “never” Don’t give the silent treatment Don’t resort to name-calling and put-downs Don’t presume that you know what the other person is feeling Don’t assume the other person should know what you are thinking or feeling Don’t play the tit for tat game, respond to a complaint with a complaint

12 The End

13 Adolescents: Physical Development 1. Small muscle coordination is good, and interest in arts, crafts, models, and music are popular. 2. Bone growth is not yet complete. 3. Early maturers may be upset with their size. 4. Are very concerned about their appearance. 5. Diet and sleep habits can be bad, which may result in low energy levels. 6. Girls may begin menstruation.

14 Adolescents: Cognitive Development 1. Tend to be perfectionists. 2. Want more independence, but need guidance and support. 3. Attention span can be lengthy.

15 Adolescents: Social Development 1. Being accepted by friends becomes quite important. 2. Cliques start to develop outside of school. 3. Team games become popular. 4. Crushes on members of the opposite sex are common. 5. Friends set the general rule of behavior. 6. Feel a real need to conform. They dress and behave in order to belong. 7. Are very concerned about what others say and think of them. 1. Have a tendency to manipulate. 2. Interested in earning own money. 3. Are very sensitive to praise and recognition. Feelings are hurt easily. 4. Caught between being a child and being an adult. 5. Loud behavior hides their lack of self confidence. 6. Look at the world more objectively, adults subjectively, critical.

16 Answering the Cry of Teens Trust: Teens think: I spend time with those I trust. Activities: Pick place on map (w/in 20 miles) and explore; Go to Music store and listen to CDS. Watch a popular Teen flick; try a new hobby or sport together; Go to a nice restaurant. Love: Write an e-mail offering love and praise, hug, schedule one-on one time, make an effort in their activities (Picking them up at school, taking them shopping), Identify their love langue Security: S.T.A.B.I.L.I.T.Y. (Share, Time, Assure, Balance, Inform, Listen, Initiate, Touch, You) ; be there emotionally and physically

17 Answering the Cry of Teens Purpose: Share spirituality, mentor, do community service together Heard: Schedule connect-time at hang-out; listen To Be Valued: verbally express worth; Pay Attention; Rites of Passage; The Blessing Support:Connection (be there); Direction (Advise when asked); Motivation (motivate to do); Lett go (Give Freedoms)


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