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Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 1 Deborah M. Kolb, Ph.D. Deloitte Ellen Gabriel Professor for Women and Leadership Simmons School of Management.

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Presentation on theme: "Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 1 Deborah M. Kolb, Ph.D. Deloitte Ellen Gabriel Professor for Women and Leadership Simmons School of Management."— Presentation transcript:

1 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 1 Deborah M. Kolb, Ph.D. Deloitte Ellen Gabriel Professor for Women and Leadership Simmons School of Management Negotiating in the Academy: A Workshop for Women Faculty

2 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 2 Why Should You Negotiate Way System Works Potential for Accumulation of Dis/Advantage Issues of Equity Challenge Assumptions Push for Change Create the Conditions for Own Success

3 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 3 Gender & Negotiation: Do Women & Men Negotiate Differently? What are the differences? –Women don’t ask; let opportunities pass; set low goals; don’t self-promote; satisfied with less; more anxious; restrict frame of reference; use equivocal language; let others determine outcomes; suffer aspirational collapse; etc. Problems: –Two possible results — same or different –Gender difference is about women’s deficiencies –Sex, not gender — assumes all women are the same

4 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 4 5 A Gender Lens on Negotiation consider how accepted norms of practice can have differential impact on women and men to study experiences of women to learn about their challenges to learn about what is missing from popular models of negotiation To develop a practical framework--the shadow negotiation--for dealing with what is missing

5 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 5 Challenges in Negotiation Get in Your Own Way –Hard to focus on needs; position your self Unclear about what you want –Cede control to others; propose creative options Offensive Moves that Make You Defensive –Hard to get proposals heard; turn offensive moves Engage in Telling and Selling –A self-focused frame makes it hard to engage them in a process that leads to creating good agreements; use appreciative moves

6 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 6 Workshop Program Strategic Moves in Negotiation –Position yourself to negotiate –Propose creative options –Turn offensive moves –Use appreciative moves Applications

7 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 7 Some Common Ways We Get In Our Own Way Fail to recognize negotiation opportunities Don’t like to be seen as confrontational See only our own weakness; bargain ourselves down Take responsibility for ensuring everybody’s satisfaction Confuse toughness with effectiveness

8 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 8 Get Yourself into a Good Bargaining Position The Dilemma : Getting in your own way Goal: Focus on what you need Take stock -- your value; your vulnerabilities Learn as much as you can -- benchmarking; knowing what you know Develop alternatives -- what happens if no deal (to you? to them?) Translate into moves that shape perceptions of you

9 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 9 Deidre’s Dilemma How does Deidre get in her own way? Fail to recognize negotiation opportunities Don’t like to be seen as pushy See only our own weakness Take responsibility for ensuring everybody’s satisfaction Confuse toughness with effectiveness What can Deidre do to get herself into a good bargaining position? Take stock Learn as much as you can Develop alternatives

10 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 10 How Do I Get in My Way? What Can I Do About it?

11 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 11 Propose Creative Options: Figure out what you really need — your interests Find out about what is important to them — their interests Which issues are most important to you? To them? Create proposals (packages) that take both interests into account Be Firm on Needs, Flexible on Means

12 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 12 Deidre’s Dilemma What are Deidre’s interests? What are George’s (school’s) interests? What packages can you propose that would be a good deal for both Deidre and the school?

13 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 13 Offer Creative Options Be Prepared –Figure out what you really need -- your interests –Find out about what is important to them--their interests –Create proposals that take both interests into account It’s rarely just about a single issue — $$ Look for Creative Options –Talk in terms of priorities -- what matters most to each –Look for areas of difference -- preferences, time, beliefs about the future –Create package deals -- gains from trades Don’t focus on common ground—look for differences Make it easy for them to say ‘yes’

14 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 14 Offensive Moves that Make You Defensive The Problem: Hard to advocate effectively from a defensive stance Goal: Anticipate moves Question your competency/expertise Criticize your style Demean your ideas Appeal for sympathy/support Make threats

15 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 15 Rosalie’s Review Facts Rosalie -- Ph.D. economist/senior researcher; 5 years; 2 young children successful year--major grant renewal; good publications Negotiation Rosalie -- good review; recognition of her accomplishments; present her work at 2 major conferences Boss -- focuses on her shortcomings/deficiencies

16 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 16 Rosalie’s Review Rosalie:I hope that you had time to read my summary about what I’ve accomplished this year James:I only got a chance to skim it. Seems like an average year.(Challenge your competence/accomplishments) Rosalie:I don’t think so. We accomplished more this year than any other group. James:You didn’t do this alone(Challenge your competence) Rosalie:I’m not claiming I did. James: Don’t over react; you take things too personally (Challenge your style) Rosalie: I am not over reacting James:This is what you do--you get defensive when I give you feedback. People think you are too demanding and not collaborative (Challenge your style) Rosalie:No I’m not Too much of the work falls on me. James:You can’t be doing that much because you aren’t here that often. I am getting pressure because you work at home one day a week. (Appeal for sympathy). Rosalie:My schedule has nothing to do with this. James:Don’t get so upset (Challenge your style) Rosalie:I am not upset.

17 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 17 Resist Challenges The Goal : Turn moves that put you on the defensive Turns: Interrupt the Move-- stop action Name the Move --show you know it’s a tactic Question the move – turn it back to them Correct the Move -- offer an alternative version Divert the Move -- jump to the problem Turn moves to even the playing field

18 Rosalie’s Review Rosalie:I hope that you had time to read my summary about what I’ve accomplished this year James:I only got a chance to skim it. Seems like an average year.(Challenge your competence/accomplishments) Rosalie:That’s interesting. What do you define as an excellent year (Divert) (Smiling) Looks like you are tying to lower my expectations (Name) James:You didn’t do this alone(Challenge your competence) Rosalie:Right, this was clearly a team effort that I lead (Correct.) Let me tell you about the role I played (Correct) James: Don’t over react; you take things too personally (Challenge your style) Rosalie: I guess I was surprised (Name) James:This is what you do--you get defensive when I give you feedback. People think you are too demanding and not collaborative (Challenge your style) Rosalie:Interesting that I have never gotten that kind of feedback (Correct) If this is true, it’s a Dilemma I need your help on (Divert) James:You can’t be doing that much work because you aren’t here that often. I am getting pressure because you work at home one day a week. (Appeal for sympathy). Rosalie:I really appreciate the support you have given me on my schedule (Correct) How can we work on the schedule so people don’t think I am not here (Divert) James:Don’t get so upset (Challenge your style) Rosalie:The schedule is a very important issue for me. I want to make it work(Correct) We need to look at the workload in the marketing department as a whole (Divert)

19 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 19 Deidre’s Dilemma Turning moves: Question your competence/expertise Criticize your style Demean your ideas Appeal for sympathy/support Flatter you Make threats

20 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 20 Depends on when the move is made and how you read it Surprised? — Interrupt Early in the negotiation? — Naming and Correcting — level the playing field Later in the negotiation — Questioning and Diverting — engage the other party Which Turn?

21 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 21 The Dilemma: Hard to hear what others want Skill: Ability to empathize with others Look at your story -- What is your explanation? Look at your partner’s story -- What are the 5 good reasons your partner would give to explain his/her actions? Self-Focused Frame Open negotiations to legitimate their story

22 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 22 Attributions Us Strategic Long term perspective See the big picture Act in organization’s best interests Flexible Collaborative Them Opportunistic Short term thinker Narrow vision Out for themselves Rigid Uncooperative

23 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 23 Appreciative Moves Our take is different than theirs -- they think they’re right too! People see themselves as operating from good intentions. What are the 5 good reasons the person would give for to explain his/her actions to him/herself? What would make it easy for people to say “yes”?

24 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 24 Deidre’s Dilemma 1. How does Deidre see what is happening? 2. What are 5 good reasons that George would use to explain his actions?

25 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 25 Enlisting Your Partner Problem: Telling and Selling Best Practice: Use Appreciative Moves to Get Buy-In Pay attention to openings Spend time connecting Create space to voice concerns (express 5 good reasons) Listen to Learn Talk less, listen more Adopt a stance of curiosity Be prepared to propose options Use h ypothesis testing questions–What if we…? Use circularizing questions—If, then? Experiment and consider multiple options

26 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 26 Deidre’s Dilemma 1.What would be a good outcome for Deidre? 2.How should Deidre open the negotiations? 3.What is George’s response likely to be?

27 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 27 What everyday negotiation will you have next week? Get Yourself into a Good Position Clarify your interests Stay out of your own way—BATNA, value, information What strategic moves can you use to get your partner to the table? Anticipate moves; have turns in mind Be prepared to propose options Enlist the Other to Work it Out with You Understand their interests Get into a connected frame of mind (5 good reasons) How will you open the conversation appreciatively? What options can you propose? What will make it be easy for them to say ‘yes’? Application

28 Negotiating the Conditions for Your Success 1. Know What You Want (what would make you say yes) 2.Take Stock of Your Strengths/Vulnerabilities (make value visible) 3. Learn as Much as You Can (make defensible arguments) 4. Develop Alternatives (remember theirs) 5. Frame the Agenda (have options to propose) 6. Be Firm on Needs but Flexible on Means 7. Open Negotiations on Legitimate Terms ( know what you know) 8. Turn Moves that Disadvantage You Stay with It; “No” May Be Only the Beginning

29 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 29 Your Negotiation Crib Sheet What do you want to remember the next time you negotiate?

30 Copyright 2005 Negotiating Women, Inc. 30 Suggested Reading –Her Place at the Table (Kolb, Williams, Frohlinger) –Everyday Negotiation (Kolb and Williams) –www.negotiatingwomen.com (individually paced learning) –“Breakthrough Bargaining” (Kolb and Williams), Harvard Business Review, February 2001 –Getting to Yes (Fisher, Ury, Patton)


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