2. Forgiveness Why this topic? Jesus said Luke 17:1- “It is Impossible but that offenses will come.”KJV Question is not ….Will offense occur? Question is… What is your response to offense? Forgiveness( self and others) is a process, but it is rooted in the sovereignty of God- Genesis 45:5

3. C.S. Lewis Quote To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. —

4. Emotion of ANGER Anger is usually a perceived injustice Questions: –Accuracy of perception –False sense of justice Inaccurate information Distorted conclusion Imputed motives Justice for self only Taking up another person’s offense

5. Ps. 73:21-2 When my heart was embittered, and I was pierced within, then I was senseless and ignorant, I was like a beast before Thee.

6. Hebrews 12:12-15 12 Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. - RESTORATION1213 14 Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. - RECONCILIATION14 15 See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, - RELEASE Bitterness15

7. Forgiveness Model Release Reconcile Restore –one party both parties both parties –offended active both active offender 50-50active(80) –My wellbeing both benefit body benefits –Cure Bitterness peace in body function of body Bitterness- the poison I DRINK hoping to harm the one who hurt me

8. FORGIVENESS Release Reconciliation Restoration –one party –offended alone active –My wellbeing –Cure Bitterness Bitterness- the poison I DRINK hoping to harm the one who hurt me Eph. 4:31-32, Heb. 12:14-15 Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone… Mark 11:25

9. Release My Right of Revenge First, I must choose to do this, in spite of my emotions. Embrace the pain and bring it to God. Purpose is for my benefit ( health of my relationship with God), not the offenders’ Second, I choose to pray for offender- Do not take revenge,…If your enemy is hungry, feed him Rom.12:19-20 Third, repeat step one and two until your heart changes to match God’s heart

10. Joseph and his brothers Now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life. Genesis 45:5 Context: Joseph had full power and motivation to exact revenge as Regent Revenge desire released first, to restore his vertical relationship with God In God’s sovereignty, he could ask his brothers to deal with their self guilt and his bitterness After Release, reconciliation (which required brothers’ action) was possible on horizontal axis No evidence of restoration of complete trust

11. RECONCILIATION Release Reconcile Restoration –one party both parties –offended active both active( 50-50) –My wellbeing both benefit –Cure Bitterness peace in body »step toward sanctification of both Matt. 18:15, Luke 17:3, If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Rom 12:18

12. Ways that we offend: person believes we were unjust in our treatment of him, when in reality we did him no harm. Inaccurate information with inaccurate conclusion. What we said or did was grossly distorted through their own lens, although our intent was not to harm. Accurate information with inaccurate conclusion- imputed motives. Maybe we did sin. We were angry at them or at something else and they were collateral damage. Maybe we responded wrongly to their provocation. –Responsibility – the ability to respond in a Christ like manner. For whatever reason he feels this way, he believes that he has been wronged and we must be willing to humble ourselves and apologize. –Are you willing to let God search your heart Ps. 139:23-4 Rom. 12:17-19 Never pay back evil for evil. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge.

13. RESTORATION Release Reconcile Restore –one party both parties both parties –offended active both active offender active( 80%) –My wellbeing both benefit body benefits –Cure Bitterness peace in body function of body *Steps of sanctification 2 Thess. 3:10-15, Gal. 6:1-4, Hosea 3:3

14. Galations 6:1-5 Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. 2 Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. 3 For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.23

15. Forgiveness is fully expressed in complete restoration, but complete restoration of trust is dependent on 2 parties. Release Reconcile Restore –one party both parties both parties –offended active both active offender active over time –My wellbeing both benefit body benefits –Cure Bitterness peace in body function of body –God’s path of sanctification for the entire body 2 Thess. 3:10-15, Gal. 6:1-4, Hosea 3:3

16. Hebrews 12:12-15 12 Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. - RESTORATION1213 14 Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. - RECONCILIATION14 15 See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, - RELEASE right of revenge15

17. Process of Forgiveness Recognize that you are hurt. Pride does not want us to admit we are offended. This will allow you to seek the Lord and be open to is correction. Pray for the one who hurt you. It may start dry and monotone, but Pray the very things for him that you want God to do in your own life. Matt. 5:44-46 Have you given up the right to personal vengeance? Rom 12:19. One way to search your heart is to see if you can rejoice with them at good fortune, or be saddened with them in grief Rom 12:15- rejoice with those who rejoice, weep…. Only after this are you ready to go to reconciliation. Do not go before, or you risk this “ I just want you to know that I forgive you for not being a better friend and for not doing this or that for me…..”. You must go to your brother without expectation. Choose to release revenge against him regardless of how he responds to you. If you have any feelings of animosity, he will likely perceive this and react to our “hidden” bitterness. Bitterness is often unfulfilled revenge.

19. Work relationships When you have released revenge, and reconciled with your co-worker, then you have peace between you. Identify the dysfunction that caused the wound( personality, situational, etc.) Restoration now begins to prevent that conflict from recurring. Now you are both united in Christ facing this threat to your team unity.

20. Forgiveness Prayer List the names God reveals to you. Put them in your prayer journal to listen over for several days/weeks to insure your heart has not deceived you. Father God, I acknowledge that I have sinned against You by not forgiving those who have offended me. I admit my inability to forgive them without You. They no longer owe me anything. I give their debt over to You. I give up any expectations of any change in their behavior. I pray that You will bless them and lead them to a closer relationship with You. Peace for all of us is found only in You. When the wounds suffered from ____________ __________ {write in names} have been forgiven from my heart, then will I seek to reconcile with them. Perhaps we can then enter into Your sanctifying work of restoration. But regardless of their choice, it is Your work in our lives, not my demands nor my wounds that bring growth.